Connecting to the Heart

Sermon 2 - Their Heart

This is speaking to more than just parents of young children. To all parents, all small groups and all relationships.

Paul Tripp says:

We have fallen into the trap of believing that our calling is to enforce LAW, when in fact God has chosen for us to restore AWE.

[Imagine]

A child having a meltdown because they you said no to that toy or candy.

The teenage girl obsessed with their looks and beauty and how they appear on social media.

When we are ignorant of who we are and what our purpose is, we will look at these struggles and implement things to control, change, or minimize this behavior by setting limits and boundaries.

These are good and absolutely necessary, you will not have a functional family without proper discipline, however, this is not the total solution!

Why?: Boundaries, limits, and rules do not change the child’s heart. They may follow these while in your home and as soon as they are outside of your home and boundaries, what is in their heart will manifest.

Ezekiel 36:26-27 “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.”

The issue is not their bad behaviors or any of our bad behaviors; the bad behaviors are a symptom of the heart - what their heart is worshiping.

The child’s heart and worship is centered around self. He wants to be god. Their lives are revolving around what they want, when they want.

The teenage girl’s heart of worship is centered on security, attention, affection, identity from all the wrong places

Their worship is misaligned.

Our eternal purpose/function is worship.

We were created to worship. We were created to be in awe, created to have our hearts captivating and pursue and seek something/someone bigger than ourselves. We were created to worship God, to be in awe of God, our hearts to be captivated by him, to have our identity from him, to desire Him, and our life would reflect that worship.

We cannot divide life into periods of worship and non-worship,

Because everything we do, say, think is from what we worship.

There is no in-between. There is no such thing as someone that does not worship.

We either will worship the one true God or some created god.

Romans 1:21-25 “For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles. Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.”

1 John 2:15-17 “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.”

C.S. Lewis - Screwtape Letters Chapter 28 (page 266-268)

We are raising worshippers. Everyday is a war of worship.

As we saw in Romans, sin causes us to exchange the worship of God for the worship of creation.

Worship is what we look to and serve whether consciously or not.

We and our children can look material possessions for identity and security

We and our children can look to others and their opinions for acceptance

We and our children can look to control everything in our attempt to play god and resist authority

When we place ourselves in god’s position we will be full of complaining, demanding, entitlement, and pride.

Therefore we can surmise that all of the disobedience, rebellion, dysfunction and on the flip side, the respect, compliance, love, peace, responsibility - has its roots in what our hearts are worshipping.

We must understand that we do what we do and children do what they do because of what they worship.

Being an agent of change then requires getting to their heart of what they worship and help bring realignment.

How do we connect with their heart?

We need the right goals

This inner drive to worship is meant to drive them to God, their creator and Father.

They were not made for a good education

They were not made to be a “success” in the world

They were not made to be financially rich and secure

They were not made to be famous

They were not made to fulfill the american dream.

These things are not bad things, but they are too small, too limited.

They were made for God, therefore, these cannot be our ultimate goals. So we arent parenting them to just excel in academics or sports, we are parenting them to be worshippers of God.

They were made to surrender their lives to him and in service to Him to follow him.

We of course want them to believe in God, faithfully serve in a local church community and live moral lives but often we can separate that Christian life from regular life and our small goals of academic success and good citizenship become the primary benchmarks of our parenting. So we miss the moments of ministry where God is revealing their heart and instead focus on their behavior and try to change it.

Prayer: Father, help me see the big picture and raise my child to live for you.

We need to look deeper than their behaviors

Being students of our children’s heart - emphasize, whatever age.

Instead of focusing on managing behavior we must look deeper at the root of that behavior.

What is going on in their heart.

Where is their worship, what are they captivated by? What are they trying to get from creation that only God can give?

Which means, we can’t take their sins personally.

In fact, we can help them understand that their sin isn’t against us as much as it is against God and His authority and ways. Example - King David

Psalm 51:4 NIV

Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight; so you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge.

Prayer: Father, help me see beyond the day to day struggle into my child’s heart.

We shine the light on their hearts

Our children need to understand the danger of sin.

The thing about sin, is Sin blinds us, including our children. When you are physically blind, you know it and adapt. When you are spiritually blind, you don’t know it.

Therefore, we can’t confess and repent and seek help for what we don’t see.

God has so placed us in their lives to humbly help them see what they don’t see. Help them see what is motivating them to do what they do. And help point them in the direction of seeking help from God and resting in his love.

God wants to use us to shine light in the hearts of our children.

We can do this through conversations.

Instead of the superficial talk, look for opportunities that God tees up for us to talk about heart and gospel centered talking points. Talk about the why’s in life, why we love, why we treat others well, why we don’t fear man, why we trust God, etc.

Prayer: Father, how can I graciously help my child to see what is going on in their heart?

We help lead them to confess.

An awareness of their heart’s worship and sin is not the end, we must help them confess… Bring it to the cross, give it to God and receive help and mercy.

But, It is so much easier to confess for them, yelling at them, “This is what you did and this is why you did it and this is the consequence!”

We can be so quick to condemn and guilt them, “You are such a bad person” “You always do this” “You always make mistakes!”

Compare them, “Why can’t you be more like him or her”.

Yell at them, intensifying your vocabulary, and even, slap them, hurt them, pinch them.

Punishment is always the easy way out in parenting.

Punishment, reacting with anger does nothing to open the heart of your child.

Fear and threats do not open or change hearts. Rather they close their heart. They want to escape from you rather than open up with you. They will become angry and defensive

We want our children to grow into taking responsibility for their actions and create a godly, healthy lifestyle of confession.

So we need gracious, patient, wise parenting to communicate insights to our children to help them see what they don’t see and lead them to taking responsibility for their actions.

Our children, they need to see their sin, they need to confess - so that they will then (with your help) seek mercy and grace for change.

Confession is not about receiving the guilt and judgment from their actions but rather the opening up of their heart, taking responsibility and then receive the grace and rescuing restoring love of their savior. - This is what changes hearts.

It’s the kind of parenting that says, “You need help and I am here to help you” “I am not fighting against you, I am fighting with you.”

Prayer: Father, help me connect with my child’s heart that they may open up to me that I may help them confess and receive your mercy.

We must remember, “WE” are unable to transform the hearts of our children

We are agents and tools for God in their lives but only God and His grace can change.

Which means, a louder voice, a bigger consequence, a harsher sentence, a bigger threat adds no value to changing what your child’s heart.

Discipline, structure, consequences are essential for all of us. But what we and our children need more than anything:

The revelation and conviction of the Holy Spirit

And His grace that will empower us and our children in their commitment to change.

Prayer: Father grant me patience and grace as I depend on your Spirit’s work in the heart of my child.

Our only hope is the grace of God

We do not shy away from the high standard God has set before us

We lovingly confront wrong choices and actions. They must be confronted, however inconvenient.

We work to reveal the motivations of their heart and in doing so, we must also be honest about our own heart struggles

We tell them again and again about the amazing grace of Jesus Christ and his commitment to us to transform us

We do this again and again with his patience and forgiveness.

Prayer: Father help us be strong in the grace of Jesus and our hearts open to your loving hands to change us more and more into the image of Christ.

Closing

Remember all these struggles in our children’s lives and their behavior are not inconveniences or just bad kids, they are moments the God of the universe has set up for us to do ministry. To help them see what is in their heart, what they are worshiping and direct them to God.

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