TOGETHER IN KINDNESS

Ephesians 4:25–32 KJV 1900

25 Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another. 26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: 27 Neither give place to the devil. 28 Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth. 29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. 30 And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: 32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

Introduction

If you have turned on the television, read a news article, or seen a social media post today, you probably noticed that world we live in is rife with rage. We often hear reports of protests, hate-mongering, and slandering in our angry society.

It seems people can no longer disagree but still be kind to one another. Instead, they yell, curse, swear, and even wear T-shirts with profanity.

Sometimes we wonder, what happened to kindness?

Kindness is essential for strong relationships.

In a study conducted in 2003, sixteen thousand people from thirty-seven different cultures were surveyed on the qualities of good relationships.

Each subject was asked, "What is the most desirable quality in a spouse?" For both men and women, the first preference was kindness.1

Mark Twain once said, "Kindness is a language that deaf people can hear and that blind people can see."

have experienced incivility or cyberbullying online,

most people can see manners and civil behavior have deteriorated in the USA over the past decades.

have you ever quit buying from a company because of uncivil employees, and thirty-four percent experience regular incivility at work.

Two in five Americans believe a civil war is at least somewhat likely in the next decade; because of a growing political divisions

1. The War Against Kindness

So why is it that we do not see more kindness in our society, even among Christians?

Ephesians 4 gives needful insight. Our relationship issues often begin with mishandled anger.

In verse 26 of our text, the Bible warns us about the dangers of anger.

Ephesians 4:26

Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:

It is true that there are instances in which anger is righteous-even Jesus demonstrated such anger.

John 2:14–16 KJV 1900

14 And found in the temple those that sold oxen and sheep and doves, and the changers of money sitting: 15 And when he had made a scourge of small cords, he drove them all out of the temple, and the sheep, and the oxen; and poured out the changers’ money, and overthrew the tables; 16 And said unto them that sold doves, Take these things hence; make not my Father’s house an house of merchandise.

Unlike man, however, Jesus was always perfectly angry at sin but not at people. His anger caused Him to uphold righteousness. Unlike the anger we display as a reaction when someone offends us, righteous indignation is directed toward a problem, not a person.

Matthew Henry said, "If we would be angry and not sin, we must be angry at nothing but sin; and we should be more jealous for the glory of God than for any interest or reputation of our own."

Discussion

What sins have you seen that often accompany anger?

When someone gets angry, there will often be a sin that accompanies that anger. This is because our anger is usually self-centered-our feelings were hurt; our rights were violated; our efforts were unrecognized.

Notice that there is only one letter difference between the words anger and danger. Anger leads to sin and sinful actions will follow.

The Bible tells us that we ought to be "swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath."

James 1:19–20 KJV 1900

19 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: 20 For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.

It is helpful to remember that God gave us two ears and one mouth. The problem with anger is that it makes us speak quickly, giving a piece of our minds before we really have listened and understood the situation.

Man's anger seldom, if ever, leads people to God's righteousness. Rather, it reveals our carnality and self-centeredness and usually leads to more sin. Benjamin Franklin said, "Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame." Sinful anger provokes thoughts of revenge and justification of our own actions.

If we want relationships that are characterized by kindness, they will not be developed through anger. Anger conflicts with kindness, and it also brings damage to our testimonies.

A Conflict of Anger

A Corruption of Testimony

Slide 1 B

The longer we hold our anger, the more we will hurt our testimony. This is why verse 26 warns us, "Let not the sun go down upon your wrath." The word wrath means "intense anger; rage; fury."

It is defined as "any action carried out in great anger, especially for punishment or vengeance."

When we let anger seethe within us, even going to bed with it at the end of the day, and continue unresolved, it affects our attitude toward people and produces the opposite results of a demeanor of kindness. Eventually, that anger will boil over in other ways, damaging our relationships.

God instructs us to address problems swiftly and graciously because unresolved anger develops into bitterness. Bitterness not only hinders us from demonstrating kindness toward the person with whom we are angry, but it also defiles us.

Hebrews 12:15 KJV 1900

15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;

When we harbor bitterness in our hearts, our minds will constantly dwell on the subject of our bitterness. These thoughts poison us as well as everyone around us.

If we allow anger and bitterness to corrupt our hearts, we will never be able to consistently show the kindness of God.

Verse 27 of our text says, "Neither give place to the devil." When we hold on to our anger, we are inviting Satan to take advantage of our uncontrolled thinking.

To give place is to give " a territory and authority; opportunity or power for acting." When we handle anger wrongly, we open the door for Satan to enter our lives and influence it, allowing him to fill our mind with thoughts we would normally dismiss.

Satan is real and hates the cause of Christ. He wants us to give him just enough room to ruin our testimony.

The Bible tells us in 2 Corinthians 2 that bitterness is one of the devices Satan uses to gain an advantage over us.

2 Corinthians 2:10–11 KJV 1900

10 To whom ye forgive any thing, I forgive also: for if I forgave any thing, to whom I forgave it, for your sakes forgave I it in the person of Christ; 11 Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices.

The battle with Satan is a spiritual one that we need to constantly fight against every spiritual resource God has given to us. We cannot afford to give him the upper hand in our lives. When we allow ourselves to get angry and bitter with someone or a situation, Satan is sure to take advantage of us and diminish our testimony.

Anger is always going to be in conflict with kindness. We cannot be people whose relationships are characterized by kindness and, at the same time, be people filled with anger.

1. The War Against Kindness

2. The Words of Kindness

Before we can communicate kindness, it is useful to first understand what kindness is.

Verse 29 of our text instructs us to communicate

"that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."

Edification is something every person needs, and it is something that Christians who know and walk with the Lord are in a position to give to others.

No matter how well we speak truth, no one will be helped if we don’t speak kindly.

The word minister in verse 29 means "to give of one's own accord, to bestow a gift, to supply." And the word grace refers to "good will and lovingkindenss."

"Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see." - Paraphrased from George Whitefield

"Let your life be a testament to the transformative power of God's love, expressed through acts of kindness." - Paraphrased from George Whitefield

What does kindness look like in our communication?

It Is Not Corrupt

Slide 2A

When we hold bitterness in our hearts, it almost always comes out of our mouths. Our text refers to this as corrupt communication.

The word corrupt means "rotten, putrefied, unfit for use."

What we speak in anger always turns out unpleasant. Our angry words can be cruel and harmful.

The words we use have a huge influence on the hearer. Corrupt words will tear people down, but kind words will build them up.

Proverbs 18:21 KJV 1900

21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue: And they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

What is the kindest thing someone has said to you?

What made it so memorable? And how could you pass it on to someone else?

It Is Edifying

Slide 2B

Our words should be good for others, uplifting and encouraging them. God instructs us to use our speech for edifying, which means to "build up" or "strengthen." Edification is something every person needs; we can all benefit from a kind word.

Verse 29 tells us that edifying speech will "minister grace unto the hearers." Grace is the inner disposition created by the Holy Spirit in our hearts, and we can minister grace to others by our very words.

The best example of ministering grace in His speech was the Lord Jesus Christ.

Luke 4:22 KJV 1900

22 And all bare him witness, and wondered at the gracious words which proceeded out of his mouth. And they said, Is not this Joseph’s son?

Let us seek to follow Christ's example and speak with kind, wise, truthful, and encouraging words that will minister grace to others.

The challenge for us comes in responding with edifying words when someone does something that would usually provoke anger. God instructs us to respond with edifying words rather than responding with anger.

We know the phrase "to give someone a piece of your mind," but what if we instead gave them words of grace?

after a rough day and said, "Thanks for all you do around here"?

and offered, "Could I help you?"

wrote a congratulatory letter to the one who got the promotion or the parent of the child who did a little better than yours?

thank you letter to the teacher who had to give you some bad news?

Trying to minister grace to someone through our kind words goes against our natural, selfish inclination, but God will surely reward us for choosing to obey Him.

The Bible further tells us that when we speak unkind words, it grieves the Holy Spirit. Verse 30 instructs us, "And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption."

We are called to be gracious, not grievous. When we are saved, we are sealed by the Holy Spirit who will never leave us. However, it is possible for us to grieve the Spirit. When we speak unkind words to someone, it not only grieves the recipient but the Holy Spirit too. We need to be careful that none of our actions or words cause the Spirit sorrow or offense.

Verse 31 instructs us to put off all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, evil speaking, and malice.

Destructive attitudes only lead to grievous consequences. If we are just another angry person in the office, how will our colleagues see any difference in us as Christians? Is our poor attitude preventing someone from desiring to come to know the Lord?

When we speak evil, we grieve the Holy Spirit and hurt others. But if we communicate kindness through edifying words, we build up, strengthen, and encourage them.

3. The Ways of Kindness

slide 3

Ephesians 4:32

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

The word kind in verse 32 means "virtuous, benevolent, or mild." While the world expresses itself in anger, hate, and protest, we as Christians ought to demonstrate kindness so that others can see the light of Christ in us.

The Way of Kindness Is Gentle

1 Corinthians 13:4

Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

Titus 3:2

To speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers, but gen-tle, shewing all meekness unto all men.

Suggestion

Ask your students to recall a time when someone showed kindness to them, and be prepared to share a story of your own, ideally from years ago. Point out that even with the passing of time, we usually remember unexpected kindness shown to us.

Many people view gentleness as a sign of weakness. On the contrary, gentleness does not demonstrate a lack of strength or "toughness"; it demonstrates strength to remain controlled regardless of the aggravation.

1 Peter 3:8

Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:

Proverbs 25:11

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.

William Ward once said, "Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you."

Are your relationships characterized by kindness?

Do you give encouraging words to others?

There are people around you who could greatly benefit from a kind word. Why not be the instrument of God's kindness to them? You never know how your demonstration of kindness can make a big difference in someone's life.

The Way of Kindness Is Gentle

The Way of Kindness Is Compassionate

Slide 2B

Discussion

Why do you think it is often easier to show kindness to strangers while overlooking those closest to us? To whom in your life do you need to purposefully show regular kindness?

Another way we demonstrate kindness is by having strong sympathy or compassion toward others. We see this in Ephesians 4:32 with the word tenderhearted, which means "having strong inward compassion; sympathetic."

It is easy to get irritated at people, but it is Christlike to be compassionate toward them.

Have you considered that the person who annoys you might be going through a tough time? That cranky colleague of yours might be having a difficult marriage. That unfriendly lady might have just received a negative diagnosis. Whatever problems people face, an encouraging word will definitely do more to uplift them than your criticism.

If you are a tenderhearted person, you do not have to be reminded of a need repeatedly before wanting to help. Rather, you seek to care for others whenever you can.

Compassion is expressed in caring action. It goes beyond merely feeling sympathetic and seeks to relieve the pain someone else is experiencing. Our emotions are no substitute for our action.

Having compassion will not only cause us to show acts of kindness, but also lead us to forgive others and give sacrificially.

When the indebted servant begged the king for mercy, the compassionate king was moved to forgive him and waive the debt owed.

Matthew 18:27

Then the lord of that servant was moved with com-passion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.

Likewise, the kindness of the persecuted Christians in Hebrews 10:34 motivated them to give their earthly possessions, knowing that they had a heavenly, lasting possession awaiting them.

Hebrews 10:34

For ye had compassion of me in my bonds, and took joyfully the spoiling of your goods, knowing in yourselves that ye have in heaven a better and an enduring substance.

Kindness is gentle and compassionate. When we communicate it in our everyday lives, we reflect the love and sympathy of God. As Christians, let us seek to be ministers of grace and communicate kindness to those around us.

Conclusion

The solution to the anger we see around us is simple_-we need to communicate kindness. We can minister grace to others by speaking encouraging words or showing compassion.

The kindest person who ever walked on this earth was Jesus Christ. He healed the blind and sick and fed the hungry. He was wounded for our trans-gressions. He commended His love toward us and died for us while we were yet sinners.

Romans 5:8

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

What kindness and love He has bestowed on us!

This same Saviour calls us to be kind to one an-other. Would you be obedient and heed His call to kindness today?