Better, Not Bitter- Part 1

FBA!!! Man, I am so excited to be with you again. I asked Christy what the theme was for this retreat- immediately she responded, Thanksgiving. So today and tomorrow we are going to talk about Thanksgiving under the title better, not bitter.

In our house, we have a saying with our kids and even with my wife and I. “We are trying to be better…” That means that when we are hungry, tired, mad, frustrated or any other negative emotion we are trying to be better. Why? Because we know that if we are not trying to become better, we slowly become bitter.

That is one of the issues I see in many people’s lives. They are slowly getting more and more bitter. The greatest cure against bitterness is thanksgiving.

So today and tomorrow we are going to talk about Thanksgiving. So if you have your Bibles, go with me to 1 Thess 5.

Growing up, my family didn’t really celebrate birthdays. We would get a small cake and maybe go out to dinner but definitely no big parties or tons of presents. And Christmas was not really much about presents because of that and my personality, I really don’t put a big emphasis on birthday presents or Christmas gifts. We have another couple friends that are quite the opposite. I remember this past year, we had a Christmas dinner late in November at their home with another couple. (3 total) After dinner, they brought out presents. Both couples had presents for everyone but we did not. You could see the face of the person saying “it’s fine, I like to give gift more than receiving.”

Which is probably true but her face told me different. I ask the other couple how they knew to bring gifts? And they said: we did this last year and they had gifts for us and we did not, so we learned. Next year you bet I am bringing gifts.

But I think we can all relate to a time in our lives when we didn't get anything fantastic for our birthday or Christmas or whatever special occasion that was going on. Maybe you worked hard on a project, and nobody said anything or recognized your efforts. Or perhaps you feel like instead of being a blessing to people, most people kind of find you annoying.

Those unmet expectations can lead you to become bitter. It's hard to live life being bitter but some of us that have gotten good at it. We remember every time somebody let us down or didn't meet our expectations. We hold those experiences in our minds, and we don't let them go. We also don't let that person live them down by the way we behave around them or how we treat them.

I am here to remind you to be better, not bitter. So here is my main point:

Main Point: To be better and not bitter, we need a thankful heart to begin with.

Principle #1: A thankful heart is the platform for humility.

1 Thessalonians 5:12-13 “12 Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who work hard among you, who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you. 13 Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other.”

Humility is contrast to pride or arrogance. Paul is telling us that there are those who love you and care for you enough to give you instruction.

Yet, more often than not when someone that loves us enough to tell us what we are doing wrong, they are meet with pride and arrogance.

Paul is saying NO! We need to have humility, hold them in high regard and to live at peace. Meaning, do not get mad because they are calling you out. In fact, be thankful.

Proverbs 15:5 “Only a fool despises a parent’s discipline; whoever learns from correction is wise.”

Main Point: To be better and not bitter, we need a thankful heart to begin with.

Principle #2: A thankful heart is the platform for healthy relationships.

1 Thessalonians 5:14-15 “14 And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. 15 Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.”

When you’ve got your mind on yourself, it's easy to think that other people's flaws are their own problems. Or maybe they are something that you don't need to worry about. Or perhaps you believe that someone else's problem is an excellent topic of conversation for you to have with another friend. We call that gossiping.

Paul was talking about helping people who are struggling. If we're only looking at ourselves and thinking about what we ought to get, it can be hard to spare a thought for someone else who is having a hard time. If we see somebody who is discouraged, and we are only thinking about ourselves, we're not going to want to take the time to listen to them and try to build them up. If we see somebody who is weak, why would we take the time to be strong for them if we're only concerned about our own good? And why would we be patient with someone who just takes up so much of our time?

Paul says we ought to pursue what is good for others and for us. Sometimes pursuing what is right for one another means that we have to delay goodness for ourselves. It's a delicate balance. The reality is, however, that most of us put ourselves first most of the time, and others fall way behind. But Paul's next words help us course-correct whenever we get in the habit of being bitter.

Main Point: To be better and not bitter, we need a thankful heart to begin with.

Principle #3: A thankful heart is the platform for lasting joy.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-181 Thessalonians 5:16-18 “16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

To rejoice means to show joy or delight in something. Can you imagine being bitter about something you delight in? It's hard to have an attitude of bitterness when you are continually rejoicing!

It helps to correct your mindset. When you are doing your best to be thankful for the circumstances and the situations you are in, it becomes challenging to stay bitter for long.

If you were giving thanks for everything, including the difficult people God allowed to come into your life today, or like the hard circumstances that have been plaguing you for the last few days, weeks, or months, or the season of not feeling recognized for your efforts, you begin to see that God has a purpose for all of it.

Not only is this a good place for us to be, but Paul tells us this is precisely where God wants us: to live in a state of constant thankfulness.

It's easy to be bitter. It doesn't take a lot of work to see all of the things you don't have or are missing out on.

It takes work to be better. And I certainly don't think it's something God expects us to do on our own. If it is His will for us to do this, He will help us accomplish this through His Holy Spirit.

What if instead of trying to make ourselves the most important thing in our world, we started being thankful for the small annoyances that come our way every day? What if we saw these things as gifts from God? What if we let these difficult seasons be times where we can show our thankfulness to God that we are alive to experience them? What if we were actually thankful for everything God gave us instead of wishing He had given us something else?

Would you ask God to give you a thankful heart so that you can experience humility, healthy relationship and joy?

Main Point: To be better and not bitter, we need a thankful heart to begin with.

Let's pray.