The Good Kid, Bad Kid and the Saved Kid

Loving All Kinds of Rebels and Prodigals

Intro

(Keith’s intro) It has been said, children are like ideas. There are none so pure and beautiful as our own.

A true statement

We have eyes for our children that no one else has

We love our children like no one else does

Sometimes we love them so much that we may believe things about them that are not true

This is why the Bible tells us how to love our kids well

Love our kids in a way that keeps our mind clear

Love our kids in a way that keeps our focus on raising them

We arent here to be their friends

We dont need to make them like us

We love our children well by teaching and training them

Proverbs 22:6 ESV

6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

We teach them morality

Last time I talked about how I dont care if they are good kids I care if they are saved kids

That still holds

But its a little more nuanced than I made it sound

Its a both and

II. On training our children (Review)

why is training so important???

Why is teaching commanded

Deuteronomy 6:7 ESV

7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

So that when they ask

Deuteronomy 6:20–25 ESV

20 “When your son asks you in time to come, ‘What is the meaning of the testimonies and the statutes and the rules that the Lord our God has commanded you?’ 21 then you shall say to your son, ‘We were Pharaoh’s slaves in Egypt. And the Lord brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand. 22 And the Lord showed signs and wonders, great and grievous, against Egypt and against Pharaoh and all his household, before our eyes. 23 And he brought us out from there, that he might bring us in and give us the land that he swore to give to our fathers. 24 And the Lord commanded us to do all these statutes, to fear the Lord our God, for our good always, that he might preserve us alive, as we are this day. 25 And it will be righteousness for us, if we are careful to do all this commandment before the Lord our God, as he has commanded us.’

We have an answer

When the question is why must I live different than my friends

We dont say Because

Or because I said so

but because God has commanded us

It will be righteousness for us to obey

This is where the both and comment comes in

We need to teach our children this moral way

And lead them to water so to speak

Notice these verses dont talk about your child being saved

But they speak to training and teaching your child

This isnt a post salvation thing as much as it is a way of life

How many of you say “WE dont do that in this house”

Because this is how we live in this family

Me and Mom brother and sister

So there is no contradiction and one doesnt happen before the other

We train and teach morality

But we dont teach it for morality sake

We teach it for salvation sake

WE NEED TO TELL THE WHY!!!!!

We train and teach

In order to gain compliance of course

But we give the why so that we understand where they are at

We dont want to raise moral pagans

We want to be able to discern their spiritual condition

We put this as our focus so we dont get blinded by our love for our children

We dont loose focus on what we should do because no one has seen how awesome my kid is

We sometimes compare with others children

Well mine arent that bad

We sometimes make excuses

she is just stubborn

he’s just a boy

she knows how to use her cuteness

They just dont know better

We must be careful to teach and train our children THE HOW and THE WHY

So that we dont get lead astray and think our somewhat moral pagans are saved when they arent

III. Understanding the Challenge: Half the Battle is Understanding the Heart.

Our challenge is presenting our children to God so that they might be saved. All children sort of start in the same place.

Children are born dead in their trespasses and sin. Don’t count on some (mythical) age of accountability—you won’t find it in the Bible.

So I might have more time

Evangelize your kids like tomorrow isnt guaranteed

none of us can afford to risk betting on such a thing. People are born lost and rebellious, that’s human nature.

In the book of Genesis we receive two warnings indirectly about young people, evil, and sin.`

Genesis 6:5 ESV

5 The Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.

But what about children? After the flood ends, and all of humanity except 8 people is wiped out, we read this:

Genesis 8:21 And when the LORD smelled the pleasing aroma, the LORD said in his heart, “I will never again curse the ground because of man, for the intention of man’s heart is evil FROM HIS YOUTH...

Genesis 8:21 ESV

21 And when the Lord smelled the pleasing aroma, the Lord said in his heart, “I will never again curse the ground because of man, for the intention of man’s heart is evil from his youth. Neither will I ever again strike down every living creature as I have done.

The corruption of sin is everywhere

In your heart

In my heart

In the death and destruction we see around us

In the broken families

In corrupt governement

In propegating of evil ideals

Even in our children

You can this in Romans 8: 19-23

Romans 8:19–23 ESV

19 For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. 23 And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.

The whole of creation is in bondage to corruption—and that includes us and everything else.

But we caused this corruption and bondage and we are accountable.

Romans 5:12 reminds us

Romans 5:12 ESV

12 Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned—

Romans 3:23 ESV

23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

Romans 6:23 ESV

23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

While we were weak at just the right time, Christ died for the ungodly... God demonstrates His love toward us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

We must understand Our children just like us are born sinners and we need to train and evenaglize them

They will sin and it won’t be cute in the eyes of the Almighty and so sin should never be cute in our sight, either.

IV. Our Mission and Mindset as Parents Revisited.

Our mission is to love them, coach them, train them, evangelize them, and wait on the Lord to do what He does.

This is where the both and comes in

We cant expect them to act like believers

But we can still hold them to that standard

This will hopefully help them see the gap between the expectation and the reality

Waiting on the Lord to move is so difficult because we want to male our kids saved

We want to force them to believe

So we can be assured that their eternities are secure

We want to believe that they are saved

But all we are doing in this is bringing them to the well

We can get so frustrated but we must still love them, but be realistic about their situation

Foldens example

Child not saved but they still love them

V. Seeing Things as They Are (Not as They Appear).

One of the keys to biblical parenting is understanding your child. I’d like to take you through the tale of two sons as an introduction to understanding our child so that we can help them.

If we pay close attention to the parable of the Prodigal Son, as it is traditionally called, we find two rebels, not one.

It opens in verses 11-16 with the story of a self-absorbed, reckless young man who does the unthinkable in 1st-century Jewish times by asking his father for the inheritance due him at his father’s death.

This would be unthinkable even today, let alone in 1stcentury Judaism. It would be a humiliation to the father and a bit of a repudiation.

And we know the story of the Prodigal Son, don’t we?

He then moves as far from his family as he can and then burns through the inheritance in short order.

He reaches a point of utter destitution where he is reduced to feeding pigs (a humiliation for Jews) while craving the food that they eat.

He finally comes to his senses. In true repentance, with hat in hand determines to come home where he will be fed and cared for as his father’s hired hand, no longer worthy to be called his father’s son.

His father seeing him from afar rushes to him, the young man repents to his father, and is restored. A celebration ensues, celebrating the prodigals return. The good son, who did not leave is outraged and refuses to celebrate and speaks disrespectfully to his father.

The good son is outraged. He’s played by the rules, been compliant, but has not been rewarded. We are going to see this profile later—make note of him now.

Call the good son the legalist. Call the one who ran off the libertine.

Their actions and attitudes reveal their hearts. Two sides of the same lost coin.

Each child had different problems, different strains of rebellion.

Let’s look at profiles in rebellion so that we might spot them in our own children

THE ASSERTIVE REBEL

The bad kid

This is the person who says, “I won’t obey. Nobody is going to tell me what to do.”

Just open rebellion

This one is easy to identify and easy to write off there is no chance for them

THE COOPERATIVE REBEL

The good kids

This person is much harder to spot. He quietly decides, “I will obey since it gets me what I want.”

This mask has two variations. One type of cooperative rebel is compliant, at best: he is obedient but drags his feet, dawdles, is intentionally inefficient, slams doors, punishes others by his attitude (pouting, sullenness), and thinks, “I’ll do what I have to do to get what I want, but I don’t agree with this and don’t want to do it.”

Example: Amy doesn’t get into any major trouble at home, but for a fifteen-year-old, she isn’t much help either.

She will eventually get her household chores done, but usually not without breaking something or causing additional work for her mother in the process. She is never blatantly defiant, so her parents are at a loss about how to discipline her.

She is obedient enough to stay out of big trouble but resistive enough to make life miserable for her parents. Her own way is to comply while retaining the right to protest.

A second type of cooperative rebel appears to be driven by a sense of duty: as a child he is often called a “really good kid,” seems to go out of his way to be helpful, never seems to be a problem, is sometimes perfectionistic and legalistic, and thinks,

“I’ll do my best because I have learned that life works best this way”or “I’ll do my best because I like the image of being a great kid.”

Example: Kevin’s own way of making life work is to achieve perfection in everything he does. As a child he was surprisingly obedient.

As a teen he thinks that if he doesn’t make the top grade or isn’t on the starting team, life is not worth living. In fact, if he isn’t on top, he often spirals into great despair.

Winning is an all or nothing issue with him. What he calls a “competitive spirit” is nothing more than a lust (an obsessive desire) for winning.

He has decided he has to have first place and nothing less will do. His own way is to insure success by being the best.

C. S. Lewis warns about the dangers of making life work by just being good. If you have sound nerves and intelligence and health and popularity and a good upbringing, you are likely to be quite satisfied with your character as it is. . . .

THE PASSIVE REBEL

The apathetic kid

Lastly, there are others whose own way is to passively play the victim. This rebel may say, “I can’t obey,” or “I forgot to obey,” or “I didn’t know to obey.”

Let’s look briefly at three variations of the passive rebel. “I can’t obey” implies powerlessness and shows up in indifference or resistance.

He won’t get a driver’s license or a job. He won’t try out, reach out, speak out, or move out. He often excuses himself with “I’m not feeling well,” or “I have a disability,” or “I’m a victim.” He may say, “I’m hurting too much,” or “My parents weren’t good examples,” or “I’m too emotional.”

He is often stubborn and simply won’t be put into a vulnerable position.

Example: Perry’s own way of handling life is to avoid anything that would make him vulnerable. He runs from problems, will not try anything unfamiliar, and spends as much time as he can by himself.

He calls himself “laid back” and says he isn’t a “people person.” Consequently, he is often lonely.

His own way is to not get involved and not take any risks. While being “laid back” seems to be a popular posture today, Proverbs calls it by another name—slothfulness.

This is the man who should run to the problem (e.g., the lion in the streets) instead of away from it, lives in a “snooze alarm” mode of procrastination, gets very irritated if someone tries to “push” him, and is seemingly unteachable about the wrong direction of his life.

The lack of productivity and the deterioration of his life are obvious to any onlooker, but he continues to make excuses that will surely lead to disaster.

The second excuse, “I forgot to obey,” is often an indication of laziness and shows up in untidiness and constant sleepiness. He conveniently forgets chores, responsibilities, and appointments. He often appears absent-minded.

His mind isn’t dysfunctional but is more likely distracted by some other obsession.

Example: Janet wants everyone to accept her. She cannot say no to anyone because she does not want to displease them.

Her parents wonder why she always ends up with the wrong friends.

They don’t know that because of her lust for approval she has already given up her sexual purity.

She is obsessed with her appearance. She spends hours shopping and takes forever to get ready in the morning.

She carefully plans her wardrobe so that nothing she wears is repeated within a two-week span of time. Though she is meticulous in these areas and can remember every outfit her friends have worn that week, she cannot seem to remember what days she is supposed to come home right after school to watch her younger brother while her mother runs errands.

She often forgets where her parents told her to be when they come to pick her up after a game, church activity, or shopping trip. She is courteous and surprisingly helpful at times but has her parents totally baffled.

They cannot understand why she is such an airhead when it comes to responsibility. What they don’t know is that her own way is to have the approval of a select group—nothing else ultimately matters to her.

The last excuse, “I didn’t know to obey,” is often intentional ignorance. This passive rebel can claim he didn’t hear the instructions or didn’t think the instructions applied to his situation.

A further refinement of this is “I just acted without thinking.” He is not, however, acting without thinking. He is acting without thinking about the consequences.

He is used to doing what he wants without consideration for others.

Example: Josh doesn’t seem to be a really wicked fellow: he just always happens to be in the middle of whatever trouble is brewing at the moment. He loves being a practical joker, even though his pranks have become more daring in recent days and have cost him some money for damages.

When confronted about his foolish behavior, he replies, “I guess I just wasn’t thinking.” His parents are embarrassed by how many times the principal has called them about his class disruptions.

They have concluded he is just “immature.” They are frightened, however, with the thought of how long they may have to wait until he grows up.

In the meantime, his upkeep could be costly. Josh’s own way is to live for the pleasure of the moment with no thought of God or others.[2]

What’s the point of all this? We want to make the right diagnose so that we can “strategize” and intelligently and biblically respond.

We also want to truly recognize, not excuse, sin in our children, brushing it off.

VI. Where the Hope is (as Opposed to “Where’s the Hope?)

Let’s start with the reality that the children behind these anonymized case studies, like you were, are not beyond God’s reach and therefore your reach.

1Cor. 6:9-11 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, 10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And Such Were Some Of You. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

As you parent your small children to young adulthood—and beyond, remember that no one, no sinner, is beyond the reach of God. And their parents.

John Newton’s mother prayed for her son to become a minister. She had no idea that he would first become a god-cursing idolator whose blasphemous speech terrified his shipmates.

But Newton’s mother, despite limitations imposed by tuberculosis, made the most of her time, after young John Newton was born:

Because of his mother’s warm faith, John grew to be very close to Elizabeth, whom he later described as a “a pious woman.”

Knowing that time with her son might be short, she determined to make the most of what remained. She took on the role of teacher and spent hours with John each day.

She was a good instructor, and he was an eager, bookish student. He progressed quickly.

John later wrote, “As I was her only child, she made it the chief business and pleasure of her life to instruct me, and bring me up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”

Elizabeth Newton died at the age of 27.

John would later go off the rails, not being saved but being well educated in the things of the Lord. Despite the depths of Newton’s baseness, his mother’s training and prayers, one might say, caught up with him one day.

She never saw his conversion or his sinful life leading up to it. She will one day.

However, she planted and watered... God would use her efforts to in Newton’s conversion and later life of ministry and service.

The same is true for us. Remember that the phrase in 1 Cor. 6 applies to Newton, you, and one day, Lord willing, our children.

Most of us will not raise a Cain. Or a John Newton. But we be faced with raising a difficult child, a rebel in one of the forms described above or combinations and variations of these categories.

That said, in this marathon called parenting, remember that no one is beyond God’s reach.

Just be faithful to do your part. Abide in Christ keep (teach) His word, and let Him do the heavy lifting.

Your child’s conversion my take years, decades or months. While we have had to generalize, your experience will be unique to one extent or another to you but not to God.

You may never experience the proverbial “Terrible Twos” or the culturally impending “Teen Rebellion Years.” And then again, you may.

But let’s remember God and His divine providence and sovereignty. By way of analogy” “There’s no such thing as luck for luck is merely the residue of preparation (Jack Youngblood).”

It call comes down to preparation and the sovereignty of God. YOU BE SURE TO DO YOUR PART RELENTLESSLY AND PATIENTLY (GOD WILL DO HIS).

Preparation for all that we have discussed should be under way if you haven’t already. We have to have the same philosophy of parenting, all worked out so that we are all on the same page.

We need to speak a common language and terminology. We should present a united front.

We should be preparing for this glorious yet challenging marathon. The early years are among the toughest but by rightly investing now will save a ton of catch-up ball later.

We in the church are often impatient and nearly unforgiving with other people’s prodigals... until we get one of our own that’s why we must Loving All Kinds of Rebels and Prodigals, especially our own.

[1] Berg, Jim. Changed Into His Image . BJU Press/JourneyForth. Kindle Edition. [2] Berg, Jim. Changed Into His Image . BJU Press/JourneyForth. Kindle Edition.