Personal Testimony - Edited.

Before Christ:

Growing up in a Christian Home:

I grew up in a family with Christian values.

My parents were hard-working individuals who did everything they could to put me in a position to excel in life, and I would like to honor them for how they raised me and provided for me today.

My dad is an old war veteran, who served in the special forces and my mother worked as a social worker.

I also have a younger brother.

High School:

While I was in High School my dad started taking me to some extra math classes.

There I met my tutor who was a devout Christian, and he was in seminary training to become a Pastor.

He started sharing his faith with me and ended up inviting me to attend his church.

After my first visit to their cell group, I saw there were some good-looking girls, so naturally, I decided to keep attending. ;)

I ended up getting baptized there and got very involved in church life.

They asked me to serve as a youth leader, which I did. I was Migard's youth leader (Luka’s brother).

I also played in the worship team and started doing mission trips to Umtata in the Eastern Cape.

While I was in High School, my Father was diagnosed with PTSD (Post Dramatic Stress Disorder). This was a result of the trauma he suffered while being in special forces.

Seeing how ill my dad was had a big impact on me, and it led me to become very rebellious and angry.

My dad ultimately tried to commit suicide. Fortunately, my mother was able to stop him right before it happened. But that event had a big impact on me.

The pain I was experiencing ultimately led me to turn my back on the church. I couldn’t understand how a loving God could allow these things to happen.

I couldn’t understand how nobody cared that I left the church.

All I got was criticism and judgment rather than someone caring enough to reach out to me and ask if I was okay.‌

I ended up blaming God for the poor behavior of Christians.

Helderberg College:

After High School, my Father told me that I had to go study. I hadn’t applied anywhere in Matric because I was planning on taking a gap year.

We found a Christian institution that was accepting late applications, and I ended up completing my BCOM Accounting degree there.

While studying at College I realized that these people believed in very strange things. It didn’t take me very long to realize that I had gotten involved in a Christian Cult.

While studying my Uncle passed away and left me a large inheritance. And upon graduation, I decided to move away to Stellenbosch and start my life over.

Stellenbosch:

While in Stellenbosch I started dating a girl. Things got very serious very quickly and we ended up moving in together.

At the time she told me that she had Bipolar Depression and that she had Traits of Borderline Personality Disorder.

I didn’t know what that meant at the time.

We started having sex before marriage, and just as the Bible describes it in 1 Corinthians 6:16 we became one flesh.

What I didn’t know at the time was that when you have sex with someone, it's much more than just a physical experience - your soul becomes tied or glued together and you give a part of yourself to that person that they can never give back to you.

After about three months of sleeping together I was diagnosed with Major Depression and that was where my life started its downward spiral.

Within about a year and a half, I went from being a functional young adult starting his career in Auditing to being heavily medicated, in therapy, and being completely unable to function like a normal human being.

One would think that the doctors, counselors, and medications would make things better but they ended up making things a lot worse.

I ended up turning to things that helped me cope with the pain.

I turned to drugs, sex, excessive exercise, and all the materialistic things I could buy.

I was quite a big guitar player and ended up embracing my love for music.

Unfortunately, the music I loved (Death Metal) led me down a very dark road and ultimately led me to privately explore Satanism and the New Age.

And I ended up shaping my identity around something that I thought I was. But I was completely deceived. I ended up embracing this new identity and got a bunch of tattoos - all of which were Satanic. Show them.

Suicide:

Satan knew the plan he had for me all along.

He knew that if he gave me everything I wanted and deceived me it would ultimately lead me toward death and after that Hell.

And that is exactly what happened. The Bible says in John 10:10 that Satan comes to “...to steal and kill and destroy.”

He does that through 1 John 2:16 feeding the“...the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life.”

Eventually, I broke up with that girl and I ended up partying in Stellenbosch the night of the 2 November of 2019. The same night South Africa won the Rugby World Cup.

Stellebosch was packed and I was standing at the bar with this beautiful young girl that caught my attention.

We ended up sitting outside together and started chatting - and out of nowhere she asked me a question that sobered me up in an instant.

She asked me, “Philip, what happened to you?”. She could see that I was intoxicated.

She said, “Philip, you were my youth leader at the Somerset West Baptist church a couple of years ago and here you’re sitting drunk with all these strange tattoos. What happened to you?”

And that question crushed me. Because I was forced to ask myself the question, "What had happened to me?"

I ended up leaving the bar and going home.

On the way home I stopped at the Golden Tuck Shop to buy myself a pack of cigarettes, and out of nowhere, this white homeless man came up to me comes up to me and handed me a gospel tract. And also asks me a question, saying, “Philip, do you know Jesus?”

I knew most of the homeless people on that block because walked that road daily to train at the gym. But I had never seen him before and never saw him again. Till today I am convinced he was an angel because there was something very strange about him. The Bible says in:

Hebrews 13:2

“Don’t forget to show hospitality to strangers, for some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it!”

I ended up going home and I decided to spend some time on my phone. And out of nowhere, all my social media was about Jesus Christ.

The next morning I prayed a simple prayer I said “God, I don’t know if you’re real. But if you are - SHOW ME.”

And what happened in the next four months was completely abnormal.

Satan knew that his time with me was short because God had begun to pursue me. So He began to afflict and oppress me more than ever.

My depression and addictions were elevated to an unimaginable level to the point where my body began to shut down.

I knew I was in trouble and I knew that I needed help. I decided to move back home to my parents right before Covid.

Meeting Christ:

My parents were very worried about me and were praying for me all the while.

My Father had rededicated his life to Christ and God had miraculously completely restored his life. And he wanted me to go see the counselor that had helped him recover from his PTSD.

Unfortunately, he was unable to help and on 28 February 2020, I decided to end my life.

I decided to record a suicide video and at the end of the video, I began to start cursing God and blaspheming His name. I blamed Him for everything that went wrong in my life. I told him that He had 24 hours to speak to me and if He didn't I would kill myself.

That day I decided to go see my counsellor one last time. Not really to seek any help from him, but rather to thank him for trying to help me. I thought I owed him that much.

The evening I came back home and there was no one at our home. God hadn't spoken to me and the time had come to end my life.

And as I entered the house something very strange happened.

All the lights were off but I could feel that there was someone inside of my home that I couldn't see. They were staring at me and it felt like they were looking right through me.

And while I was still trying to find that which I couldn't visibly see this overwhelming powerful force came over me and from the inside of me this thing told me in no uncertain terms that I was to seek God's forgiveness for the way I had spoken to him in the morning. It was the Spirit of the Living God who spoke to me.

And I had never been so scared in my entire life.

I knew that I had broken God’s commandments and that I was a sinner, I had no problem with admitting that. But the one commandment I knew I had to apologize for was for disrespecting Him and blaspheming His name. The Bible says in:

Leviticus 24:16

“Whoever blasphemes the name of the Lord shall surely be put to death.”

And at that moment it felt to me like I was going to die.

The Bible also says in Romans 6:23:

The wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

‌I knew that God was good and that as a Righteous Judge, he Had to punish my evil deeds. The penalty for my blasphemy was death.

So out of fear for my life, repented and started begging for His forgiveness. And what happened next changed my life forever.

I experienced the forgiveness of God and this overwhelming peace came over me, and a voice from the inside of me told me “God pick up the Bible and read John 14. It reads as follows.

John 14:6-14

“Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

If you had known me, you would have known my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him.”

Philip said to him, “Lord, show us the Father, and it is enough for us.”

Jesus said to him, “Have I been with you so long, and you still do not know me, Philip? Whoever has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’?

Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words that I say to you I do not speak on my own authority, but the Father who dwells in me does his works.

Believe me that I am in the Father and the Father is in me, or else believe on account of the works themselves.

“Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I am going to the Father.

Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.”

If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.

What is Jesus saying in this passage?

Jesus is the only way to God.

Jesus is claiming to be God. He and the Father are One.

Philip, asks the same question I asked God that morning in Stellenbosch. Show me God that you exist. And Jesus asks me a question in return.

He has invited me to trust Him, to believe in Him, and put my faith in Him.

And in trusting in Him and His name, I can ask for whatever I want according to His Will, and He will answer that prayer.

That day I put my trust in Christ and Him asked God to heal me from my depression and fix my life. And he did. Today I am depression free. No doctor, counselor, or medication could fix me but Jesus could. He called me to become his disciple to lay down everything I had and to follow Him.

In Luke 9:23-25 Jesus said:

Luke 9:23-25

“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself?”

I couldn’t deny the truth and I had nowhere also to go. I knew that following Jesus would cost me everything I had. I ended up losing all my friends, my inheritance, my career, I even lost some of my family. But it was nothing in comparison to what I had gained. I had gained Christ and He was all I needed.

After Christ:

Today, by the grace of God, I'm working as an accounting tutor and teacher - sharing the gospel with my students the same way my Math tutor did with me. And now I'm the guy handing out tracts and sharing gospel with the students of Stellenbosch at the same spot I met that Angel.

God redeemed my life and today I give Him all the glory for that.

Thank you for listening.