Learning to Say No

Introduction

When most people think of Oklahoma, they think of our state anthem, “Oklahoma, where the wind comes crashing down the plains.” Roger’s and Hammerstein pretty much made us look like Kansas in that movie, but there was always one song that stood out to my wife and I. The song was sung by Ado Annie Carnes in her nasal voice. It really isn’t a good song, but it describes her struggle with moral purity. The name of the song is “I can’t say No.”

Now this morning, I am not going to be preaching on moral purity but the name of the song highlights a struggle that some of us have. There are many Christians who live lives rushing from place to place, constantly busy, constantly doing something. Often pandemic to these Christians is a lack of time for spending in communion with God. Just like Annie, they know what they ought to be doing, but they for some reason can’t get it done. They live in the fast lane, always moving, always doing something. Life was not intended to be lived like this. Psalm 46:10 “Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.” The very fact that God gave the Jews the Sabbath shows that He intended man to have patterns of rest built into his life.

This problem doesn’t affect everyone because there are many who fill their lives with selfish pursuits and entertainment, but for those who are busy serving, I believe we can learn a lesson from Paul in this passage: Sometimes it is alright to say no.

But how do we know when that is?

We left off in our last message with Paul in Corinth afraid of persecution. God came to him in a vision and comforted and promised him protection. Towards the end of Paul’s stay, the Jews decide they are going to revolt against him and they bring him to a Roman court of law.

In vs 12, he is brought before Gallio who was related to a lot of famous people, but was also known for his Antisemitism. You can pick up on it a little bit when you read the phrase O ye Jews… The Jews accuse Paul of teaching another religion unsanctioned by the Roman government. They are trying to make Christianity clearly distinct from Judaism so that the deputy will have to rule against it.

Gallio claims it is just a mere squabble about Jewish names and titles, words and interpretation; so he dismisses the argument. The crowd is so upset they take and beat Sosthenes in front of Gallio. Sosthenes was the chief ruler of the synagogue at this time. We are not sure why he was beaten or even who he was. There is the potential that like Crispus of vs 8 Sosthenes was sympathetic if not a believer himself. 1 Cor 1:1 “Paul, called to be an apostle of Jesus Christ through the will of God, and Sosthenes our brother,” mentions a Sosthenes in Corinth, possibly the same man. He could have already been a believer or become one later on. Ultimately, we don’t know.

Paul stays in Corinth for a little while longer but eventually leaves to conclude his second missionary journey. Vs 18 will become important for one of our later points so we will come back to it in a second.

Vs 19 On the way home, Paul ends up being in Ephesus another of the most important cities that he planted a church in. Paul leaves Aquilla and Priscilla to manage things of the church here in Ephesus. In fact the church met in their home. But he goes to preach in the synagogues of Ephesus and actually has a very positive response. The response was so positive that the Jews ask him to tarry longer with them.

Paul has a great opportunity to minister here in the city of Ephesus. Ephesus was one of the largest cities in the area, it was a free influential city. It was also the location of a lot of spiritual activity. It was known for healings, magic and its silver trade. But its crowning jewel was the temple of Artemis or Diana which was one of the seven wonders of the world.

Vs 20 Not only was this an influential city, but Paul was being begged to stay. The people wanted him there to preach. It isn’t very often that people want to hear strong preaching. Most people as soon as they hear something they don’t like they are out the door. But that was not the case here. Paul is presented with an amazing ministry opportunity but the end of the verse says he consented not.

Let me frame this in a way so you understand the significance of what is happening here. Paul is being asked to serve, to minister and he says No. Is it alright to say No when someone asks you to serve in a ministry? People who love and eagerly want to serve God often struggle with this question. There are some who say No for the wrong reasons like I don’t want to, I don’t want to give the time or I don’t feel like I have the ability. Those reasons are all wrong either from selfishness or from doubt of God’s ability to help you; but I don’t think this is where all of us Christians are.

Some of us treat every need and every request as if it was a direct assignment from God. We never pause, ask questions, and pray about the situation. We keep doing and serving some more, but it is out of compulsion and our heart can become bitter over what we feel God is making us do.

In introduction, I want to point out some basic premises to keep in mind as we begin to discuss this topic:

1. When we are faced with situations like this we need to realize, there will be times when we are tired, exhausted and poured out in ministry.

Phil 2:17 “Yea, and if I be offered upon (poured out) the sacrifice and service of your faith, I joy, and rejoice with you all.” 2 Tim 4:6 “For I am now ready to be offered (poured out), and the time of my departure is at hand.”

Col 1:29 “Whereunto I also labour (to the point of exhaustion), striving according to his working, which worketh in me mightily.”

2. God has placed us in a body of believers who all have spiritual gifts to serve (I am not the only one) 1 Cor 12:7 “But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to every man to profit withal.”

3. Not every opportunity is God’s will Acts 18:21 “But bade them farewell, saying, I must by all means keep this feast that cometh in Jerusalem: but I will return again unto you, if God will. And he sailed from Ephesus.” This will bring us into our first major point.

If it is God’s Will

The first consideration we need to keep in mind when saying No to something is the will of God. If Jesus is our Lord and savior, we should all want to do His will. Our prayer should be Not my will but thine be done. Most of us don’t do the will of God because we have not surrendered to do God’s will. We are still fighting a battle against Him.

It reminds me of a story about Hiroo Onoda a Japanese intelligence officer in WWII. Hiroo had been assigned to work in Luzon, Philippines and told not to surrender under any circumstances. When the war ended, Hiroo did not believe the reports so he hid out in the jungles until 1974 when an aging commanding officer finally convinced him to come out of hiding. The entire time Hiroo was conducting guerrilla warfare on local villages.

So we often don’t do the will of God because we don’t want to. Romans 12:1-2 “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” You cannot know the will of God if you are not surrendered, refusing to be conformed to the world and being transformed by the renewing of your mind.

But others live in constant ignorance of the will of God for their lives. Finding the will of God is not as hard as we sometimes make it. But if we are going to know the will of God, we must be walking with God. John 10:27 “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me:” Psalm 37:23 “The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: And he delighteth in his way.” Psalm 37:4 “Delight thyself also in the Lord; And he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” All of these verses have something in common: when we are following, delighting in God, he will direct our steps. These are promises. God will make known his will.

We have previously spoken about this but God’s Spirit uses the following tools to direct our paths:

The word of God- God’s will will never contradict God’s word. What God has revealed in His word is His will.

Prayer- Ask and ye shall receive

Wisdom- God expects us to use our minds when making decisions. James 1:5 “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.”

Counsel- multitude of counselors there is wisdom

Leading of the Spirit Romans 8:14 “For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.”

Circumstances- story of Paul with the storm, closed and open doors

Peace- Col 3:15 “And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.”

When it comes to opportunities to serve God, we must seriously consider whether this is the will of God. As we see in our text, not every opportunity is the leading of the Spirit. This ministry opportunity was a good thing and I think Paul wanted to meet that need. Notice we will be back in Ephesus in Acts 19. But as good as it was it was not God’s will for Paul’s life.

If there are prior obligations

The second reason to say “No” is if there are other prior obligations. Remember I told you we would come back to Vs18, turn there now. There was one detail that may not seem to be significant but it explains why Paul did not feel like he could stay in Ephesus. Paul had made a vow that needed to be fulfilled.

The last part of vs 18 reveals that Paul had shorn his head in Cenchrea because he had made a vow. What kind of a vow was made here is debated, but there are two conservative views on what is going on here.

A nazarite vow- You are probably thinking Pastor Jason, didn’t the Nazarites refuse to cut their hair. Didn’t Samson have long flowing hair? Yes you would be correct, but lets actually look at the Nazarite vow in Num 6:1-12. There were three things a Nazarite was not supposed to do: 1) Not drink alcohol 2) not cut his hair 3) not touch dead bodies but notice in Vs 9. When a Nazarite vow was ended there was a certain ceremony that had to be performed: the first thing he would do was shave his head Num 6:18 tells us what he did with the hair. “And the Nazarite shall shave the head of his separation at the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, and shall take the hair of the head of his separation, and put it in the fire which is under the sacrifice of the peace offerings.” After that he was to offer sacrifices. If this was the type of vow that Paul had taken, he needed to bring the hair and the sacrifices to Jerusalem to complete the vow. Paul couldn’t stay in Ephesus because he needed to fulfill his promise to the Lord.

Thanksgiving vow- others believe that the vow was a thanksgiving vow for the protection that God gave him in Corinth. Either way the fulfillment of the vow would have been much the same.

Promises made are not to be taken lightly and if we can at all keep them, we should. In Psalm 15:4 speaks about the man who abides with God “In whose eyes a vile person is contemned; But he honoureth them that fear the Lord. He that sweareth to his own hurt, and changeth not.” He makes a promise and he keeps it.

Sometimes other obligations keep us from being able to say “Yes” and that is alright. Now we should just decide to change plans with one person just because we like the new opportunity better. But if you have already given your word, you should keep it.

If there is a higher priority

I think this point really is derived from the previous two points. Why is it that God’s will mattered more? Why is it that his previous promise made to God mattered more than a ministry opportunity? It all comes down to priorities in life. Priorities is probably one of the most messed up things about our culture. There are people who literally will not go to the bathroom because they are playing video games and they get infections from it. But much of society has elevated gaming, movies, activities to the highest priority in life. So when it comes to priorities where should our priorities fall?

You always have enough time to do what your god wants you to do.

When something irritates you because you didn’t get to do it, that thing is more important than what you are being asked to do.

To use a simplistic view of priorities, we could outline them like this:

God

Family

Ministry

Work

This model isn’t exactly the best because their are exceptions and because God should be the center of all of these areas of our lives. But it is a decent basic outline. Crises may require you to devote focused attention on one of these areas. But as a believer, we have obligations to all of them. We can’t just drop out of church because I haven’t spent time with my kids. Or I can’t skip work today because I didn’t do my devotions this morning. As I said this is very simplistic, but it does give us a basic framework.

If a father notices that his family is in disarray because he has not had time to spend with his kids training them, he might say no to a ministry opportunity.

If I am skipping church and my devotions because of work or family, I should consider where my priorities lie.

Conclusion

You might be thinking Pastor Shirk are you giving me permission to say “no” to doing something at church? The answer is Yes, but I want you to say “No” for the right reasons. Often times, we say no to ministry opportunities because we have said yes to other things of lesser value.

All of these principles are not just related to ministry opportunities either. I have only used that as the example because it is what the text deals with.

You can say no to Youth Sports and Extra curricular activities.

You can say no to Working overtime.

You can say no to Projects around the house.

You can say no to Social engagements, dinners with friends, hanging out at the coffee shop.

But in saying “No”, you should consider these three points. Really, they should be considered in ever decision.

So my heart this morning is for you to feel the freedom to say “No” if it isn’t God’s will. If you have prior obligations or there is something that is more important. If you are like me, you don’t need to beat yourselves up over what you know isn’t God’s will.