Marriage & Singleness

Intro

So Last week we talked about Sexual immorality within the church

And the big point there is that our bodies are bought at a price…

They are not our own and what we do with our bodies is worship

So after all of this Paul then in chapter 7 will go into 3 scenarios for people in different areas of life

And what he is doing here is answering the churches questions around marriage, Divorce and Singleness

So we are not even going to touch all of chapter 7 today but we are going to get into a lot of it.

1 Corinthians 7:1–7 NIV

Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

So we are getting to a new section in Corinthians:

Now for matters you wrote about:

So now instead of Paul correcting things that he has heard, he is now responding to them, so the tone shifts a little bit.

I almost imagine Paul right here having there letter in front of him and responding to their specific questions.

So the first question that they have is actually strange because last week we talked about Corinth being a sex crazed area

The first thing he responds to is

“It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman”

Now Paul will say, for the virgins, yes this is the case later on...

There are a lot of ancient ideas around sex that are not biblical

There is a stoic belief that abstaining from sex actually makes you smarter…

Not to advocate this show but I was a teenager when Seinfeld was on the air and there is an episode when George couldn't have sex with his girlfriend and then he became a genius, instead of the simple minded shallow guy he was…It made for a good joke but thats sort of the ancient idea in modern times

There are still others ancients who say that sex is only for procreation, have your babies and that is it

and there were others in the ancient world who would argue that sex was fine as long as you didn’t get tied down in marriage

So Paul is dealing with a variety of ancient views that he is correcting with basically one sentence

He calls husbands and wives to come together on a regular basis in the sexual relationship

We talked about this last week because God created sex for unity in the marriage

So Paul says something that is really key and married people I want you to hi light this verse…underline it because it is key

1 Corinthians 7:4 NIV

The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.

For Paul to say: Women you have no authority over your own body: That phrase in Corinth would have been totally acceptable to non believers. The pagan corinthian would have said, yup totally true but then what Paul says next is utterly shocking

He says Men, you likewise do not have authority over your body, your wife does

When you get married you surrender yourself to your spouse!

Marriage is mutual surrender…I often tell couples in pre-martial counseling that there are two ways that you can go about conflicts and fighting...

The first way is you can escalate the problem, Which means that you both get louder and angrier…Its one way to go, its not effective in the long run but its a way of doing it

Or you can submit to one another and instead of taking the volume and the pettiness up you can get more mature and more calm…It’s hard to do sometimes it just takes some self control...

Obviously this is the better way to not escalate the problem based on emotion but to deal with it like adults

Paul reframes marriage for the corinthian culture because in the ancient world it was very one sided…it was women, you are now the proud new property of men, get in line

Paul is saying: Marriage is a mutual giving of authority to one another

In Marriage, You are no longer your own

This is why adultery is so damaging…because your giving something away that doesn't belong to you

This is why Porn should have no place in your marriage, your body belongs to your spouse

see at the alter what you did was you gave yourself over fully to your spouse, so much so that not even your body is your own.

and all Paul does here is he corrects their thoughts on sex within marriage and then he moves on to different topics...

But in other letters he will get into the big why of why this matters so much.

and I want to touch on this for a second

In Ephesians 5 that passage is the gold standard for husbands and wives...

It starts with mutually submitting to one another in your marriage out of reverence for Christ, because Jesus should have the primary place in your marriage

It has specific instructions for men and women to love and respect each other…to submit to one another

But it ends with this verse

Ephesians 5:32 NIV

This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.

What?

Paul does a whole chapter on marriage but what he is actually saying is that they way you conduct your marriage....Husbands in loving your wife and giving yourself only to her…and sacrificing for her

And wives in respecting your husbands and honoring him

really what your doing is something way bigger....

Your marriage is putting the gospel on display. Your marriage shares the gospel!

When you go out with your non-christian friends your marriage should show them how Jesus loves and cares for us...

when you have your non-christian family over for thanksgiving they should be like…Why is this so good?

It should be an easy opening when they say…man why is your marriage so good...

and Men you should be able to say…I just try to love my wife the way that Jesus loved me

and women your husbands should just really make it easy for you to say, its easy to respect my husband, do you see the way that man loves me?

God designed marriage to put the gospel on display

Your marriage is purposeful! And I believe God wants to use it in profound ways to actually reveal the love of God to a people who have never experienced it

So then Paul goes on to more of their questions

and one of the questions that they had to grappler with is this:

There are tons of Corinthian people coming to believe in Jesus

But they have unbelieving spouses, should they leave them?

there was a corinthian idea that if a person is “unclean” then their “uncleanliness” can actually transfer to the “holy” person...

I mean if Paul is horrified about the idea from last chapter about a believer being united with a protitute then what about a believer being united to an unbeliever?

So you have these people coming to christ, finding forgiveness for their sins and restoration in their lives...

They are being made new by Jesus…and now they are like, shoot, am I sinning if I am staying with my spouse? so here is Paul’s response:

And you’ll notice that Paul here says “I, not the Lord” not because his words lack authority, but because he wants to distinguish his words from the words of Jesus

1 Corinthians 7:12–16 NIV

To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

So Paul’s argument here is that as long as the believer and unbeliever remain in that marriage then the potential for salvation is in tact.

So many times marriages find themselves in this exact predicament

Two non believers get married, one of them gets saved and then all of the sudden…Your married to a different person!

For years you thought you knew someone and then all of the sudden they are talking about Jesus all the time and going to church!

So instead of trying to teach you in this area, I just thought, what we really need is a testimony from someone who has gone though this...

So Jim and Mary D will you join me on stage

Jim and Mary D. Story

If you have found yourself here as a believer but your spouse doesn’t believe in Jesus then you have your mission field

You know who is number one on your prayer list

I am called to be the light of Jesus to everyone including my spouse

Singleness

1 Corinthians 7:25–35 NIV

Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away. I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

Single people:

Often times you feel like a second class citizen in the church, because singleness almost never gets talked about

Here is what Paul is saying...

Singleness is not a curse but a gift that can lead to undivided devotion to the Lord.

Hey if you can stay single…that is how Paul is, he thinks it is a good thing...

Why? There are a bunch of practicalities...

But because marriage is put on a pedestal in the church I wanted to ask you this:

What if your singleness, whether it is a season or for your whole life is actually a gift from God?

Can singleness be a gift from God?

Here is what Paul is saying ]

1 Corinthians 7:28 NIV

But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

If your married…your facing trouble!

Its true, you need more money, your time is divided...

you need to provide for more people

For me here was the difference

In 2005, Hurricane Katrina hit and within 3 days, I was trained in shelter management and on a plane and spent 2 weeks in Louisiana working with people who lost everything…

That happens now, and there is no way I can do that…I’ve got 3 kids, and a lot of responsibilities…Just the planning it takes to be gone 3 days is insane!

Just this week I was supposed to be in Kentucky for two days because I am on the board for another organization and I couldn’t do it, I had to back out because of family stuff

What Paul is saying is that if your called to be single then you are able to focus on mission a lot better than a married person…

Men and Women…This is revolutionary stuff…Culture said you have to be married, Jesus said no you don’t you can be single because of the kingdom…

Its not for everyone and it may be temporary….But Paul goes as far as to say singleness is a gift

You can just focus on God’s purpose for your life

you can just focus on God’s mission for your life

If Needed

Matthew 19:9–12 NIV

I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.” Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

Response:

God created marriage to make the two one, its a mutual giving of one another to each other, its a power sharing arrangement

Its not exercising power over one another, often times that turns into abuse, its giving power to one another

Your marriage ought to put the gospel on display

Your marriage should

singleness is not a curse but an incredible gift from God…a season in your life that you can live in an undivided way