Rules For Relationship

Rules for Relationship (With Christ and Others - Multiple Text: Luke 22:24-27, John 13:4-8, 12-15, Matthew 26:26-28)

Title seems a little ironic doesn’t it? We all like rules so much, so why wouldn’t applying them to relationships make things go better. I wonder what rules you might have in your relationships? There are some good ones like never go to bed angry, or think about the other’s needs before yours. I’ll bet some of us have some rules that aren’t so healthy whether we’ve verbalized them or not, but everyone in those relationships might be aware of them. Maybe people know not to cross you, to walk on eggshells around you, or to never bring up any of your shortcomings. Maybe people know not to sit in “your” chair, touch “your” remote” or “your” stash of candy. Usually these types of rules don’t encourage or promote healthy relationships, but there are some rules set forth in scripture about relationships that can be helpful and we are going to consider today.

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Relationships are hard… but only because we choose for them to be. Jesus made them simple, at least in principle, and in this week’s sermon we find Jesus teaching over a meal as He often did. He never missed an opportunity to teach us, let’s make sure we don’t miss an opportunity this week to learn. In this sermon, we join Jesus as He takes Passover with His disciples. We have a handful of texts we are going to go after today but we will start in Luke chapter 22 and verse 24.

Quick scene set while they are turning to scripture: Sought out location, Jesus and disciples, settled in, small talk, passover meal commemorating their freedom from Egypt, last supper, meal for Jesus. COMMUNION TODAY.

Luke 22:24-27 ESV

24 A dispute also arose among them, as to which of them was to be regarded as the greatest. 25 And he said to them, “The kings of the Gentiles exercise lordship over them, and those in authority over them are called benefactors. 26 But not so with you. Rather, let the greatest among you become as the youngest, and the leader as one who serves. 27 For who is the greater, one who reclines at table or one who serves? Is it not the one who reclines at table? But I am among you as the one who serves. Jump to John 13:4 with me… As you are turning to John 13:4 recognize that Jesus’ move was not to respond verbally instead He remains quiet and instead just gets up from supper let’s look at it.

John 13:4 (JESUS) rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. 5 Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples' feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him. 6 He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, do you wash my feet?” 7 Jesus answered him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand.”8 Peter said to him, “You shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered him, “If I do not wash you, you have no share with me.” Jump down to verse 12... 12 When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, “Do you understand what I have done to you? 13 You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. 14 If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. 15 For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you.

PRAY

It has been said that rules without relationship breed rebellion. I’ll expound on this for a moment. Oftentimes when we see or sense a rebellious or disrespectful spirit or attitude in someone towards us, it might do us well to question how much we have invested in the relationship with them in proportion to the instruction, correction, or even “truth” we have perhaps shared with them. There’s a reason that Jesus told us to speak the truth in love. Without love, truth is simply received as a rebuke of an action, which most of us will assume is a rebuke or rejection of us as well. Even in this moment, I question how often my parenting is often built more off of correction and instruction rather than investment and relationship.

I wonder how often we have felt as though our relationships have felt stretched or strained and tried to “work harder” at it. Maybe we’ve suggested how the other person could get better, or even sought counseling without a real willingness to change. In the text’s that we read just a few minutes ago Jesus laid out the plan to be in healthy relationship with both Him and with others, which by the way will essentially go hand in hand.

Let’s start with Service. That’s actually our first point...

Start with Service - (Luke 22:24-27, John 13:1-5, 14-15)

Jesus knew something about us. He knew that we would always be jockeying for position. It starts when we have to be first in line as a kid. It continues when we achieve something such as a degree or position, It lingers in older age by patronizing younger people by patting them on the head that God has commissioned to step into their calling. Failing to submit to authority that God has placed over us is a sign of rebellion, which the scripture refers to as a sin that is like witchcraft. Jesus said if you are going to truly ever be of any use to me, your greatest attribute should be a submissive spirit. He did better than just saying it, he showed it to us.

The easiest entry point to a deeper relationship with anyone is through serving them. True service never has an agenda. Service with an agenda is not service, it is manipulation, exploitation, leverage, and more simply when we serve others with an intended agenda, the only one we are truly serving is ourselves. (IF LED PERSONAL STORY - WRITER’S CHOICE)

Jesus got up in the middle of supper. In a Passover observation, they would have ate the full meal before they took the bread and the cup that we would now refer to as communion. So as they are eating and this argument is taking place, Jesus doesn’t even say anything. He dropped his lamb chops, his fork, and his knife. He could have protested.......Do you guys know this is going to be my last meal? Nope. He just got up and shut them up. He was tired of them contending for their position... tired of them being concerned about what their part was supposed to be, and He washed the toilets. That’s what he did right? We can’t relate to washing people's feet today because we are domesticated, so he cleaned the toilets, right? He searched for the idea in the room that would make it clear that His position was not going to be one that he exploited, instead He was constantly going to be a picture of service. But do you know why washing feet is more humbling than cleaning toilets this morning, because Im not submitting to the toilet. He didn’t just get dirty, he surrendered himself to them. What does service look like for us? I’ll challenge you today as to what service looks like. It’s the thing YOU don’t think YOU should have to do, it’s the price YOU don’t think YOU should have to pay, it’s complying to leaders, pastors, teachers, and bosses, and catch this, the one that doesn’t “deserve” your service to set an example, instead of being contentious, difficult, and making sure YOU get to speak YOUR mind. Notice I emphasized the word YOU each time, and here’s why. Because ultimately all of our relationships will be healthiest when we start with service, and the truest essence of service can be summed up in one statement. “It’s not about me.” on the count of 3 everyone say it’s not about me, 1.2.3. “It’s not about me.” By the way if as I just taught this point, you thought about someone else needing to hear this message rather than you, than you needed to hear it more than anyone else in the room.

Transition: Let’s move to our second thought on rules for relationships this week… to do so we will look at John 13:6-8. again. Jesus begins to wash feet and as He’s going down the line the scriptures don’t show us any objections from the other disciples but let’s look again at what happened when He got to Peter in verse 6

(Don’t say here) Continue with Codependency - John 13:6-8

6 He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, do you wash my feet?” 7 Jesus answered him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand.”8 Peter said to him, “You shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered him, “If I do not wash you, you have no share with me.”

Our next thought this morning is continue with codependency...

Codependency means I need you and you need me. It means forgiveness, it means sorry, it means vulnerability, and intimacy. We will touch base on each of those but let’s start with confidentiality and trust.

Confidentiality and Trust - Forgive me for a moment while I share a little humor on this one. Confidentiality is a big one for me. If you say something to me and ask me not to share it, I don’t. Sometimes if you are a female, I think it might be best to share it with Allison, but before I would, I would ask your permission to do so. The humor is found in how frequently someone has asked me to keep something confidential and then I end up hearing it from multiple other people. Don’t ask someone to keep something in confidence that you are going to share with everyone anyways, this will sew discord and give the appearance of mistrust and lack of confidentiality. When we are washing each other’s feet, we’ve got some trust and confidentiality going on, do we not? We’ve quit foot washing services in the modern church because so few would participate. We don’t trust each other anymore, and maybe with good reason, but we have to recognize that we miss out on deeper relationships because… 2 way vulnerability is crucial for intimacy.

Vulnerability and Intimacy

What are you holding back? Pain? Woundedness? Joy? When Peter tried to refuse to let Jesus to wash his feet, Jesus replied if you don’t let me do this, you have no part in me… It’s very common that if we do not have any problem serving others, allowing others to serve us could be a little bit of a struggle. Many of us enjoy the idea of not needing anything from anyone else. Jesus knew that a spirit like this would eventually turn into an unhealthy selfishness that separates itself from the rest of the body of Christ. Allowing others to serve us, keeps us humble.

Think of the Husband-and-Wife relationship. Your most intimate relationship should be with your spouse and that grows deeper in intimacy with increased vulnerability. Our bodies belong to our spouse, our best memories, and our worst days. No one knows our stories like our spouses do. If that’s not the case in your marriage, it’s something to work on. But outside of marriage we desire a deeper closeness with others but without letting them in. As a disclaimer our bodies stay with our spouses, but as fellow Christians, doing life together and allowing our weaknesses to be visible give others the opportunity to grow in deeper spiritual intimacy with us. A lot of us have perhaps been trained or conditioned to be the tough guy or tough gal, but if you haven’t noticed the tough guy or tough gal will soon become the lonely guy or the lonely gal. If you put forth a facade that you don’t need anyone, don’t expect people to be looking to fulfill the needs that you won’t allow them to see.

This 2 way vulnerability should practically play out in our relationships with freedom in apologizing and forgiveness...

Sorry and Forgiveness

If someone says you’ve hurt their feelings, as a Christian your response should be I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to, and then work through the details. It should never be, Well I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong. You don’t get to decide someone else's hurt. Did you hear that one? You don’t get to decide someone else’s hurt. The reason community matters so much is because if we aren’t careful we can unknowingly become a hurtful person and we need to be checked on it and listen when someone is acknowledging that.

Just in case you don’t know this, If you ever come to your pastor and say pastor you hurt me when… It’s my hope that my immediate response will be, I’m so sorry I would never want to do that, and then we can work through the details. If we can’t apologize without having to tag on extra words to justify our actions, then our heart might be even emptier than our words. Quite honestly any time someone has said I’ve hurt them to my face, I’ve always seen an opportunity for me to get better. I’ve also never said sorry to someone where it didn’t bring us a little closer rather than push us apart.

And since we are covering a lot of ground this morning, let’s make forgiveness short and sweet today, no matter how bad they’ve hurt you, or how much pain they’ve caused, God forgives us the way we forgive others. I’m not saying stay in abusive situations, or allow discord to continue, but God forgives us the way we forgive others, just by show of hands anyone looking for LESS forgiveness in their life?

Jesus said to Peter, Sure you serve me, but I serve you too. You can’t be proud, you can’t refuse others fellowship. For us to have intimacy, it has to be a two-way street. Freely forgive, swiftly say your sorry, and then we move to an end with emptiness, and this is where we will begin to bring our hearts and minds to communion today.

Transition:

End with Emptiness - Matthew 26:26-28

Our willingness to lay our lives on the line will determine the level of love that we have

What limitations would exist? or do exist? In your relationships? Jesus always went to the least. Too often as Christians we separate our suppos-ed love for God from our love for others. Every ugly word you say to others, you say to Jesus. Every time you make someone else feel less than, you’ve done it to Jesus. Every excuse you’ve made to others, you made it to Jesus. Your love for Christ will always be evident, good or bad, by how it is shown to others.

As we take the elements today, the best way we can honor the fact that Jesus emptied himself for us, is to have a heart and mind that are willing to do the same for others. Empty means completely, not just how or when you want to, it’s a complete emptying of our rights, privileges, rank, and tenure in the kingdom, understanding that the longer we serve Him, the emptier we should be of these attitudes and behaviors. Unfortunately I had to just make that statement because often just the opposite occurs as our tenure in the church somehow elevates us away from the wash basin that Jesus embraced.

INVITE TEAM - And as they come I’m going to invite you to come and take some time to confess to the Lord. I have a quote from Pastor Timothy Keller written on my whiteboard in my office, and it’s a little challenging so try to listen closely. Pastor Keller shares his perspective on True repentance. He says True repentance begins where the following ideas end.

Whitewashing - Nothing really happened

Blame shifting - It wasn’t really my fault

Self-pity - I’m sorry because of what it has cost Me

Self-flagellation - i will feel so terrible no one will be able to criticize me

When we are self-righteous, when we blame others, when we excuse, and belittle ourselves for our sin, we are failing to truly take responsibility for our sin. Church we need to own our sins, truly confess them before God, and claim the blood of Jesus to give us victory over them. All of your relationships are suffering because you are not taking ownership for, and turning from the sin that the Holy Spirit is convicting you of. Before we take communion together today, let’s confess our sin and our need for Him this morning. And when you do you will experience the relationship of all relationships because Proverbs teaches us that a friend loves at all times, and there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother, and of course that is Jesus Christ.

As we worship Him in these next few moments, let confession be authentic, let relationship with God and others be healed and restored.

PRAY

Let’s look at scripture, but before we do let’s give everyone a second to open the elements.

COMMUNION find some sat to them this is body and blood, Brooke, lisa, Jackie, sue someone go to each of them

Matthew 26

26 Now as they were eating, Jesus took bread, and after blessing it broke it and gave it to the disciples, and said, “Take, eat; this is my body.”

WE WANT ALL OF HIM BECAUSE HE WANTS ALL OF US (MAYBE THIS FOR THE BODY)

TAKE BREAD

27 And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks he gave it to them, saying, “Drink of it, all of you, 28 for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.

Philippians 2:5-7 “Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, as He already existed in the form of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but emptied Himself by taking the form of a bond-servant and being born in the likeness of men.”

JESUS DID NOT SEE EQUALITY WITH GOD AS SOMETHING TO BE EXPLOITED, BUT EMPTIED HIMSELF (MAYBE THIS FOR THE BLOOD)

TAKE CUP

from master/slave to calls us friend, whatever needs to happen in your relationships. Sorry, forgiveness, vulnerability. Jesus says I went first, so if you want to be like me, you also have to say I’ll go first in all the hard things. On the count of 3 Everyone say I’ll go first. 1,2,3 I’ll go first.

Today as you leave be the first to forgive, be the first to say sorry, be the first to serve, be the first to empty yourself. And know that in your relationships it will be a path that others will be more likely to follow when you take the lead in doing so.

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