1 Corinthians 7:1-9 - Regulated Sexual Desires

Introduction

Today, we are going to talk about a subject that is probably going to be awkward for some of us. It’s certainly going to be awkward for me.

If you read through the Bible (not just daily devotionals or selective readings, but straight through), you are going to read some passages that may shock or surprise you. The same is true of preaching through a book of the Bible in succession. I’m not picking my subject today, I haven’t gotten a copy of your web-browsing history, and I haven’t asked for dirt on you from your spouse or your parents.

We are simply going through this letter from the Apostle Paul to the first-century church in Corinth, and this is the next section of the letter.

For some of us, I hope this sermon will be a challenge to be more serious about glorifying God with our bodies. No doubt some of us are playing around with sexual sin in ways that are not unlike our ancient brothers and sisters in Corinth. May God help us to war against our sinful desires.

For some of us, I hope this sermon will be a helpful summary explanation of a positive sexual ethic for Christians. It is very likely that some of us hardly ever talk about sex in any other context than a negative conversation about how bad our culture has become or how sinful and dangerous sexual desires can be. May God help us to understand that sex is actually a good gift of God to be enjoyed by a husband and wife.

I could keep going for a long time on the various ways in which I hope this sermon will be helpful, since there are so many of us here with different perspectives, life experiences, and relational circumstances.

Let me simply ask you to pray for me, that I will be faithful to the meaning and intent of Scripture, and that God will use me to speak to you this morning.

Let me also ask you to listen to me with charity. If you were assigned this text to preach or teach, you might do it differently than me… some of you might even think it is not good that anyone would preach on this text at all. Whatever your perspective, please come along with me through this sermon, and listen to what I’m saying with the assumptions that (1) I love you and that (2) I genuinely want to faithfully explain and apply the Scriptures this morning.

Lastly, please don’t think of this sermon as a conclusion of a discussion but an introduction to one. We will all benefit most if we will talk more about specific applications and particular challenges in further conversation with fellow church members.

May the Lord build us up today through the preaching of His word.

Let’s stand as I read. 1 Corinthians 7:1-9.

Scripture Reading

1 Corinthians 7:1–9 (ESV)

1 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”

2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.

8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Main Idea:

Christians must glorify God in their bodies by living with self-control, specifically regulating their sexual desires according to Christian ethics.

Sermon

1. Unregulated Sexual Desire (v1)

Our passage this morning begins with an interesting phrase, “Now concerning the matters about which you wrote…” (v1). This phrase is interesting because it implies that the Corinthians had previously written to Paul, and Paul is about to start addressing “the matters” of practical concern among the Corinthians. In fact, this whole letter seems to be dealing with various “matters about which [they] wrote” and with those items on Paul’s own agenda after hearing the report from “Chloe’s people,” which he mentioned earlier in chapter 1 (1 Cor. 1:11).

Paul began with a friendly greeting (1:1-17)… he distinguished between worldly wisdom and God’s wisdom (1:18-2:16)… he corrected their theological confusion, which was the foundation of their divisions (ch. 3-4)… then he demanded that the church start acting like a church, removing unrepentant sinners and settling disputes among themselves (5:1-6:12)… and then Paul launches into more than 3 chapters of pastoral instruction for regulated living (6:12-11:1).

It's no coincidence that our passage last week ended with the comprehensive imperative (the all-encompassing command): “You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body” (1 Cor. 6:19b-20). It’s also no coincidence that the two specific areas of immorality Paul mentioned at the end of chapter 6 were “food” and “sex” (v13). These are precisely the areas of his pastoral instructions and applications for regulated living over the next 4 chapters.

Now, don’t jump ship on me here. Food and sex are not the main subjects of the next several sermons, and neither one is the main point of today’s sermon. The main point today is “self-control” (v5, 9)… the practical application of “glorify God in [our] body” (1 Cor. 6:20)… and food and sex are some common ways to apply “self-control.” But one can hardly argue that there is any other area in our culture which is less controlled or understood than sexual desire.

You might think of all sorts of reasons why I should not be preaching on stuff like this today, but you sure can’t tell me that it’s not relevant or that Christians in our culture are all pretty well-versed in the Bible’s teaching on what to do with sexual desires. We (even many Christians) are probably as confused and chaotic today concerning our sexual ethics as Christians have ever been about the doctrine of the trinity or the hypostatic union of Christ’s two natures.

In fact, it seems to me that our own culture has a lot in common with first-century Corinth. Remember, the church in Corinth was embracing the foolish wisdom of the world in all sorts of ways, and this was certainly true of their sexual ethics. I don’t really know the reason for the common sexual practices in Corinth (it could have been Platonic philosophy, or the beginnings of Gnosticism, or the inevitable decline of civilization, or some combination of these), but it’s a reality of history that sexual immorality (of all sorts) was typical for almost everyone.

This is even implied by what the Corinthian church wrote to the Apostle Paul. In v1 they are quoted as saying, “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman” (v1), literally “not to touch a woman” (KJV, NASB).

This reminds me of the way sex was talked about in my own home when I was growing up. “Sex is bad… and that’s why we don’t talk about it… You should never do it… until you’re married… and even then, you shouldn’t talk about it… except to make sure that your kids know… it’s bad.”

You know, we are not wrong to feel that our culture is becoming more sexualized (In many ways it obviously is!). But it might also be helpful for us to know that it’s not as bad as it could be or as bad as it’s been before. Have you ever read of Sodom in Genesis 19? Or of the ancient Greeks or Egyptians or Mayans? And what about the Cretans of Titus 1? I’m not saying that we should celebrate; I’m just saying that a little perspective can help us lower our anxiety a bit.

In first-century Corinth, sex was all over the place. And it was shamelessly sinful. So, the church in Corinth seems to have been promoting a view of sex that was completely ridiculous and impossible. They were saying with their mouths, “it is good for a man not to have sexual relations” or “not to touch a woman” (v1). In other words, “sex is bad” or “sex is sinful.” But that was what they were saying with their mouths… That is not what they were doing with their bodies!

Practically, the sexual hypocrisy common among the church in Corinth was not unlike what has been common among American Evangelicals over the last 50 years. We don’t seem to say much about sex except that it is sinful, but many “Christian” teenagers are sleeping around, many “Christians” are living together, many “Christians” treat adultery as a light thing, many “Christians” are addicted to pornography, and many “Christians” even embrace their disordered sexual desires (same-sex attraction, transgenderism, and all manner of sexual/gender confusion).

Brothers and sisters, it’s no surprise that non-Christians live like non-Christians. But we cannot just shout about the sin of our non-Christian neighbors and friends. We must put forward a positive sexual ethic, we must live it out in our own lives, and we must teach it as a good and desirable way of life for our children and our grandchildren… and anyone else who has an ear to listen.

We must be careful and humble, acknowledging our own weaknesses and sins, so that we don’t put off a vibe of self-righteousness. We must know what the Bible teaches about sex and marriage… and we must aim to glorify God in our bodies by living with self-control, specifically regulating our sexual desires according to Christian ethics.

But, how? …What is a Christian sexual ethic? …Well, I’m glad you asked.

2. Regulated by Marriage (v2-5)

The short answer that Paul gives us here is that Christian men should enjoy sex with their wives, and Christian women should enjoy sex with their husbands. This regulation of sexual desire is (of course) not only for Christians; non-Christians will benefit as well when they live according to this rule. But I’m primarily talking to Christians (as Paul was) about how we ought to regulate our sexual desires according to biblical principles and instructions.

If you’re not a Christian, then you will benefit (at least some) by following this rule, but you’ll benefit far more if you understand that this rule is based on an entire worldview… a worldview that includes a definition of gender, of marriage, and a specific teaching about sex and desire… More importantly, a worldview that centers on the sinfulness of man and the grace of a sovereign and righteous God.

Let me start with the center (sin and grace) and briefly work my way out to these other features of the Christian worldview. I don’t intend to insult anyone’s intelligence today. Many of us already know what the Bible teaches concerning sin and grace, gender and sex, marriage and godly ethics. But I don’t want to assume that we all understand these as well as we ought, and I also know that we all are in need of constant reminders of what the Bible teaches. We are a forgetful people, and we are regularly being catechized by the world around us. So, let’s take some time again today to reorient our thinking according to Scripture.

Like the Corinthians, we are far more likely to embrace the wisdom of the world than the wisdom of God; therefore, we need God’s word to wash over us again and again… to correct our errors, to instruct our ignorance, to rebuke our arrogance, and to comfort our shame-filled souls.

And that’s where I want to go right now – to the rebuke and the comfort of the gospel of Christ. The biblical worldview (the Christian worldview) centers on the fact that we are not what we ought to be, we do not naturally do or think or say what we ought, and we all seem to have a natural sense that all is not well.

There are some features of this natural reality highlighted in our passage this morning. We see the “temptation to sexual immorality” (v2), the “lack of self-control” (v5), and the “temptation” of “Satan” (v5).

Historically, Christians have recited three great obstacles to human flourishing and joy – the world, the flesh, and the devil. English Protestants in the 1500s listed these three enemies in a prayer for those about to be baptized. A pastor would pray that the baptismal candidate would “not be ashamed to confess [the] faith in Christ crucified” and that he or she would “manfully fight under [Christ’s] banner against sin[or fleshly desires], the world, and the devil.”[i]

This vocabulary comes to us right from the Bible itself. Ephesians 2 says that all people are naturally “dead in trespasses and sins… following the course of this world [there’s the world], following the prince of the power of the air [there’s a reference to the devil]” (Eph. 2:1-2). And the next verse says, “we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind [there’s the flesh or sinful desires]” (Eph. 2:3).

And from this citadel of rebellion toward God and His good law (a fortress of sinful desires, built with the walls of worldly influence, and ruled by the devil himself), we think and speak and act in all sorts of ways that are sinful. And (as the passage continues in Ephesians 2), we are “by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind” (Eph. 2:3). In other words, we are sinners, doomed to suffer God’s wrath, because we consciously live in a fallen world, giving ourselves over to our fleshly desires, with Satan as our head or leader or king.

But, friends, though the rebuke of the gospel is severe, the comfort of the gospel is glorious! Ephesians 2 goes on, “But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ – by grace you have been saved” (Eph. 2:4-5).

Because of God’s undeserved love and His unmerited favor (or grace), sinners who deserve judgment and wrath have received salvation through the person and work of Christ! Friends, this is the comfort of the gospel… this is the center of the biblical worldview. God saves sinners! Those who turn from their sin and trust in Jesus are made alive with Christ and saved by God’s grace!

For those who do turn from their sin and trust in Jesus… they serve a new Lord, no longer following the devil, but following and obeying Christ… they live for new world, no longer following the wisdom and paths of this world, but living according to the wisdom and rule of the world to come… and they devote their bodies to a new kind of glory, no longer serving sinful desires of the flesh, but disciplining their bodies to glorify God and to enjoy Him and His benefits.

Friends, we must start here! If we try to live as “good Christian people” according to the ethics of the Christian worldview without first understanding the rebuke and the comfort of the gospel, then we will either be arrogant legalists or miserable failures. We do not obey Christ perfectly, so we cannot be legalists… and we are always welcome to come back to the fountain of His grace, so we don’t have to feel like miserable failures. But, now, having received His grace, we must strive to live according to His good commands… leaning on His power to do it.

And for our passage today, there are three main areas of biblical ethics (or moral rules) we want to consider – gender, marriage, and sexual desire.

First, gender. The same Bible that teaches us the gospel of God’s grace teaches us that God made man and woman (male and female) to be complementary to one another. The gender of maleness and the gender of femaleness do certainly have variation in expression, showing up in different cultures in different ways. But maleness and femaleness are features of God’s good design, and these are definitionally connected to our biology.

To deny what I’ve just said is to declare war on nature itself, and (worse) to reject the biblical narrative and moral ethic entirely. You can’t have the gospel without the God-man (Jesus Christ), and you can’t have the biblical God or the created man without the creation account of Genesis. Furthermore, if you deny the binary division of gender and its necessary connection to biology, then the biblical definitions of man, woman, and marriage won’t make sense at all.

Friends, I wonder how much anxiety some of us feel everyday as we try to reinvent and redefine ourselves according to our own or someone else’s subjective ideas of gender. I know I don’t perfectly live up to the biblical standard of manhood, but I don’t ever stress about figuring out what man is, what a woman is, or what sorts of men and women God wants us to be… The Bible tells us clearly.

Second, marriage. Now, I’ve spent a lot of time today explaining background and biblical concepts (because I feel it’s necessary for our context today), but here we can look again to our passage, which is rooted in the Bible’s overall teaching about marriage (see especially Genesis 2; Exodus 21:10-11; Matthew 19:1-12; Ephesians 5:22-33).

We see the participants in marriage – a “husband” and a “wife” (v2). We see the mutual responsibilities of marriage – the “wife” is “not” her own, and the “husband” is “not” his own (v3-4)… Each participant in marriage has left singleness behind and the “two have become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24; Matt. 19:5). And this also speaks to the longevity of marriage – one cannot simply walk away from his or her obligation to meet the needs of his or her spouse.

Friends, marriage is more than sex, but this passage makes it pretty clear that sex is definitional to marriage. What do you do with your sexual desires? Well, you make a commitment to build a life together with someone else (if you’re a man, then you do this with a woman, and if you’re a woman, then you find a man), and then you enjoy the body your husband or wife for the rest of your natural life.

Third, sexual desire. Do you notice how this passage addresses sexual desire? It assumes that most people will be tempted toward promiscuity, which is a kind of “sexual immorality” (v2). Any deviation from the sexual enjoyment of one’s spouse within the covenant relationship of marriage is sexual immortality… and this passage takes it as a basic assumption that most everyone will be “tempted” to “sexual immorality” (v2) and even “burn with passion” in ways that ought to be curbed (or restrained) and fulfilled by marriage (v9).

The question is not at all, “What if my desires don’t match the biblical ethic?” It seems that this passage assumes that nearly everyone’s sexual desires will deviate from the biblical standard. We live in a post-Genesis-3 world… it is no surprise that someone wants to experience sex with more than one partner… it is no surprise that someone is same-sex attracted… it is no surprise that someone has real and natural desires for all manner of sexual oddities.

I say again, the question is not, “What if my desires don’t match what the Bible teaches?” The question is, “What does the Bible teach me to do with my desires?” And the answer is: the Bible teaches us to regulate our desires, to control them, to discipline them according to what is true and right and good. And sex within the marital relationship is clearly presented as good here.

Remember that the overarching heading for our passage today (and the for the next several chapters of this letter) is “You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body” (1 Cor. 6:19b-20).

I’m not saying that our feelings or desires are completely irrelevant or unimportant, but I am saying that at the end of the day it doesn’t matter in the least what deviant sexual desires we have. What matters is that God has told us what to do with our sexual desires, and we must glorify God in our bodies.

We are to find fulfillment in the spouse we have… we are to take responsibility to offer fulfillment to the spouse we have… and we are to understand that the relationship of husband and wife is the only one in the whole world that ought to enjoy this wonderful pleasure.

But what if you are not married?

3. Regulated by Self-Control (v6-9)

We come now to the last several verses of our text, which is something of a summary and introduction to the entire chapter ahead of us. Paul is adamant that the Corinthian Christians understand what it means to glorify God in their bodies when it comes to their private sexual relationships.

Most of the men and women in the church in Corinth were married or would become married, and marriage is the proper context for God-glorifying sexual experiences. However, not everyone was married, and some of them would never get married, so it’s important that we understand that marriage was not held up as the end goal for Christian living… glorifying God with our bodies is the goal.

Or to say it another way, everyone ought to glorify God in their bodies, but not everyone ought to get married in order to do that.

In fact, Paul says it curiously in v7, “I wish that all were as I myself am.” Now, it does seem that Paul was unmarried during the time we read about him in the New Testament. But it is very likely that Paul was married at some point before his conversion to Christ.

Paul was a Pharisee, a diligent and legalistic follower of the Mosaic code and many traditions that had been added over the centuries. And nearly all Pharisees were married men. It was something of a display of social and economic and religious maturity for the Pharisees to have a wife and a family.

If Paul was married before, the Bible gives us no information about Paul’s marriage or his wife. So, we cannot know for sure. It would be interesting to have more background here, and I’d certainly like to know (if Paul was in fact married) how he became unmarried by the time we meet him. Did Paul’s wife leave him because of his conversion? Did she die? Did she leave him because of some other reason? …We simply do not know.

At any rate, Paul says that there is some sense in which it is “good” to “remain single” if God gives the strength and opportunity to do it (v7-8).

Now some people claim that Paul is talking about some sort of a “gift of celibacy” in v7, but this argument is weak at best. The text says nothing of “celibacy.” It speaks instead of “self-control” (v5, 9). The text also affirms both marriage and singleness as ways to live to the glory of God. It does not elevate the single life as some preferable or better way of living. There are “good” features of both – marriage or singleness (and we will get into this more later in the chapter).

I’ll just say here that the “gift from God” language (v7) and the “goodness” of singleness (v8) has a lot more to do with a Christian’s opportunity to show love and hospitality and benevolence to fellow church members than it does with the freedom to live without the cares and responsibilities of marriage and family.

Avoiding responsibility and protecting personal convenience or luxury are never celebrated in the Bible.

The main emphasis of these last several verses, though, is noton the goodness of singleness, but on the potential danger of it. Paul “wishes” that more Christians were able to glorify God in their bodies through a life of single-minded focus on serving Christ and their fellow Christians (as Paul did)… and Paul even tells the “unmarried” and the “widows” that there are “good” features of a “single” life of godly service… but he concludes with a warning and a command.

Look there in v9 with me. “But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry” (v9). This is yet another warning about the temptation to sin and a command to “get married” if the temptation to sin is a danger for you.

The Scripture makes it plain that the same regulation of sexual desires for married people is there for single people too… If you have sexual desires, then maintain self-control… glorify God in your bodies.

The application is different, however. If you have a husband or a wife, then go home and be faithful. If you don’t have a husband or a wife, then control yourself… glorify God in your body… don’t let your sexual desires run you.

And if you’re single, and you’re finding the temptation to sexual sin to be a strong one, then seek to get married (sooner rather than later), make a home with your spouse, and be faithful to him or her.

It would be far better for a young person to detour his or her career path for the sake of a healthy marriage and a young family, than it would for a young person to delay marriage while he or she pursues worldly success and indulges in all manner of sexual sin.

Getting married young and figuring out how to make a life together is what a lot of our parents and grandparents used to call growing up. But so many young people today live as though marriage and family are accessories instead of qualities. “Husband,” “Wife,” “Father,” “Mother,” these are far closer to the quality of who we are than “teacher,” “driver,” “account manager,” or “project supervisor.” Our careers, our financial stability, and our sense of success are far more like accessories that can be put on or taken off. Our marriages and families are the sort of thing that defines the quality or character of who we are.

And if the temptation to sexual sin is something that a single person is not regulating very well, then the Bible speaks to this with a bullhorn… “Stop everything!” “Don’t be deceived into thinking that this isn’t a big deal!”

Friend, if you’re here today, and you are not practicing self-control in the area of sexual sin, then your soul is in danger. Confess that sin, and invite help.

Jesus said (about sexual sin), “If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell” (Matt. 5:27-30).

Conclusion

Friends, there aren’t many sermons I could preach that would be more counter-cultural in our day. Non-Christians are probably going to think of me as a bigot and a prude. And many Christians might think that this sermon is too racy (I can’t believe he’s talking this much about such a topic on a Sunday) or too unrealistic (Does he even know what real life is like?).

But I also think that there aren’t many sermons I could preach that would be more practical or more beneficial (if applied) to our lives in this world. How many of our families will stay together longer and be far healthier if husbands and wives would regulate their sexual desires by enjoying one another at home? How many of our kids and teens will avoid so much of the sorrow and shame of sexual deviance if they will regulate their sexual desires by exercising self-control and pursuing marriage before career or other worldly measures of success?

And how many other people in our families and in our communities would benefit from seeing everyday Christianity lived out in such a practical way… that the church members of FBC Diana are honest about their temptation to sexual immorality… they enjoy intimacy and pleasure in their marriages… and they strive to practice self-control, regulating their sexual desires according to biblical ethics, so that they may glorify God in their bodies.

May the Lord help us strive for faithful Christian living (glorifying God with our bodies)… may He help us confess our sins and war against our sinful desires… may He help us speak honestly with one another and even invite others into our lives for accountability and help in the battle against sin… and may God help us to enjoy the pleasures He has designed us to enjoy in the way He has told us is right and good… for our joy and for His glory.

Endnotes

[i] This is a modernized excerpt from the 1549 Book of Common Prayer, a facsimile of the 1549 BCP privately printed in 1896. The specific reference is found on the second page of the section on Public Baptism or “PVBLIKE BAPTISME.”

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