Teaching God's Design for Sex and Gender to Your Students

Introduction

1 Chronicles 12:32: Understand the times and what is going on in the world.

According to the latest Barna research, Gen Z (those born between 1997-2011). . .

25% identify as LGBTQ.

70% believe its acceptable to be born one gender and feel like another.

30% personally know someone, most often a peer, who has changed his or her gender identity.

“The most dangerous ideas in our society are not the ones that are being argued but the ones that are assumed.” -C.S. Lewis.

As Mom’s and Dad’s. . . Grandpas and Grandma’s. . . you cannot ignore this issue.

Education

When you see a trend, learn as much as you can about it.

Look at the world and then look at the word.

Think about how you're going to walk in the world.

Ground Work

Our culture is teaching our kids 24/7 on everything.

Kids are engaging with screens for 6-8 hours per day.

Movies, TV Shows, and Music are influencing our kids.

Moonlight, Love Simon, Call Me By Your Name, Every Day.

Disney has made clear that they are seeking to promote an LGBTQ agenda.

Internet and youtube

God made us sexual beings but we are broken. Our desires are disordered which means the good desires go in bad directions.

Two main tasks of childhood and adolescent development

What our kids see shapes them. Kids are looking for the answer to the question of “who am I?”

Identity formation.

They are human beings made in the image of God.

For those who are in Christ, we are adopted sons and daughters of God.

Its wrong to be a "side A" Christian.

Its also wrong to find your identity as a "gay" or "trans" Christian (side B).

If the end of the disordered desire is sin, then we should not find our identity in that desire.

They are also asking “what do I believe?”

Worldview formation

Teenagers struggle because they are at a stage filled with unprecedented change and questions.

There will be a time where they try to embrace what they think is right and what they are hearing.

In the culture, Sex is glorified and seen as a pathway of personal satisfaction and fulfillment.

Sex is seen as an end rather than a means.

Gender is seen as fluid and can be changed based on feelings.

Disregards our biology and anatomy.

MTV says: its your body, you can do with it what you want to.

Ask your kids what their peers think about these issues because most of the time these views are the views that your students feel the pressure to accept and believe.

It's not “the talk”, it's the talking.

This needs to be a continual conversation.

So, now. . . I want to focus a little more on those two questions. . . “who am I” and “what do I believe?”

To help your students with these questions, you must teach them a biblical worldview about sex and gender

So, lets start by defining the purpose of our sexuality. . .

The ultimate goal of sexuality is to glorify God by denying yourself, taking up your cross, and following Jesus.

Sex is a good gift from God. . . but oftentimes when we talk about sex we always start with God’s “don’ts” instead of starting with God’s “do’s.”

This can give our students a skewed image of the goodness of our sexuality and how we should live it out to God’s glory.

Ultimately we can see from Genesis 1-2 that the purpose of sex was ultimately given to us to serve our creator through multiplying and filling the earth with more image bearers and to enjoy delighting in our spouse through the one-flesh union of sexual intimacy.

When it comes to sexuality, there are three words that are often associated with the term. . . these are identity, desires, and actions.

I want to walk through each of them briefly and describe how the Bible describes them using the four plot points of Scripture. . . creation, fall, redemption, and restoration.

Creation

Identity

The four most important words that tell us about sexuality are. . . “in the beginning God.” -Paul Tripp

In Genesis 1:26-28 we learn that our true identity is that we have been made in the image of God.

In defining who we are, David Platt says, “I am a man or woman personally made by God in the image of God to enjoy and exalt the glory of God.”

Here are four truths about being made in God’s image:

Being created in God’s image is good.

Being created in God’s image is unique.

By being made in God’s image, Only humans have the capacity to resemble God, have a relationship with God, and represent God on the earth.

Being made male or female is directly linked to being made in God’s image.

The author replaces the phrase "image of God" with "male and female."

This communicates that there is a close connection with being made in the image of God and being made male and female.

This means being made male and female is physical, spiritual, and essential in defining and making up who we are.

We are made up of both body and spirit being made in God’s image. . . therefore, both our physical bodies and our immaterial spirit are equally important to God.

As image bearers of God, men and women are uniquely distinguished by God in relation to each other.

This distinction is divinely designed, not humanly constructed.

**To clarify, I am using sexuality and gender as synonomous terms. The Bible does not differentiate between them and I don’t think we should either.

Gender identity is not chosen by people.

Gender identity is given by God.

“Being created in the image of God and being male or female are essential to being human. Sex (male and female) is not simply biological or genetic, just as being human is not simply biological or genetic. Sex is !rst and foremost a spiritual and ontological reality created by God. Being male or female cannot be changed by human hands; sex is a category of God’s handiwork-his original and everlasting design.” -Christopher Yuan

Gender distinctions are for the flourishing of humanity and the glory of God.

Being made in the image of God points to Christ.

This means everyone is created by God and is worthy of dignity, value, and respect.

Desires/Actions

When God made Adam and Eve, he gave them sexual desires for one another to be enjoyed in a one-flesh covenant union for life.

So we see that the desires for sexual intimacy with the opposite sex were good desires. . . and these desires were to be acted upon in a covenant marriage between one man and one woman for life.

As we said previously, the ultimate purpose of sex was to serve and worship the Lord.

Other purposes for sex include:

Consummation of the marriage.

Procreation (to fill the world with God’s image bearers).

Love and pleasure (intimacy)

Marriage ultimately reflects the relationship between Christ and his church.

These desires and actions are pleasing and glorifying to God.

Fall

However, once Adam and Eve disobeyed God and sin entered the world, our understanding of identity has been marred and corrupted.

It all happened through four words. . . “Did God really say?”

Adam and Eve’s sin came from doubting God’s goodness and his word.

Explain. . .

They listened to their desires and fleshly cravings instead of the Lord (vs. 6)

We must teach our kids what God’s word really says so they can see his goodness and not doubt his word.

We must help them understand God’s will and God’s way.

The Doctrine of Sin

Sin means to fall short of God’s glory. We have missed the mark of God’s perfect standard.

Sin is not just actions but also small attitudes and acts. . . anger, jealousy, greed, etc.

Adam and Eve’s sin impacted the entire human race as well as creation (Romans 5:12).

What were the consequences of the Fall?

Death

Both physical and spiritual death.

Sin Nature

Total depravity

Sin affects every part of us, including our desires (Romans 3:10-17; Eph. 4:18; Is. 64:6; Mark 7:21-22).

Essentially everything we do is affected and tainted with sin.

Example of broken wheel of a shopping cart. . . you try to push it straight but it continues to veer off.

Our sinful nature is not who we are, but how we are.

Our sinful nature is not part of our essence but a corruption of our essence.

Sin has now corrupted the image of God in which we were made.

Once more, after the Fall, we still maintain God’s image (Gen 9:3; James 3:9), but it is now flawed and corrupted with sin.

This leads to our desires, actions, thoughts, and intentions being tainted and corrupted with sin.

We see this played out by finding our identity in other things like our job, our spouse, possessions, etc.

But specifically when it comes to sexuality, we allow our feelings and desires to begin to define us.

We begin to think the way God made us as male and female are not good and we begin to create our own identity and meaning out of who we want to be instead of who God made us to be.

Our desires are also corrupted leading us to carrying out those sinful desires in immoral actions of pursuing sex outside of marriage, lust, homosexuality, fornication, and other acts of sexual immorality.

Redemption

However, God in his mercy has made a way for us to be cleansed of our sin, our false grasps at identity, and our depraved desires and actions through Jesus Christ.

Through turning from our sin and placing our faith in Jesus’s perfect life, sacrificial death, and glorious resurrection, we can be forgiven and cleansed of all our sin. . . including all of our sexual sin and misplaced identity.

Jesus gave us the example to pursue holy sexuality that is fully pleasing to God.

First, his incarnation redeems our sexuality.

By Jesus taking on flesh and becoming a man, he affirmed the created goodness of the human body.

Also, by Jesus becoming a man, he affirmed the goodness of human sexuality.

Jesus affirmed God’s design for sex during his ministry.

Matthew 19:4–5 ESV

He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?

Jesus is the perfect image of God and when we trust in him, our identity is restored as a child of God and we then begin to be conformed more and more to Christ’s image.

Second, his redemptive work gives us justification and forgiveness from sexual sin.

The word “justification” means to be declared right in God’s sight. . . to be declared righteous.

Through Jesus’ death, he paid the penalty for our sin so that through faith in him, we could be forgiven.

Romans 5:6–10 ESV

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life.

I want to pause for a moment and say a word to those here who have fallen in sexual sin. . . or may be living in sexual sin right now.

There is nothing that you have done that the blood of Jesus cannot cover.

Expound on that truth. . .

Listen to the words Paul wrote to the Corinthians. . .

1 Corinthians 6:9–11 ESV

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Kintsugi (Golden repair)-Japanese Broken Pottery

Third, Jesus’ redemptive work helps us grow in righteousness and holiness.

Jesus lived out and taught the sexual ethic that is pleasing to God, re-establishing God’s design for sex and calling us to pursue holiness in our sexuality.

Through the power of the Spirit, our hearts are changed and made new, our desires begin to be transformed, and our actions begin to produce good fruit for God.

Colossians 3:5 ESV

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.

The call for all people in Christ is to pursue holy sexuality. . . which means faithfulness in a covenant marriage between a husband and wife, or chastity in singleness.

Ephesians 5:3 ESV

But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.

To follow Christ, we must die to ourselves, our desires, and our wants. When we come to Christ, our bodies are no longer our own, but belong to the Lord. Therefore, we must seek to glorify God with our bodies.

1 Corinthians 6:18–20 ESV

Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

Both Singleness and Marriage are good gifts that glorify God and one is not better than the other. No matter what season of life we are in. . . we are all called to pursue holiness in our sexuality.

Restoration

But our full and final restoration will not take place until Christ returns.

This is important for us to remember because until Jesus returns, we will still struggle with our old sinful nature. . . we will still have to fight against temptation. . . even though we have been forgiven by the blood of Christ. . . we will still have to deal with some of the consequences of our sinful actions on earth.

But when Christ returns. . . our transformation into God’s perfect image will be finally complete as our physical bodies will raised from the dead and be fully glorified.

All that was corrupted by the fall will be completely restored. . . we will have glorified bodies, glorified desires, and will walk in perfect obedience to God’s commands as we enjoy him, serve him, and worship him for all eternity!

Practical Ways to Handle Tough Conversations if Your child is struggling with their sexuality.

When should I start talking to my kids about sex?

Sam Allberry says: “whatever age you think is appropriate, subtract five years and start talking about it then.” I would add. . . and continue the conversation until they leave your house at age 18

What do I do if my son or daughter tells me they are gay or that they want to become a different gender?

Prepare yourself before this question is even asked.

Pray for your child. . . remember who the enemy is and that we are all fighting a spiritual battle.

Example of Christopher Yuan’s Mom (Out of a far country).

Respond, don’t react.

Use a filter for your words and facial expressions.

Ask questions, “what do you mean by . . . ?”

Thank your child that they were willing to be vulnerable and share their thoughts with you.

Refuse to make your child’s admission about yourself or “your mistakes.”

Repent of self-pity.

Sustain the bond, but join the war.

Don’t let tension end your relationship with your child.

If the relationship has to end, let it be the child who forces it to end.

Also, don’t blame yourself if they end the relationship.

Be present in the moment that your child comes out. Do not put grief on your kid but be there to listen to them.

Recognize the need to provide comfort to your child without compromising to celebrate all things LGBTQ.

Accept the reality of the situation but DO NOT Affirm/Approve that its true.

Acceptance does not include believing your child’s interpretation of reality is true.

Approval means you bless the whole situation. . . you call their sin a blessing, grace, or illness. . . we cannot do this if we are to stay faithful to Christ.

“Today, we are judging right and wrongness by the thing itself. Now we are not judging things by their actions but by their origins. If you were born with a tendency, that justifies giving into it.”

We must correct this view of morality.

Help your child not to define themselves by their sexual desires but by being made in the image of God.

You must use the law of God to extend the love of God.

Walk through God’s design for sex and identity that we just went through above.

Continue to preach the gospel to them (and to yourself!)

Do not buy into their lies.

Get support from your local church as a parent whenever you need help.

This means you must be a covenant member of a faithful, Bible-believing, Gospel centered local church.

Immerse yourself in God’s word. Know the Scriptures so you can share God’s truth with your child and combat the lies of the enemy.

Know that there is no dilemma between choosing your child and choosing your faith.

Following Jesus means loving him and obeying his commands. Following Jesus by denying yourself will give you true freedom.

“The Gospel demands everything out of all of us.” -Sam Allberry

Know that people who struggle with same-sex attraction are not called to give up anything more than people who do not struggle with these desires.

We are all called to submit to Jesus, die to ourselves and our desires, and follow Jesus.

Resources:

Holy Sexuality and the Gospel (Book) by Christopher Yuan.

Holy Sexuality Project by Christopher Yuan

Five Lies of Our Anti-Christian Age by Rosaria Butterfield.

The New Reformation Catechism on Human Sexuality by Christopher Gordon.

What Does God Have to Say About Our Bodies? by Sam Allberry

God and the Transgender Debate by Andrew T. Walker

CPYU.org

Harvestusa.org

Questions?