Making Oaths and Vows

Last Week:

SotM Intro

Divorce (dating)

Scripture Reading:

Matthew 5:33–37 (CSB)

“Again, you have heard that it was said to our ancestors, You must not break your oath, but you must keep your oaths to the Lord. But I tell you, don’t take an oath at all: either by heaven, because it is God’s throne; or by the earth, because it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, because it is the city of the great King. Do not swear by your head, because you cannot make a single hair white or black. But let your ‘yes’ mean ‘yes,’ and your ‘no’ mean ‘no.’ Anything more than this is from the evil one.

The Problem of Oaths

May seem dated

Jesus’s teaching on swearing — not cussing

But swearing an oath

I don’t think you read this and think this is one of our biggest problems in life

Man, I swear too many oaths

But this was a big part of Jesus’s time and culture

We’ll talk about this later but the deeper issue is: We often don’t present an honest, truthful presentation of ourselves to others; we use our words to deceive people

So vows in Jesus’s time:

It’s not just found in one portion of the Bible but throughout

Exodus 20:7 (CSB)

Do not misuse the name of the Lord your God, because the Lord will not leave anyone unpunished who misuses his name.

Or “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain”

Leviticus 19:12 (CSB)

Do not swear falsely by my name, profaning the name of your God; I am the Lord.

The aim is to bolster the importance of a claim you are making

Example: Man and his donkey

The Root of the Problem

Remember the weeds/garden analogy from a couple weeks ago

I have a different analogy to think about this: Icebergs

You can never predict the relationship between what is above and below the surface

Humans have all this surface behavior (that we can see and observe)

Jesus sees through that, into what others can’t see

The root of this problem is that all of us lie — we use words to manipulate others into trusting and believing us (including using God’s name)

Modern example - McDonald's commercial

This is a human heart problem and there are both religious and non-religious ways we see this manifest in our lives

People mention the people they are friends with

Embellishment (stretching the truth)

Excuses (Do we own our mistakes or justify them?)

Ignorance (Do we admit what we don’t know or do we try and force an answer?)

Religious Examples

“I’ve been praying about this...”

“God has called me to...”

“I have a peace about this...”

Now this very well can be true!

But it can be a time like “I prayed once the last couple of weeks…”

It’s a way to put up a wall and shut down the conversation because you don’t want input

“God told me, what are you going to say? Are you going to contradict God?”

And so these ways are the absolute worst

We use religious language and Jesus himself as a way to make our own agendas or decisions seem more holy to others

Tim Mackie says this:

“Ways that you can convince yourself that your own deal is so important that you begin to use Jesus to airbrush your deal and reject the input of other people to get people to do what you want”

“It’s much easier to control people than to love them and honor them and their dignity and input”

And I don’t think we do this because we are simply evil

I really believe that this behavior comes from a place of deep vulnerability

It comes from a deep fear

Think of the stereotypical bully

We want to hide from others

Fear is the motivator

We don’t want others to know our weaknesses, flaws, and mistakes

We don’t want to be insignificant or not important

Honesty and Authenticity in the Kingdom

So heres what Jesus is doing:

He is calling us to be a community of human beings who are moving towards healthy, whole, loving relationships with God and others

These lies and deception can be one of the greatest obstacles in forming a community like this

We are called to be open and vulnerable

But instead we cover up our faults and mistakes

We are called to seek others counsel and wisdom

But instead we shut down input and justify our decisions

So Jesus’s solution, his practical application to this issue is:

Matthew 5:37 (CSB)

But let your ‘yes’ mean ‘yes,’ and your ‘no’ mean ‘no.’ Anything more than this is from the evil one.

Be clear and transparent

Let there be no deception in your words

Jesus is calling his followers (us), to be honest and truthful people

He is also calling us to stop using words to manipulate other people

We are to be people of integrity

We behave the same when people are looking and not looking

When we say something we mean it

“I would like to go but…”

When we make a commitment we will be there

Feelings change — commitments keep us grounded

There is no deceit in our speech

So with this comes some fear

People might see how we fail and think different of us

People might know our weaknesses and look down on us

People might not take us or our words seriously

I think what motivates all of this wordplay and deception is fear

So this is the problem we find ourselves in:

We hide behind our words because we are afraid of showing our weakness

We feel misunderstood and unloved because nobody understands us

“Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood.” - Orwell

To be fully loved is to be fully understood

To be truly loved is to be known and accepted

not known - not accepted - Stranger

not known - accepted - Impressive

known - not accepted - Rejected

known - accepted - Loved

And we find ourselves in this cycle of feeling unloved and misunderstood because we are afraid of rejection

We are afraid of letting others see behind the scenes, we don’t want others to see our brokenness

To be known by someone is truly vulnerable

Being a stranger or impressive doesn’t really matter

But being rejected or loved is a high stake situation

“We want more than anything to know and be known by each other, but we are constantly hiding from each other by how we speak”

So what is the solution to this problem?

I think we find it in 1 John 4

1 John 4:9–10 (CSB)

God’s love was revealed among us in this way: God sent his one and only Son into the world so that we might live through him. Love consists in this: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins.

God’s love for us is not based on what we can do or accomplish

There is no fear of showing our weakness and failures to him

He knows them all

Jesus is God’s love who came down to this Earth and found people who were hiding and calling them into the light

John 4:16–18 (CSB)

“Go call your husband,” he told her, “and come back here.”

“I don’t have a husband,” she answered.

“You have correctly said, ‘I don’t have a husband,’ ” Jesus said. “For you’ve had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have said is true.”

Mark 5:25–34 (CSB)

Now a woman suffering from bleeding for twelve years had endured much under many doctors. She had spent everything she had and was not helped at all. On the contrary, she became worse. Having heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his clothing. For she said, “If I just touch his clothes, I’ll be made well.” Instantly her flow of blood ceased, and she sensed in her body that she was healed of her affliction.

Immediately Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and said, “Who touched my clothes?”

His disciples said to him, “You see the crowd pressing against you, and yet you say, ‘Who touched me?’ ”

But he was looking around to see who had done this. The woman, with fear and trembling, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell down before him, and told him the whole truth. “Daughter,” he said to her, “your faith has saved you. Go in peace and be healed from your affliction.”

So God loves us — Then in 1 John he continues

1 John 4:18–19 (CSB)

There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment. So the one who fears is not complete in love. We love because he first loved us.

Guys this is some of the greatest news

We don’t have to worry about being perfect and putting up an image to impress people

You are fully known and understood by God and we are invited as a community of believers to be known and understood (and loved) by each other

So I want you all to genuinely stop and think: Do you actually believe this about yourself?

There are things that we’ve never let people know

Secret things, stupid things, things we are ashamed of and embarrassed of...

Do you actually believe that these things to not determine your value or worth as a person

Do you really believe that despite everything you try to hide, your creator (the most important person) has already demonstrated his love towards you

When this truth really sinks in, this love and understanding, it drives out any fear we might face

Fear has to do with “God is out to get me”

Fear has to do with overvaluing what other people think of you

Fear has to do with hiding ourselves (and failures) out of a possibility of rejection or ridicule

Guys if you really take time with this truth, meditate on it, sit with it

It is so freeing

Who cares what other people think about you

Not in a bad way, but in a healthy way

I can be myself

I don’t have to live up to the expectations of others

I don’t have to be flawless and put together all of the time

My value is not determined by what others think of me

And this is the person that’s yes’s can be yes’s and no’s can be no’s

Even if their yes’s make them look dumb or their no’s disappoint others

Conclusion

And I know this is a long way from oath telling

But this is at the heart of the problem

Just like murder wasn’t the problem

Anger and hatred were

Just like adultery wasn’t the problem

Lust in the heart was

Making vows to bolster our claims and credibility isn’t the problem

The fear of being wrong or thought badly of others is at the root

Hear how Paul describes his conduct with the Thessalonians:

1 Thessalonians 2:3–6 (CSB)

For our exhortation didn’t come from error or impurity or an intent to deceive. Instead, just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please people, but rather God, who examines our hearts. For we never used flattering speech, as you know, or had greedy motives—God is our witness—and we didn’t seek glory from people, either from you or from others.

Or to the Corinthians:

1 Corinthians 2:1–5 (CSB)

When I came to you, brothers and sisters, announcing the mystery of God to you, I did not come with brilliance of speech or wisdom. I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness, in fear, and in much trembling. My speech and my preaching were not with persuasive words of wisdom but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not be based on human wisdom but on God’s power.

Paul is not concerned with what others think of him

He is not afraid of showing his weakness

This is the type of person Jesus is calling us to be

Back to SotM

Jesus is teaching on what his kingdom looks like, what the citizens of the kingdom value and how they behave

As followers of Jesus, we are all called to be people of integrity

We are called to have clear intentions and no false motives

This produces a beautiful character in us

People will trust you, want you on their side

They will know who you are, you’re approachable...

Remember the call against hypocrisy in SotM

Authentic vs Transparent - Danger

So as we leave, here are some questions I want to leave us with:

When was the last time I owned a mistake I made and didn’t try to hide it?

Whose opinion of me do I really care about?

Friend, crush, family, etc.

Who is someone I can share my failures with?

Someone safe

Has it sunk in that God’s love for you never changes?