A Holy Marriage

He is our God! He is our hope! He is all that we have ever needed and all that we will ever need! There is great joy in knowing we serve the almighty God! The king of kings, Lord of lords, the savior of the world!

I wanted to start with this video today, because, sometimes, I think we lose site of Him. We get distracted, forgetting the so many ways that He has been faithful to us. Of the ways He has demonstrated His love, mercy, and grace.

Even as we study the Bible, even as we pray, we get so caught up in what we are going through, what we are trying to manage, that when we keep the focus on us. We ask what does this mean for me, how does this effect me, what does this teach me, at times even being motivated to study scripture in order to get my way. We start lifting every prayer with our wants and desires - never spending time to hear God’s desires for us.

Lets be reminded this morning, this book is about His great power being put on display. It’s about His continued faithfulness to faithless people. Its about His endless mercy as He comes alongside the wicked to transforme them. This is a book about the great giver, who has given us life, given us the joy of being able to be redeemed and made whole. Given us food and water that is satisfying to our body. Given us what we need to find contentment and joy..... even when we are struggling. He is the giver of eternal life in paradise with Him. He even gave up himself.

God is so good, He is so faithful, He has done so much for each one of us. Can we attribute that to Him this morning? Can we acknowledge that we have at time become self absorbed and forgetful of what it means to be a servant of the Lord? Can we confess and repent of this selfishness and pivot to come before God and say, praise you! For you are far greater than all!

Peter

I believe, in studying 1 Peter, that Peter wanted to build a foundation where we turned to God in this way. Where we recognized how great of a need that we have yes, but more importantly, we recognize, adore, and worship the Great I Am.

In fact, if you look at Peter’s development of thought starting in chapter 1 we find that everything starts with God. Peter is building a foundation for important truths that he wants to communicate but those truths are based on a greater foundation.

In other words, if we want to know and understand what Peter is saying in chapter 3, we have to understand this foundation that he has built in chapters 1 and 2. I want to point out how significant it is for us to do this; the reason is, if we start reading in chapter 3, we quickly identify that there is a call to live within set boundaries. The problem is, we have a propensity to lose sight of God. Which leaves us focused on the boundaries. When we get focused on the boundaries, we find ourselves practicing religion and moralism. As Christians, we are not to practice religion or moralism. We are to walk in a faith relationship with the almighty God who has selflessly saved us from our wickedness.

So, lets quick.y recap where we have been in this series.

1 Peter 1:3 “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!

It starts with God. How does it start with God, with blessing and praise. Because there is a proper recognition that this is all about Him. So praise Him, lift His name up for what He has done.

Now look at this:

According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,”

I read through chapters 1-2 several times over and I found that there are 35 phrases where in one way or another Peter speaks of causation. Where He points to, weaves in, and articulates that this is all because of what God has done! There are only 50 verses and 35 moments where Peter points to how God has brought this about. How God did this work in you, how He is the one doing it through you, and for you. What work you might ask? The work of salvation. The work of blessing upon blessing.

Take a look at 1 Peter 1:3-9 “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, 5 who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, 7 so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, 9 obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

All the way through this text we receive gift upon gift, blessing upon blessing that is given to us by what God has done. There are only three mentions of anything that we have done or need to do in this text and they are all the same singular word: Faith. God does everything else here, you just have faith.

If we continue to work through this chapter we see Peter starting to tell us some things that we need to do in response to a genuine, tested faith. But he also continues to point us to God. Look at 1 Peter 1:16 “16 since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”

Peter is quoting Leviticus to point to the fact that you and I are called to be Holy. God has done all of this work for thousands of years to do a transformative work in our lives, moving us from a place of wickedness to holiness.

And it is here, that we have to stop. We have to simply ask the question, “Am I holy?” If I were to stand before the throne of God and invite Him to search my heart and search my ways, would the verdict be that I am holy?

The answer is a resounding “NO.” I am not Holy, I am defiled, I am participating in sinful and wicked practices that distract me from God to the point that at times, I am not thinking about Him, I am just thinking about the how to be acceptable in upholding all these values. Stop stop looking at the boundaries and focus on God! Focus on standing before Him and honestly evaluating your holiness. Its by doing this that we begin to pinpoint all of the ways that we are wicked and we can then rightly come to God in brokenness over our sin. Rightly, handing it over to Him as we repent and seek His forgiveness. It is in that moment that a work of holiness is done in us, not because of our efforts but because of how God responds. God takes our sin and throws it as far as the east is from the west. He deals with it and its done.

1 Peter 1:20-23 “He was foreknown before the foundation of the world but was made manifest in the last times for the sake of you 21 who through him are believers in God, who raised him from the dead and gave him glory, so that your faith and hope are in God. 22 Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, 23 since you have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God;”

We can have purity and holiness. Not because of who we are and what we are able to accomplish. But because of who He is, what He is able to do, and what He has done for us.

You may be wondering why we have spent so much time recapping. Why are we look at all of this before even getting to the text we are suppose to be studying? Because, we need to understand that it is by seeking the face of God and building a foundation on Him that we can in any way, have a fair and honest conversation about marriage. There are far too many people in this room who point the finger before they look inward. Who are reactionary before any humility or understanding is found in themselves.

What I am presenting to you, I believe is consistent with how Peter develops his line of thinking in this text. Heres the idea.

You are never going to learn to swing a baseball bat, by watching other people swing. You can know everything there is to know about the bat, about the ball, about the mechanics of the motion. You can know, that you have to keep you eye on the ball, But until you have practiced it. Until you have trained yourself to be focused, to mechanically train your body, you will never be able to be a valuable player on the team.

Friends, I think there are a whole lot of people that love to watch others swing the bat. I think there are a whole lot of professing Christians who want to talk about the mechanics, evaluate the mechanics, study the mechanics and never actually be the batter who has to be trained in mind and body to focus on the ball.

You will never know holiness by fixing your gaze on the mechanics of Christianity; fix your gaze on God. As you study the Bible focus on God. As you pray, praise and worship Him, spend time listening to Him - simply sitting in His presence.

I believe there are a whole lot of marriages that are struggling. Some of which, both spouses might even think they have a good marriage. Let me ask you something, if you and your spouse had to stand before the throne room of God today and be evaluated, would the verdict be, “This is a holy marriage?”

When we start training to be consistent in keeping our focus on God, our gaze on Him, we start taking practice swings. As we continue, to have faith, to be sober minded, to come to God with our sin and deal with it, He does a work in us. He helps us raise our elbow, to rotate our hips into the swing, keeping our eye one the ball all the way through. As we study these seven verses, recognize that the teaching here is a natural by product of a marriage that fixes its gaze on God.

1 Peter 3:1-7 “1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. 7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

Immediately, we recognize that Peter gives a longer explanation to women than to men. Reason being, the context of these churches is that there were far more women who had come to Christ. Socially, men would have had more to lose and generally were slower to consider stepping away from the local, cultural gods. Additionally, these women, had pagan husbands. So, Peter gives more emphasis and time to the women, but what we will find is that the calling for men is equally demanding.

Let’s address the women first. You will notice that in two different ways Peter says follow your husbands lead. Verse 1 says “Be subject to your husband,” and verse 5 “by submitting to their own husbands,” then in verse 6, uses Sarah as an example of someone who “obeyed.” Now, I don’t see or understand this to mean that husbands are thee authority in their wives life. Rather, I believe that Peter is trying to point to the natural order of what God has established.

If we go to Genesis, we see a order in creation.

Genesis 2:18 “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him...........

Genesis 2:21-24 “So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh......”

Genesis 3:16b “Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.””

So it would seem, from the beginning that God established a natural order. And if we watch, we see this play out from time to time. Let me give you an example:

Husbands, how many of you receive and implement your wife's desires, when you perceive she is controlling a situation?

More often than not, if a husband feels his wife is controlling, he is not going to simply agree and move forward. It happens from time to time, but most of the time, a disagreement begins with a strong stance.

This is an area we as men need to grow in as it is a posture that often lacks humility. Yet, it is revealing.

Secondly, in this “being subject to” or “submissive to the husband” doesn’t mean that wives are inferior or less valuable. The biblical idea has nothing to do with difference in value, dignity, or importance. It simply means that God’s design is for the man to be the leader. You are still both managers of everything that comes into and happens in your home, but he is to take the lead in building and equipping the family spiritually before God, in leading the home. But pay attention to the bigger picture of what Peter is saying in this passage.

This idea of submitting is not Peter’s main point. It is an avenue on how women can faithfully, before God, minister to their husbands. Peter says so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won. It is the continued idea that has been threaded throughout chapters 1 and 2 coming back to the forefront of the conversation. This is about living inside God’s natural order, it is also about winning souls. It is about intentionally living the way that God created you to function because it is a testimony to your spouse.

So, Peter continues, “so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.” Men will almost always back peddle when they perceive their spouse to be controlling a situation or domineering over them in some way. It is instinctual. But when they see their wives coming alongside them, spiritually focused on the Lord, learning to implement what they are reading from the word of God personally- there is nothing more attractive.

Earlier this year, Laura had a fresh hunger for seeking the Lord come over her. It started at the end of January and she began digging into scripture with greater focus and determination. Not because she was trying to change herself or look good, or win an argument - but because the Spirit of God gave her a fresh desire, a fresh hunger for Himself. After a month or two of watching my wife’s focus and drive to seek the Lord being ratcheted up; I realized something; this is very desirable.

I was walking out of the bedroom and saw her sitting at the kitchen table, highlighting a passage of scripture. I stopped and just watched for a minute. Later that day, I told her, that this pure desire to be with the Lord was the most attractive thing I have ever known about her.

There is something powerful about a woman who doesn't get lost in beauty, who isn’t distracted by things, but simply desires the Lord. Thus, Peter encourages women to not pursue vanity in 3:3-5 “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious”

Peter’s primary point is that this is how you can preach the gospel to your lost husband. Secondly, if you want to minister to your husband, if you want to be a conduit that helps him grow and mature in His walk with the Lord, that inspires him to take action in the right ways, than learn to seek God with greater focus. You may even find, his desire for you growing as a result.

There is one danger here. Sometimes, when one spouse knows they are in the word and seeking the Lord, they operate as if the other is spiritually inferior. Waiting for the other to catch up to their level of maturity. Throwing scripture at them from time to time either to demonstrate their spiritual understanding or to point out a flaws that they want to change. This will never work. This is not seeking the Lord through His word, this is a destructive, sinful habit of pride. Don’t fall into the trap. Seek God because you desire to be holy.

One final comment here for the wives. The world has been playing catch up to what the Bible said long before. This idea of being subject can also be thought of as respecting and honoring your husband. If your husband doesn’t feel respected and honored there will be marital conflict. Unfortunately, men sometimes don’t always have clear vision and can at times make up realities in their mind where they are not respected. If you learn to demonstrate honor and respect toward your husband it has the potential to go a long way in the relationship.

1 Peter 3:7 “7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

Peter gives five points of emphasis to the husband.

Live with your wives.

We live in a culture where there are many men who are not living with their wives. They might live in the same home, but they are not really sharing life together. Either he is wasting all his time playing video games, going out to play with his toys, hanging with the boys, or spending all his time at work. We have a problem, where men are less and less engaged and active in the home life. Men, you need to be home. You need to live your life alongside your wife, alongside your kids.

In an understanding way

Stop being reactive and start trying to understand. Ask questions, demonstrate concern and interest where you wife is sharing. If she is saying she needs you to back her up with the kids, pay close attention the situation.

We have so many kids that are straying away from Jesus, and in large part, I believe it has to do with men being distant and not seeking understanding of situation before speaking into it.

Also, understand that if you want a meaningful, lasting relationship - its not going to happen if you are not actively seeking her.

Showing honor to the woman

As we have considered the wife being subject to the husband we also need to understand what it means for the husband. This is not the same type of authority as in the work place or masters to slaves or parent to child. You have been called to a holy union with this woman where it is your job, your responsibility to help her flourish before the Lord. You are to honor her as a prized and valued. You are to speak truth into her life, helping cultivate and develop everything that God is building into her.

Since they are heirs with you of the grace of life.

Understand men, that she is part of you. If you neglect her, you are neglecting yourself. If you treat her poorly, you are treating yourself poorly. Maybe you wont see it in the moment, but in time, when she looks at you side eyed, when you lose trust, when you cultivate everything that is wrong - it is a matter of time before you begin to realize how you are hurting yourself.

They are a part of the body of Christ and need to be treated like a brother or sister in Christ. More than that, they are to be cherished as your bride.

That your prayers may not be hindered.

There are spiritual implications to every decision and action made. Consider how you are leading her and yourself to God. Also, consider how you have been leading her and yourself away from God.

The real question for both the husband and the wife is this, “Are you holy?

To help you consider that question within your marriage, consider these:

Are you seeking God with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength?

Are you loving your spouse like a brother or sister in Christ?

Do you cherish and value them above others?

Do you build them up in the truth of the word of God?

If you are doing these, you are moving towards God and each other at the same time. But if you are are lacking, consider the long term spiritual and marital implications.