Gainging a Brother

How many of you like to have confrontation with other people? Some people enjoy watching confrontation unfold, but most people actually hate when they have to be the ones to initiate a confrontation with someone. Confrontations are necessary. We are not called to walk through life being passive, but rather active. There are times when you can turn the other cheek, and we will talk about them briefly in a few moments, but there will come times when you must stand and have those difficult conversations. When David went out to face Goliath, I do not remember him turn the cheek and giving him grace. Confrontation is necessary and there is a biblical layout of how we are to confront people. Look with me in

‌““If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”” Matthew 18:15-20

‌The main objective to all of this is that you might gain your brother. This means the confrontation is settled, the relationship is restored, and you might move on stronger than before.

‌There was a lady that broke down in the middle of the desert. As she walked the heat beat down on her and her tongue swelled and her lips cracked from no water. She finally sat down and gave up from walking any further. Later she was found dead from lack of water. The sad thing is a mile north from her the way she was walking was a gas station with water and food, but because she gave up she died. It is important for us to realize that to give up means death, but to keep means there is still hope.

Confrontation is not fun, but at times it is necessary. Giving up means the death of a relationship, or at least how it once was or should be, and it could mean the destruction of your brother or sister.

‌(“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”) is true about our nature, don’t be surprised that someone who hasn’t trusted Christ acts in ways that are hurtful. Those outside the faith shouldn’t be seen as standard-bearers for Christian conduct, nor do they possess ultimate hope. This guideline is for people of the church. It will still work outside of the church, certainly, but the steps would look different so keep that in mind as well. If the depravity mentioned inRomans 3:23

‌The first thing you must do before entering the sequence of steps is decide how someone has wronged you. What did they do to you, and is what they did actually a sin that goes against God’s word or did they just have a varying opinion contrary to your own. We are not going to see eye to eye at times, but this does not mean that someone has committed a sin against us. They simply have different tastes and ideas than we do. People are entitled to be different. No two persons are made the same. But if what they have done to grieve you has gone against God’s word , maybe it be slander or gossip or lies, maybe it be something worse but if it is a sin acccordign to God’s word, then we proceed into the sequence of steps that will confront our brother or sister in Christ, and hopefully restore our relationship in the end.

‌Step 1: Tell them that they have offended you. When someone has done something that offended or frustrated you, whether it be directly to you and causes you hurt or they do something that is against our belief and it offends you, you must tell them. If you do not tell them, yet you will tell everyone else, this is what we call gossip. If you truly want to settle something, go straight to the source. I cannot tell you the times that gossip has been spread simply because someone would not come talk to me. Of course it reaches me fairly quickly, but it is always through a third person. Which is the clear proof of gossip. But I have also had plenty of people come to me and say things like “Well people (or themselves) had questions and rather than dealing with people who do not fully understand, I decided to come to the source of the answer I want to have.”

‌— Talk to them, but have a calm demeanor and a ready explanation. You cannot walk up to someone and say “I’m mad at you” without telling them why you are mad at them. Calmly confront them about the issue. Also, do not do it in front of a bunch of people and make a spectacle. As you see here in the instructions, Jesus says “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone.”

‌— You must also make sure that they have wronged you according to the bible. If they do something that you do not necessarily like, but it is not a sin, then they have done nothing against you because God has not prohibited their actions. There is a difference between sin and “I don’t like it” ‌Step 2:

Jesus says that when private, one-on-one conflict resolution fails, we need to expand the circle. f they do not listen to you the first time, take someone else with you. One or two people, not a crowd or they will think that it is a mob attack or an ill spirited intervention. 1-2 level headed, and trustworthy people that will not cause the other person to feel as if they are being attacked. You calm speech, repeat what you talked about the first time, and explain that you have brought the other people to listen to your discussion. If the offender is a Christian, the stakes are higher: The reputation of Jesus is at stake. In Matthew 18:16-17

Reasons for this: 1. It will allow that your words are not Twisted. The aggressor may still try a he said/she said issue against you, but then you will have someone to back up your words and protect your name.

‌2. Taking other people may give a different perspective on the subject, and both you and the ones who offended you may walk away with new insight. They can also offer you terms of reconciliation. Often times we cannot think perfectly in the thick of difficult situations and conversations. Other people may be able to help us find the words when our seem to run dry.

‌3. The one who sinned against you may not see the need to listen to you because they do not see that they are in the wrong, or other reasons whatever they may be. But if another person is involved they may perceive the situation as more serious and pay attention to your words this time.

‌4. You have someone there to insure that step 2 was carried out. If for some reason you have to move on to step 3, the one who grieved you may make a claim that you never came to them at all, and if someone is with you then they can back your word.

‌Step 3: Taking it to the Church.

‌At this point, the person who sinned against you has ignored your concerns that you brought them in private, they have ignored you and your level headed friend that you brought to settle the disagreement, and they continue to refuse to change their ways. They are now causing more harm than they are good. The situation must be taken to the church and you must allow them to decide how they want to proceed forward with reconciling the brother or sister.

‌Step 4: Excommunication.

‌“Your boasting is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump? Cleanse out the old leaven that you may be a new lump, as you really are unleavened. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed.” …. Excommunication can be seen as a severing of communication and a break in communion. The relationship as a family (individuals that make up the collective) has been disconnected as well as the persons place in the local body. They are cut out like a disease that is sure to spread if it is not removed from your body. This is not done because you hate the person, or even because you are angry. It is done so that it will protect the church, the body of Christ, and so that it may help the person come to grips With themselves.1 Corinthians 5:6-7

‌“But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.”” 11-13

‌If someone sins against you, whether it be a direct sin against your name or your person, or they simply fail to uphold a Christ-like standard, you are to lovingly approach them about their mishaps. If they do not listen, take another and try again, if they fail to change this time, then take it to the local body of believers (church) and allow the church to confront the situation as a united fellowship of believers. If all steps are exhausted, and no repentance is brought about, then they are to be turned back into the world so that evangelism may take another shot at their soul. They have a choice to surrender for the first time, or humbly return, but either way it is a benefit for the church to remove them.

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‌Conclusions: There was a lady that broke down in the middle of the desert. As she walked the heat beat down on her and her tongue swelled and her lips cracked from no water. She finally sat down and gave up from walking any further. Later she was found dead from lack of water. The sad thing is a mile north from her the way she was walking was a gas station with water and food, but because she gave up she died. It is important for us to realize that to give up means death, but to keep means there is still hope.

‌Confrontation is not fun, but at times it is necessary. Giving up means the death of a relationship, or at least how it once was or should be, and it could mean the destruction of your brother or sister.

‌You see there are 3 solid steps before things become drastic. God is patient, and He is loving. But God is firm, and when the limit has been reach, He is quick.

‌Everyone deserves second chances. If they can settle the sin against you outside of your efforts, allow them to make amends.