Not Just the S-Word

Ephesians 5:22–24 ESV

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Ephesians 5:25–33 ESV

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Background to passage: The September-October Sermon Series: The Empowered Life. The foundational passage that we walked through last week dealt with living a Spirit-filled life. It called us to walk in desperation, dependence, surrender, and intimacy with the Holy Spirit, as our attachment to the Vine in order to bear the fruit of the Spirit and advancement of the kingdom of Christ. Walking in the Spirit leads to peace within, power to have victory over sin, and serve in ways that you could not on your own. The text that I was not able to get to last week, you must study on your own, as it also points to outworking of the Spirit-filled life in worship, gratefulness, and mutual submission of believers.

It also leads to other things as we shall begin to see today. The practical aspects of life, everyday life are found in a close, moment by moment obedience to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Paul now takes up relationships common among the church, then eventually comes to spiritual warfare, under the power of the Spirit. To accomplish any of these instructions that follow, you must abide in Christ, let his Word dwell in you richly, and keep in step with the Spirit. I will attempt not to unnecessarily offend, but I probably will offend some of you. No apologies. Jesus did not preach easy truths, and people were offended at him too. In fact, they killed him for it.

Caveats: 1) I understand that biblical teaching like this is counter cultural. There are many in the world, and many in the church that are offended by this teaching. However, I do not come to preach the doctrines of cultural norms and sensitivities. I am coming to preach the truth of God’s Word in power and faithfulness as best as I understand it.

2) As with the question I took of a couple of weeks ago about the Christian and alcohol, I want to correct misunderstandings of the teaching on two fronts, multiple extremes. Please attempt to hear only what I am saying, and not read between the lines. We all come with biases. As Edward told Martha: Rules 1 & 2 - If I say anything that can be taken in a good way or bad way, always take the good, that’s what I meant. Secondly, if you are quite convinced that what I said was to be taken the bad way, refer to rule number one. Give me the benefit of the doubt. Know that I love you and I believe every biblical teaching is profitable for teaching, reproof, correction, and training in righteousness.

3) Jesus gave a lot of teachings that are difficult to understand. He, and the other writers of scriptures, also gave much teaching that is very clear, but difficult to do. As Mark Twain was quoted in our marriage study this week, “It ain’t those parts of the bible that I can’t understand that bother me, it’s the parts I do understand.” Whether it is the role of wives in a marriage, or husbands, or children, or parents, or employees, or employers, our desire should be to submit to Christ and his word regardless of what it teaches. We must remember that God is infinitely wise and good, therefore if he puts in down in his word as an instruction, it is for our best.

Opening illustration: Some Christmas movies are staples every year. Such as… The Christmas Story is one. Use YouTube video download of the first bullying incident.

Main thought: This morning we will see one of the manifestations of a Spirit-filled life in wives and husbands.

1) What is submission (v. 22)

Ephesians 5:22 ESV

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

1) What is submission (v. 22)

Explanation: The word hupotasso, meaning to line up or arrange under an authority. Biblical submission is a divine calling to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership, authority, and responsibility, and help carry it through according to her gifts. The amplified version of the bible translates a wife’s duties as to notice, regard, honor, prefer, esteem, praise, and admire her husband. It is a voluntary position. Husbands are never called to bring a wife into submission, but rather a wife called to place herself in a attitude of submission with action that follows.

I won’t put all the scripture on the wall, but not that Jesus and Paul root their instruction about marriage in creation - Matt 19:4-6, 1 Cor 11:3-12, 1 Tim 2:11-13. Therefore submission is not a result of the fall only, but exacerbated by it.

Colossians 3:18 ESV

18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

Titus 2:4–5 ESV

4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

1 Peter 3:1 ESV

1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,

Illustration: While some may view submitting to one’s husband’s authority as something negative, a more accurate way of looking at marital roles is to understand that wives are called to follow their husband’s loving leadership.” -Dr. Andreas Kostenberger. We must reject all improper caricatures of this teaching. Scripture is not talking about something akin to slavery, subservience, or of a top-down chain of command, where the subjects have to obey without question. -Tony Merida, Submission does not mean…1) putting the husband in the place of Christ, 2) giving up independent thinking, 3) giving in to every demand of the husband, 4) that in some way the wife is inferior, 5) unable to make decisions, 6) that the woman is of lesser importance or value than the husband, 7) or that all women have to submit to all men.

Application: I do want to note that submission does not apply to things that are unbiblical, immoral, or illegal. This is not blind obedience and mindless servitude. To apply this truth we have to understand what it is and what it isn’t. We must know, and with great knowledge comes great responsibility. You cannot say, I didn’t know. You will be held accountable. Not only that, but marriage will be sweeter for you. Notice, I didn’t say easier or better or without difficulty, but sweeter. Sometimes in order to achieve God’s best, we must change how we behave regardless of the behavior of another.

This doesn’t mean that your husband makes every decision without your input. It doesn’t mean that you don’t persuade him as you would others to see things from different angles. It doesn’t mean that you don’t have a good old fashioned argument. What it does mean is that your attitude is one of respect, love, and resisting the temptation to manipulate, control, or emasculate your husband.

Wives, do view yourselves as on your husband’s team, helping him to lead in faith? The only way it is possible is when you are filled with and walk by the Holy Spirit. Do you support his leadership in the home.

2) Husbands love your wives (v. 25-31)

Ephesians 5:25–31 ESV

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

2) Husbands love your wives (v. 25-31)

Explanation: The word agape is used here, defined as unconditional, self-sacrificing, special affection for. There is so much here to unpack. The submission aspect for wives requires the humility and determination to let him lead. The love command is impossible command which requires great long-term commitment. Keep in mind that loving here is not romance, but choosing to act in a loving manner. As you meander down through this passage, the responsibilities of a husband are immense. It’s important to recognize that the leadership in the home is an outflow of sacrificial love that manifests as responsibility.

Laying down your life means that you take the initiative in the spiritual life in the home, beginning in her life. You are supposed to constantly pour God’s Word over her helping her to progress in her holiness. The imagery used is of Christ presenting a holy church to the Father. He speaks about nourishing her with all that she needs to flourish. He speaks of cherishing her so that she feels loved and cared for. He speaks of providing for her as one provides for his body.

Proverbs 5:18 ESV

18 Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth,

Colossians 3:19 ESV

19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

1 Peter 3:7 ESV

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Illustration: “My job is to lay out the job description for a Christian husband in hopes that young men will see it and understand how far short they fall. I want them to read these words with sweaty palms, dry throats, and shaking knees. Why? Because only then will they truly understand the magnitude of this calling and the divine grace required for any man to get the job. Without that healthy fear, some young men may think that being the head of a Christian household is an easy job and anyone can do it. Nothing could be further from the truth. This is a high calling. They is not pounding our chests and proclaiming, “I’m the head of this house.” No, sir; this is about biblical servant leadership at its purest.” -VB, What He Must Be

Application: Our wives must receive the highest praise and affirmation in public and private. We must be able to say it without reservation and with all sincerity. If she doubts our commitment or her true position in our minds, we plunge ourselves into hypocrisy on so many levels and hurt our marriage while we are going through the motions of caring. What are some good ways to demonstrate the honor in which we esteem our wives? Do we care about our wives? How are we honoring them? Do we speak well of them in front of our neighbors, children, coworkers, family? Do we defend her honor when she is maligned? Do we acknowledge her worth in tangible, visible ways? Do we in our heart of hearts believe her worth to us. Let me count the ways. If I asked them, what would they say?

3) Marriage displays Christ and His church (v. 31-32)

Ephesians 5:31–32 ESV

31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

3) Marriage displays Christ and His church (v. 31-32)

Explanation: As we think about husbands and wives and their roles within marriage, we must rethink our understanding of marriage. Marriage was designed for a number of things—happiness, companionship, procreation, intimacy,and others, we must know that the highest and deepest purpose for marriage to putting on display the relationship of Christ and His church.

Argumentation:

Illustration:

Application: This is the ultimate reason for marriage, may Christ be glorified. This is the great motivation for having a great marriage. So we can change our thinking; the first question becomes not am I submitting well as a wife, or am I a husband that leads and loves, but does my marriage bring Christ glory. We can ask the same of our singleness.

Do people see you as a husband fulfilling the role of Christ in a marriage? Do you attribute your desire to provide, protect, love, lead, disciple your wife to Jesus and the power to carry it out to the Holy Spirit? Do people see you as a wife fulfilling the role of the church in marriage? Do you give glory to God by testifying to the world that your desire to submit, support, help, respect, and love your husband to Jesus, and the power to carry it out to the Spirit.

Closing illustration: Dancing with the Stars, ladies always shined, men celebrities often won, not because of their ability, but because of their partner, in my opinion. A fine exception was when Jennifer Grey (Baby from Dirty Dancing) won because of a tear-filled salute to late and beloved co-star, Patrick Swayze. However, in the ballroom dances and especially the Latin dances, the men had to learn to lead. For the female partners it definitely was no indication of their ability or value, in fact quite the opposite was true. It had nothing to do with their inferiority or subservience. It was based on the creation of the dance from long before either partner existed, and which would never be possible or complete without both partners fulfilling their role. The closeness and beauty that developed with so many couples and the awe with which their oneness was put on display brought smiles, tears, applause, and many trophies.

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