The Worst Betrayal

Is anyone here the oldest sibling in your family? How about the youngest? Any middle children here? Only children?

I’m somehow both the middle child and a the only child. My siblings and I all have different dads so in one area of my life I’m the middle child but when I’m with my dad I’m it. I’m the only one.

And listen, this surely isn’t true of any of you sitting here… but I’ve taken enough counseling and family dynamics courses to know that the most complicated people when it comes to family dynamics are middle children and only children. So yeah, I’ve just been living in that bit of revelation for a decade or so.

But regardless of where you’re at in the sibling pecking order, being a family is hard right? Having siblings is hard. Families are wonderful and honestly super high up there on the list of gifts that God has tried to give to humans.

But also, families are complicated. And our relationships with our families can range anywhere from mildly annoying to downright harmful and dysfunctional. Families know how to get under our skin. They know how to really push our buttons… mainly because they are the ones who installed them right?

But one of the most universal human attitudes towards family is that family is a high priority, that family is something that is meant to capture our loyalty, and that families are supposed to be the safest place for us. For some people thats super true, I’m blessed to have an incredibly safe family. But it’s not always true for everyone. And when family lets you down, it hurts more than anything in the world. When family does worse, when they betray you — it’s the worst kind of betrayal. It violates the very foundation of what family is supposed to be. And it can cause us irreparable harm.

This is our second week in our sermon series “In the Wilderness” where we are looking at the forms of betrayal that Moses faced in the Book of Numbers, and seeing how God’s faithfulness helps heal the wounds caused by human failure and leads to reconciliation.

In Numbers 6:24-26 God tells Moses to tell his brother Aaron who is the high priest to proclaim this blessing over the people:

Numbers 6:24–26 NRSV

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace.

This blessing clues us in to God’s ultimate goal for humans: the achievement of peace, Shalom, a state of active love and reconciliation. And it’s ironic almost that God would give a blessing of this type to humans, these humans in particular, considering what is going to occur over the course of the book of Numbers.

But let’s back up just a smidge. Because to understand what is happening in today’s story, we have to understand some parts of Moses’s life story.

When Moses was born the King of Egypt - Pharaoh — had issued a decree that any baby boys born to the Hebrew people were to be put to death. Moses’s mother did her best to hide Moses, but eventually had to do something desperate to save his life. So she put him in a basket and sent him down the nile river hoping that someone would find him and care for him.

Moses’s oldest sibling, Miriam, followed the baby down the river and saw that the princess of Egypt found Moses. Then Miriam brokered a deal between the princess and their mother for Moses’s own mom to nurse him until he old enough to be adopted by the princess. Remember — there wasn’t any similac formula back then.

And we find out later in the story, after Moses has killed an Egyptian who was beating up the Hebrew slaves and gone into hiding, that Moses has a brother. A man named Aaron. Aaron is 3 years older than Moses.

So the dynamics of Moses’s family are that Miriam is the eldest child

Aaron is the middle child

And Moses is the youngest.

Now psychologists have studied sibling dynamics for a long time, and have come up with these generally applicable traits for siblings:

The eldest child is usually characterized by these traits: Go-getter, Responsible, Role Model, Determined, Rule Follower, Hard Worker, Cautious, Timely, and Bossy

The Middle Child is usually: Adaptable, social butterfly, dreamer, generous, creative, rebellious, competitive, funny, great negotiator.

And the youngest child is: a risk taker, outgoing, dependent, persistent, fun loving, charming, easy-going, free-spirited, and spoiled.

I know you are all taking inventory of your family right now and maybe nodding in agreement right?

Now it’s important not to totally read the text of the Bible using our 21st century lenses, but I think that modern psychology does help us understand the dynamics of Moses’s family, which is the family that leads Israel.

Moses is the obvious divinely appointed leader — almost king — of Israel.

Aaron is the high priest.

Miriam is a prophetess and also the one who leads the people in worship through song.

And these people are now leading the Israelites on their quest to reach the promised land. God is leading them in a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night as they walk and camp their way through the wilderness. And it’s going about as well as any family camping trip goes. Not well.

The people are complaining. They’re mad because all they have to eat is this divine bread called manna that God graciously provide for them each day. They are like “we ate better as slaves in Egypt.” So God sends them meat every day, after Moses goes to God and makes the request. And apparently this causes some breakdown in the Moses family dynamics. Which is where we will pick up our story. This is Numbers 12.

Numbers 12:1 NRSV

While they were at Hazeroth, Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Cushite woman whom he had married (for he had indeed married a Cushite woman);

This is classic right? They don’t like their sister in law. So they are talking trash on their brother. Why don’t they like her? Well she isn’t an Israelite. But we don’t really know. And it really doesn’t matter. Because Moses’s wife isn’t what they are really upset about. That comes next:

Numbers 12:2 NRSV

and they said, “Has the Lord spoken only through Moses? Has he not spoken through us also?” And the Lord heard it.

So here’s what the problem really is. They are jealous of the way that God relates to Moses. The way that Moses gets special treatment. Youngest child is always spoiled right?

It’s important to also realize that this is all happening within an ancient culture that has certain expectations of family roles. And one of those expectations is that the oldest son should be the one who sits in the seat of responsibility and authority. That would be Aaron — not Moses.

So there’s the makings of a real rebellion going on here. We don’t know if Miriam and Aaron are speaking publicly against Moses or just amongst themselves, or maybe even to a group of people that they have assembled to organize a coup. All we know is they are trying to subvert the authority that God gave to Moses. It goes on:

Numbers 12:3–9 NRSV

Now the man Moses was very humble, more so than anyone else on the face of the earth. Suddenly the Lord said to Moses, Aaron, and Miriam, “Come out, you three, to the tent of meeting.” So the three of them came out. Then the Lord came down in a pillar of cloud, and stood at the entrance of the tent, and called Aaron and Miriam; and they both came forward. And he said, “Hear my words: When there are prophets among you, I the Lord make myself known to them in visions; I speak to them in dreams. Not so with my servant Moses; he is entrusted with all my house. With him I speak face to face—clearly, not in riddles; and he beholds the form of the Lord. Why then were you not afraid to speak against my servant Moses?” And the anger of the Lord was kindled against them, and he departed.

So God lays it out for these fools. “Come to the principal’s office. You don’t make the rules, you don’t decide who does what. I do.” And then is says that God’s anger was kindled against them. Which is, no coincidence here, the exact opposite of the blessing “the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you.” And we are given a glimpse of what this looks like:

Numbers 12:10–12 NRSV

When the cloud went away from over the tent, Miriam had become leprous, as white as snow. And Aaron turned towards Miriam and saw that she was leprous. Then Aaron said to Moses, “Oh, my lord, do not punish us for a sin that we have so foolishly committed. Do not let her be like one stillborn, whose flesh is half consumed when it comes out of its mother’s womb.”

My question here is, why is only Miriam affected? Who knows. Perhaps so that Aaron can fully live out his role as priest and middle child. Both are tasked with being the peacemakers and the go between people.

Miriam is stricken with a disease, which is really on par with how God is depicted in the book of Numbers — a tough thing for us to reckon with at times. God is depicted as the one who causes calamity to come upon the disobedient people. And I think that although this might offend our modern understanding of God — I certainly don’t believe that God actually causes bad things to happen to you — I do believe that the author of the book of Numbers is trying to use this language to make a point to us:

God is the one who ultimately deals with human treachery. This is why Jesus can tell us to love our enemies and to turn the other cheek when we are wronged — because we trust that God will ultimately be the one that deals with human iniquity.

And this is clearly something that Moses understands as this is the next line:

Numbers 12:13 NRSV

And Moses cried to the Lord, “O God, please heal her.”

And she is healed after serving a few days in time-out outside of the camp.

Moses’s words carry deep weight for us today. Certainly Moses wants his sister to be physically healed. Even if her condition was not life threatening it would cause her to be separated from the community for as long as it persisted. The law demanded that people with skin diseases be separated from the general population.

But I believe that there is more here than simply asking God to fix Miriam’s skin. Perhaps Moses is asking God to heal Miriam’s heart. To heal her, and also Aaron, of whatever is happening inside of them that has caused them to betray Moses.

Listen, family betrayal is the worst. Family is the source of our existence in some way. Family is who shapes our identity. Family are the people who are supposed to love us when no one else in the world seems willing to do so. Family is meant to be the safest place in the world.

So when our families betray us, it can take a long time for those wounds to heal. Sometimes they live in us for a life time. And we become adults who are broken still because the people that God charged with our physical, spiritual, and emotional have not lived up to their calling.

Or our kids, the ones that we have poured into and loved unconditionally do some downright rotten stuff to us. Or our siblings in adulthood cause nasty problems. We fight and hurt one another over money and property and whatever else. Thanksgiving becomes a time of bitter anxiety rather than love and safety.

So what is the answer? What is the solution? Well it begins with remembering God’s promises and God’s faithfulness. That God seeks to bring peace and Shalom to our relationships, but that sometimes God has got to be the primary actor.

So we have to start with the prayer of Moses — “Oh God, please heal them.” The reality is that sometimes the broken part of our loved ones — the thing that caused them to hurt us — needs to be addressed before there is any hope for reconciliation.

Alcoholics gotta quit drinking. Addicts gotta quit using. Gamblers gotta stop Gambling. Hardened hearts need to be softened. Hurt people need to heal before they stop hurting you.

AND YOU CAN’T FIX THEM

Did you hear me clearly. You can’t fix them. God can fix them. But only if they cooperate. So your starting place is to simply pray “God, please heal them.” Pray that their lives are touched and dramatically changed by the power of God in some way or another.

This is the hardest one, because of the nature of family dynamics. But if you can learn to pray for and forgive your family members when they betray you and fail you, then you can learn how to forgive anyone. And I say that you need to learn how to forgive because that is where healing begins.

It begins in your heart. When you pray for those who have harmed you — a command that Jesus gave us — then you begin the process of healing your own heart. God changes you. And you will often find that you needed changing just as much the person who hurt you. And God, well God is in the business of changing hearts so that we can find peace. And that is the good news for us today.