Shepherding Children: Identity and Worth

Caleb Mayfield

Sermon • Submitted 2 years ago • Presented 2 years ago

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Handout

Follow Ups from Last Time

Home Applications

Do a self assessment TONIGHT

What do my children see and hear from me?

Do what my children see and hear negatively effect them emotionally?

What do I prioritize with my children?

Sports? Entertainment? Lavish living? Over indulgence?

Do I parent my children? Or am I more interested in them liking me?

Make a plan of action THIS WEEK

What do I need to change about my personal habits and behavior?

Wake up early for bible and prayer?

Change music, tv, and movie habits?

Find an accountability partner to meet with regularly?

Do I need to start apologizing (without "buts”) about things I do that either hurt my child or spouse and set them all up for failure?

What should I stop doing with my family?

Event frequency changes? Stop eating dinner in front of the tv? Stop listening to bad music in the car?

Stop prioritizing sports?

What should I start doing with my family?

Attend church regularly?

Read the bible and pray together before bed?

Confess sin and request prayer together?

Set reasonable goals for THIS MONTH

I will read 1 chapter of the bible every day this month. I will do a christian devotion in the morning and pray for 5 things every morning this month.

We will attend church 4 times this month?

We will listen to Christian praise music when we are in the car from now on.

I will take my kids through a short devotional book this month. At night.

I will pray over my children at least 3 times a week when I take them to school in the morning.

Set a reminder on your phone to remind you to reassess your progress NEXT MONTH

Home Applications

Do a self assessment Tonight

Make a plan of action This Week

Set reasonable goals for This Month

Set a reminder on your phone to remind you to reassess your progress Next Month

Opening Video

Baker Encyclopedia of Psychology and Counseling Identity

Identity. In the most general terms identity refers to one’s answer to the question, Who am I? Erik Erikson, the most well-known thinker in this area, proposed that identity involves a sense of personal uniqueness and self-continuity and an identification with group ideals. Erikson (1968) described the identity development process, maintaining that it “employs a process of simultaneous reflection and observation, a process taking place on all levels of mental functioning, by which the individual judges himself in the light of what he perceives to be the way in which others judge him in comparison to themselves and to a typology significant to them; while he judges their way of judging him in the light of how he perceives himself in comparison to them and to types that have become relevant to him.… Furthermore, the process described is always changing and developing: at its best it is a process of increasing differentiation, and it becomes ever more inclusive as the individual grows aware of a widening circle of others significant to him, from the maternal person to ‘mankind’ ” (pp. 22–23). In theory one’s relationships and capacity to take others’ perspectives are critical to identity development. Research empirically substantiates some of this process (e.g., Enright, Ganiere, Buss, Lapsley, & Olson, 1983).

Identity and Worth are Intertwined

Based on our resource...

Aspects of Identity

Personal Uniqueness: Do I stand out?

Self-Continuity: Will people remember me?

Identification with Group Ideals: Where do I belong?

Self Judgement: Do I measure up?

Comparison to Others: Do I look better than others?

Develops as We Interact With More People

notice that all that makes up identity is looked for outside of one’s self...

Our Western Culture Promotes Paradoxical Ideas Regarding Identity

Paradoxical Identity Ideas

“You can be anything YOU want” vs. “You are limited by your RACE and GENDER”

“You are whatever YOU feel like you are” vs. “OTHERS are required to affirm who you feel you are”

“YOU were BORN with your gender identity and sexuality” vs. “Your gender identity is FLUID”

“YOU define your gender” vs. “A DOCTOR can TRANSITION your physical gender”

“I am tolerant and accepting of others values and ideas” vs. “Unless their values and ideas are contrary to mine”

Cultural Manifestations of Self Identity

Gender

Sexuality

Race

Perceived Species

Politics

Age

Sports and hobbies

Tribes

Nations

Humor

Socio Economics

Religion

Vocation

Role within the home

Some people ignore the heaviness regarding the concept of identity. They think its not that big of a deal. They also refuse to critically think about the identity they’ve either knowingly or unknowingly embraced.

But here is why this is such a big deal...

When an identity is embraced:

Morals are defined

Values are defined

Pursuits are defined

Behaviors are defined

When an identity that’s embraced takes root and the roots get deeper, because of sin, the only natural progression is towards corruption.

All the things that are defined due to an identity being embraced can manifest innocently and quietly. But over time, they get less innocent and a lot louder.

For instance...

What You Have to Be On Guard Of

Making your role as a parent your identity

If your role as a parent becomes the identity you live in...

Your morals and values will eventually become defined by what you believe to be in the best interest of your kids.

Have you ever wanted to cuss out a ref?

Your pursuits and behaviors will eventually become defined by what you perceive to be weaknesses in your kids

Have you ever been tempted to do or say something because you don’t want people to think you’re a bad parent?

I hope you understand that this idea of identity and worth isn’t just about making sure your kids get identity and worth right.

Having that attitude might reveal that your own identity and worth are off base right now.

How Does Identity Effect How We Shepherd Children

I’m going to say something that you might not expect me to say...

What I’m going to say is what I think we need to be shepherding our children to understand...

The Pursuit of Self Identity is a Pursuit of Self Destruction

WHY?

Self Identity is Self-Centered

Mark 8:34–38 ESV

And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? For what can a man give in return for his soul? For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.”

Even when our focus becomes replacing our culture’s ideas/opinions about ourselves with what we might call “God’s ideas/opinions about ourselves” we run the risk of still being Self-Centered.

Just so I’m clear… I am not saying that we should not remind ourselves of who God says we are!

This, I’ll revisit this in just a moment...

There is a reason why we are wired to look for self identity outside of ourselves.

We were wired to...

Behold God’s glory and enjoy His glory forever

God’s glory is the shining forth of His holiness… His uniqueness… God’s holiness is His identity.

We were wired to...

Behold and enjoy God’s identity forever

Beholding and enjoying God’s identity includes living in who we are in Christ.

* rephrase* Because of sin, you and your children lack the awareness that our own identity and value cannot be found within ourselves. So when we find the lack in us, we look outward to find a glory, of sorts, that can then come back to us to define our identity and value.

Sin has captivated our hearts to look in, then look out, but only for the purpose of looking back in!

I call it the...

Identity U-Turn

Sin has re-wired us to U turn identity back to ourselves. Satan knows this. And that is why identity is so weaponized. And always has been. He intended for us to fall into this trap:

Genesis 3:4–5 ESV

But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

Genesis 3:6 ESV

So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate.

CSB Study Bible: Notes Chapter 3

As the serpent had indicated, the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew, but instead of producing godlike power, the knowledge brought only a sense of human inadequacy, fear, and shame.

But here is the beauty of the gospel...

God, has found/knows in who He, himself, is infinite glory & worth, and he looked out towards us, seeing and knowing our loss of glory and loss of worth from contamination by sin, and HE came to us, to draw our attention away from our identity, in order for us to be pulled back into His identity.

Colossians 3:3 ESV

For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.

IT IS YOUR JOB AS A PARENT TO SHEPHERD YOUR CHILD’S GAZE, NOT TOWARDS THEIR IDENTITY, BUT TOWARDS CHRIST’S IDENTITY! CHRIST’S IDENTITY IS WHERE OUR IDENTITY IS HIDDEN.

I believe that this is exactly what the Apostles were trying to do in their letters.

Colossians 3:4 ESV

When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

Ephesians 1:6–13 ESV

to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth. In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit,

Ephesians 2:1–8 ESV

And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,

1 Peter 2:9 ESV

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.

Christ Centered Identity

Christ’s Uniqueness: Christ is the one who must stand out

Christ-Continuity: Will people remember Christ in me?

Identification with Christ: I belong in Christ!

Christ Judgement: Christ will always measure up!

Comparison to Christ: Christ is worthy of all praise and glory

Deepens as one continues to look to Jesus

While we are included in Christ Centered Identity, it is not we who are the center, but Christ. And it is all dependent upon looking more at Him and less at ourselves.

In regard to your children… I know you do not want them to fall prey to Satan’s lies and for them to embrace and be happy or excited about an antichrist identity…

That would be a terrible thing to happen.

The best thing for your children is not for them to be happy and excited about who God says they are.

The best thing for your children is for them to become happy and excited about who God says that He is!

Who God says we are is important. If it wasn’t, he wouldn’t reveal who we are in Christ within the scriptures

What God says we are in Christ

Forgiven

Redeemed

Children of God

Priests

Bride of Christ

More than Conquerors

A Holy Nation

etc.

What’s interesting about the truth’s that God say about us is that they are all plural. They are about us as His people. Collective. Because, while He does love each individual, He redeemed us to be together.

We can and should get excited about these things. But we have to remember those who came before us. People who made their primary focus on their identity and less on God’s identity.

Israel

They adopted the philosophy of identity from the other nations and just stamped God’s statements about themselves on to it.

Knowing who they were wasn’t their problem… Knowing who God is was.

Every time God’s people became proud and arrogant about who they were and chased after other Gods, while still calling themselves Israel, God disciplined them. He warned them over and over again by the prophets that he would. and that.

“Then you will know that I am YAHWEH your God”

72 times

“Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.”

C.S. Lewis

Brothers, We Are Not Professionals: A Plea to Pastors for Radical Ministry Chapter 3: Brothers, God is Love

Now here is a closing test to see if you have penetrated to the essence of God’s merciful God-centeredness. Ask yourself and your people: “Do you feel most loved by God because He makes much of you, or because He frees you to enjoy making much of Him forever?” This is the test of whether our craving for the love of God is a craving for the blood-bought, Spirit-wrought capacity to see and glorify God by enjoying Him forever, or whether it is a craving for Him to make us the center and give us the pleasures of esteeming ourselves. Who, in the end, is the all-satisfying Treasure that we are given by the love of God: self or God?

Practical Ways to Shepherd Children into Christ’s Identity

Model to them what focusing on who Christ is looks like

Let them see in you less of an emphasis on your identity and more on the identity of Christ.

Let them see you as Christ centered and not self-centered.

Protect them from identity indoctrination but do not shelter them

Children need to be shown that all people hunger to know God and be known by God.

They need to see that the world is going to offer them identity and worth with empty lies.

If you don’t prepare them for it they will be utterly shocked and ambushed when you can’t protect them!

Don’t put heavy expectations on them to perform within things that tempt their glory hunger

Many kids get sucked into an identity because parents pressure them to be better than everyone else in a particular area.

They need to be taught to pursue God’s glory within the things that tempt glory hunger!

band, sports, academics, etc.

When they fail, remind them that failure is a part of the human condition

and that we can be thankful because Jesus didn’t fail when He put on the human condition

Show them that sinful desire does not have to define their identity

“Show them” - They need to know that you also have desires contrary to God’s design, and that you constantly kill those desires because of who Jesus is!

Many of today’s youth are falling prey to lies of gender and sexual identity because no one has talked to them about what desire is. No one has modeled confession and repentance. Because of this, they now believe that what they feel is all there is that is true.

“Does not have to” - The reality is that outside of Christ desire for sin and actualization of sin is accompanied by a love for sin. Not all sin. Those who are not in Christ still have an identity as sinner.

Being born again means that a person is born of the Spirit into Christ. But this cannot happen if someone rejects Christ, His identity, and His value.