Children Honor and Obey your Parents in the Lord as They Bring you up in the way of the Lord
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Text Ephesians 6:1-4
SERMON TITLE: CHILDREN HONOR AND OBEY YOUR PARENTS IN THE LORD AS THEY (FATHERS) BRING YOU UP IN THE WAY OF THE LORD
As a church we have been studying the book of Ephesians. The last couple of weeks, James has taught on marriage from Ephesians 5. What we have seen is more to marriage than a man and a woman being in love with each other. Marriage is that but much more than that.
Marriage is designed by God to put on display the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church; that the love which Christ has for His bride the Church; a love that was willing to sacrificially die for her, and continues to care for her and meet her needs in every way, is the love that husbands are to have for their wives as they submit to their husbands, and follow him in the same way that the church loves and follows Christ.
This is what our marriages are to portray.
Ephesians 5:23–25 (ESV)
23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
If we miss this, if we miss that fact that marriage is about putting the relationship between Christ and the Church on display, we have missed the most important meaning of marriage and the message that God wants others to see, and the others would include the children that God has given to us.
And so if we follow Paul’s flow of thought, he wants the Ephesian believers and us to understand the deeper meaning of marriage and how we are to live as husbands and wives in marriage. He starts here because the husband-and-wife relationship is the most important human relationship that there is. It is the only relationship that exists, which God calls a “one flesh” relationship. The parent child relationship is not a one flesh relationship, but your relationship with one you have married is a one flesh relationship, must take precedence over your relationship with your children, as important as that relationship is.
We’re talking about children because that’s where Paul takes us next because it is in the context of Ephesians 5:22-33 where God wants children to be.
And so we come to Ephesians 6:1-4
Ephesians 6:1–4 (ESV)
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise),
3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
I want to leave you with three truths from the text.
I. MARRIAGE IS FOR THE PURPOSE OF HAVING CHILDREN.
This is not the only purpose for marriage as we have already seen, but it is true, that getting married and having children is God’s revealed will for most of us; yes, there are some exceptions, there are some like Paul who had the gift of singleness which allowed him to devote himself fully in service to the Lord.
And there are some married couples who are unable to have children, though they would if they could. And we know that God can turn that around such as he did for Josiah and Marissa if he’s pleased to do that. And if not, one might pursue adoption or becoming foster parents, not to mention, which I will do, the opportunity to become a spiritual parent to someone else.
13 Greet Rufus, chosen in the Lord; also his mother, who has been a mother to me as well.
But lets not miss the point, that God has given us marriage, for the purpose of having children. And it’s been that way from the time when he created the first man and the first woman.
Genesis 1:26–28 (ESV)
26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”
27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.
28 And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
After the flood....
1 And God blessed Noah and his sons and said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.
We could add to this 1 Timothy 5:14 where Paul instructs the younger widows to marry, and bear children.
14 So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander.
And in Titus 2:4 the older women are told to take the younger women under the wings that they might teach them to love their husbands, and their children.
4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children,
Because many of them had grown up in families where they had never been taught how to practically love their husband or their children.
But the assumption Paul is making is that most of the young women would marry and have children, because from the beginning that’s the way God has said it should be.
For a very important reason, we are to bring children in to the world, for the purpose of raising up a generation of children who will know and love God, even Jesus and that through them His glory will spread upon the earth.
See this in the book of Malachi as Malachi challenged the casual view of marriage the people had in that day. And he does this in chapter 5 by reminding them, the men in particular that God ordained marriage and that the Lord was a witness between them and the wife of their youth, their companion and wife by covenant.
15 Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth.
That’s what God is after. And so the prophet Malachi basically tell the men to get with the program. Start treating your wives the way you should. This is where raising a godly offspring starts. Wall plaque said…the best way to be a good father to your children is to be a good husband to their mother”. This is the most precious gift that parents can give to their children. Yes they need to see parents who know how to live as parents, but even more so, they need parents who know how to live as husbands and wives, which is why Ephesians 6:1-4 follows Ephesians 5: 22-33.
II. CHILDREN SHOUL BE TAUGHT THE IMPORTANCE OF HONORING AND OBEYING THEIR PARENTS.
Which is what Paul does in verses 1
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise),
3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
Which is what Paul is doing in verses 1 and 3. He is speaking directly to children. No doubt this letter would have been read during one of the church services and children would have been there listening, just like there are here.
And so he begins by addressing the children, children who were living under their parents roof and were still dependent upon them, and were accountable to them.
We have an interesting passage is Genesis 22:7 where Jacob and Isaac are both young adults. They are of marrying age. Isaac instructed Jacob that he should not take a wife of the daughters of Caanan. And its says… “Jacob obeyed his father and his mother”.
Does that sound strange to you? It shouldn’t because his father was giving him wise counsel, Esau went out and married as he good and well pleased. But Isaac took his fathers counsel to heart, God blessed him for it.
So we have this matter of obedience that God requires of children while they are in the home, but honoring is something that should continue even when they are out of the home.
OBEY IS HUPAKOU- literally means “to hear under” the word picture is of a child having an ear that is listening and willing to obey what he is being told because he knows he is under his parents authority.
Notice the words in the Lord. Children, obey your parents in the Lord.
What does that mean? What does it mean to obey in the Lord (Kyrios)
8 for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light
So Paul is addressing children who are believers in this passage. Children in the church who have been saved, some perhaps at young age, they have believed on Jesus.
This was Timothy’s experience.
14 But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it
15 and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.
Paul’s is specifically addressing children who were believers, but the commandments to honor and obey your parents do apply to all children whether they are believers or not.
What is the reason that Paul gives, why children should obey their parents?
Because it is right.
The precepts of the Lord are right rejoicing the heart. The commandments of the Lord are true and righteous all together.
The word that is translated right is not a thin word it is a very rich way that means just or righteous and is often translated that way in other places.
And so when Paul tells the children, obey your parents because it is right, he’s telling them to obey because it is the way of righteousness, which you should follow and you will want to follow if the Lord has saved you and has put his Holy Spirit with in you; they should have a heart to follow him, so he tells them what God’s will is for them and how they might please him
NO SLIDE FOR THIS.
20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise),
3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
HONOR- COMES FORM A WORD THAT MEANS TO VALUE TO HOLD IN HIGH REGARD, TO TREAT WITH RESPECT.
Jesus used this word in his answer to some who were accusing him of having a demon. His response I John 8:49 was, “I do not have a demon. But I honor my father, and you dishonor me”.
The honoring or dishonoring of one’s father was taken seriously in the OT. In Genesis 9 Noah was in a drunken stupor unclothed within this tent. His son Ham came upon him told his brothers Shem and Japeth what he saw, apparently in a shameful way. Shem and Japeth wer’e told laid a garment on the back of their shoulder, they walked into Noah’s tent backwards and went on to cover the nakedness of their father. Thats how much respect they had for their father.
NO SLIDE
24 When Noah awoke from his wine and knew what his youngest son had done to him,
25 he said, “Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be to his brothers.”
26 He also said, “Blessed be the Lord, the God of Shem; and let Canaan be his servant.
27 May God enlarge Japheth, and let him dwell in the tents of Shem, and let Canaan be his servant.”
Paul you will notice is quoting from the OT, Exodus 20:12 the 5th commandment.
The first commandment with a promise. The word first prote, Tcan be first as in first coming before second. But it can also mean first in the sense of importance, which is the way it is used here, and that would make sense because the 5th commandments is the only commandment with a specific promise attached to it. So why would Paul say it is the first commandment with a promise when it is the only one of the commandments that has a promise attached to it? The first commandment stands at the front end of the second set of commandments,
The first four have to do with man’s relationship with God; the second set emphasizes man’s relationship with his fellow man, at the front end you have this commandment, Honor your father and your mother.
If you were to ask Paul what is the most important commandment after the first four which have to do with our love for God…he would say the fifth commandment.
This is the first commandment with a promise… notice that he applies this commandment with a specific promise to Israel to the Church.
In exodus 20:12 he says
12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.
Here he says that that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
He removes the words that the Lord your God is giving you and simply says that you may live long in the land, wherever you are… it will go well with and you will live long on the earth.
This is generally true. That life will bo etter Children who honor and obey thier
III. PARENTS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE PERSONAL, MORAL AND SPIRITUAL UPBRINGING OF THEIR CHILDREN.
Singles fathers out because they are the head of the home they are ultimately responsible for what happens in the home.
4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
4 He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive,
This is how you manage on household
We all know that mothers have a critical role in a child’s life, particularly when the children are small.
Mothers are able to spend more time with their children, may even homeschool them.
Parents need to work together in the upbringing of their children.
The words Bring them means to bring them to maturity. Bring them up, because their hearts and minds need direction. T
hey need parents who will watch over them; who know who their friends are, what books they are reading and what they can and cannot do.
This isn’t spiritual abuse. God has called us to bring them up in His way. If anything, its spiritual abuse not to bring them up in the way of the Lord.
3 PARENTING RESPONSIBILITIES (hold true for both parents)
1. You must not provoke them to anger
The particular word that is used for anger is orge, which refers to a deep seated anger rather than an angry outburst that quickly goes away. This is an anger that builds up over time.
Not talking about a child getting upset because he has to clean his room or take out the garbage; and that you shouldn’t tell him to do that because he might get upset, that not what Paul is taking about here, but about a repeated pattern of treating our children in a way that helps to build anger and resentment in them, wrath.
NLT Ephesians 6:4
4 Fathers,[a] do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them.
NO SLIDE FOR COLOSSIANS
21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
By being harsh with them, unreasonable, have unrealistic expectations of them, this would include putting them down, disciplining them in anger rather than in love.
Illustrate this way
Lucy Illus: a fluff ball. She can have an attitude.
Lucy, growing showing her teeth, she’s not happy with me; she’d never bite me, (famous last words) but she definitely doesn’t like it when I pick her up from her favorite chair and put her in her cage for the night. Decided to take a new approach. Rather than approaching her like your going in the cage, I Know you’re not going to like this, but you’ve got no choice, I buy your dog food, I clean up your doggie do… you live free in my house, you’re going in your kennel whether you like it or not… I changed my attitude…talked softer to her, I rubbed her back, her belly, then her head, she ate it up; picked her up, using a kinder voice, no growls, no teeth showing, she actually looks forward to me putting in her kennel now.
It helps when our attitudes are love and tenderness in our parenting. Children do need to know that we love them, even when we have to be firm with them.
2) You must Discipline Them- the GK word is Paideia which is a word that refers to a child’s overall training which includes learning through discipline.
This is brought out in the 12th chapter in the book of Hebrews NO SLIDE
5 And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him.
6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.”
7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?
8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.
9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live?
10 For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness.
11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
God disciplines his children, he does it in love; because he has a good goal in mind’ painful at times, if you’ve ever been taken to the woodshed by God, you know what that means, but its with a good goal in mind. That we might be corrected and that we might change, not merely in our behavior but in our hearts as well.
Jesus indictment against the Pharisees was that they looked good on the outside, they were obeying all the rules and then some, but their hearts were far from God.
Our goal as parents is not one of discipling our children because we might be embarrassed by their behavior, or because we want them to get better grades, or or we don’t want them to be criminals when they grow up, which we don’t want for them,
But rather than they would love the Lord their God will all their heart, and with all their soul and with all their mind…Love their neighbor as themselves.
3 God calls Parents to instruct them.
We are to proclaim God’s truth to them. To give them sense of the importance of God’s Word.
Nouthesia, which literally means to put into the mind. Biblical truths and principles that they need to hear for life and godliness.
46 he said to them, “Take to heart all the words by which I am warning you today, that you may command them to your children, that they may be careful to do all the words of this law.
47 For it is no empty word for you, but your very life, and by this word you shall live long in the land that you are going over the Jordan to possess.”
It’s what Solomon was doing when he was couseling his sons in the book of proverbs. Filled with truth to guide parents in the training of their children.
8 Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching,
1 Hear, O sons, a father’s instruction, and be attentive, that you may gain insight,
2 for I give you good precepts; do not forsake my teaching.
3 When I was a son with my father, tender, the only one in the sight of my mother,
4 he taught me and said to me, “Let your heart hold fast my words; keep my commandments, and live.
Charles Spurgeon said this, "Some wrongly say, 'Do not teach your children, they'll be converted in God's own time, if it be His purpose. Therefore leave them to run wild in the streets.' Well, people who do that will certainly both sin against the child and the Lord Jesus. We might as well say, 'If that patch of ground over there is to grow a harvest, God will do it if it's God's good pleasure. Therefore, leave it and let the weeds overgrow it. And do not endeavor for a moment to kill the weeds or to sow any good seed.' Why such reasoning as this would not only be cruel to our children, but grievously displeasing to Christ.” Parents, I do hope you are all endeavoring to bring your children to Christ by teaching them the things of God. Let them not be strangers to the plan of salvation." This is Spurgeon, listen though. "Never let it be said that a child of yours reached years in which his conscience could act, and he could judge between good and evil, without knowing the doctrine of the atonement. Without understanding the great substitutionary work of Christ. Set before your child life and death, Hell and Heaven, judgment and mercy, his own sin, Christ's most precious blood. And as you set these things before him, labor with him, persuade him as the apostle did his congregation with tears and weeping to turn unto the Lord.
Closing Words to Children
God has been good to you If you have parents who are seeking to bring you up in the ways of the Lord. Maybe just your mom or maybe just your dad is a believer, and there doing their best to bring you up in a way that you will God’s blessing upon your life. Be thankful for that.
That you know and I know that you have not always honored and obeyed your parents. Right? There are times when you missed the mark. You didn’t listen. You talked back. You didn’t obey like you should have. You have broken God’s law, just like everyone else.
But there is one who has come and fulfilled this commandment perfectly, His name is Jesus. He obeyed and honored his parents every moment and every day, and they were imperfect parents. They didn’t always get it right. But he did. And in doing that He obeyed His heavenly Father, that he even became obedient unto death, the death of a Cross. He has done what you could never do yourself. if you will believe on Him, if you have never put your faith and trust in Him, encourage you to do that today. Maybe you’ve been struggling in your heart to honor and obey your parents, you have failed time and time again. Maybe what you need is a new heart. And new desires that come with a new heart to please the Lord and to do what He tells you to do.
Talk with your parents about this today. It’s important that you do that. And if you feel you can’t do that for some reason, talk with one of the elders after the service.