When Your Children Don't Seem to be Responding Well to Your Parenting

Introduction

Parenting can be hard and stressful and sometimes we feel like throwing in the towel. Our lives can be in constant chaos and we wonder if we are ever going to accomplish any good in the lives of these children. I wasn’t there, but I heard Mrs. Karsies gave a word of encouragement at one of the baby showers, that we may not see the fruit from our parenting right now. It’s hard to be there in that moment.

As we will see in our text tonight, our kids can get to the point where they forget their parents love because of selfishness or the draw of their friends. How many of our children have chosen time with their friends over time with us? But they may not appreciate how much we love them and want what best for them. They may not show gratitude or even respond well to our parenting.

We will also see tonight that our children can sometimes give in to believing the attacks that their friends lob against us. Our children come home from school or church and complain that they never get to do what Jonny does or we never let them have any fun.

Tonight I want to encourage you to keep on giving even when they don’t respect you or return your love.

If you aren’t looking for it, you probably wouldn’t think of tonight’s text as a parenting text; so in introduction I want to show you why I have chosen this selection of verses to teach on parenting.

Paul viewed his relationship with the Corinthians as a father/child relationship. 1 Cor 4:15 “For though ye have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet have ye not many fathers: for in Christ Jesus I have begotten you through the gospel.” As Paul approaches this church, there is a dearness in his heart because they are his children.

Paul builds his case on a proverb about fathers and their children 2 Cor 12:14 “Behold, the third time I am ready to come to you; and I will not be burdensome to you: for I seek not yours, but you: for the children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children.”

Paul experience as a spiritual father is much like ours as earthly parents.

vs 11-12 His children should have respected him but they were drawn away after these super apostles. 2 Cor 11:5 “For I suppose I was not a whit behind the very chiefest apostles.” 2 Cor 12:11 “I am become a fool in glorying; ye have compelled me: for I ought to have been commended of you: for in nothing am I behind the very chiefest apostles, though I be nothing.”

vs 15 His children should have loved him, but they loved him less.

vs 16 His children believed the lies that were being told about him.

And so I believe that it is not an injustice to this text to exegetically apply the principles to earthly parents that even more true sometimes of spiritual parents. In his defense, Paul makes five claims about his spiritual parenting that should encourage us to never give up parenting the way God wants us to parent.

When your children don’t want to listen to you, patiently be a good parent. vs 12

The church of Corinth is known as one of the most carnal of all of the churches that Paul had ever established. Other than the church of Ephesus they were also the church he spent the most time in. I think there is an encouragement here in that you can invest yourself and time in a child and they still go off the deep end. That isn’t necessarily a reflection on you as a parent if you know you did what God expected of you.

Paul has already visited the city of Corinth twice and even though this is called second Corinthians, it is actually the fourth book that Paul wrote to this church. He has invested his life into them and yet, false apostles came into the church claiming to be super apostles as we saw above. They came in and they stole the heart of his children.

Sometimes our kids lose sight of the value of our relationship with them. They would rather be around their friends. Some new flashy toy has distracted them and it feels like we have lost them. Paul knows that feeling and he fought for his children’s hearts. That is why he gives this entire defense to begin with. It was not about pride, but winning them back.

But the first encouragement we get here is don’t quite. When it gets hard, that isn’t the time to throw in the towel. Thats when we need to dig our heals in and do more.

Paul says he wrought the signs of an apostle in signs, wonders, and miracles among them. We looked briefly at this verse this morning and my focus is not to teach on the meaning of this verse to theology, but it is significant. From a parental, pastoral perspective what this verse indicates is that Paul was doing the things that God wanted him to do. He didn’t give in to the temptation to stop ministering to this church.

As parents, we can feel the temptation to just avoid our children. They don’t want anything to do with us, so we don’t want anything to do with them. Let’s just go about our lives and when they are 18 they can go do their own thing.

Another temptation we can feel is the temptation to compromise to get our kids back. Sometimes it is hard to hold the line, to just keep doing what is right. If I just stop spanking them, maybe they will love me more. I know this addiction to video games is bad for them but they seem so happy. They really need to eat their vegetables, but I just can’t stand another fight.

Paul didn’t just do what was right, he was patient. Patience is the power to withstand hardship or stress. To remain under the difficulty, or endurance. Paul knew what was best for his children so he put up with the hardship and stress that it brought. His love for them compelled him to continue.

You might be worn out today. You’re done. These kids just don’t seem to listen, but I want to encourage you to not lose heart. Keep on going. Gal 6:9 “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”

When your children don’t want to listen to you, selflessly, sacrificially seek their good. vs 13-15a

Verse 13 is an interesting verse because we pick on Paul’s use of sarcasm. He facetiously asks what have you suffered because of me? Did you suffer because I did not take anything from you? Forgive me for treating you so badly.

The entire time that Paul was with the Corinthians, he worked or supported himself. He was not a burden to them. But even this good was thrown in his face. These false teachers had all received money for their ministry and yet Paul couldn’t be trusted because he didn’t take money.

They went on to continue to attack Paul in vs 16-18 by saying that he was just waiting to spring the trap. He was being tricky and deceiving them. Paul claims I did not burden you and yet they claim in spite of all that that Paul caught them with guile.

Paul reminds them that even though he has had plenty of time to take advantage of them, he hasn’t done it. Even when he sent workers to go check up on them, they were not a burden to the Corinthians either.

Back in vs 14, in spite of all of these false accusations, Paul determines not to be a burden to them. He is going to continue selflessly, sacrificially seeking their good even though they misunderstand and slander his motives.

His motivation is revealed in the second half of the verse: for I seek not yours (I don’t seek your things, your money or gifts) but you. You are what is most important to me. You are what drives me to do these things. You are my heart. I don’t do these things for me. The motive of our parenting is always for them.

Vs 15 goes on to describe his sacrifice on their behalf.

very gladly- Paul was glad to sacrifice for them. It made him happy to see them happy. It brought joy to his heart. Christmas time is often like this for parents because we spend so much buying them presents and yet we receive very little gifts but hopefully heartfelt gifts. It isn’t about receiving for the parent it is about giving. It brings me joy to see my kids happy and enjoying what we get them.

spend- the word here means to spend freely, almost recklessly. Paul says he will give himself without any concern for himself for their good. There is nothing holding him back from being willing and wanting to give everything he can for them.

be spent- Paul was willing to give everything. He gave himself completely. The word is often used for the consumption of life. Many of us would say we would give our lives for our children if someone threatened them, but are we willing to let our life be given on a daily basis for them.

Paul then quotes a proverb for the children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children. As parents it is our job to provide for our children, not the other way around. We give and we give because it is what God has called us to do. Are we giving our children what they truly need?

Kid’s needs:

kids need love and affection

kids need guidance

kids need correction

kids need physical provisions: food, clothing, shelter

kids need protection- physical, emotional and spiritual

kids need security in their relationships

kids need boundaries

The list could go one, but how much are we willing to sacrifice so they can have what they need.

When your kids don’t want to listen to you, continue to love them. vs 15b

Paul determined that he would continue loving his children even though the more he showed biblical love to them, the less they love back. I will probably quote Pastor Karsies definition of love because in most cases it is a really good definition:

Love is giving of oneself sacrificially to meet the needs of the cherished object expecting nothing in return.

Love ought to come naturally to parents. The bible calls this natural affection. But loving even when they don’t love you back can sometimes be hard. They may not appreciate the things you do for them, but don’t give up on love. Keep giving, keep sacrificing, keep trying to be involved in their lives.

A loving relationship is one of the biggest factors in a good home. It is the glue that binds a family together. Maybe they have forgotten that glue, but keep applying more glue. Keep loving them.

When your kids don’t want to listen to you, leave it to God vs 19

In vs 19, Paul reminds them that everything he just said in defense of himself was not really about himself. This was his case before God. we speak before God in Christ. Paul couldn’t make this church love him. He was not giving any excuses in his relationship, he was not really defending himself; but he was defending what God had used him to do in their midst. But in the end, he had to take it to God.

Their comes a point when your love and reminders seem to just keep pushing them away. There really isn’t anything else you can do at that point except leave it to God.

It is possible to move men, through God, by prayer alone.

James Hudson Taylor

It is in these moments that we need to cast our burdens on the Lord. 1 Peter 5:7 “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.”

In this sense, we can let go and let God. Continue to pray for them and bring them before the throne of grace. Our God can work miracles. While they are in the home, we can’t let up on our responsibilities, but we can leave the results to God.

When your kids don’t want to listen, don’t let up on correcting wrong vs 20-21

Paul is afraid that when he sees them, there will be all these problems. If you know anything about Corinth, you know these were real problems, but they are real problems in many of our families as well. Look at these words:

debates- arguing -Do our kids ever fight and argue with each other?

envying- jealousy How many times do they complain because Jonny got to do something that they didn’t?

wraths- anger Do our children ever lash out in anger at their siblings?

strifes- you might ask what the difference is between debates and strifes. Strifes are based on selfishness. Have you heard these words before “Give me that I want it. It’s mine.”

backbiting- tearing down each other- Do your children speak negatively about their siblings? It is interesting that the greek word for this is ψιθυρισμοι- the word is intended to sound like the sound of a snake. When we tear each other down we are doing the devils work for him.

whispering- gossip Have your children ever struggled with being a tattle tale? Now there is a difference in telling on someone because they are honestly doing something wrong that could hurt someone, but there is a problem when you child is constantly telling on people. Usually it is over petty little things.

swellings- pride These words ever heard in your home, “You can’t do that as good as I can”

tumults- chaos, disorder, unruliness Is your home in chaos? There is something to be said about children who do not have to create chaos to have fun. They can entertain themselves in an orderly fashion. Not like a tornado just ran through the house.

Paul reveals his heart in the final verse of this chapter. He is afraid that when he comes he is going to see all the hurt and destruction in their lives. Paul says that if he sees them like this it will humble him- it will bring him low and discourage him and he will bewail them. Paul’s eyes will pour out tears over these his children because they won’t listen to him and their lives are in shambles because of it.

Conclusion

Children, I want you to know how much it hurts your parents to see you like this. Does it not move you to know how your behavior hurts your parents. Pay attention to the sacrifices they are making, see beyond the rules to their heart. Your parent’s love you and really, really want what is best for your life and will bring you the most joy in the long run.

Parents, please don’t lose heart when its hard. Let’s keep being patient, let’s keep sacrificing for them, let’s keep loving them, lets trust God with our children and let’s not stop correcting the destructive behaviors as long as there is hope for our kids.

Tonight, I would like to have a public prayer for all the parents here tonight. I want to lift you up, to lift up your hands that are growing weary, to come alongside of you and help you get back up on your feet. I am sorry sometimes if it feels like I am judging. Know that I will be praying and if I can be a help please come see me. Because this is my heart, I don’t say any of these things to hurt you; but to help you.

If all the parents would be willing to come down here tonight, I want to pray over you and ask God to give you grace and strength for what lies ahead.