11. In God's Family, We Parent with Grace

Introduction

I’ve always enjoyed documentaries where they try to prove or disprove an idea or theory, like the Loch Ness Monster or Bigfoot or some ancient mystery… like myth busters.

Christians tend to have some ideas that I think need to be busted as myths. In fact, sometimes we think things are in the Bible when they’re not.

God helps those who help themselves.

Be in the world but not of the world.

Pride goes before destruction. (Prov 16:18, NIV)

The lion shall lay down with the lamb.

My breath is offensive to my wife. (Job 19:17, NIV)

We’ve had a lot of babies born in our church family the past couple of years, and more are on the way! So, this morning, I wanted to talk about a common myth that many Christian parents believe.

Body

Myth: A godly home guarantees godly kids.

The Source: Proverbs 22:6 + B. F. Skinner

Proverbs 22:6

Proverbs 22:6 ESV

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

B. F. Skinner was one of the most influential psychologists of the 20th century. He believed that children are born as blank slates, able to be shaped and molded in any direction as long as we use the proper reinforcement.

How many times have you seen a kid misbehaving in the grocery store and your first thought is, “What’s wrong with that kid’s parents?”

We may consciously reject B. F. Skinner’s blank slate psychology, but we’ve been culturally conditioned to interpret Proverbs 22:6 through Skinner’s eyes and believe that if we raise our kids in a godly home, they’ll grow up to be godly adults.

The Problem: We’ve seen it not be true too many times. Example: Brittany…

Busting the Myth

Proverbs 22:6 doesn’t promise anything!

Proverbs aren’t promises. They are principles. A Proverb is a general observation about life. It’s not a guaranteed-or-your-money-back statement.

Example: Proverbs 10:4 (NET)… The one who is lazy becomes poor, but the one who works diligently becomes wealthy.

Proverbs 10:4 NET

The one who is lazy becomes poor, but the one who works diligently becomes wealthy.

Kids are not blank slates. They are broken sinners.

Ecclesiastes 7:20…

Ecclesiastes 7:20 ESV

Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins.

Sometimes, no matter what we do or how well we raise them, they will choose to sin because they are sinners who need Jesus to save them… just like us.

“Our sin nature is not a mere theological concept. It’s a real and present danger. Sometimes, it gets the upper hand. When it does, it’s not someone else’s fault—not even Mom’s or Dad’s.” ~ Larry Osborne

We’re accountable for how we raise our kids, not for how they turn out.

We have a sacred responsibility to lead our children to Jesus and pass the faith on to them. But we cannot choose Jesus for our kids. They will have to make their own decision to follow Jesus.

This is why we don’t baptize infants at LakeView…

Four Parenting Values

I heard a pastor talking about how his preaching on parenting changed over the years.

In his late 20s with a newborn, very sure of himself: Ten Rules for Raising Godly Kids

In his early 30s with a baby and a preschooler: Ten Guidelines for Raising Godly Kids

In his mid-30s with elementary aged kids: Five Principles for Raising Kids

In his 40s with teenagers: Three Suggestions for Surviving Parenthood

Example: Practice what you preach (Deut 6:4-6)

Deuteronomy 6:4–6 ESV

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.

There’s nothing more harmful to a child’s faith than a parent who says they love Jesus with their mouth, but doesn’t love Jesus with their life.

“Sunday Christians” often find that their kids have little to no faith at all.

Hypocrisy often breeds animosity.

On the flip side, there’s nothing more nurturing to a child’s faith than a parent who loves Jesus with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength, and who actively follows Jesus every day.

Parents who openly pray about things often find that their kids openly pray about things.

Parents who read the Bible and talk about it often find that their kids are interested in God’s Word and how it applies to their lives.

Parents who make gathering with their church family a priority over other activities often see their kids make the church a priority as adults.

Application: Kids watch what we do more than hear what we say. What do your actions say about your say about your relationship with God?

Instruction: Teach your kids about Jesus

Every study that has been done on the subject shows the same result: Parents are the #1 spiritual influencers of their kids. Parents, it is your responsibility to teach your kids about Jesus—not Jesse’s, not Jo’s, not mine, not anyone else’s. God gave you that responsibility. You can’t delegate it.

Illustration: TV show, The Neighborhood, “I want Grover to choose what he believes about Heaven.” FAIL

Application: Deuteronomy 6:7-9… Make God a normal part of your home and family. Are you teaching your kids how to follow Jesus?

Deuteronomy 6:7–9 ESV

You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Relationship: Love makes Jesus sticky (Deut 6:5-6)

Deuteronomy 6:5–6 ESV

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.

Following Jesus isn’t just about your head but your heart. Raising godly kids isn’t just about pumping Bible knowledge into their heads but loving them like Jesus loves them.

“Truth without relationships leads to rejection. Rules without relationship leads to rebellion. Discipline without relationship leads to bitterness, anger, and resentment. If we don’t build loving, caring, intimate relationships with our children, it doesn’t matter what we teach them.” ~ Josh McDowell

Application: Do your kids have your unconditional love and affection?

Grace: It’s how God parents us

The heart of the message of Jesus can be summed up in one word: grace. It’s the foundation of our faith, the defining reality of our lives, and the open door to friendship with God. It should be the heart and soul of our parenting.

Have you experienced the grace of God the Father?

Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel