The Saddest Part of the Funeral (John 11:30–37)

Intro

What do you feel when someone you love dies? As we continue in the book of John, we come to what is, in essence, a funeral. The beloved friend of Jesus, Lazarus, has died. His sisters, who Jesus also loved dearly, are mourning the loss of their brother. Many Jews have come from the nearby city of Jerusalem out to Bethany where they are mourning with them.

Those who have come to know grief, those who have had a loved one die, know that sorrow may not always strike in the house of mourning. Tears do not only come when they are invited. But, for a time, after experiencing the bitterness of death, sorrow will begin to visit you. At first, he will come to visit more often. And you may succeed in keeping him on the doorstep as you entertain others, not wanting to be seen with him publicly. That’s okay, he is often content to wait. He prefers to have one-on-one visits with you anyways. And you may attend to your work and pay him no mind. But he is persistent and will eventually insist on coming in. When your guests have left, when your work has ceased, when you sit alone, sorrow will still be waiting at the door to pay you a visit.

It is fitting then that this entire funeral scene does not take place house of mourning. It doesn’t take place by the tomb. Jesus is still on the road coming into the small town of Bethany. And sorrow comes running to meet him.

And sorrow is not the only visitor of the bereaved. His companions Regret and Confusion are sure to tag along from time to time.

In our passage, John 11:30-37, you are going to see five emotions that come when someone you love dies. These emotions are not given for the sake of cathartic expression. They’re not given merely to be emotional for the sake of emotion. But these five emotions are described to us and shown for your sake so that you may know what it means to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ.

As we read, listen for these emotions:

John 11:30–37 “Now Jesus had not yet come into the village, but was still in the place where Martha met Him. Then the Jews who were with her in the house, and consoling her, when they saw that Mary got up quickly and went out, they followed her, supposing that she was going to the tomb to weep there. Therefore, when Mary came where Jesus was, she saw Him, and fell at His feet, saying to Him, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in spirit and was troubled, and said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to Him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus wept. So the Jews were saying, “See how He loved him!” But some of them said, “Could not this man, who opened the eyes of the blind man, have kept this man also from dying?””

I - Sympathy (vv. 30-31)

Lazarus has died and many Jews have come to the town of Bethany from the nearby city of Jerusalem to sympathize with the family of the deceased. Undoubtedly, the family themselves are seeking to sympathize with one another, to feel with each other through the hardship of loss.

The Mishnah, which is considered authoritative in Judaism, mandated that even the poorest of people were to have hired musicians and hired “mourners”. And I quote: “Even the poorest man of the Jewish people may not provide fewer than two flutes and a lamenting woman, which it was customary to hire for a funeral, as these too are included in the duties of burial.” End quote. Culturally it was expected that you would hire someone to come and cry after the death of your loved one.

In fact, Jeremiah 9 describes the practice. Jeremiah 9:17–18 “Thus says the Lord of hosts, “Consider and call for the mourning women, that they may come; And send for the wailing women, that they may come! “Let them make haste and take up a wailing for us, That our eyes may shed tears And our eyelids flow with water.”

The idea was that a woman - or many women if you had money like Lazarus and his sisters - would come and show such great emotion over the death that it would inspire others to weep also. In fact, this was all too common in various parts of the ancient world. Strange as it is, the world has a long history of “professional mourning”. Actors paid to cry in front of other people to make them cry also.

In any case, the Jews flooded over in this cultural mandate to express grief along with the deceased. All of this context to say, “there is a tremendous amount of grieving and weeping in the setting we are discussing.”

Now, we don’t hire people to come cry today but we do experience and overwhelming flood of sympathy in wake of death. Some of that is shallow sympathy. Even in the precious place of grieving, the plight of human selfishness is not fully restrained. It is all too common for people to insert themselves into the moment, to make known how close they were with the deceased. Amidst the sea of sympathies received by a mourning family, they are sure to receive some that ring hollow. Sympathy that promotes, or lessens, or corrects, or diminishes… sympathy that doesn’t feel with them. Sympathy that is not sympathy at all. For that’s what sympathy is, It’s feeling with someone.

Biblical sympathy is modeled after Jesus Christ. Hebrews 4:15 “For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin.” He felt all the temptations we go through and did not sin. He knows what it feels like to lose people He loves.

There are a lot of different ways people try to define sympathy and empathy today. Suffice it to say that there is a growing support for a kind of love that abandons truth, that seeks to dive into someone else’s world completely without regard to truth. It resembles a man jumping off a tall ship to rescue his shipmate who has fallen into the ocean amidst a storm. But when he gets down there he is unable even to save himself and he is certainly unable to get back to the ship. It is complete folly. What help will he be to him there.

Biblical sympathy is the man willing to dive into the ocean and be with his shipmate and yet knows that he will only be able to help if wears his harness and is attached to the boat by a rope. He knows to help the drowning man he must touch him and he must still be connected to the ship.

So we also must never lose hold of truth as we venture to sympathize and love those who are grieving or else we are of no help to them. And while we have truth, we must also must go and be with those that grieve if we are to be of any help. Truth and love must come to greet the afflicted together - if either is missing, you will fail to console, you will fail to sympathize.

Again let me say, that truth and love are inseparable companions. If I say to you that I have fallen in love, but that it lacks only one thing. My love lacks truth. It is not true love. What say you to that? You say, love that is not true is no love at all.

And if my truth lack love,as Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13:2, “I am nothing.”

This is the first of the emotions in our passage that you will see when someone you love dies. You will see all kinds of displays of sympathy - well done and poorly done, the entire range. Only let your sympathy always be on the pillars of truth and love. Let your truth always have love, and your love always have truth.

Now, the second emotion that we encounter is regret.

II - Regret (v. 32)

John 11:32 “Therefore, when Mary came where Jesus was, she saw Him, and fell at His feet, saying to Him, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.””

Mary feels regret. She’s fixated on the situation. She rightly says that if Jesus had been there, Lazarus would not have died. This is true. And we also see Mary at the feet of Christ. This Mary, sister of Lazarus, not to be confused with Mary Magdalene or Jesus’ mother… this is a third and different Mary, this Mary is the same one that would go on to break the expensive perfume of pure nard and pour it on Christ’s feet. The same one that when she first met him in Luke 10 sat at his feet to listen to him.

Mary is so right in the desire to run and cling to Christ… to be at His feet constantly. We all ought to imitate her example.

But when she does, she says the same thing that her sister said before her as her sister met with Jesus in the verses prior. Martha first, and now Mary both say “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.”

Regret is one of the great dangers for the human soul. Regret turns to situations and circumstances and strips them of any divine intent. Let me assure you here that while it is right for her to cling to Christ and to be at His feet and to call Him Lord, Jesus does not share her regret in this moment.

Remember the earlier context of this chapter, John 11:5–6 “Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when He [Jesus] heard that he [Lazarus] was sick, He [Jesus] then stayed two days longer in the place where He was.”

Jesus loved Lazarus so (therefore) he waited longer when He found out Lazarus was sick. Jesus let Lazarus die. What’s more, in verses 14-15 (John 11:14–15) “So Jesus then said to them plainly, “Lazarus is dead, and I am glad for your sakes that I was not there, so that you may believe; but let us go to him.””

Jesus is glad that He wasn’t there to prevent Lazarus’ death. Because He has a greater purpose in mind. Bear in mind, He does love Lazarus truly, more than any of us have ever loved someone, yet He is glad Lazarus died because He is looking to inspire faith - that is the greater purpose He is focused on. As He says in verse 15 He is glad Lazarus died “so that you may believe.”

Mary’s concerns and Jesus’ concerns are not aligned at this moment. Mary is concerned that if Jesus had been there He could have stopped Lazarus’ death. Jesus is concerned about people believing. Mary is concerned with what could have been…Jesus is concerned with what will be. Mary is focusing on ifs. Jesus is focused on certainties. He will raise Lazarus. He already declared it at the beginning of the chapter.

You will and probably have experienced regret. You wish something was not as it is. As you look back at the history of your life, do not forget the Author of history. God who plans every detail of all things everywhere has intended them all for good. And they will act together for good for those who love God. Psalm 139:16 “Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them.” God has planned every detail of your life before He ever even began to make you. Before your conception and birth, He had written the final chapter of your life. He had already written about the day of grief that would befall you and the days that would follow. Regret betrays a lack of belief in God as the One who plans all things.

He knows and He cares. Lamentations 3:32–33 “For if He causes grief, Then He will have compassion According to His abundant lovingkindness. For He does not afflict willingly Or grieve the sons of men.” God does not afflict you from His heart. God is compassionate. God is love. And He is the one who let that person you love die. Both are true. You may not always be able to reconcile all of the details of how God could be loving and ordain that suffering should strike your life, but you can cling to the hope that though you suffer, God is good and He is in control. And the suffering is ultimately meant to perfect you. (James 1:2-4)

Consider this: there was a boy plagued with large tumor at end of the 18th century. His Father had diligently investigated the matter with physicians and it was known that the tumor had to be removed if the boy was to live. This is before general anesthesia, and the modern effectiveness of pain medication. This will be a painful procedure. The Father determines that it must happen for the good of the boy. So, He sits down with this little child who wouldn’t be able to understand all the details of the operation… and the Father gives this boy two promises:

He says, Son. you will have trouble. There is going to be pain.

I am the one putting you in the midst of the trouble because I love you and it is for your good.

The little boy goes in and the physicians begin to cut and it hurts. It really hurts. And the temptations flash across the boy’s mind. I shouldn’t be here, I shouldn’t have come, the lump on my leg is not so bad, no so bad as this. And that little boy has a choice in that moment: He can trust that what His Father said is true, that this is good. OR He can forget his Father’s words succumb to the pain and regret that he had come to the physicians… ultimately regretting that he trusted his Father.

You all, similarly, have the choice when affliction comes - will you believe in God’s promise and God's power or will you push God out of your mind, regretting in your unbelief?

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These, sympathy and regret, are the emotions of the crowd. Now we move to see two emotions of Christ amidst this scene of grief.

First, we see anger.

III - Anger (vv. 33-34)

You will encounter anger when you see death. Let us see the anger of the Lord Jesus and reason for His anger.

John 11:33–34 “When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in spirit and was troubled, and said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to Him, “Lord, come and see.””

This is one of the few passages of the gospels that have such a keen focus on the emotions. Indeed, even focusing on the emotions of Jesus Christ - what He felt in His spirit as He drew near to the family that He knew so well and drew near to visit His friend who had died. And it is fitting that God would set these emotions and events not in the house where people had gathered to mourn nor by the tomb where some would go to weep… but rather on the road, in a regular spot is where the greatest grief comes to visit.

You may have found that the emotions of Mary, the sister of the deceased Lazarus, and the emotions of the Jews come to mourn with her were relatable, but you will likely find that Jesus’ emotions are not what you were expecting.

First, let’s clarify what Jesus is feeling. It says He was “deeply moved in spirit and was troubled.” Deeply moved, a translation of the Greek word, εμβριμαομαι, is used outside of this context only a few other times in the New Testament. It means there to warn sternly or to scold. This is the same word used when the disciples “scold” Mary for breaking the perfume and pouring it on Jesus. It is a term of rebuke and stern warning. Outside of biblical literature, scholars have noted that it is exclusively a description of anger when it’s describing people. Jesus is angry in spirit. “In spirit” refers to Himself, internally. Essentially how He feels. He feels angry. And, as the passage says, “troubled”. This word means to stir or disturb. Much like a deep sleep being suddenly disturbed by the blaring of an alarm clock, Jesus has the alarm suddenly going off in His soul.

Make no mistake, He is upset. But why? What about the situation has now made the Lord angry?

Jesus looks at Mary falling to His feet weeping and the Jews with her, weeping all acknowledging Him as Lord and He is angry. “Lord”, “Lord.” Do you call Jesus “Lord”?

So what? So what if you do?

Could you ever imagine that Jesus in the midst of people’s personal trials would see them coming to Him, falling at His feet, see them weeping with all of them calling Him Lord, Martha calling Him Lord, Mary calling Him Lord, all of them unanimously declaring that He had the power to save this man that they knew and indeed that some loved dearly, that He would see all of that display of devotion, them coming to Him, them calling Him Lord, and acknowledging His power to heal. And He sees it… and He is disturbed by it. It disturbs Him

Why is He disturbed? Why is He angry? He’s angry because EVERYONE, EVERYONE has missed the point! You may object, “How can people who are crying over the loss of their beloved family member and friend, how can they be missing the point? How could Jesus’ anger possibly be directed at what they are doing? That’s a sacred place. You can’t be upset with someone for grieving their dead during the time of mourning right after he died.”

Yet, they ARE missing the point. They’re missing it because EVERYTHING should have changed the moment they saw Jesus. The moment they saw Jesus they should have started singing praises. This is not some hyper-spiritual, detached conclusion… I remind you that Jesus has already raised multiple people from the dead during His ministry. The widow’s son in the town of Nain. Luke 7:11–17 “Soon afterwards He went to a city called Nain; and His disciples were going along with Him, accompanied by a large crowd. Now as He approached the gate of the city, a dead man was being carried out, the only son of his mother, and she was a widow; and a sizeable crowd from the city was with her. When the Lord saw her, He felt compassion for her, and said to her, “Do not weep.” And He came up and touched the coffin; and the bearers came to a halt. And He said, “Young man, I say to you, arise!” The dead man sat up and began to speak. And Jesus gave him back to his mother. Fear gripped them all, and they began glorifying God, saying, “A great prophet has arisen among us!” and, “God has visited His people!” This report concerning Him went out all over Judea and in all the surrounding district.”

Jesus raised this woman’s son from the dead and it was made known publicly all over the region that Lazarus and his sisters lived in. They had heard of Jesus raising the dead. In fact, they knew Jesus personally. And yet, the sisters and the Judeans around them are all crying out, “if only you had been here, you could have healed him before he died.”

Jesus is disturbed at their unbelief. He is angry that the same people who have heard of His power to raise the dead do not even think to acknowledge that He could raise Lazarus. Oh they believe He has power, power to heal! But power over life and death? No, it doesn’t cross their mind. Only His power to heal. They call Him Lord, but they are yet to know that He is the Lord of life. He has authority and power over life and death. As He said to Martha, “I am the resurrection.” You cannot know Jesus as Lord unless you know about resurrection. All these people saying “Lord, Lord”... confessing with their mouths Jesus as Lord… but it is incomplete and accompanied with unbelief.

Matthew 7:21–23 ““Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. “Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?’ “And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.’”

Romans 10:9 “that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved;”

You must confess Jesus as Lord and believe in His resurrection and you will be saved.

And in verse 34, Jesus asks where Lazarus has been laid. I think at this point Jesus just wants to go raise Lazarus. So disturbed by the unbelief of the Jews and even the unbelief of the believing Mary and Martha. In righteous indignation, He asks to be taken to the body - we know - intending to raise Lazarus from the dead as He said in verse 11 and 14.

But one final word from the sister’s seems to break the dam and let the tears flow. After asking where Lazarus is, Martha and Mary respond together saying “Lord, come and see.”

And then in verse 35, the shortest verse in the English Bible, it says simply … “Jesus wept.”

IV - Sadness (v. 35)

Of course, we all will encounter this emotion when death comes to us or to those around us.

Jesus had the disturbed feeling, the anger over unbelief, but that anger was not without genuine sadness. The word, δάκρυω, used only here in the Bible is the verbal idea of a tear - it’s literally making tears. But it has a bit more force than just some light tears… so much so that some translators say here that “Jesus burst into tears”. I know there’s some disagreement on the nature of his crying here, but when it says “Jesus wept”, it means Jesus wept.

What is the saddest part of this time of grieving? What is the most heart-breaking moment in this ancient equivalent of a funeral? Consider this: it’s not the cry of the wailing women; they are hired and come to cry so often, they mourn for the sake of mourning, and they are paid to do so. It’s not the multitudes of weeping Jews who have gathered to this family; we would certainly say that the family itself has greater grief than the crowd around them. And yet, in this moment, the greatest grief does not belong to the family of the deceased themselves. The greatest grief belongs to the greatest Man. God Who came into the world and took on flesh, the perfect Man Jesus Christ. He sees what is going on and can assess it perfectly, and yet this perfect Man, the God-Man, has had the flood-gates of His soul lifted and the tears are pouring out.

The saddest part of the funeral is why Jesus wept.

The saddest part of the funeral is that the Lord of life has come to house of the dead and not a person has recognized this. They are too busy weeping to ask the only Person who could possibly help them, for help.

Imagine again the frustration and the sadness of the Father who sent His son in with the physicians for surgery to save him. The boy begins losing his composure. The Father comforts him but is frustrated that the boy has stopped trusting Him because He knows that the best thing for His son is that he would trust Him in this moment - what is happening must happen for the good of the boy. Then, the boy looses sight of the promises his Dad gave him altogether and being blinded by the pain of the present moment begins weeping, crying out “Father, you didn’t have to send me in here.” You could have prevented this. And the Father breaks and just begins weeping. He can’t hold back the tears as He sees his boy in pain. He will NOT take him out of that room. He is firmly commited that this must happen for His son. But, oh, does He weep for His child. Tears flow because His child is weeping and in pain and has lost sight of the hope that would have sustained him through the moment.

Jesus’ life and work and ministry would not have been complete if He hadn’t stood on quaint road outside of Bethany and wept. He came to weep, to cry over the unbelief of the world. Jesus wept. He wept perfectly. And among the crowd of weeping people, He wept alone. He wept knowing the truth, when all others stumbled in unbelief fixated on death. Jesus wept for what no one else was willing to weep for. He wept for the unbelief of the weeping women.

The saddest part of the funeral is that all have turned aside to go their own way, disregarding the one who came to save them. And Jesus alone weeps for them.

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Lastly, with everyone there still not getting the point, we see confusion in verses 36 and 37.

V - Confusion (vv. 36-37)

The Jews give two responses to Jesus. John 11:36–37 “So (therefore) the Jews were saying, “See how He loved him!” But some of them said, “Could not this man, who opened the eyes of the blind man, have kept this man also from dying?””

The Jewish groups will speak up again in John 11:45–46 “Therefore many of the Jews who came to Mary, and saw what He had done, believed in Him. But some of them went to the Pharisees and told them the things which Jesus had done.”

These passages have an exactly parallel structure that divides the two groups of Jews responding to Christ. In both cases the first response is the better of the two responses and second of the two responses is the worse response. It is better to see Jesus’ love than to doubt His actions in verses 36 and 37. And it is better to believe in Him then to tell on Him in verses 45 and 46.

The first set of responses that we are looking at in our passage today contrasts the responses to either See how Jesus loved! Or to doubt and regret what He did.

The first group probably doesn’t see Christ’s love fully in this moment. They’re confused for sure. For Jesus is not crying over the death of Lazarus. He’s crying for them. His soul is sad that their souls are lost. So they see Him moved to tears and they don’t quite understand why He is crying, but they see a Man that loves fiercely. They exclaim! See how He loved him! See is the word for “behold”. Behold, the love of Jesus!

Do you see the love of Christ?! Do you know the love of Christ. You may not know it perfectly. You may get things wrong along the way. You will grieve God in your unbelief even after conversion - for unbelief is grieving to God. But He will in no wise cast out those who come to Him! He is merciful and full of compassion, He will abundantly pardon! He loves mightily! Do you see the love of Christ angered over the unbelief of men! Weeping for what no one else was willing to weep for… what no one else even knew to weep for.

Jesus wept for unbelievers and believers who were not believing.

And there is coming a day in John’s gospel where He will go and finish His preparation to die on behalf of those who He loves. He who wept alone for unbelieving people, will also go and die alone for unbelieving people so that they will believe in Him and live.

We get some insight into what He did to prepare His soul for the tortuous death of a cross and facing the wrath of God for the sins of unbelieving men.

Hebrews 5:7–9 “In the days of His flesh, He offered up both prayers and supplications with loud crying and tears to the One able to save Him from death, and He was heard because of His piety. Although He was a Son, He learned obedience from the things which He suffered. And having been made perfect, He became to all those who obey Him the source of eternal salvation,”

Christ also wept and prayed over His own soul that God would save Him from death. And God heard His prayer and counted His tears as being precious and God did save Him from death through resurrection which made Him the source of eternal salvation for everyone who believes in Him and subsequently obeys Him as Lord believing always that God raised Him from the dead.

You must consider the tears of Mary and the Jews who for this time shrunk back in unbelief. And consider the tears of Jesus Christ. Will your weeping stop at the death and pain of the world? It is good to mourn with those who mourn. But everyone, whether Christian or not is able to weep when people they love die. Only the Christian will weep over unbelief - which is the saddest thing in the world. And only the one who has believed in Christ will have their tears of mourning and anger over unbelief turned to joy as God saves them.