Sermon Tone Analysis
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*Topical: Bands of Brothers and Sisters*
*/June 12, 2011/*
* *
*Prep: *
· Cecil 10~/11~/09
* *
Intro~/Communication card:
· Camping
· Baptism at Camping
· Summer Sunday School – a gift to the teachers.
Prayer
*Scripture reading: A reading Proverbs about friendship*
NIV *Proverbs 12:26* A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.
*Proverbs 16:28* A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.
*Proverbs 18:24 * 24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
*Proverbs 27:6* Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
*Proverbs 27:9 * 9 Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel.
And now for something completely different
I recently read another pastor who said that *summers* are great for doing all sorts of things you can’t get away with during the rest of the year, doing sermons that are out of the norm.
I thought “What would I like to do if I didn’t have to preach a *normal* *sermon*?”
I’d want to offer to you one of the most important things in my life, my guys group.
*Eight* *years* ago this summer, several guys (including Cecil, Dave, Brian, and myself) decided we wanted to meet together to help each other grow.
We have *been* *through* a lot together – career changes, children divorce and then to remarriage, near divorce.
We’ve lost guys and gained new ones.
As I’ve said before, if it weren’t for these guys, I wouldn’t be your *pastor*, and if I were I’d be a very *unhealthy* one.
I am a better man, husband, father, and friend because of them.
They even got a spot on my *tattoo*.
I want you to hear from one of them: [Mike R. testimony]
Share the love
Almost three years ago, our group decided that we wanted to *share* what we had, so we invited 4-5 guys to join us for two months, watch, then start their own.
From that *two* more *groups* formed, and are still going strong.
While we were not the only influence, it was really encouraging last week to talk to some guys, one in particular say that those meetings *changed* *his* *life*.
Are you starting to get *jealous*?
I hope so.
Q Do you want a place where you are *accepted*, no matter what?
Q A place that you can share your *challenges*, *triumphs*, and be *supported* and *encouraged*?
(cf.
Romans 12:15)
Q A place that would stick with you through *moral* *failure* and pull you out?
Q A place where God can speak *through* *you* to encourage and support others?
The *good* *news* is that you *can* have it.
The *bad* *news* is that it takes *work*.
Nothing worthwhile is easy.
Go and do likewise
So here is what I want to do *today*: Try to *encourage* more of these groups to start.
To be clear, these are not part of The Gathering.
They are completely *independent* from the church.
The only influence we have is that of friends with friends.
· But on the other hand, these groups I think are one of the most important contributors to the *health* of this church.
These groups aren’t *magic* – they don’t magically work sometimes and not others.
They aren’t *rocket* *science* either.
Last week I got together with *several* folks who have been in both *successful* and *unsuccessful* groups, and we basically boiled it down to four *key* *principles*.
· The *specifics* will *change*, for instance, there are massive differences between how *men* and *women* relate.
Same gender
BTW: These groups must be *same* *gender*.
You can be diverse in many ways, but not gender.
Non-negotiable, won’t work, I will disavow any influence or connection with you.
· It is the specifically the fact that it is the same gender that gives it its *value*.
Our culture has forgotten the value of *same* *gender* *friendships* (especially among men) and it is just starting to regain it.
So here are the four key principles (and they are all “c’s”!):
*/1.
/**/Commitment/*
The most important part of these groups is being *committed* to *grow*.
Our group says we have only *two* *rules*: We are here to grow and what is said at the table stays at the table.
These aren’t *accountability* *groups*; that’s being accountable to not look at porn or have too many shoes, which is great.
But these are about a commitment to grow; to become *better* *men* or *women*, *spouses*, *parents*, *friends*, and *professionals*.
· We call them *mutual* *mentoring* groups because we are mentoring each other – there is no leader, we are helping each other.
If you have this *personal* *commitment*, which no one can do *for* *you*, facilitating it is very *simple*.
You don’t need any complicated curriculum on sale for the low price of $19.99.
· Our group just takes turns *sharing* what is going on in our lives and where we are trying to grow.
Some groups have a little more *structure*: One shares the *best* and *worst* part of their week.
Another asks these questions:
Since we've met last, in what ways have you...
1. ...pursued *God*?
2. ...pursued your *spouse*?
3. ...pursued your *children*?
4. Then *customized* question, based on that persons’ situation.
Then we *respond*, maybe giving *sympathy* or *comfort*, or *advice* or *suggestions*.
In all this our *goal* is to help them *grow*.
*Proverbs 27:9* Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel.
· Sometimes that means asking *probing* *questions*.
· Sometimes that means *rebuking* or *confronting*.
*Proverbs 27:6* Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
*Confronting* is an interesting thing.
It varies so much from group to group and person to person.
Some people respond well to it and others don’t.
[testimony from a Alisah about how they share vs. confront and how it has helped them]
*/2.
/**/Confidentiality/*
I remember the first time my group met.
I came with *two* *sets* of things to *share*: *safe* things and *real* things.
When I saw how open the other guys were being I went with the real one, and we have been *completely* *transparent* with each other ever since.
This is absolutely *vital* – we can’t help you *grow* if the *real* *you* doesn’t show up.
You need to be free to share your joys and failures, your hopes and fears.
· This freedom is the #*1 thing* I love about these groups.
This is not an *easy* thing to do, we are so *trained* to *hide* and protect, to not let the real us shine through.
· This is why *confidentiality* is vital, hence it is one of our two rules.
*Proverbs 16:28* A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.
This allows the groups to be a place where you can *vent* to people who will hold you *accountable* and *not* *judge*, it allows you to be to be *raw* and *unprotected*.
· You can’t be *unprotected* if you *worry* about anything being repeated.
When you think about it, most people have to pay a *counselor* a lot of money for that.
That to say, for these groups to really work, you need to know that what you say isn’t *going* *anywhere*.
· This includes not sharing things with your *spouse*; these folks are building trust with you, not your spouse.
Q Do you think this sort of trust is built *overnight*?
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