Unapreciated

A young mother was struggling to keep up. Her husband was gone overseas serving in the military and she was left at home to raise there three kids alone. Her husband didn’t make much money so she still had to work. Each morning she would get up, get the kids ready, one for school and the other two for day care. She would dress and feed and drop them off on her way to work.

After a long day at work she would return to the daycare and the school to pick up the kids and her evenings would be full of helping with homework, fixing dinner, getting them all a bath and ready for bed so it could begin again the next day. Of course in between there were countless dirty diapers and feedings for the baby and what seemed like a million trips a day to the bathroom for the toddler who was potty training.

At night she would collapse into bed exhausted, only to be awakened a few times during the night for a clean diaper or a fresh bottle, mommy I need a drink or whatever else came up. In the morning she would drag herself out of bed still exhausted and begin another day, until one day she had had enough.

These kids only think about themselves, they don’t care how tired I am or how much I have to do, they don’t care about me at all. That’s it, if they don’t care about me then I just won’t care about them. I quit. Let them fix their own dinner and change their own diapers......I am done. Then the toddler fell and bumped his head on the corner of the table and she rushed over to console him. Of course when he started crying so did the baby so she took care of her too. Just another day in the life of a mom, why do they do it. Maybe it is because she is a mom.

Years later dad is out of the military and has a good job, he has served his country and provided for his family all this time. Now it seems like the only time he sees the kids is when they want something. Dad I need lunch money, dad can I borrow the car, dad I want....I need...... can you fix my....... I need a new ......... until one day he is fed up. That’s it he says if all I am good for is paying everyone’s bills then I quit. The well is dry, I am tapped out, enough is enough. Then his cell phone rings. His daughter is crying. Through the sobs he makes out that her car is has broken down and she doesn’t know what to do. She has just started college and he is so proud of her, she studies hard and has worked to get where she is. Calm down honey....daddy will be right there, I’ll take care of it, it will be alright. Why does he do it, why not just quit. Because he is a dad.

There are moments of parenting when you think that this moment makes it all worthwhile. Of course they are vastly outnumbered by the times you count to ten and mutter under your breath. It may be that you are never properly recognized for all that you do for your kids, but you do it anyway. There is no guarantee that your kids will turn out right, but you care for them anyway. There may never be a parent awards ceremony where all of your hard work and effort is rewarded, but you do it anyway.

Some parents don’t. There are moms who don’t care for their own children, there are dads who don’t support their own families. Most of them don’t get arrested for it. Most of them don’t seem to suffer much because of it. But their children do. The kids may make it. Maybe someone else will take care of them, maybe they can learn to fend for themselves, maybe they get just enough help to get by, but they suffer. Who knows what they could have been if only their parents had loved them and cared for them, no one but God will ever know. They will always feel loss, they will never be quite the same as they would have been if only their parents had done what parents are supposed to do. They will suffer.

But most parents, to the best of their ability do what parents do. We have bad days and sometimes we fail, but we carry on, we raise our kids, we care for them, we love them, even when it’s hard. If that were not true the human race could not survive. If no one took care of the children soon there would be no more children, and then no more people.

You may never get the appreciation you deserve, others may not be grateful for who you are and what you do, but you can’t just quit. You still have to be who you are, you still have to be who God made you to be. You still have to carry on, to continue, to never quit. It’s always been like that.

Judges 11:1–11 NASB95

Now Jephthah the Gileadite was a valiant warrior, but he was the son of a harlot. And Gilead was the father of Jephthah. Gilead’s wife bore him sons; and when his wife’s sons grew up, they drove Jephthah out and said to him, “You shall not have an inheritance in our father’s house, for you are the son of another woman.” So Jephthah fled from his brothers and lived in the land of Tob; and worthless fellows gathered themselves about Jephthah, and they went out with him. It came about after a while that the sons of Ammon fought against Israel. When the sons of Ammon fought against Israel, the elders of Gilead went to get Jephthah from the land of Tob; and they said to Jephthah, “Come and be our chief that we may fight against the sons of Ammon.” Then Jephthah said to the elders of Gilead, “Did you not hate me and drive me from my father’s house? So why have you come to me now when you are in trouble?” The elders of Gilead said to Jephthah, “For this reason we have now returned to you, that you may go with us and fight with the sons of Ammon and become head over all the inhabitants of Gilead.” So Jephthah said to the elders of Gilead, “If you take me back to fight against the sons of Ammon and the Lord gives them up to me, will I become your head?” The elders of Gilead said to Jephthah, “The Lord is witness between us; surely we will do as you have said.” Then Jephthah went with the elders of Gilead, and the people made him head and chief over them; and Jephthah spoke all his words before the Lord at Mizpah.

Jephthah was unwanted, he was the son of a prostitute, through no mistake or shortcoming of his own he was driven out of his home, his hometown, and his country. We was neither wanted or welcomed, until they needed him. You see God had given him a gift. He was a great leader, a military man. A man who could make an army even out of the rejected and unwanted. He took those who had been driven out and driven away and became their leader and their commander. Much like David would do years later Jephthah took the people no one else wanted and made them into a force that other people envied. God had given Jephthah a talent for leading men to be better than they ever could have been without him. And he used that talent.

Later on when the ones who had pushed him out and drove him away needed him, needed his God given talents and abilities he could have said no way, you didn’t want me then so you can’t have me now. But that is not what he did. He stepped up and used his abilities as a leader. He became the leader of the very people who had rejected him, and he led them well.

He did not use his hurt and his pain as an excuse to hurt others. He did not reject God’s plan for his life because others did not make it easy or pleasant. Jepthah used his God given talents and abilities to accomplish what God had given him those talents and abilities to accomplish. Whether everyone made him feel welcome or not, whether they appreciated him or not, whether they loved him or not. Jephthah did not depend on the acknowledgement or appreciation of others to do what God had called and equipped him to do. He did it anyway, even if they resented him, even if they rejected him, he knew who he was and what he had been called and equipped to do, so he did it, regardless of what others said, did or thought.

Why do you do what you do. Is it to be seen and appreciated by others, or is there a deeper reason. People are fickle. The ones who praise you today may curse you tomorrow. Your biggest fan can become your biggest critic or your biggest rival. If you live your life based on the approval of others you will never have security, you will never be certain, you will never have stability. Fame is here today and gone tomorrow.

If you want consistency you must turn to God. Just like raising kids who hug you and kiss you and tell you they love you one day and then scream I hate you when things don’t go there way, the world is fickle and ever changing. If you do what you do to please the world, to win their approval then you are to be pitied because no matter how much you do it will never be enough. The deck is stacked against you, you cannot win.

But if you do what you do to please God, you can win. I know it doesn’t make sense. The one whose standard is perfection can be pleased with your efforts and the ones who are just as broken as you are will never be pleased. God loves you even if you fail, God loves you when you try, God loves you when you are still trying.

If you serve God it may mean that people won’t always know what you have done, that they won’t appreciate your efforts. That’s okay, they would not have been satisfied for long anyway. God will always know, he will know all of your pain and all of your struggles. God will appreciate everything you do, and what your father sees in secret he will reward you openly. Sometimes even the people who know what you have done and are doing will not reward you, or they will not even acknowledge what you have done. If you work for people it will always be a problem. God will always be aware of what you have done, not just the outward signs but the inward struggles, every victory and every defeat, and he loves you for it.

If you serve men, you will lose. You just can’t do enough, no one can. If you serve God you will win. He can overcome all of your deficiencies. There is nothing you need that he does not have and nothing he calls you to do that he will not give you everything you need to get it done. He will love you for it, appreciate you, bless you, and reward you, in his own time.

There is something else as well. If no one takes care of the children there will be no children, they would all die, they cannot survive without people to take care of them. If every dad were a deadbeat dad and every mom abandoned her children the human race would die out. If no one takes care of the ministry God has called and equipped you to take care of it too will die. Like a child that needs clothes, food, and shelter God has arranged to work in this world through us. He has chosen to equip us for every good work. Just as God arranged for parents to take care of children God has arranged for each of his children to take care of a ministry for him. If no one took care of the children God could step in and meet all of their needs, but he doesn’t. I believe that sometimes he does step in but sometimes children die, from want and neglect.

If God wanted to he could take over every form of work and ministry in the world and make it all happen without us. I think sometimes he does, but far more often he stands aside and lets the ministry die if we do not take care of it. Without you the world will suffer. Like a child without parents it may learn to survive, go get by, to exist, but it will not be everything it could be. A child without parents my be taken in and fed, educated, even loved, but it is not the same. God bless those who are called to be parents to those whose parents cannot, or have not, but that’s not the original plan, and there always seem to be more in need than there are to provide the care.

God sometimes sends someone else to do the work of your ministry, to love those you are supposed to love and care for those you are supposed to care for, but there seem to never be enough workers and providers to go around, and the world suffers. If you do not do your job in the family then the family suffers. If you do not do what you are called to do in the church then the church suffers. If you do not do what God has called you to do in the world then the whole world is less because of it. You are incredibly important.

It may be that no one ever takes the time to recognize you or to sing your praises, but that does not change the facts. If you choose not to do your part, you suffer, your family suffers, the church suffers, and even the world is less than it should be. It’s not about getting recognized for your efforts, every parent knows that. It is about an obligation, about something that you can do better than anyone else on the planet. It’s about you and whether or not you will step up and do your part, or accept a world that is less than it should be, less than it could be without you in it, being who you were designed to be.