The Example of Christ

Consideration (1 Peter 3:7)

Why did Peter devote more space to instructing the wives than the husbands? Because the Christian wives were experiencing a whole new situation and needed guidance. In general, women were kept down in the Roman Empire, and their new freedom in Christ created new problems and challenges. Furthermore, many of them had unsaved husbands and needed extra encouragement and enlightenment. Do not draw the conclusion, however, that because wives receive six verses of counsel to only one for husbands that the responsibility of a husband is any less exacting than that of a wife. The apparent imbalance exists only because the situation that a believing wife found herself in during that cultural time frame was more difficult and because Peter’s counsel was so transforming that a more extended discussion was needed.

As Peter wrote to the Christian husbands, he reminded them of four areas of responsibility in their relationship with their mates.

7. Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

I. Physical—“dwell with them.”

A. Marriage is fundamentally a physical relationship.

(Eph. 5:31) “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

Of Of course, Christian mates enjoy a deeper spiritual relationship, but the two go together (1 Cor. 7:1–5). A truly spiritual husband will fulfill his marital duties and love his wife.

The husband must make time to be home with his wife. One survey revealed that the average husband and wife had 20 minutes a week together in actual communication! Is it any wonder that marriages fall apart after the children grow up and leave home? The husband and wife are left alone—to live with strangers!

B. Husbands should be considerate as they relate to their wives.

“Dwell with them” also suggests that the husband provide for the physical and material needs of the home. While it is not wrong for a wife to have a job or career, her first responsibility is to care for the home (Titus 2:4–5). “4 that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.” It is the husband who should provide (1 Tim. 5:8). “8 But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

As husbands we should understand and be considerate of our wives’ spiritual, emotional, and physical needs.

II. Intellectual—“ with understanding,”

A. Husbands should approach their marriage relationship intelligently.

Husbands are to live with their wives according to knowledge, not fantasy. Marriage is a real-life relationship, not a soap-opera drama. To live with your wife and demonstrate wisdom suggests a deep desire to understand your wife, to get to know her at more than just a surface level.

It’s amazing that two married people can live together and not really know each other! Ignorance is dangerous in any area of life, but it is especially dangerous in marriage. A Christian husband needs to know his wife’s moods, feelings, needs, fears, and hopes. He needs to “listen with his heart” and share meaningful communication with her.

B. “Speaking the truth in love” is the solution to the communications problem

(Eph. 4:15) but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ .

There must be in the home such a protective atmosphere of love and submission that the husband and wife can disagree and still be happy together. It has well been said that love without truth is hypocrisy, and truth without love is brutality.

We need both truth and love if we are to grow in our understanding of one another. How can a husband show consideration for his wife if he does not understand her needs or problems? When either mate is afraid to be open and honest about a matter, then he or she is building walls and not bridges.

III. Emotional—“giving honor unto the wife.”

A. Every husband must be a “knight in shining armor” who treats his wife like a princess.

Peter did not suggest that a wife is “the weaker vessel” mentally, morally, or spiritually, but rather physically. There are exceptions, of course, but generally speaking, the man is the stronger of the two when it comes to physical accomplishments. The husband should treat his wife like an expensive, beautiful, fragile vase, in which is a precious treasure.

When a young couple starts dating, the boy is courteous and thoughtful. After they get engaged, he shows even more courtesy and always acts like a gentleman. Sad to say, soon after they get married, many a husband forgets to be kind and gentlemanly and starts taking his wife for granted. He forgets that happiness in a home is made up of many little things, including the small courtesies of life.

B. Big resentments often grow out of small hurts.

Husbands and wives need to be honest with each other, admit hurts, and seek for forgiveness and healing. “Giving honor unto the wife” does not mean “giving in to the wife.” A husband can disagree with his wife and still respect and honor her. As the spiritual leader in the home, the husband must sometimes make decisions that are not popular; but he can still act with courtesy and respect.

“Giving honor” means that the husband respects his wife’s feelings, thinking, and desires. He may not agree with her ideas, but he respects them. Often God balances a marriage so that the husband needs what the wife has in her personality, and she likewise needs his good qualities. An impulsive husband often has a patient wife, and this helps to keep him out of trouble!

The husband must be the “thermostat” in the home, setting the emotional and spiritual temperature. The wife often is the “thermometer,” letting him know what that temperature is! Both are necessary. The husband who is sensitive to his wife’s feelings will not only make her happy, but will also grow himself and help his children live in a home that honors God.

IV. Spiritual—“that your prayers be not hindered.”

A. Peter assumed that husbands and wives would pray together.

Often, they do not; and this is the reason for much failure and unhappiness. If unconverted people can have happy homes without prayer (and they do), how much happier Christian homes would be with prayer! In fact, it is the prayer life of a couple that indicates how things are going in the home.

A husband and wife need to have their own private, individual prayer time each day. They also need to pray together and to have a time of “family devotion.” How this is organized will change from home to home, and even from time to time as the children grow up and schedules change. The Word of God and prayer are basic to a happy, holy home.

B. A husband and wife are “heirs together.”

If the wife shows submission and the husband consideration, and if both submit to Christ and follow His example, then they will have an enriching experience in their marriage.

If not, they will miss God’s best and rob each other of blessing and growth.