These Dang Emotions (Wk 1)

Good morning, CHURCH!

(Church joke of the day)

Do any of you have what’s been termed as ‘hurry-sickness’? Did you even know there was such a thing?

John Ortberg suggests that if you have ‘hurry-sickness’ you are haunted by the fear that there are just not enough hours in the day to do what needs to be done.

You might do things like read faster, talk faster, and when listening, nod faster to encourage the person talking to hurry up.

You will find yourself getting irritated whenever you must wait.

At a traffic light, if there are two lanes and each contains one car, you will find yourself guessing – based on the year, make and model of each car – which one will pull away faster. (That’s the one I need to get behind.)

At the grocery store, if you have a choice between two check-out lanes, you find yourself counting how many people are in each line and multiplying that number by the number of items in their shopping cart.

If you have a really bad case of hurry sickness, then even after you commit to a check-out line, you keep track of the person who would have been you in the other line.

If you get through and the other person who would have been you is still waiting, you are elated.

Ha! I’ve won.

But if the alter-you is walking out of the store and you’re still in line, you feel frustrated or maybe even a bit depressed.

If you can relate to any of those symptoms, you have ‘hurry-sickness’.

Are you ready to be equipped today?

Let me see your Bibles.

Let’s go to the book of Ephesians 4:2-4 NLT for this week’s wisdom Vaccination.

This Week’s Wisdom Vaccination

Ephesians 4:2-4 NLT

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.

3 Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.

I need you to close your eyes for a moment.

Now think about anyone in the community of believers that you have not been a peace with.

Even if they don’t know it but it is an internal thing your dealing with.

Now read this passage of scripture again thinking about them.

Let’s get into today’s message.

I’m starting a new series today.

These Dang Emotions

I’m really interested to see how this series is going to go.

I’ve never done a series like this. I’ve talked about our emotions before but not like we are going to dive into them in this series.

In this series I’m going to be covering some signs of Emotionally Immature People.

I wonder how many of us think we are emotionally immature?

(Grab my phone) I came with my own that parts too.

If you’re anything like me, you will see yourself somewhere in these signs of EI and probably in several of them.

This series is important because this can be the difference in us acting like our families of origin in a lot of ways or in us acting like our new family in God.

If you have the wrong attitude about what you hear in this series it may depress you, upset you or cause you to retreat.

If you have the right attitude it will enlighten you and challenge you to grow up and become better.

No since in beating around the bush.

The first sign of emotional immaturity i want to cover and these are in no order of importance is:

1 They can’t handle stress.

Anxiety is our body's reaction to stress and can occur even if there is no current threat.

The Emotionally Immature respond to situations that have no threat to their safety in the same way as situations that threaten there safety.

Some people are just more sensitive and reactive to stress.

And it’s usually based on the way they processed things that went on in their life growing up.

I don’t just want to reveal these signs but I want to add some solutions.

If you're feeling overwhelmed or anxious in a situation, a quick way to begin to alleviate those feelings is by taking it to God.

Or at times you may have that conversation in your mind while you are talking with others.

Philippians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Being anxious - experiencing worry, unease, or nervousness.

We must learn to retrain ourselves to handle anxiety properly.

If the thing that's overwhelming you is in front of you/near you, try taking a step away from it to create some separation between you and whatever is making you feel this way.

If you experienced a situation and didn’t handle it based on your new families way, take a moment to walk back through that situation to see what you could have done differently.

The 5 most common stress responses in people are:

Fight, Flight, Friending, Freezing and Flopping.

-fight physically fighting, pushing, struggling, and fighting verbally.

-flight putting distance between you and danger, including running, hiding, or backing away.

-friending calling for a 'friend' or bystander for help.

(For example, by shouting or screaming), or by 'befriending' the person who is dangerous. (For example, by placating, negotiating, bribing, or pleading with them).

Again, this is not you giving your attacker consent, it is an instinctive survival mechanism.

-freezing going tense, still and silent.

This is a common reaction to rape and sexual violence.

Freezing is not giving consent; it is an instinctive survival response.

(Animals often freeze to avoid fights and potential further harm, or to 'play dead' and so avoid being seen and eaten by predators).

-flopping like freezing, except your muscles become loose and your body goes floppy.

This is an automatic reaction that can reduce the physical pain of what's happening to you.

Your mind can also shut down to protect itself.

2 They use gaslighting.

Gaslighting – when you manipulate someone using psychological methods that cause them to question their own sanity or ways of thinking.

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic in which a person, to gain power and control of another individual, plants seeds of uncertainty in another person's mind. The self-doubt and constant questioning slowly cause the individual to question their reality.

If you remember in the 14th book of Judges, Samson’s wife manipulated him to get the answer to the riddle that only Samson new the answer to.

And it cost Samson thirty linen garments and 30 sets of clothes.

Judges 14:16-17 NLT

So, Samson’s wife came to him in tears and said, “You don’t love me; you hate me! You have given my people a riddle, but you haven’t told me the answer.”

“I haven’t even given the answer to my father or mother,” he replied. “Why should I tell you?” 17 So she cried whenever she was with him and kept it up for the rest of the celebration. At last, on the seventh day he told her the answer because she was tormenting him with her nagging. Then she explained the riddle to the young men.

One main way people gaslight is by shifting blame to another person in order to avoid accountability, which is also known as deflection.

There are four primary types of gaslighting behaviors:

-the straight-up lie

-reality manipulation

-scapegoating

-coercion.

Often used phrases of gaslighting are:

· “You're being paranoid.” ...

· “You're overreacting.” ...

· “That never happened.” ...

· “You are making that up.” ...

· “You have always been crazy.” ...

· “I don't know what you want me to say.” ...

· “It's your fault.” ...

· “Everyone agrees with me.”

When someone speaks falsely for the purpose of deception, he or she is being manipulative, because to deceive is to manipulate someone into thinking or behaving a certain way. So, all of the Bible’s prohibitions against lying can be applied to manipulation.

Satan is the father of lies and he’s a master manipulator.

He manipulated Eve, using half-truths and appeals to her desire for wisdom, to deceive her into disobeying God.

Timothy warned us about manipulative people in these last days.

2 Timothy 3:6-7 NLT

They are the kind who work their way into people’s homes and win the confidence of vulnerable women who are burdened with the guilt of sin and controlled by various desires. 7 (Such women are forever following new teachings, but they are never able to understand the truth.)

3 They are selfish.

People who are viewed as selfish put their needs before the needs of others and don't seem to care much for anyone's feelings but their own.

Our selfishness can mean we hurt others as we ruthlessly strive to satisfy our own needs.

Selfishness or self-centeredness can damage our reputation and lead to loneliness because others won’t want to be around us.

If you have a selfish person in your life, you might feel overwhelmed or frustrated having to constantly deal with them.

It could make you feel like no matter what you say or do, this person

continues to act in their own interests which ends up hurting you (either intentionally or unintentionally).

Philippians 2:3-4 NLT

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

4 They don’t talk about their feelings.

Having deep conversations about their emotions makes an emotionally immature person uncomfortable.

-They would rather tell a joke and change the mood than to get real with how they might feel.

-They may be uncomfortable to cry about the way they feel.

Expressing feelings and emotions is a sign of weakness for them.

-They may have been told that feelings are for girls or feelings are for little children.

-They may feel that if someone knows how they truly feel, they will think of them as being weak or soft.

This perception often prevents them from getting the help they need.

Proverbs 12:25 NKJV

Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, But a good word makes it glad.

Holding back your emotions only weighs you down.

And it causes you to miss out on the opportunity for someone to give you and encouraging or supportive word.

If you’re watching online or here in the building, I have a very important question to ask you.

What is the Holy Spirit saying to you right now?