Tough Love
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I titled the message “Tough Love”, but in the case of our text this morning, tough love does not mean what people usually mean by it. I’ve had a love/hate relationship with the terminology Tough Love. This is because often times what people mean by tough love is not really love at all. What many people mean by tough love is treating people harshly or bluntly. We say it like it is, that’s tough love! Some people think they need to be harsh with someone to teach them a lesson, and then they use the term tough love to justify their unpleasant behavior.
So normally I shy away from using the phrase “tough love”. However, this morning I am using the phrase in a different way. What I mean this morning when I say “tough love” is the type of love Jesus commands, which is not tough towards the receiver of the love, but tough for the one trying to show the love. Loving your enemies is tough love. blessing those who curse you is tough love. Turning the other cheek, giving up the shirt off your back, these are tough love. Not that we are being tough on someone and saying they needed someone to love them by being tough, but rather it is very tough to live out this sort of love.
Let’s look at the sermon on the plain, continuing from where we left off last week, and see how tough it is to love like Jesus teaches people to love.
“But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,
bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.
To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either.
Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back.
And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.
“If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them.
And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.
And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount.
But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.
Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.
This sort of love that Jesus is teaching here goes against almost every instinct of the human heart, unless they have been transformed by the gospel, and even for those being transformed by the gospel, these acts of love are extremely difficult at times.
Now, I want to make a note of something in the grammar of this passage. There are a number of imperative commands. In my logos Bible software, I have certain types of grammar highlighted in certain ways so that I can notice quickly the type of grammatical words I am looking at in the bible. That may not be very interesting to you, but it is very interesting to me, and in looking at this passage, there are quite a few imperative commands, which I have set using a highlighter that is called “on fire”. So these show up for me in red with yellow highlighting, so I cannot miss them. Some passages have one or two imperative commands. In this passage, there are many. They are: Love, do, (as in do good), bless, pray, offer (as in the other cheek), give, do not demand, do, (as in do to others what you would have done to you), and again love, do (good), lend, and be (merciful).
Why do I have the imperative commands highlighted that way? So that I can see in a certain passage when something is being demanded of someone. In this case, what Jesus is demanding of the disciples he is teaching, and this clearly has application for every believer. So let us consider these commands of Jesus, these ways to love that are tough to do, and let us consider and ask His help to live out these commands in obedience, reverence, and love for the Lord of the Church, Jesus Christ.
“But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,
First, we have “love your enemies”. What? Love your enemies? Jesus, please! How can you ask that of us? How can we love our enemies? Is this really something you are asking of us, Lord? Well, yes, and not only that, Jesus demonstrated this kind of love to his enemies. Now, to be sure, sometimes Jesus loved his enemies by speaking truth to them, and sometimes he loved them by not retaliating against them. But here he calls on his disciples to love their enemies.
I think it is important to note here that Jesus is not calling for us to have warm feelings towards our enemies. We often hear the word love and associate that only with our feelings, but we cannot always conjure up feelings of love. So we are not talking about love as in when you first fell in love, or love as in brotherly love, this is the type of love that is practically lived out. It is quite possible to love those in your family even when the feelings don’t match. It simply means doing what you are able to live in love towards them.
You may be having a very bad day, and go home to see that there is something needed that will make things easier for your spouse or family members. You can meet that need even if you are not necessarily feeling warm and fuzzy towards them in the moment. Do not confuse the emotions of love with the actions of love. If you have an enemy, someone who is actively opposing you, trying to bring harm to you, you may not be even able to have warm feelings for them, but you can still act in a way that is loving towards them.
Connected to that first imperative to love is the next imperative: to do. Do good to those who hate you. This is yet another seemingly impossible thing to do in the nature of the human flesh. When you know someone hates you, your very nature will scream out for vengeance or to go on offense against the person, or at least to go on defense. Yet Jesus says to do good to those who hate you.
It is important to understand that in this passage, Jesus is speaking of individuals dealing with individuals. There are times when roles individuals are in do not allow them to abandon their responsibility in their role and to act as an individual. An easy example of this is a judge. A judge may be able to personally love, do good, bless, pray, etc, but if that same judge, with every guilty criminal before him, chose to let them off, citing the gospels as his reason, he would not be considered a good judge. That is because God has ordained certain roles in society, and those in positions of authority cannot act in a personal matter, for good or for bad, if it means acting in opposition to the rules of the position they are in.
Another example that some of you may have some sympathy or no sympathy for would be a member of an HOA board. As an HOA board member, if you are one, you may be able to forgive your neighbor for an infraction against the HOA covenant on a personal level, but if you do not enforce the covenant fairly, you would be acting in opposition to the position you were elected to. Examples go on and on. A manager cannot forgive or show love to an employee in a way that goes against company rules or policy. A teacher in a school should not allow a student to treat them rudely and ignore bad behavior because it affects all the others around them. Elders and leaders in the church may personally forgive someone, but they must follow the biblical guidelines of leadership, which sometimes means that loving an unrepentant person means telling them they must leave the church. Even in the family, one family member should not be allowed to bully others in a way that all must just simply put up with wrong behavior all in the name of loving or being good to those who hate you.
So as we process these rules of living from Jesus together, we must keep in mind that obeying one part of scripture should never conflict with obeying another part. Remember that these commands have more to do with the heart anyway. And they have to do with what you do personally with offenses against you, and sometimes what you can do personally you cannot do as a representative or leader who is obligated to follow through in accordance with their leadership responsibilities, remembering that leadership is ordained by God. Romans 13 tells us that leaders are given the sword, in other words, they are charged with keeping law and order and executing justice. However, while that leader must do what the office requires, on a personal level, he will find freedom in loving enemies, doing good, and so forth.
Our next imperative is in Luke6.28
bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.
Bless is the next imperative. We should probably define what bless means in this case. We know that bless can mean something like giving gifts or favors to someone, and it also can have more to do with speech. The Lexham Bible dictionary says is the act of making a binding verbal pronouncement of good on another person or persons. In this case, it seems appropriate to use this understanding of the word bless. Jesus is saying that we should do what he modeled in His passion. Even from the cross, he pronounced forgiveness on his persecutors. The second part of verse 28 is paired as well. Pray is another imperative command. Pray for those who abuse you. Not only did Jesus model this but so did Stephen as he was being stoned for his profession of the gospel.
And as they were stoning Stephen, he called out, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.”
And falling to his knees he cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” And when he had said this, he fell asleep.
But how can we possibly do this in the midst of mistreatment, even to the death? He was full of grace and power. He had received that power as Jesus had promised for those who would be his witnesses. Acts1.8
But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.”
Stephen was there, and was acting in that power: Acts6.8-10
And Stephen, full of grace and power, was doing great wonders and signs among the people.
Then some of those who belonged to the synagogue of the Freedmen (as it was called), and of the Cyrenians, and of the Alexandrians, and of those from Cilicia and Asia, rose up and disputed with Stephen.
But they could not withstand the wisdom and the Spirit with which he was speaking.
And so full of the Spirit was Stephen that people could actually see it in him. Acts 6.15
And gazing at him, all who sat in the council saw that his face was like the face of an angel.
How do we obey the commands of Jesus? How do we love our enemies? How do we do good to those who hate us? How do we pray for those who abuse us? In the power of the Holy Spirit. That is the only way. If we are to witness for Christ, even against strong opposition, we must be full of the Holy Spirit. You will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.
And the tough love that Jesus calls us to continues to be tough. Luke6.29
To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either.
Imperative command: Offer. Offer the other cheek. Now, this verse has caused some Christians to think they are to never resist evil against them, and this is not the case. Jesus is not saying that if someone starts hitting you, you just stand there and get hit. David dodged the spear of King Saul. Paul used his Roman citizenship to prevent himself from being flogged in at least one case recorded in Acts. We can and should use legal means to protect our own bodies, men should protect their families, and we should protect vulnerable people if called upon to do so. The strike on the cheek probably had to do with in that day, someone using the back of their hand across the face as an insult, almost like an accusation. If you did not retaliate, it was like admitting you were as bad as the person slapping you said you were.
This is less about self-defense in the physical sense, and more about resisting the urge to protect our own reputations. If someone calls you a horrible name, or says you are one of those weird Jesus freaks, resist the temptation to defend yourself. Jesus said we would be blessed to be persecuted for his name’s sake. David trusted in God to defend his reputation and honor. So we must rest in committing ourselves to God for our protection and His defense of His children.
The whole thing about the cloak is not necessarily about theft, but may have had to do with lawsuits. In those days, you may be required to give up your cloak or tunic as restitution. Jesus is telling his followers that if someone is going to try and take them to court, to submit. Remember that Jesus himself stood before Pilate and did not make a defense.
Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back.
Imperative: Give. Do not demand back what someone takes away from you. Again, we must be careful we don’t take this with a hyper literal sense. If this were the case, then every true Christian would be completely broke, having given to everyone who begs. Most pastors will tell you of stories where someone has approached the church asking for help with something with an expectation that Christians ought to just give to anyone who asks. Sometimes people even get mad if you don’t give them what they ask, even when the need is not a valid use of church benevolent funds.
Nor is this to say that you should not file a police report if someone robs your home. Remember that scripture is never to be taken in a way that makes it contradict other scripture. Scripture also clearly teaches that we are to take care of our own families. What kind of parent would you be if you gave all of your goods to beggars while your own children starved or didn’t have clothes? So how do we take this teaching? Well, let’s remind ourselves once again about the heart of the matter. Our desire should be to have whatever level of wealth we do have and manage our lives in such a way that we are useful to others. And our responsibilities go outward. If you think of it in terms of concentric circles, we have communities around us at different levels of closeness, and therefore different levels of responsibilities.
So your immediate circle, biblically, is your family. Take care of your family. Your next circle is the church family. Then your local community. Then your state or nation, then the world outside. We may think of giving resources in the same way we are told to make disciples. Start with your family, then your local setting, then send the gospel outside. It isn’t that you necessarily need to work your way out, hopefully you can be involved in each area at the same time.
If you are taking care of your family, and you are helping others in the church, and you are managing your life well enough to help others, then you will be more able to be useful to those who beg from you.
Now we get to what is known as the golden rule: Luke6.31
And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.
Jesus took a very clear concept and refined it. You see, the rabbis taught something very similar, except usually they taught it from the negative sense. They would say that what you do not want others to do to you, do not do to them. Jesus takes that concept and turns it from being simply a do not to a do. Rather than passively not doing what we don’t want done to us, we are to actively do for and to others what we would want them to do for us.
It used to be a very simple thing, that men would open the door for a woman or child. This was expected, part of the community agreement so to speak. So young men were trained to do this. Certain polite things are still taught today, but again, the heart has much to do with why we are doing that. If we are polite in certain ways just because it is a social construct we are adhering to, that is not a bad thing, but if we do it with a joyful and truly caring heart, this is much better. Instead of opening the door because that is what my parents taught me to do, I open the door because I recognize that I would like someone to do that kindness for me, that is much better and more in keeping with what Jesus is saying here about the heart we have towards others.
We call this the golden rule. Let us remember that the source of the golden rule is the one who is the source of all truth. If we mean to live by this rule, it should not be merely from obedience, though it is, but from a heart of love towards others. And not just loving those who love us back.
“If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them.
And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.
And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount.
Jesus is stating an obvious truth here. It is easy to love people who love you back. It is easy to say nice things about someone who said nice things about you. You see this sometimes when someone introduces someone else. “here is my friend so-and-so. He is very trustworthy and the most sincere person I know.” And immediately after being introduced, what does so-and-so say? “oh, you are too kind, but really you are my example. anything good I am is because I am learning from you.” And so it goes. It is very easy to reciprocate when someone is generous towards you, or kind to you. It is not so easy to love someone who hates you, or even someone who just isn’t that into you. Sadly, in our brokenness, sometimes we cling to people who don’t respect us. I remember a movie where a certain character was always made fun of and mistreated by a group, and in the end, he went along with them anyway, and finally at the end he sees how bad they were.
But we don’t have to be unhealthy when we love those who do not love us back. We need to keep our own hearts pure. It is important to protect ourselves from being mistreated, but we must be so secure in who we are in Christ that when we are treated badly by others we do not let that being us down. What Jesus is teaching here is just as radical today as it was then. I heard one of my favorite preachers preach this passage and in the introduction to the sermon he talked extensively on how much this is a difficult passage. It is difficult to read, and difficult to preach, and difficult to have preached to you. I know this.
In my human nature, much of this passage is repulsive and it makes me wonder how I will ever get this quite right. Really, I want to resist this teaching. I do not want to love my enemies. I do not want to bless those who curse me. I do not want to bear an insult without retaliating. I do not want to give to anyone who begs. I do not want to lend without expecting something back. I do not want to do these things, at least not in my flesh.
And yet I want to honor Christ, I want to serve Him well, I want to be able to understand that what I do for the least of these I have done for Him, I want to have His love towards me flow back out of me so that my family and you and everyone I encounter knows there is something about this guy, some kind of love that is clearly showing itself.
And I made this point already, but it is important enough to return to now. What possible empowerment can we have to obey this and live it out better? We must have the Spirit of Christ in us. Now, to be sure, we will not be trying to earn our salvation by obeying this passage or any other. If we are in Christ, if we have put saving faith in Him, if we have been sealed by the Holy Spirit as a guarantee of our inheritance, then obeying these commands or disobeying them has no bearing on our salvation. We are saved by grace alone through faith alone, and yet, as the reformers made clear, that while it is by faith alone, it is not a lonely faith. A true faith is accompanied by good works that flow from a changed heart.
When we realize that we fall short, we plead mercy and empowerment to improve the next time. We continually appear before the throne of grace, begging for His help to live out this life. We have a supreme example to follow, Jesus Christ the Lord, who loved his enemies. Jesus Christ the Lord, who does good to those who hate Him. Jesus Christ the Lord, who prayed for those who abused Him. Jesus Christ the Lord, who did not defend himself when He was insulted. Jesus Christ the Lord, who gave life to the beggar, who did to others what they would have wanted someone to do for them.
While it was necessary to make the point that we must not take this to mean that we should look for opportunity to be wounded or stolen from or become someone who never has a dime for his family because he gave it all to beggars, I don’t think that we err on that side. I think the tendency is rather to err on the other side, where we care too much for our own interests and too little for others. It’s easy to love those who show love back to you, much harder to show love to those who do not.
But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.
Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.
He is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. If we love Him, it is because He first loved us. If we love those who hate us, it is for the same reason.
The publican stood afar off and beat his breast and said, ‘God be merciful to me, a sinner.’ I tell you that man had the finest theology of any man in all England.
Charles Spurgeon
All this is true, and much more which thou hast left out; but the Prince whom I serve and honor is merciful, and ready to forgive.
John Bunyan
We have a tough job before us, and it is tough love. Not tough love that is harsh or hard on someone, but love that is tough for us to live out. Tough to demonstrate, yet it is in our hearts where this love must begin. Indeed this is a very tough sermon. A tough challenge for us. Yet God has not left us without the means to live it out. We cannot consistently live out these commands if we do not have the heart of Christ. But He generously gives us a new heart.
And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.
Perhaps we should ask ourselves, that if we are in Christ, and have been given a new heart and a new spirit, how come we still find it so difficult to live out these commands? Because we still battle with the flesh. Paul teaches all about this in Romans 6. We need to understand that any action we take that is against the teachings of Jesus, the teachings of the Bible, is sin. We must not say we have not sinned, otherwise we have deceived ourselves, scripture tells us.
When we are confronted with our own sin, when we look at a passage of scripture and it clearly shows us that we have failed, then we are to confess that sin, repent of that sin, turn from that sin, reject our desire to sin, fight against that sin by properly applying scripture to our hearts. If you are in Christ, though, you are no longer a slave to sin. If you find that this passage on tough love is piercing you to the heart, that you feel convicted that you are not living this out, that is because God, through His Word, and by the action of the Holy Spirit in your heart, has been kind enough to call you to repentance once again, that you may live out the life He has called you to.
And he reminds you as well, that you are not a slave to sin but a slave to righteousness. Before you came to Christ, your nature was to sin, but now your nature is righteousness. When your nature was to sin, sin was normal and righteousness, if it ever did happen, was against your nature. But now if you are in Christ, your nature is to serve God, and when you sin it against your nature.
But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life.
For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
This is tough love. Tough to live, tough to have the heart of Christ when all we want to do is to hate those who hate us, yet He calls us to a higher standard.
Perhaps you look at this passage and hate it. You don’t want to love your enemies, or do good to those who hate you, or bless those who curse you, or pray for those who abuse you. And yet, you desire to serve Jesus your king with all your heart. So within you is a conflict that seems to never end. Let me tell you, until we are perfected in Christ, when we die and enter into eternity or He comes again, this fight will continue, but you have not been left without weapons for this fight.
If you feel that conviction of the Holy Spirit that you are miserably failing in this area of obedience to Jesus, step one is to repent of that. Lay it out before God, confess it to Him. And maybe you need as well to confess it to someone as well. Then, once you have done that, step two is to believe God’s word that says you are forgiven. For many people, step two is harder than step one. And then, step three, ask His help to obey. You see, when God gives us marching orders, he does not send us out without help. So ask that God the Holy Spirit would fill you with fresh power to serve Him well. Step four, stay in close community with other believers that will show you by example, who will encourage you in your faith, who will love you so that you will be more able to love others. This faith is to be lived out in community.
Wash, rinse, repeat. Keep going back to His word to be challenged to live the life He called you to. Keep going back to His word to be encouraged that He will help you do it. Be in His Word daily.