How Spiritual Abuse Happens (John 17:14-19)
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This is Caring Well Sunday. The first one ever. It’s a date marked off by the SBC to acknowledge the reality of abuse. Physical, sexual, and spiritual abuse.
I could give you tons of statistics and we could talk about the horror of this issue…but today, I want to ask one question—how does a church…how does a church culture…how does an entire denomination…or an entire movement…become abusive, in particular today I want to focus on spiritual abuse.
What is the definition of spiritual abuse? The best definition I have heard is a simple one…When someone uses spiritual or religious beliefs to hurt, scare or control you.
We’re going to ultimately land in John 17:14-19…but it might take us a moment to fully get there…but let’s go ahead and read that passage...
I have given them your word, and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. I do not ask that you take them out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, so I have sent them into the world. And for their sake I consecrate myself, that they also may be sanctified in truth.
There is a phrase that Jesus uses often in this passage…and really in John 17. The world…and there is a connection here between the world and our mission in the world…but let’s ask a fundamental question here...
What is the world and where did “the world” come from?
To answer this we go all the way back to Genesis 3. Adam and Eve were set in the Garden…a place of shalom…a place of peace…a place where all those things your heart, in as much as it still carries around the image of God, is longing for. That’s not the world…not in the sense that John means it here.
Now in that Garden a serpent slithers its way into there…and the first couple are tempted…they are tempted to take the place of God…to provide for themselves…to be the ones who determine truth and beauty…to be like God (not in an imitative way…but in an overthrowing way).
And as soon as they do this they are impacted. Their eyes are opened but not in a good way…in a way where they see and feel things they never felt before. Guilt. Shame. Nakedness. They became less human—instead of more human.
And what they did as a result was a fundamentally religious act. They sewed fig leaves. They tried to cover themselves. This is what we’d call self-atonement.
We might say that what they attempted to do here was relate to God as a false self. They tried to pretend. They moved away from authenticity into perception…well, if God can think that we’re okay…if we can appear to be okay and just as things were…then we’ll be okay.
And this is where the world enters in. We like to think of the “world” as things like engaging in particular sins…pending on your tradition you might call worldliness women wearing blue jeans, the music someone listens to, the words that come out of their mouth…a full range of things. Basically anything that I don’t like that you’re doing I can give it the label worldliness.
But really what the world is…is a system of thinking, a way of living, a way of believing, etc. that is fundamentally opposed to God. It’s wearing a fig leaf instead of walking in authenticity. It’s being a false self.
And friends, we can become so good at this…we can even get to the place where we label “sinful things” as being our real selves. We can try to redefine gender or orientation or any of those things…and try to claim its our true self. And we can just as easily try to redefine greed as success.
In his book, The Gift of Being Yourself, David Benner says this:
The problem with the false self is that it works. It helps us forget that we are naked. Before long, we are no longer aware of the underlying vulnerability and become comfortable once again. (Benner, 82)
He then goes on to list a few ways to tell where we might be wearing a fig leaf.
Where are you defensive? “I need to be taken seriously...” Well, that might mean that self-importance is your false self. Where do you find yourself rising up to defend yourself? Underneath of that is going to be a false self that you’ve built.
Often we can tell where our fig leaves are by looking at the places that bother us most about other people. GRRRR…I can’t stand angry people! They just make my blood boil.
We can also find it in the things where we have an irresistible urge to behave a certain way. It could be a sin that you keep going back to…or it could even be something really good…like ministry, serving your family, making money to provide…things which might be totally fine in themselves but are poor places to find your identity.
Okay, so what is the world-system? It’s filled with fig leaves. It’s deception. It’s humanity attempting to be god. Not living in authenticity. Rebelling from God. Hiding. Projecting. Abusing.
That’s what you see in the entire Old Testament…you see it in Judges…Exodus…Numbers…and we saw it in Daniel. Babylon is a picture of the world system…but it held an allure…and it sucked even those who claimed to be followers of God into it…deception.
But there is something that happens when Jesus comes. He doesn’t own a fig leaf. But neither is He naked. He’s perfectly righteous, perfectly holy, entirely authentic. Not an ounce of deception in Him.
He’s not of the world. And so what does he do…he goes about rescuing people. He touches lepers. He eats with tax collectors and sinners. He protects the vulnerable. He loves the outcast. He heals the sick and the broken. He gives good news.
He doesn’t just share good news…or tell people about heaven and such…he gives good news. He creates flourishing. He turns things back to the Garden. Fundamentally he, as it says in Colossians 1:13-14
He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
The good news is this…I love how Tim Keller has said it.
You are more sinful than you could ever dare imagine and you are more loved and accepted than you could ever dare hope-at the same time.
He doesn’t engage in deception…make you think that you’re okay and not broken and not rebellious and not living outside of Eden where all the wild things are. No, he’s honest. You’re broken. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. But I love you…you’re accepted…come into my kingdom. Let’s go back to the Garden.
So, now lets listen again to what Jesus says in John 17. What he is praying for His disciples as He is about to be crucified, buried, resurrected, and then return to glory.
“I have given them your word...”
I have told them truth…reality…brokenness…redemption…I’ve given them the good news…I’ve done what Isaiah 61 said…I’ve healed the brokenhearted…rescued the captives...
“and the world has hated them...”
Fig leaves don’t like exposed. This is what Diane Langberg has said that I think is so true and helpful:
Deception becomes systemic when we use our collective power to protect what we desire to be true rather than face the destruction and the pain that accompanies the actual truth. Deception functions as a narcotic in protecting us from seeing or feeling that which is painful to us.
What that means is that we use all of our power within us to protect our fig leaves…that’s the way of the world…to protect what we desire to be true...
“because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world...”
Something has changed. This is how Paul said it in 2 Corinthians 4:2
But we have renounced disgraceful, underhanded ways. We refuse to practice cunning or to tamper with God’s word, but by the open statement of the truth we would commend ourselves to everyone’s conscience in the sight of God.
Now…notice what Jesus has says here…this is where we get mission and such.
“I do not ask that you take them out of the world....” I’m not asking that they be placed in a holy huddle..I’m not asking that they be immediately whisked up to heaven when they become followers...
“but that you keep them from the evil one...”
That is the fundamental things which Jesus is concerned with. Not our comfort…not in some sense even our security…that’s already established…that’s firmly fixed in Him. But Jesus wants us to not be overcome by the evil one...
To not listen to the serpent. To not go back to deception. To not relate to God with our false self…to be authentic.
“They are not of this world..sanctify them in the truth..your word is truth...”
He’s just restating here. Help them walk in truth..not fig leaves..reality...
“As you sent me into the world…so I have sent them into the world...”
I’ve put them on mission…this is why they aren’t to immediately leave the world…this is why I’m not taking them out of the world...
But what is that mission? What does that mean...
We read this in Matthew 23:15
Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you travel across sea and land to make a single proselyte, and when he becomes a proselyte, you make him twice as much a child of hell as yourselves.
They are engaging in mission. But it’s one founded upon a fig leaf. They have a compulsion to make converts…to win disciples…to make them look just like they are…and all in the name of God.
But it’s a hellish enterprise. And this, friends, is where spiritual abuse comes from. An entire community can fall into this.
Listen from a different angle to Jesus’ woe on the Pharisees...
“But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you shut the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. For you neither enter yourselves nor allow those who would enter to go in.
They have doctrinal purity. They are very concerned about what the Bible (Torah) has to say. They want to make sure to dot their i’s and cross their t’s. And they will take action on it if you don’t square up…
We’ve already seen v15…travelling over land and sea.
They are dedicated missionaries. They are serious about this…they want other people to know God…they aren’t like Jonah…no, they want others to believe just as they do.
“Woe to you, blind guides, who say, ‘If anyone swears by the temple, it is nothing, but if anyone swears by the gold of the temple, he is bound by his oath.’
This one might be hard to see at first…but what is happening here is that the Pharisees are studying the law so meticulously…they are applying it to civil cases…they are really good at parsing the Scriptures, figuring out how to apply them…
Again…these guys know their Torah. And they apply it…they tell you how to apply it. That’s the argument all the way through v19.
“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others.
They tithe their spice rack. They are so serious about God’s kingdom…about following God’s rules...
“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence.
They would have looked squeaky clean. They wouldn’t have made anyone stumble by their appearances. They looked holy. They looked the part.
“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you build the tombs of the prophets and decorate the monuments of the righteous,
They had a real love for history and they made sure to preserve the faith. They celebrated our history…they weren’t tearing it down…they were rooted.
Now lets put all that together…you have the religious leaders who are squeaky clean in appearances…why they wouldn’t even say hi to a woman at Wendy’s so that nobody thinks they are having an affair…squeaky clean...
They were missional, they were givers, they were doctrinally pure, they were passionate about preserving the church…preserving the traditions…applying God’s Word to our life.
What’s the problem, then? It’s all a fig leaf.
What did I say earlier was the definition of spiritual abuse...
when someone uses spiritual or religious beliefs to hurt, scare or control you.
What was that Diane Langberg quote
Deception becomes systemic when we use our collective power to protect what we desire to be true rather than face the destruction and the pain that accompanies the actual truth. Deception functions as a narcotic in protecting us from seeing or feeling that which is painful to us.
Put all of this together, then. Why would a church hide abuse instead of bringing it to the light? Why would Christians stand with perpetrators instead of victims? Why will churches prop up an abuser…and discard the victim...
Because they look just like the Pharisees were described. We know that we have on a fig leaf…and in order to protect our own…we have to continue the deception...
What happens is that we fundamentally turn mission on its head…mission becomes just another way to hide behind a fig leaf...
That’s why a couple years ago we were hearing things from leaders in the SBC about not focusing upon this scourge of sexual abuse…let’s not let it distract us from the mission...
That’s why even in local churches we can engage in spiritual activities…but neglect the weightier matters. To use religiosity to cover greed and self-indulgence....to cover worldliness.
It’s all a fig leaf. And that’s where spiritual abuse comes from. That’s what the religious leaders in Jesus’ day were doing…and it filtered down to the common people as well...
It comes from collectively hiding behind a fig leaf. To wear the same mask that the Pharisees wore. And then to crush others…to hold them up to the standard of our fig leaves…because they dare to expose our inauthenticity.
What’s the answer to all of this…verse 19.
And for their sake I consecrate myself, that they also may be sanctified in truth.
What is Jesus saying there…for their sake I’m dying. I’m giving my life for them. I’m taking their fig leaves and covering them with my own righteousness.
You don’t have to hide. You don’t have to wear the mask anymore. You are deeply loved and accepted by Jesus.
That’s our mission. To tell the good news. Enough of this…well you’ve gotta tell them the bad news too…sure you do…but even that, friends, isn’t bad news. It’s only bad news if we think fig leaves cover us.
The bad news is that your fig leaf isn’t covering you up. Yeah, we don’t like to hear it…but that’s not bad news if somebody is providing covering…The good news is…I know it isn’t working, you know it isn’t working, let’s stop pretending. And let’s run to Jesus for healing and covering.
Spiritual abuse is fundamentally about an attempt to control another person. It’s to get them to wear a fig leaf that looks like our own…so that we can feel better…so that we can keep ourselves from being exposed and singled out. If everybody is wearing the same thing then maybe He won’t notice...
The only answer is the gospel.
Here’s my fig leaf, Lord....
I need your clothing...
I need you to cover my nakedness, to cover my shame, to forgive my rebellion, to heal my brokenness...
Here I am...
uh....send me?