LOVE & RELATIONSHIP ADDICTION

The blessing that Restoration Pointe provides, is a safe place to deal with the depression, isolation, lack of trust, and the unhealthy use of love and relationships as means of achieving worth.

That is a characteristic of romance and relationship addictions.

Addicted to “Love” characteristics that are commonly found: • Lack of nurturing and attention when young • Feeling isolated, detached from parents and family • Outer facade of “having it all together” to hide internal disintegration • Mistake intensity for intimacy (typical) . Hidden pain . Seek to avoid rejection and abandonment at all costs • Afraid to trust anyone in a relationship • Inner rage over lack of nurturing, early abandonment • Depressed • Highly manipulative and controlling of others • Perceive attraction, attachment, and sex as basic human needs, as with food and water • Sense of worthlessness • Escalating tolerance for high-risk behavior • Intense need to control self, others, and circumstances • Presence of other addictive or compulsive problems • Using others to alter mood or relieve pain • Continual questioning of values and lifestyle • Driven, desperate, frantic personality • Existence of secret “double life” • Refusal to acknowledge existence of problem • Defining out-of-control behavior as normal • Defining “wants” as “needs”

Love can be wrong. Just because there is love in a relationship, it doesn’t mean that God approves of the relationship. Hearts can be deceptive (Jeremiah 17:9). In fact, no earthly love can fulfill our need for love. Only God’s perfect love can fully satisfy our love needs. (Psalm 90:14) Colossians 2:10 says “So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority. • Desires do not determine identity. We are not a sum of our attractions and desires. God created each of us for a purpose. He gives us a choice to live in His intended design for life, or to go our own way. God gives those who turn to Christ, a new identity as children of God—forgiven, righteous and clean. Christ’s blood preeminently determines the value and identity of a Christian. Jesus’ invitation to all is to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Him (Luke 9:23-25) . Following Christ often demands sacrifice in all areas of life (including sexuality), but also promises great eternal rewards. To answer Jesus’ call is to accept an identity defined by God and to follow Christ fully. • God CAN change sexual desires, but He doesn’t ALWAYS change sexual desires. God gives Christians the Holy Spirit to change them from the inside out. Sometimes, the Spirit takes away a person’s desire for specific sins, other times, He does not. God calls us to follow Him regardless of sinful desires, or what culture says, in order to glorify Him and to enjoy His blessings.

The Solution:

The goal of recovery/restoration is to achieve and maintain sobriety. In most addictions, sobriety can be defined simply by ceasing unhealthy behaviors. Stopping and staying stopped are the goals.

Staying sober is more complicated with people's addictions. The aim of recovery cannot be the complete avoidance of all forms of romance and relationships. Going to the root of the problem is critical for recovery/restoration.

It is like the challenge faced by people addicted to overeating; they cannot simply give up food. Rather, they must learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy eating. They must eliminate the unhealthy while promoting healthy behavior. In the same way, for those addicted to love, the goal of recovery is not to become a hermit living in the mountains. The goal is to foster healthy relationships and eliminate unhealthy ones.

BIBLICAL INSIGHTS TO SHARE WITH YOU

GOD LOVES YOU AND HAS YOUR BEST INTERESTS IN MIND.

You matter to God. He created you for purpose and set eternity in your heart. No marriage, no earthly relationship, no fulfilled sexual desire, will satisfy you—only God’s perfect and true love satisfies. His instructions lead to life. “You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.” the bible tells us in (Psalm 16:11)

Sexual sins are some of the first to emerge when we turn from God.( 1 Tim 1:9-10)

Asking the following questions can help you determine if a particular behavior will contribute to a healthy relationship or lead to addictive behavior.

1. Will I later have to deny that I, did it? 2. Is it self-centered? 3. Is it abusive to me or to others? 4. Is it inconsistent with my values? 5. Would I refuse to do it if Christ were standing here with me? 6. Is it an action without an underlying commitment? 7. Will I feel better or worse about myself for having done it? 8. Will someone else feel worse for my having done it? 9. Is this a waste of my time or the time of others? 10. Am I doing this to escape painful feelings of reality? (I’LL talk about these questions here shortly)

Willpower won’t overcome sin. Those who accept Christ receive a new Spirit and new identity defined by Christ’s work on the cross. God may or may not remove a Christian’s Love & Relationship Addiction, but the Holy Spirit will give him or her a supernatural ability to resist temptation and live joyfully in God’s will. • “For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.”- in the book of (Romans 7:18) • 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 says “Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”

A yes to any of these questions i just read to you, should be a “red flag” that the behavior being considered may be unhealthy. When romance and relationships proceed with these types of dynamics, they are likely to be dysfunctional and addictive.

Sobriety means establishing and maintaining a balanced lifestyle. At the same time, staying sober is always more than the mere presence or absence of certain behaviors. Sobriety is more than just “not doing” certain things.

It involves personal growth. It is not what we avoid, but what we grow toward, that makes sobriety meaningful. As we have seen, growth must occur in many areas of our lives.

We must look to our physical health. We must be concerned for our emotional, social, and mental welfare. Spiritual growth must be the foundational block, upon which all other growth is built and sustained.

Balance is the key. Romance and relationships have been dominating factors in the life of one's love and relationship addiction. Recovery/restoration is the time for these relationships to find their rightful and healthy place as a part of the whole person.

Recovery/restoration is meant to be far more than survival or another coping strategy. Recovery/restoration will lead to an intimate relationship with Christ, and to a re-birth of the heart.

The goal is for the healing of a broken and empty heart and the filling of that heart with a love for God, for others and for yourself.

Life’s central truth is that GOD LOVES US. Christ sacrificed himself because of His love for us.

His sacrifice made it possible for us to be men/women who love.

Entering God’s love, making it our own, and being able to share it with others—that is the goal of restoration

NEXT STEPS

BIBLICAL FIREPOWER WEAPONRY:

Bible

Accountability partner/sponsor/mentor

Prayer time daily and consistently

This recovery/discipleship meeting weekly

Disengagement from things that squander our ability to live a regenerated lifestyle by God's word

• FAMILY, God loves you and made you in His image. Ask Christ to heal you spiritually (Romans 10:13).

If you do not yet have a personal relationship with Jesus, learn more at rprecovery.org/the-gospel.

OR YOU CAN TALK TO ME AFTERWARDS