Becoming a Better Father

Intro

My name is Derek Talley. I’m the lead Pastor at a church in Missoula Montana called Engaging Heaven. I have a beautiful wife of 20 years and 4 amazing children. 2 Boys and 2 girls from 15 down to 10.

I grew up here in Montana until I was 18 and then moved away.

We had our first child when I was 26 and i’ll never forget that day. They say that you can’t understand what true love is until you have a child. I would say that was absolutely true.

Becoming a better father

the title of this is becoming a better father. It’s a journey

I am by no means an expert. But my intent is to share some mistakes I have made along the way so you don’t have to make those same ones. I also hope to share some wisdom that I have gained over the years.

Not having a father or having a bad father is not an excuse

We have to know our heavenly father to be a good father

John 10:14–15 (ESV)

Don’t beat yourself up if you have failed.

Part 2. Train up a child

Welcome back. YOU HAVE TO SHOW UP

Psalm 127:3–5 (ESV)

3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,

the fruit of the womb a reward.

4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior

are the children of one’s youth.

5 Blessed is the man

who fills his quiver with them!

He shall not be put to shame

when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

1. Try to Get on the same page as your wife and let her speak into your life regarding your parenting

This requires some vulnerability

Have some check ins with your wife

Raising kids is a team sport. Don’t leave it solely up to your wife lets look in the bible how we are to help raising our children

Ephesians 6:4 ESV

4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

There are times when my wife is crushing it as a mom and it makes me want to be a better dad.

Joke of who is the better parent

Train up a child

Proverbs 22:6 (ESV)

6 Train up a child in the way he should go;

even when he is old he will not depart from it.

This speaks to the gifts

Connect with your kids individually on their level not yours.

There are things that your kids will tell you when they are just with you alone

Part 3 Discipline

The pendulum swing

Find the healthy middle

Let’s define discipline - Websters says its the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience.

Hebrews 12:6 (ESV)

6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,

and chastises every son whom he receives.”

Make sure that you and your wife agree on discipline

Proverbs 13:24 ESV

24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

Proverbs 22:15 ESV

15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

Love languages

Acts of service

Quality time

Receiving gifts

Words of affirmation

Physical Touch