Proverbs Part 5

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Intro:

When you have young kids they are typically very curious

They ask a lot of questions and are just inquisitive

They are learning the world around them right?

Sometimes I’ll say something, a phrase or a word and they’ll ask what it means

But my favorite is when they say a word and then ask what it means

The other day we were floating down the itchnetuknee

And there was a pile of us, it was just family but still a pile of us

We had all of our tubes tied together with a rope

And we got to this point in the river that it kind of funneled together

And so we all got bunched up together

And Essie sitting on her tube looked and said “well this is awkward.”

We all kind of laughed

And then she said, “what does awkward mean?”

She didn’t even know.

She had heard it said before, took her best guess of how it applied contextually and just spit it out and hoped for the best

What may be even worse is the moments where they repeat a bad word they’ve heard

I think we’ve all been there as parents right?

You have to explain what it is and why it’s bad and why we can’t talk like that to your 5 year old

It’s difficult

I think so often we think, maybe because we live in America, we can just say what we want, how we want, and everyone else ought to be fine with it

If I’ve ever not known this, I have definitely learned it having little girls

Not only is it important what I say to them, but it is also important how I say it

My mom used to have these sayings that she would spit out to us all the time

Things like, “It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it.”

Or “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?”

Proverbs also has some things to teach us about the way that we use our words. Perhaps none clearer than the warning we see in Prov 18:21 and here’s what it says

Proverbs 18:21 NIV

21 The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Pray

The tongue, your words, have the power of life and death

And just a caveat before we keep going, when we talk about our words, this also applies to the keyboard warriors out there

The things you type up on SM

The texts and emails that you send

So, we are going to talk a lot about the tongue and words that we use but just know that it also applies to the words we choose to write down as well

notice here the danger but also the opportunity

The responsibility that you have, because no one else can do this for you.

The responsibility you have to keep death out of your mouth

And the opportunity to speak life to the world around you

I want to look at a string of proverbs that talks about the opportunities and results of our words in Prov 11.

Proverbs 11:9–14 NIV

9 With their mouths the godless destroy their neighbors, but through knowledge the righteous escape. 10 When the righteous prosper, the city rejoices; when the wicked perish, there are shouts of joy. 11 Through the blessing of the upright a city is exalted, but by the mouth of the wicked it is destroyed. 12 Whoever derides their neighbor has no sense, but the one who has understanding holds their tongue. 13 A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret. 14 For lack of guidance a nation falls, but victory is won through many advisers.

A few takeaways from this passage today that I want us to see and take note of

And I want to contrast the wise tongue and the destructive tongue

The one who is godless, the one who is a hypocrite, the one who is reckless with their words

Against the one who is righteous, upright, respected, and careful

notice the differences here

#1 The fool is destructive

They leave a wake of destruction everywhere they go

Their neighbors, meaning the people they come in contact with, according to Proverbs, are destroyed by their tongues and they shout for joy when they perish

You may be feared but you are not loved

What a terrible reputation to have

And Proverbs would say, if this is true of you, that you are not only not wise but it would take it a step further and say that you are godless.

And if you would say, well that seems a little harsh and unreasonable.

Proverbs is an OT book and it’s just wisdom literature so it expands on it’s examples to make it’s point

Then I would point you to the words of Jesus in Matt 12. where he is speaking to the Pharisees who had the biggest hypocritical tongues of all

Matthew 12:34–35 NIV

34 You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. 35 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.

So, what Jesus is saying is:

If you want a picture of a man’s heart, listen to the way he speaks.

How one speaks reflects one’s heart

You may be able to walk into church and mask your evil heart for a couple of hours but Jesus promises that the evilness in your heart will come out sooner or later.

And so maybe by now, hopefully by now, Scripture has gotten your attention.

This isn’t a small issue

It brings life or death

Now, contrasted with that, the righteous who speak life more often than not are generally well-loved by the people around them.

Even those who may not believe in Jesus who would not be considered a believer have a good word for a good man

Therefore, “when it goes well with the righteous,”

When these kinds of people are put in positions to use the godliness that is stored up in their hearts made visible by the fruit of their tongue, the city rejoices.

Why? Because good men are public blessings.

Notice here, a few evil men with evil tongues put in the right positions can destroy a city.

But the adverse is also true, a few good men, with wise and righteous tongues can be a blessing and create an upright city

There is power and responsibility here

As believers, it is important that we first, speak in a way that brings life and not destruction

It also important that we use the positions that God has placed us in to bring righteousness and blessings

I know, that some of us in this room, are in political positions, are on boards that run our city, own businesses that provide for our city. Those positions may be pretty obvious

But I would also argue, parents, you are in a powerful position in the city of your home

You have the responsibility to speak life into your home, into your spouse, into your children

Young people, you have the responsibility to speak life into your schools.

No one else is going to do it, you must

Proverbs 11 continues in verse 12

It says “whoever derides their neighbor has no sense.”

That word deirdes means to show contempt toward

Here is what this means, a man of understanding and wisdom, that has rule over his tongue, if he is provoked, is able to hold his peace.

The fool gives way to his passion and explodes with his words

If we are to be godly with the way that we use our tongue, we must choose our words carefully, especially when, we are angry and feel the need to lash out

Their is often wisdom in the silence.

Proverbs 17:28 NIV

28 Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.

You could be the dumbest person in the room but if you have the ability to hold your tongue and keep silent you will probably be considered wise and discerning

The best with words are not those who are most eloquent but those who know when and when not to use them.

The art of biblical communication is not just know what to speak but also knowing when to speak

So, verse 12’s warning is, you are unwise if you speak ill fully to a mans face

Verse 13’s warning is, you are unwise when you speak ill fully behind his back

The unwise tongue is a gossiping tongue and it betrays confidence

It carries with it all the stories it can pick up, true or false, it does not matter

It makes mischief and sows division

It reveals secrets given in confidence

And therefore it breaks friendships and conversations

But a wise tongue is a trustworthy person

One that can offer advise in a sensitive situation

One that is trusted with a confidential conversation

One that is able to listen and not quick to speak

In other words, a wise tongue is a great friend

I think it is also implied here that a wise tongue is someone to be trusted not just with your words but with theirs as well

Meaning, when they say something, you trust what they are telling you

Nothing is more aggravating then when you don’t know what is actually true and what is not

No one wants to be friends, at least for very long, with people who you always have to try to decipher what is true and not

Voltaire, a famous french philosopher and writer has a great quote that goes along with this, he says: “Everything you say should be true, but not everything true should be said.”

We are called to speak truth, so when you speak, speak only truth

But, we are also called to hold our tongues, so when grace is the better option choose it.

Hard truths are sometimes needed, but grace and kindness are always needed

So choose wisely.

and lastly, verse 14, although it may not be directly related to how we use our tongue I do think there is wisdom here in that

It is instructing you to find those who are wise with their words and surround yourself with them

Find people in your life that you can trust

That are not gossipers

That usually know when to listen and when to speak

For lack of guidance you will fail

But victory is won through many advisers

Surround yourself with people who know how to speak the truth in a loving way

Jeff Foxworthy is famous for coming up with “you might be a redneck.”

Well, I want to do, “you might have a deadly tongue.”

So here are the watch outs right?

Like, if some of these things are true of you, you probably have a problem in this area.

You might have a deadly tongue if....

You leave a wake of destructive relationships everywhere you go

No one wants to be around you

You suck the joy out of every room you walk in

You have a hard time keeping friends

You speak your mind every chance you get

You speak more than you listen

Few people trust you

You are always right and no one else can tell you different

Here is the good news, Proverbs 18:21

Proverbs 18:21 NIV

21 The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

You and only you have the power over your tongue

Meaning, you have the power to make a change.

It takes discipline, it takes wisdom, and it takes prayer

But I promise you, if you ask God to help you in this area, the Holy Spirit can help you in ways you never thought possible

Know that you are the only one that can control your tongue

Know that Jesus offers grace for when we still slip up

So, seek forgiveness.

First and foremost with Jesus and He will forgive

But also, those that you have damaged with your words

Moving forward, if you do mess up in this area, go to the people you have hurt and seek forgiveness.

This is an easy and powerful step to move forward in this area of your life

And we will end with this truth found in James 1 this morning

James 1:19 NIV

19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,