Real Relationships: Wives
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This is the fourth week in our Real Relationships series - and we are going to finish things up this week with a message for the wives!
These messages are very targeted and intentional, from your pastor to this church. We have people in our church in every stage and so many different circumstances of relationship.
In this series, we are working to GROW. And I have heard some good things. Our church exists to equip YOU to do the work of the ministry, and that mean’s figuring out how to do marriage well. So that we glorify God in our marriages, so that we can share the gospel with others.
The messages in this series are available to you online if you missed any of them, and I encourage all of you to seek those out.
We started with Knowing your self and knowing God - what his expectations are of someone who is seeking out that marriage relationship - and those who are already in them. We looked at divorce, knowing that so many of us have experienced that pain, and death.
And last week, my message was for husbands.
We are going to look at the same scriptures this week that we used last week. And remember, there are only three times that you can use these scriptures:
In group study
To correct someone of the same gender
To bless your spouse
Scripture we are going to look at:
Ephesians 5:22-33
22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord,
23 because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body.
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her
26 to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word.
27 He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless.
28 In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
29 For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church,
30 since we are members of his body.
31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.
32 This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church.
33 To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.
1 In the same way, wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, even if some disobey the word, they may be won over without a word by the way their wives live
2 when they observe your pure, reverent lives.
3 Don’t let your beauty consist of outward things like elaborate hairstyles and wearing gold jewelry or fine clothes,
4 but rather what is inside the heart—the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
5 For in the past, the holy women who put their hope in God also adorned themselves in this way, submitting to their own husbands,
6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. You have become her children when you do what is good and do not fear any intimidation.
7 Husbands, in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker partner, showing them honor as coheirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
10 Who can find a wife of noble character? She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will not lack anything good.
12 She rewards him with good, not evil, all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from far away.
15 She rises while it is still night and provides food for her household and portions for her female servants.
16 She evaluates a field and buys it; she plants a vineyard with her earnings.
17 She draws on her strength and reveals that her arms are strong.
18 She sees that her profits are good, and her lamp never goes out at night.
19 She extends her hands to the spinning staff, and her hands hold the spindle.
20 Her hands reach out to the poor, and she extends her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid for her household when it snows, for all in her household are doubly clothed.
22 She makes her own bed coverings; her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known at the city gates, where he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes and sells linen garments; she delivers belts to the merchants.
25 Strength and honor are her clothing, and she can laugh at the time to come.
26 Her mouth speaks wisdom, and loving instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the activities of her household and is never idle.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also praises her:
29 “Many women have done noble deeds, but you surpass them all!”
30 Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised.
31 Give her the reward of her labor, and let her works praise her at the city gates.
18 Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19 Husbands, love your wives and don’t be bitter toward them.
Some observations:
We don’t usually think about this stuff until there is a problem.
It is easier for me, and others to be critical of husbands - culture is more critical of men in general.
Instructions for a Christian Husband:
Know her.
Love Her
Sacrifice for her.
Trust her.
Cover her.
Instructions for the Christian Wife:
Know him.
Honor him.
Build him
Follow him.
These instructions are for a wife to a husband. They have no bearing on any relationship outside of that.
Men - these things are easier if you are doing what you are supposed to be doing. If you are doing the things you are supposed to be doing, your wife can do these things with joy.
1. Know him:
What you think about your husband will dictate the way that you feel and act around and towards him.
Male experience in the world:
Hard things we don’t talk about
Criticism: Culture, work place, etc.
phil 4:8
8 Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy—dwell on these things.
Martin Luther - “You can’t stop birds from flying overhead, but you can stop them from building a nest”
Know where he is strong, know where he is weak.
The way you think about your husband determines the rest of these
2. Honor Him
Men do not have the same encouraging culture that women experience.
We don’t have the “Way to go!” SLAY GIRL! attitudes towards each other - with out being super intentional about those relationships.
What you say about your husband matters.
Absence of unnecessary criticisms - even when joking....
I watch - the twinge of pain go through mens eyes as their wives tell jokes at their expense. Jokes shouldn’t include weaknesses.
YOU CAN ASK!
How can I honor you more?
3. Build Him
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will not lack anything good.
12 She rewards him with good, not evil, all the days of her life.
23 Her husband is known at the city gates, where he sits among the elders of the land.
4. Follow Him.
Follow Jesus
Follow your husband where not otherwise specified.
Do not follow into sin.
Christian husbands have a responsibility to lead well, christian wives have a responsibility to follow well.
33 But the married man is concerned about the things of the world—how he may please his wife—
34 and his interests are divided. The unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the things of the Lord, so that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But the married woman is concerned about the things of the world—how she may please her husband.
4 A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a wife who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.
Fight the tendency to coast.