Wives and Husbands

Introduction

Josh and his song for his future wife - S.U.B.M.I.T.

Even though we joke, it is important that we recognize that there are likely some here today for whom the idea of submission was used as a weapon or as a religious cover for abuse.

Psalm 56 (ESV)

To the choirmaster: according to The Dove on Far-off Terebinths. A Miktam of David, when the Philistines seized him in Gath. 1 Be gracious to me, O God, for man tramples on me; all day long an attacker oppresses me; 2 my enemies trample on me all day long, for many attack me proudly. 3 When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. 4 In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me? 5 All day long they injure my cause; all their thoughts are against me for evil. 6 They stir up strife, they lurk; they watch my steps, as they have waited for my life. 7 For their crime will they escape? In wrath cast down the peoples, O God! 8 You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book? 9 Then my enemies will turn back in the day when I call. This I know, that God is for me. 10 In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord, whose word I praise, 11 in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me? 12 I must perform my vows to you, O God; I will render thank offerings to you. 13 For you have delivered my soul from death, yes, my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of life.

Last week we saw

While rebellion is the default position of the human heart, submission is the default posture of the Christian life.

Peter described this as it relates to two social areas: government and employment (slaves)

Now Peter will carry this same theme into a third social area: marriage.

In all three of these areas, Peter is advocating a posture of submission as a way of witness and possibly silencing charges that this “new” Christianity was subversive to the societal structure.

For an example for us Peter points to Jesus:

1 Peter 2:21 (ESV)

21 For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps.

Before we dive deeply into our passage, it seems important to lay out two baseline truths that may not have needed to be addressed in Peter’s day but seem important for us to address for our day:

#1 Husbands and wives are different

I mean this in two ways:

Marriage is a covenant union of a man and a woman.

Men and women are different.

Men and women have equal value but different roles.

Gender is based in biology and expressed in our roles.

God does not change definitions to fulfill our desires; instead, the Spirit reshapes our desires to fit God’s definitions. (Marriage and the Gospel sermon in He Created Them series)

We believe this not because we hate anyone or because we want to be judgmental. We believe this because it is GOOD, RIGHT, and BEAUTIFUL.

There is no third way, but there can be a better expression of truth.

#2 Christian marriages ought to be different

- to serve as a witness to the gospel

It ought to be expressed differently than marriages that are shaped by culture alone.

What if you’re single?

Why singles should listen

For the possibility of God leading them to marriage.

To pray for the marriages around.

To encourage those in marriage.

What if you’ve been married for many years?

There is always time to witness through your marriage

There is always another marriage you can mentor

Peter gives three characteristics wives can display the living hope of the gospel, and two for husbands to do the same.

Wives:

Have a submissive heart toward your husband.

Respect your husband.

Make your character a thing of beauty.

Have a fearless faith.

Husbands:

Seek to understand your wife.

Honor your wife as your treasure.

While Peter spends more time discussing the

The ESV Study Bible Chapter 3

Peter’s advice to husbands is compressed, perhaps because he addresses at more length those under authority who are more likely to be mistreated (slaves and wives)

1 Peter 3:1–7 (ESV)

1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands,

Likewise,

1 Peter (Submission of Wives in 1 Peter (3:1–6))

the homoiōs of 1 Peter 3:1 linking back to the broader principles of 1 Peter 2:13–17, the “more all-encompassing exhortation to submit for the Lord’s sake to others in various relationships instituted among human beings” (69). Jesus’ example in 1 Peter 2:21–25 is deliberately positioned to apply equally to wives and servants, though in slightly different ways

Note: it is “in a similar way” not THE SAME WAY

In a similar way that having a submissive heart toward government and submitting to your master displays God’s goodness, wives. . . husbands. . . live out your roles in a way that is a witness.

Have a submissive heart toward your husband.

1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

directed toward wives with unbelieving husbands because displaying the standard character of a believing wife may just lead the husband to believe.

Ironically, this means the wife, by submitting, is actually leading the relationship spiritually.

The ESV Study Bible (Chapter 3)

For a Christian wife to have a different religion than her husband was quite astonishing for that culture. For example, the Greek historian Plutarch (c. A.D. 46–127) said, “A wife should not acquire her own friends, but should make her husband’s friends her own. The gods are the first and most significant friends. For this reason, it is proper for a wife to recognize only those gods whom her husband worships” (Advice to Bride and Groom 19, Moralia 140D)

Respect your husband.

We must acknowledge the truth that this passage has been used (misused) by some to allow, even justify abuse

1 Peter Spousal Abuse and the Misinterpretation of 1 Peter 3:1–6

“to ‘go back, be a kinder wife’” in order to win him to the Lord;

The problem; however, is with the abuser not with Peter’s statement or God’s good design.

God does not advocate for, command, or warrant the abuse of a spouse.

God is on the side of the abused and will act.

It is not the case that God wants or this passage teaches that God would want a spouse to simply bear up under abuse

David prayed for relief and release from his abusers

Jesus fled dangerous circumstances prior to the cross

Paul escaped abuse until such time that he knew it was God’s will.

In addition, we know it cannot be the meaning of this verse because it would stand in opposition to

1 peter 3:7

1 Peter 3:7 (ESV)

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

God does not change definitions to fulfill our desires; instead, the Spirit reshapes our desires to fit God’s definitions. (Marriage and the Gospel sermon in He Created Them series)

- submission tends to focus us on the wrong thing and comes to the forefront of a selfish marriage

- submission tends to be defined in terms of control & rights

1, 2 Peter, Jude ((3) Wives, Submit to Husbands (3:1–6))

Voluntary submission is in view here.125 Husbands do not have the responsibility to ensure that wives submit to them.

- when a marriage is focused on selflessly- loving the other, our suspicion of submission fades into the background

- I would argue that it does not disappear-it is actually fulfilled

- example-Jesus and the Father

The purpose of this is so they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,

the possessive “their” is not in the original - indicating that examples of other marriages in the church share a witness opportunity.

— Importance of Life Groups

Make your character a thing of beauty.

3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

The ESV Study Bible (Chapter 3)

What matters to God is the godly character of the wife, characterized by a gentle and quiet spirit. It is clear that Peter is not literally prohibiting all braiding of hair or all wearing of gold jewelry, because if this were the case the same prohibition would apply also to wearing clothing!

While hair, clothing, and jewelry may still be external markers of beauty in our society today, I believe there is another way women (and men) put forward looks in an effort to hide or at least not display character - social media. It’s called Facebook, not Characterbook

The beauty of Christianity overflows from the heart.

ILLUST - flower colored from the inside vs. painted

imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

gentle does not equal weak (term was used of Jesus)

Matthew 11:29 (ESV)

29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

quiet spirit does not necessarily mean silence, but dignified, reverence

Tranquil

5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.

And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

Have a fearless faith.

As you hope in God you will be free from fear

Husbands:

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way,

Seek to understand your wife.

lit., “living with your wife with knowledge”

The Bible Exposition Commentary (Chapter Six: Wedlock or Deadlock? (1 Peter 3:1–7))

Somebody asked Mrs. Albert Einstein if she understood Dr. Einstein’s theory of relativity, and she replied, “No, but I understand the Doctor.”

Do you know what your wife wants for lunch today?

— what God wants for your marriage?

what your wife’s biggest struggle is right now?

Honor your wife as your treasure.

showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life,

“Showing honor”

Has to do with value and worth

other times word is used, it is used in relation to money

“Weaker vessel”

Likely meaning physically and greater possibility to be abused.

Why do our wives deserve honor?

While in 1st C men could go places women couldn’t, while they would legally be an heir to property, etc.

Peter reminds us that men and women are completely equal in value, dignity, and worth.

Galatians 3:28–29 (ESV)

28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 29 And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s offspring, heirs according to promise.

ILLUST - what would you do to win a dollar? A hundred dollars? A million dollars? (Peyton’s $100,000 challenge)

What would you do to win your wife?

What would you give up for her?

Would you give up yourself? Your “rights?”

Ephesians 5:25 (ESV)

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

Jesus had every “right” to call us to simply submit based on his authority “or else.”

He could have done this without knowing much about us or seeking our benefit.

But he didn’t. He willingly set aside he ‘right’ to control, and instead he served.

he loved.

he healed, helped, cared for.

Husbands, how do you speak about your wife: to friends, family, co-workers, her?

Does it display honor?

Is she a priority of your time, energy, and money? Whatever is is your treasure.

“Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” should first be with God, then your wife.

Husbands, when you live with your wife in a way that seeks to understand her, look for ways to benefit her, flourish her, use her gifts. And when you honor her and treat her as your treasure, you’ll be someone your wife will respect submitting to.

In case you needed another reason:

so that your prayers may not be hindered.

God will push PAUSE on making your prayers effective until you love your wife well!

ILLUST - How do you respond when your teenager is grounded and within minutes turns around and asks you to buy them something? Do you listen to them?

“Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.” — Martin Luther

We, as a church need to model this. We who are married need to model godly marriages - as a witness to a world of marriages who have only culture, movies, and Tik Tok as their guide - as examples for those who are single looking to one day be married - for those in a struggling marriage - for healing for those who have been hurt in marriage.

Husbands:

Do you feel treasured by me?

What is one thing I can do to honor you?

Wives:

Do you feel respected by me?

I want you to lead me well.

Singles:

Be prayed for and with godly husbands and wives who want to walk with you the gift of singleness God has given you, through lonliness, hurt experienced by broken marriages.