Our Problem with Pleasure

Modern medicine truly is a marvel. A drug, made up of both active and inactive ingredients, combined in the right way, administered in the right way, at the right time, at the right dosage, for the right duration, and for the right purpose can achieve the right results. So much of our lives have become dependent on having access to the right medications. Many diseases have become nonthreatening or nearly eradicated because of modern medicine.

But when a drug is taken at the wrong time, in the wrong way, with the wrong dosage, for the wrong duration, and for the wrong purpose, it can have catastrophic results. Taking the wrong medicine the wrong way, at the wrong time, in the wrong dosage, for the wrong duration, and for the wrong purpose can kill you. There is a drug that that when taken the right way, at the right time, in the right dosage, for the right duration, and for the right purpose, will lead to human flourishing. But when it is abused, leads to utter catastrophe. That drug is pleasure. There is nothing more thrilling or more satisfying than enjoying a legitimate pleasure the way God intended. There is also nothing more catastrophic than attempting to enjoy the pleasures you seek on your terms instead of God’s terms.

You see, God is the physician. He knows how to prescribe the medicine you need. When you take it according to his directions, healing takes place. When you take it according to what you determine is right, it leads to making a situation worse.

We are in the sermon on the mount. Jesus began by telling his audience that people in his kingdom are different before they act different. In Matthew 5:17 Jesus said he did not come to abolish the law, but to fulfill. That word fulfill means to bring it to its proper conclusion. A nuanced understanding of this word means to give true meaning to it. He began unpacking what that means by providing six examples from the Law of Moses. Last week we talked about anger being likened to murder. Our sinfulness does not begin on the outside. It begins on the inside. Today, Jesus will address the problem of pleasure.

Matthew 5:27–30 NASB95

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. “If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. “If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.

Here we have again a societal understanding clarified by Christ as he unfolds the heart of the issue. The audience grew up with a look but don’t touch approach to the matter of adultery. The idea that was communicated then, which is not that much different than today, was like window shopping. You can walk by and the product in the window could catch your eye, but you cannot go in the store and make the purchase. The same attitude is had toward adultery. You can undress that person with your eyes, but it would be a sin to actually undress them. Jesus knows the issue does not begin in the bedroom, but in one’s heart.

As we explore this topic today, I want to look at two truths regarding the pursuit of pleasure.

Satisfaction is only attained by following God’s prescription.

At the root of a sexual relationship is a desire for intimacy. This desire for intimacy is beyond physical satisfaction. It fosters the deepest of human connections. God knows this. He invented it. God had a design for sex that that when followed, leads to human flourishing. But when it is abandoned, it leads to catastrophe. We are seeing this in our society right now. Our society has found a new drug and it is being abused like crazy. There is such a bonding that takes place in a sexual relationship that adultery breaks that bond, leading to a ruined relationship.

First, I want you to understand that we are designed for this level of intimacy. God has designed us for it. We have a need for it. To want to form such a connection is not wrong. God put that desire in you. However, the medicine he prescribes is sex. But when we take the medicine he prescribes in the wrong way, it does not achieve the intended result. Instead of satisfaction, we are left unfulfilled.

We can see God’s design on a biological level. During sexual activity, different chemicals are being injected into our brains. One of them is dopamine, which is a shared experience between men and women. It is a pleasure hormone. This is the more common hormone that helps tell your body and your brain that this activity feels good. However, there is another hormone involved and it is different in men and women.

For women, this hormone is Oxytocin. Like dopamine, it is also a pleasure hormone, but when it is injected into a woman’s brain during intercourse, it forms the strong desire for bonding with her partner and stimulates maternal instinct. Women also get a wave of it during labor and breastfeeding, which helps form attachment to their children. This hormone is incredibly powerful and helps stimulate a monogamous bond to her husband and a maternal bond to her children.

For men, this hormone is vasopressin. This hormone essentially achieves the same purpose for men as oxytocin does for women. As vasopressin floods a man’s brain, it nurtures bonding between husband and wife. As a man engages in intercourse with the same woman, vasopressin chemically wires him for monogamy. At the same time, vasopressin is also the hormone responsible for nurturing and motivating the husband to protect and nurture his own children.

This reality is inescapable. There is no such thing as casual sex! It was designed for monogamy and child raising! It is right there in our DNA and God put it there! That is beautiful! These chemicals bond husband to wife and parent to child. It gives us a beautiful picture of God’s relationship to his people. But what happens when we divorce God’s plan from our sexual appetites? It ruins us.

These chemicals are being secreted into our brains at every stage through the dating process. But as society elevates one night stands or easy break-ups, multiple partners, etc., a pattern emerges. Our brains are forming these bonds, then the bonds break, form a bond, break a bond, form a bond, break a bond. Just like your hands or feet grow callouses through repeated use, your brain grows calloused to forming deep attachments when you experience repeated relationship break-ups. Repeated hook-ups and break-ups leads to the rewiring of the brain to resist forming attachments.

The beauty of God’s design is that through a monogamous relationship, intimacy and comradery within the family. This then gives us a picture of the intimacy of relationship we have with our Father and the comradery we should have with one another. God’s design is beautiful. But when it is distorted, it leads to disaster. To lust after something is to pursue a legitimate pleasure in an illegitimate way for an illegitimate purpose.

Our appetites must change.

Jesus says in verse 29,

Matthew 5:29–30 NASB95

“If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. “If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.

Now, we read this as hyperbolic language. Jesus does not expect his listeners to literally start mutilating themselves when they sin. If we followed that literally, we would all be dead! Jesus had just made it clear that sin begins from within. So we cannot solve the sin problem by addressing the outside. We have to address it by addressing the inside. The point Jesus is making is when we find the root cause of our sin, our responsibility is to cut it off. Starve it. Put it to death.

There seems to be two ways of going about this. Focus on the external and put measures in place to prohibit you from acting out that sin (which is what the Pharisees did), or change your appetite. The key to cutting off sinful desires is to change our appetite. This is not something you can do. This is a work that you and God must do together. This is also easier said than done.

I was watching a cooking contest once where contestants were making a dessert and the key ingredient was chocolate. One contestant actually had a hatred for chocolate (hard to imagine)! But he made this amazing dessert and the judges loved it. They asked him how he did it when he doesn’t eat chocolate. What he said was profound. He knew to be a competent chef, he was going to have to learn to work with chocolate. So he bought a bunch of chocolate, and over the course of a few months, he ate a bite of chocolate every day until his displeasure began to fade. He still didn’t love chocolate, but he learned how to bring it in to his life in a meaningful way. It is the same way with sin.

We do not come to faith in Jesus and wake up with a whole new set of spiritual taste buds. Instead, we are pointed to the right prescription for a healthy life. The right medications taken at the right times, in the right ways, with the right dosage, for the right reasons leads to the promise of John 10:10:

John 10:10 NASB95

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.

Dear church family, Your love for Jesus is going to have to outweigh your desire for the things he saved you from. The root of our problem is the pursuit of legitimate pleasures in an illegitimate way. That is lust. I want you to hear me on this:

Please know if you are struggling with pornography, self pleasure, or sexual infidelity, please know that it is wrecking your life. It is wrecking your brain, making it harder and harder to form deep connections with people, especially your spouse or future spouse. But also know that there is victory over this sin through Jesus Christ. Healing is entirely possible. Callouses are not permanent. If you need help in that area, there are resources available. I strongly encourage you to take advantage of those resources, but also find community for support as you walk through that journey.

Maybe your sin is something you consider less serious, but the truth is that all sin, no matter how big or small, keeps us from fellowship with God. We cannot live the abundant life Jesus promised if we continue to walk in sin. What is God bringing to your attention so you can better walk with him? What is he calling you to root out in your life? Isn’t it time to gain victory over the same snares in your life? Give it to God. Find freedom and enjoy union with God.