Priorities of Parenthood

Those kings who reigned under God’s authority—who remained faithful to the Law—experienced God’s blessings. But those kings who deviated from the Law experienced curses.

I don’t want to give away the PLOT on day 1, so we’ll leave it at that.

A good thing about continuing on from 2 Samuel into 1 Kings - is that you’re all in the know...

And have a great perspective already on where we’re at in the STORY...

Our text today will be the entire FIRST chapter.

What I want to do is read through enough of the text to give you the story of what’s happening...

And then we’ll circle back.

To set this up - David at this point…Is “OLD”… and seemingly in his final days/years.

Some characters you’re going to hear about include:

Adonijah - one of David’s sons

And then of course - Solomon - another of David’s sons

With that said...

1 Kings 1:5–8 ESV

5 Now Adonijah the son of Haggith exalted himself, saying, “I will be king.” And he prepared for himself chariots and horsemen, and fifty men to run before him. 6 His father had never at any time displeased him by asking, “Why have you done thus and so?” He was also a very handsome man, and he was born next after Absalom. 7 He conferred with Joab the son of Zeruiah and with Abiathar the priest. And they followed Adonijah and helped him. 8 But Zadok the priest and Benaiah the son of Jehoiada and Nathan the prophet and Shimei and Rei and David’s mighty men were not with Adonijah.

Here we see one of David’s sons (Adonijah) - deciding that he’s going to be King...

As we saw - David was OLD…and fading.

And so Adonijah gathers up for himself a - FOLLOWING… a CREW that was gonna help him carry this out.

NOTICE that Joab (one of David’s top men was one who was going to help him)

What happens?

1 Kings 1:9–10 ESV

9 Adonijah sacrificed sheep, oxen, and fattened cattle by the Serpent’s Stone, which is beside En-rogel, and he invited all his brothers, the king’s sons, and all the royal officials of Judah, 10 but he did not invite Nathan the prophet or Benaiah or the mighty men or Solomon his brother.

So Adonijah has a great feast…for his brothers - for all the royal officials of Judah...

BUT DID NOT invite...

Who?

Nathan the prophet

Benaiah (son of the Chief Priest...

none of David’s mighty men

NOR his brother Solomon...

NOW - Adonijah wants to be KING...

The problem is - He knows that Solomon was promised the Kingship...

That’s why Solomon wasn’t invited to the PARTY!

Nathan and Bathsheba end up coming to David to inquire of the situation and INFORM David of what’s going on...

1 Kings 1:11–14 ESV

11 Then Nathan said to Bathsheba the mother of Solomon, “Have you not heard that Adonijah the son of Haggith has become king and David our lord does not know it? 12 Now therefore come, let me give you advice, that you may save your own life and the life of your son Solomon. 13 Go in at once to King David, and say to him, ‘Did you not, my lord the king, swear to your servant, saying, “Solomon your son shall reign after me, and he shall sit on my throne”? Why then is Adonijah king?’ 14 Then while you are still speaking with the king, I also will come in after you and confirm your words.”

NOW - Nathan and Bathsheba go in and “REMIND” David that the throne had been promised to Solomon...

ACTUALLY - that tidbit of info isn’t anywhere in 2 Samuel...

SO - we’re kinda left WONDERING if Nathan made this up - OR - was simply reminding David of something he truly did say.

And so - Let’s GIVE fellow BELIEVERS - the benefit of the doubt…might be a GOOD IDEA...

It seems - they remind David of his promise for Solomon to be KING...

And they let him know that Adonijah was trying to USURP the throne on his own.

1 Kings 1:17–25 ESV

17 She said to him, “My lord, you swore to your servant by the Lord your God, saying, ‘Solomon your son shall reign after me, and he shall sit on my throne.’ 18 And now, behold, Adonijah is king, although you, my lord the king, do not know it. 19 He has sacrificed oxen, fattened cattle, and sheep in abundance, and has invited all the sons of the king, Abiathar the priest, and Joab the commander of the army, but Solomon your servant he has not invited. 20 And now, my lord the king, the eyes of all Israel are on you, to tell them who shall sit on the throne of my lord the king after him. 21 Otherwise it will come to pass, when my lord the king sleeps with his fathers, that I and my son Solomon will be counted offenders.” 22 While she was still speaking with the king, Nathan the prophet came in. 23 And they told the king, “Here is Nathan the prophet.” And when he came in before the king, he bowed before the king, with his face to the ground. 24 And Nathan said, “My lord the king, have you said, ‘Adonijah shall reign after me, and he shall sit on my throne’? 25 For he has gone down this day and has sacrificed oxen, fattened cattle, and sheep in abundance, and has invited all the king’s sons, the commanders of the army, and Abiathar the priest. And behold, they are eating and drinking before him, and saying, ‘Long live King Adonijah!’

1 Kings 1:28–35 ESV

28 Then King David answered, “Call Bathsheba to me.” So she came into the king’s presence and stood before the king. 29 And the king swore, saying, “As the Lord lives, who has redeemed my soul out of every adversity, 30 as I swore to you by the Lord, the God of Israel, saying, ‘Solomon your son shall reign after me, and he shall sit on my throne in my place,’ even so will I do this day.” 31 Then Bathsheba bowed with her face to the ground and paid homage to the king and said, “May my lord King David live forever!” 32 King David said, “Call to me Zadok the priest, Nathan the prophet, and Benaiah the son of Jehoiada.” So they came before the king. 33 And the king said to them, “Take with you the servants of your lord and have Solomon my son ride on my own mule, and bring him down to Gihon. 34 And let Zadok the priest and Nathan the prophet there anoint him king over Israel. Then blow the trumpet and say, ‘Long live King Solomon!’ 35 You shall then come up after him, and he shall come and sit on my throne, for he shall be king in my place. And I have appointed him to be ruler over Israel and over Judah.”

OKAY - where do we stand here...

What have we seen so far…?

If you remember the title of this sermon - it was “Priorities of Parenthood”.

If we think BIG PICTURE - this episode here with Adonijah… it’s actually not the first time one of David’s sons - went ROGUE

Remember Absolom?

What did he do?

He gathered a following - and tried to TAKE the throne from David!

What does this say about - David?

And more importantly - what does it say about - Parenting? To us?

SLIDE: Priorities of Parenthood: The Love of Godly Discipline

Priorities of Parenthood

When we look at the Bible… and we see the Old Testament and the New Testament...

We find that in the NT - we learn from - WORDS

We learn (not solely - but maybe mainly) from WORDS.

We learn from LETTERS written to groups of people - to churches...

And we glean TRUTH from what was said...

In the OT - we learn more from - LIFE LIVED.

A part of that has to do with the TYPE of Literature we’re dealing with.

A lot of the OT contains narrative…meaning - it’s historical in nature…it’s just telling you WHAT HAPPENED.

We read of people - LIVING their lives - and we’re told about it.

In the NT - we find many letters - which - through the transfer of knowledge - are meant to teach us and train us.

With that said… We look at this specific aspect of David’s life...

How his sons approach him and his reign...

And we can pull out some important truths for ourselves.

When we look at David - a big part of his story is the attempted OVERTHROW of his throne by 2 of his sons.

A question for us is - IS there anything in the Bible that points to why this might keep happening?

It seems there are some clues for us - and the clues point to David’s parenting...

Let’s first look at an incident in 2 Samuel 13...

Absalom - one of David’s sons, had a sister named Tamar...

ANOTHER of David’s sons - Amnon - we find out - loved Tamar.

Long story short - Amnon tricks Tamar - and ends up raping her.

Absalom finds out - and he sits on it…for a bit.

Turns out he was planning his revenge against Amnon.

Now when David heard what had happened - this is what we read in the ESV...

2 Samuel 13:21 ESV

21 When King David heard of all these things, he was very angry.

Sounds like an appropriate response…

NOW...

Dead Sea Scroll, Septuagint add But he would not punish his son Amnon, because he loved him, since he was his firstborn

SO - is that rock solid evidence that it SHOULD BE in there… NO!

BUT - based on other text we can look at - It COULD be accurate...

In our text today - we read this when it comes to how David raised - Adonijah!

1 Kings 1:6 ESV

6 His father had never at any time displeased him by asking, “Why have you done thus and so?” He was also a very handsome man, and he was born next after Absalom.

So in raising Adonijah - David had never Chastened - OR - Challenged him!

David had never QUESTIONED him on anything he had ever done!

What are the consequences of that?

1 Kings 1:5 ESV

5 Now Adonijah the son of Haggith exalted himself, saying, “I will be king.” And he prepared for himself chariots and horsemen, and fifty men to run before him.

He exalted himself!

NOW - we can raise our kids - even under the best of intentions and using the best - God-honoring approaches - and our kids still mess up!

BUT - failing to be intentional in these things - will for certain lead our kids down paths of - chaos.

And so a PRIORITY of Parenthood - no DOUBT - is the provide Godly Discipline - when needed!

And discipline - would include -

Chastening (rebuking, correcting)

But also - -

Challenging (questioning, and encouraging)

NOW - think through that...

Even if I live a life - POURING myself out as an INDIVIDUAL under God in service to Him...

YET - AS A DAD - I don’t DO ALL OF THAT - in context of BEING a dad - I will FAIL my kids!

My Christianity MUST be FILTERED through the fact that I am - a DAD!

The Bible describes David as - what?

A man after God’s own heart!

YET - we know that David failed - as a dad.

David had the BASIS that he needed to be a good dad...

which is - Knowing God...

But - IT SEEMS - maybe he didn’t have his priorities IN LINE...

to be a Spiritually EFFECTIVE dad!

Think about this scenario...

I spend my life...

preaching sermons

discipling men in a men’s group

worshiping in the praise band

AND I ASSUME - that my son Trey - will get ALL that he needs from me - by just - watching all of that.

How will that turn out?

Let’s say - I decide that I’m going to train all of you = on how to field a ground ball properly.

BUT - the way I do that is to just demonstrate it - by taking ground balls.

and that’s it!

Would that be an effective way to disciple you on how to field a ground ball?

NO - I’ve gotta get NEXT to you on the field -

I gotta talk you through what you should be thinking as you’re getting ready for the pitcher to pitch the ball...

I’ve gotta TELL you the details of what you should be thinking about - WHILE ALSO showing you what all that LOOKS LIKE at the same time!

What if my way of preparing you to WRITE SERMONS - was to just have you sit and listen to sermons?

Not the best approach!

I’ve gotta allow you to get INTO my mind - so you know the THOUGHT process that goes into EVEN BEGINNING that process!

It SEEMS - Could it be…that...

SLIDE:

Could it be that maybe David was so focused on being King, that he forgot his duties as a dad?

*How would this apply to us? Who’s been there?

Now this applies to all of us - Dad’s and mom’s - But the text today - specifically calls out David - as a father...

Because it seems that David didn’t prioritize Discipline into the lives of his kids (sons) -

HIS SON’S priorities in life didn’t prioritize Godly living!

So BASICALLY - it seems that priorities can get transferred from generation to generation!

If I don’t prioritize - GOD / Christ in my life...

Then chances are - Christ won’t be a priority in my kid’s life!

This isn’t in EVERY CASE… but...

My kids will treat church how I treat church!

How many of you have seen that in friends?

My kids will think about God in the ways that I think about God.

My kids will FEEL about the poor - how I feel about the poor.

My kids will ENGAGE the church in the ways that [I] engage the church!

Which means - if I DON’T - then neither will my kids!

OR - IF THEY DO - because of your amazing wife - LISTEN - your kids PROBABLY WON’T WANT TO BE THERE - if you’re not there!

They will say things TO YOUR WIFE - like - Why do I have to go - Daddy doesn’t.

As PARENTS - our IMPACT on our kids - is -

Life-Shaping...

DEEPER than that - it’s Heart-Shaping

We’ve said it before - We are ALWAYS discipling our kids.

Whether for THE GOOD...

or for the BAD...

It’s happening!

Listen to Hebrews

Hebrews 12:7–9 ESV

7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live?

There will ALWAYS be different approaches to parenting...

We’ll always go through different phases…techniques…what-not...

BUT - whatever approach is taken -

The EFFECT - MUST be the result achieved!

If your approach leads to -

Unruly kids...

Kids that do - WHATEVER THEY want… (that’s what we see in our text today)

Adonijah - DECIDED himself - I WILL BECOME King!

If i desire my kids - to BEHAVE differently...

And I have a DESIRED result...

If my approach doesn’t END with that desired result coming to fruition...

THEN my approach needs changed!

So many times - we stick with - WHAT DOESN’T WORK!

Now - this is practically speaking.

Of course we want to NOT SIMPLY rest - even as parents - with external behaviors...

We also want to get to their hearts…and teach them about WHY obeying is the best thing!

BUT - behavior (at those younger ages) is directly connected with us as parents - TRAINING them about authority...

And LIVING under authority!

If I desire my kids to sit and be quiet - and my approach doesn’t end with them sitting and being quiet -

New approach needed.

OR - maybe the approach is right - but consistency is needed.

I think a big question that each of us should ask ourselves…is...

SLIDE:

Do I, as a parent, contemplate how/if I am pouring myself into the spiritual growth of my kids, both through my words and my actions?

What will it take for us - as dad’s....and mom’s...

To think through these truths…and truly seek to THINK differently....

Where needed - which in turn will cause us to ACT differently…?

Think about what Adonijah DIDN’T do in this situation...

This was a BIG choice for him!

Why?

Well - to his point - at this point time - He would have been the OLDEST surviving son of David’s.

And so - MAYBE he believed it was just INEVITABLE that he was going to be King...

BUT - EVEN SO - he knew he was just doing his OWN thing - and it’s not just HAPPENSTANCE that he didn’t invite Solomon and Nathan to his party...

He KNEW he was doing something - RISKY to say the least.

And we KNOW that he knew - because of what happens later in the text.

Adonijah was partying - and Solomon ends up RIDING into the city of Gihon…on David’s mule

And a priest ends up ANOINTING Solomon as King.

The People REJOICE and the noise from THAT celebration made its way to Adonijah and his party...

Let’s go to it!

1 Kings 1:41–43 ESV

41 Adonijah and all the guests who were with him heard it as they finished feasting. And when Joab heard the sound of the trumpet, he said, “What does this uproar in the city mean?” 42 While he was still speaking, behold, Jonathan the son of Abiathar the priest came. And Adonijah said, “Come in, for you are a worthy man and bring good news.” 43 Jonathan answered Adonijah, “No, for our lord King David has made Solomon king,

1 Kings 1:49–52 ESV

49 Then all the guests of Adonijah trembled and rose, and each went his own way. 50 And Adonijah feared Solomon. So he arose and went and took hold of the horns of the altar. 51 Then it was told Solomon, “Behold, Adonijah fears King Solomon, for behold, he has laid hold of the horns of the altar, saying, ‘Let King Solomon swear to me first that he will not put his servant to death with the sword.’ ” 52 And Solomon said, “If he will show himself a worthy man, not one of his hairs shall fall to the earth, but if wickedness is found in him, he shall die.”

We can tell - now - that Adonijah KNEW that what he was doing - could result in him being KILLED...

What did it say in v51?

1 Kings 1:51 ESV

51 Then it was told Solomon, “Behold, Adonijah fears King Solomon, for behold, he has laid hold of the horns of the altar, saying, ‘Let King Solomon swear to me first that he will not put his servant to death with the sword.’ ”

Adonijah took hold of the HORNS of the altar...

What does that mean?

Back then - anyone that had been accused of a crime - could go and lay their hands on the horns of the altar - and by doing so - they would be SEEKING Sanctuary!

So think thru this...

No one told Adonijah to go grab the horns...

He ACCUSED himself!

He knew the seriousness of what he had done!

And so - as FALLEN creatures...

How often do we wish - after we stumble and fall - that our REPENTANCE after the fact - would have actually been a STRENGTH to avoid the stumble in the first place?

And yet - we mess up - and we know we will continue to do so.

But this decision by Adonijah - - This was a big decision he had made - to try to take the throne from Solomon...

NOW - yes - this decision went against the wishes of his dad David...

But - obviously he didn’t seek counsel from David - his father.

How about our own kids?

Do our kids VIEW US - as resources for big decisions?

If they DON’T view us that way - why not?

I came across this quote that I really liked - and so wanted to share it.

SLIDE:

Let the dominate tone of the relationship be one of delight in your child. Let him feel cherished and admired and enjoyed, not just corrected and instructed. Otherwise, he’ll feel that you’re just using him for your private ease, not his good.

You can hear the balance in this quote…this approach.

The child should feel cherished, admired, and enjoyed....NOT JUST corrected and instructed.

Corrected and Instructed - YES - they must FEEL that way...

But they also must feel your DELIGHT in them.

SUMMARY

Priorities of Parenthood:

The Love of Godly Discipline

If we think about it - to withhold discipline from our children - IS TO discipline them - with FAR greater damage to come.

We should think of Godly Discipline as - healing

When a kid scrapes his knee - what do they need...

Some ointment to prevent infection...

Well - sometimes that ointment hurts - but in the end…healing!

May we not forsake Godly Discipline in the lives of our kids...

LOVING them

Cherishing them...

And guiding them to Christ - through our WORDS and our DEEDS

Let’s pray

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