Untitled Sermon

Intro

If you want to master manhood, I challenge you to master your emotional intelligence, understand your emotions, the emotions of others, and how to manage emotions effectively.Think about a time when you were angry. Write down what was going on through you mind, how you were feeling and what did you do (the behavior)?

Share out.“I am not anger. Anger is a storm passing over me. So I take deep breaths until I feel calm, like wind blowing away a storm.”

Lauren Martin's book to teach kids anger management and self-regulation.Two things stood out to me, You may be angry but you don’t have to become it; and iyou, too can calm/regulate to navigate the storm.Sometimes anger creeps up on you when you least expect it.  Maybe it’s the way someone treats you, or maybe your parents tell you that you can’t go out with your friends this weekend. Everyone gets angry.  It’s a natural emotion.  It’s ok to feel anger.  How you manage your is what is important.Think about your relationship to anger. Where did you first learn how to deal with things when you get angry? Who taught you? How was it modeled?

Share out.

Discussion

If your anger is beginning to strain or even ruin relationships with those around you, it’s time to look at making some changes.  We will get into the steps that can help you take charge of your anger, so it doesn’t take charge of you.But first let's ground and educate ourselves around what is happening when we get angry.Anger - is an emotion triggered by a threat which prompts the fight (aggression) or flight reaction. This is what we called the threat response system, and when this happens, your body dumps, adrenaline, cortisol, glutamate, all these chemicals and hormones that are designed to give you the energy to check out if there’s a problem and if necessary fight or just like a smoke alarm tells you that. Hey there might be a fire your threat response system tells you. Hey there might be a threat it’s not saying there is a saying there might be and here’s a bunch of energy so you can get up and figure out if there is a threat and respond if needed`I am implying that we can take charge of our anger..,BECAUSE WE CAN.Hostility - refers to a set of attitudes, thoughts and judgements that motivate aggressive behaviorsAggression - is behavior that is intended to protect oneself by causing harm or injury to another person and damage to propertyWanted to unravel those words so we can start from the same place.Also because many times what we initially perceived as a threat is not currently one, but our reaction is based on outdated schema.4 Ways To Manage Your Anger

Pay attention to how your body responds when you start feeling angry.

Do you clench your teeth or fists?Do you start breathing heavy?Start to recognize what your triggers are and notice how your body reacts.Remember anger stop signs.Counteract your body’s reaction to angry feelings.

When you are angry, we need to get out of the emotional mind and into the wise mind; figuring out something you can do to slow your heart rate and slow your breathing:

If you’re getting tense……Take a deep breath;

Box breathing (slowing your heart rate and manually overriding your nervous system.Close your eyes and count to 3 in your mind.Exercise - allowing your body movement to match your heart rate.Mantra: its all good; you can't have two thoughts at the same time. So this mantra allows you to not hear those other thoughts you may be having. This helps you calm down a little.Unhooking  - taking feeling and thoughts and putting them outside of you; envision it in your hands. Do you want to hold it, nurture it; if it is separate from you then you can see what you want to do with it.Loosen your muscles by flexing them a few times then relaxing them.Do the opposite of your body’s negative reaction.Calm your mind down.

Anger can easily snowball, so take a few moments to stop the angry statements running through your head.Remind yourself that you can’t take back what you say.  Will you regret it later?Ask yourself if it’s really worth getting upset over?  Will the issue even matter in a week, month, or year?Think about what you want to say before you say it…wait at least 5 seconds before you speak! Calmly say how you feel without yelling! (this is contingent upon what you are angry about

Wife/girlfriend - may communicate honest feelingsWork.,..Walk Away

Sometimes you just need to take a time away from the situation.Calmly tell the person you’re with that you need a few minutes to cool off.After giving yourself a few minutes to compose yourself, then restart the conversation, if needed.

Closing

Whats one takeaway from our conversation today? Mine is: Control your emotion or it will control you.