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Legitimate reason for divorce:
32 but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
Sexual Immorality?
Porneia:
There is no single passage that lists a comprehensive “list” of actions that are considered sexually immoral.
So how do we know what is sexually immoral and what is not?
Here is a starting place:
Every single action that is committed against the sexuality of ones spouse that the bible specifically calls sinful - Is a sexually immoral act.
We must also remember that we are speaking of sexual immorality WITHIN marriage.
Sex if you are NOT married is sexual immorality.
Sex if you are married is beautiful and blessed.
So we cannot just apply any criteria when looking for instances of sexual immorality.
We need to make sure that the situation is between a husband and wife.
This is so important!
When you ask most what God says about divorce they will respond with Adultry.
4 Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers.
So:
What actions between a husband and wife does God call sinful?
14 Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your marriage companion and your wife by covenant.
Trecherous:
God clearly calls treachery within marriage sinful.
So treachery (when related to sexuality) is sinful.
Therefore it is sexually immoral to be trecherous with your spouse.
What is treachery? Biblically.
The bible defins treachery as: To sin against someone by not being faithful to a person or a standard.
That second half is the missing story.
How do we know that treachery applies to standards and not just people?
God says so:
7 But like Adam they have violated the covenant; There they have dealt treacherously with Me.
According to God, a violation of a covenant is an act of treachery.
So, we are getting closer to our goal:
What, according to the bible, are the agreements and requirements of the marriage covenant?
2 For the married woman is bound by law to her husband as long as he is alive; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband.
3 So then, if while her husband is alive she gives herself to another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress if she gives herself to another man.
2 But because of sexual immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.
3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise the wife also to her husband.
4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise the husband also does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
10 But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife is not to leave her husband
11 (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband is not to divorce his wife.
12 But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has an unbelieving wife, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her.
13 And if any woman has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not divorce her husband.
14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.
22 Wives, subject yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.
28 So husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,
30 because we are parts of His body.
31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless, as for you individually, each husband is to love his own wife the same as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.
18 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19 Husbands, love your wives and do not become bitter against them.
4 so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,
5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
1 In the same way, you wives, be subject to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won over without a word by the behavior of their wives,
2 as they observe your pure and respectful behavior.
3 Your adornment must not be merely the external—braiding the hair, wearing gold jewelry, or putting on apparel;
4 but it should be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
5 For in this way the holy women of former times, who hoped in God, also used to adorn themselves, being subject to their own husbands,
6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord; and you have proved to be her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.
7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
desire?
11 But refuse to register younger widows, for when they feel physical desires alienating them from Christ, they want to get married,
12 thereby incurring condemnation, because they have ignored their previous pledge.
13 At the same time they also learn to be idle, as they go around from house to house; and not merely idle, but also they become gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention.
14 Therefore, I want younger widows to get married, have children, manage their households, and give the enemy no opportunity for reproach;
OT
18 Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice in the wife of your youth.
29 So is the one who goes in to his neighbor’s wife; Whoever touches her will not go unpunished.
4 An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones.
Examination:
Let us speak about desire.
We must make the distinction between Natural desires and fleshly desires.
11 But refuse to register younger widows, for when they feel physical desires alienating them from Christ, they want to get married,
18 For, while speaking out arrogant words of no value they entice by fleshly desires, by indecent behavior, those who barely escape from the ones who live in error,
What is desire?
Desire is a longing or a hope.
To say “I desire my wife” is to say that my hope for love, connection and sexual satisfaction can only be found in my wife.
So a man gets married with a hope.
This hope is very complex.
9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
It is the best thing in the world if your husband, with millions of woman at a click, desires YOU!
16 “His mouth is full of sweetness. And he is wholly desirable. This is my beloved and this is my friend, You daughters of Jerusalem.”
10 “I am my beloved’s, And his desire is for me.
What happens if Hope is empty?
12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But desire fulfilled is a tree of life.
When you good desire is met it produces growth and fruit.
But when your desire is not met it produces sickness.
NB:
The word sickness is NOT illness.
It literaly means to “wear down by rubbing”.
Literally it means to grow weak.
It is the exact word used to describe the weakness inflicted on Samson.
Notice:
16 And it came about, when she pressed him daily with her words and urged him, that his soul was annoyed to death.
Hope deferred robs a man of his godly strength.
Our desires can do this to ourselves:
2 But Amnon was so frustrated on account of his sister Tamar that he made himself ill, for she was a virgin, and it seemed too difficult to Amnon to do anything to her.
5 “Refresh me with raisin cakes, Sustain me with apples, Because I am lovesick.
Love sick is that stupidity that comes over a new couple as they desire each other, yet know that their desire must be tempered by self control as to avoid sexual immorality.
They must suffer in their lovesickness till the God ordained medicine can be administered.
But to be love sick in marriage is a horrible experience.
You are love sick, and have the perscribed medication from God.
Yet you are being denied treatment.
You are dying from thirst, you have your own cistern full of water.
Yet you are denied a drink.
How long do you expect a sick person to go without meds?
How long do you exprect a despretly thirsty person to go without water?
Church Fathers:
For St. Chrysostom, although procreation was most certainly of fundamental importance for marriage, he believed that its central purpose was to prevent illicit sex and other forms of sexual sins that could potentially destroy the salvation of believing Christians, at least from what I can gather.
As a natural corollary of this principle, he held that wives who abstained from sex out of religious devotion or outright denied their husbands were sinful and went as far as calling their behavior an act of theft. He wrote that
[i]f one abstains without the other’s consent, it is an act of fraud; but if consent is given, it is not, just as if you took something of mine that I had already given you, I could not call it an act of theft. Theft occurs only if you take something by force; without my consent. This is what many wives do when they refuse their husbands. They commit a sin which outweighs the righteousness of their abstinence. They are responsible for their husband’s licentiousness and the broken homes that result. Instead of behaving this way, they should value harmony above everything; nothing is more important.[5]
When a wife abstains from sex out of religious abstinence or outright refusal, St. Chrysostom argues that it leads to “great evils – adulteries, fornications, and broken homes…”[6] He goes as far as arguing that even those licentious men who commit adultery are likely to become more “depraved” as a result of abstention.[7] Their abstinence or denial, even if it is understandable, simply makes matters worse for the household and the Church community.
st john chrysostom
St. John Chrysostom is one of the most revered early Fathers of Christianity for both Catholics and Eastern Orthodox Christians.
St. Chrysostom compares marital conflict to a storm-tossed ship. When the pilot and captain disagree with each other, he suggests that “their household is in no better shape.”[8] When husband and wife are at odds with each other, the household, along with the children, are at risk of crashing. As such, the wife’s fulfillment of her sexual duties towards her husband are not a matter of bestowing a favor upon him, but a matter of her duty towards God that is meant to safeguard her household, the future of her children (if she has any) and maintaining the integrity of the Church community by preventing sexual sins from spreading. St. Chrysostom continues:
The love husband and wife is the force that welds society together. Men will take up arms and even sacrifice their lives for the sake of this love. St. Paul would not speak so earnestly about this subject without serious reason; why else would he say, “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord”? Because when harmony prevails, the children are raised well, the household is kept in order, and neighbors, friends and relatives praise the result. Great benefits, both for families and states, are thus produced. When it is otherwise, however, everything is thrown into confusion and turned upside-down. When the generals of an army are at peace with each other, everything proceeds in an orderly fashion, and when they are not, everything is in disarray. It is the same here.[9]
Obedience to the husband for God’s sake, and particularly sexual obedience, is a means through which salvific harmony is achieved. Men are not obeyed because they are superior beings, nor are they obeyed for the sake of being males; they are obeyed as means of preventing fornication and lust from spreading and maintaining familial and wider social harmony in the service of God.
Privatized virtue is not enough for salvation; salvation is love, it is reciprocal and intra-social by nature. As praiseworthy as one’s own virtues may be, it is not enough for salvation. Chrysostom emphasizes that “one’s own virtues is not enough for salvation, but the virtue of those for whom we are responsible is also required.”[10]
Adultery and fornication are ‘evil things’ St. Chrysostom stresses. A healthy marriage is to remedy these. Although some may see parenting as the primary aim of marriage, this is not so for St. Chrysostom. Marriage was primarily designed for the safeguarding of chastity or σωφροσύνη (sophrosyne) and the prevention from sin. He writes:
Listen to what Paul says: “Because of the temptation to immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.”[11] These are the two purposes for which marriage was instituted: to make us chaste. Of these two, the reason of chastity takes precedence. When desire began, then marriage also began. It set the limits to desire by teaching us to keep to one wife. Marriage does not always lead to child-bearing, although there is the word of God which says, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth.”[12] We have as witnesses all those who are married but childless. So the purpose of chastity takes precedence, especially now when the whole world is filled with our kind.[13]
As the editor of the translation remarks, St. Chrysostom views chastity positively. It not just an avoidance of sin and immorality, but the “integrity of the person, body and soul, and the direction of oneself towards holiness.”[14] Like in the Islamic narrative, the telos of marriage for St. Chrysostom is chastity which St. John Cassian the Ascetic (d. ~435 AD) understood as the purity of heart. As the Orthodox, Catholic and Islamic traditions held, the pure heart (al-qalb al-salīm) was the quintessential goal of man’s existence on earth.[15] For Christ in the New Testament, it is this state that allows for the beatific vision of God.[16] For St. Ephrem the Syrian (d. ~373), chastity was the pinnacle of the human’s participation in the divine. He stated that
“Every man who loves purity and chastity becomes the temple of God.” There is no greater blessing than to have God Himself dwelling within you![17]
For the early Church Fathers, upholding chastity is therefore not primarily aimed at meeting a utilitarian goal at the physical and material realm, but keeping a man or woman from falling away from grace and the divine life which is thought to be critical for the salvation of humanity.
Perhaps the best and most comprehensive modern summary of the early Church view of the relationship between sin, the individual, the community and the divine realm was best described by the Russian Orthodox Saint, Archmandrite Sophrony:
Sin is primarily a metaphysical phenomenon whose roots lie in the mystic depths of man’s spiritual nature. The essence of sin consists not in the infringement of ethical standards but in a falling away from the eternal Divine life for which man was created and to which, by his nature, he is called.
Sin is committed first of all in the secret depths of the human spirit but its consequences involve the individual as a whole. A sin will reflect on a man’s psychological and physical condition, on his outward appearance, on his personal destiny. Sin will, inevitably, pass beyond the boundaries of the sinner’s individual life, to burden all humanity and thus affect the fate of the whole world. The sin of our forefather Adam was not the only sin of cosmic significance. Every sin, manifest or secret, committed by each one of us affects the rest of the universe.
The earthly-minded man when he commits a sin is not conscious of its effect on himself as is the spiritual man. The carnal man does not remark any change in himself after committing a sin because he is always in a state of spiritual death and has never known the eternal life of the spirit. The spiritual man, on the contrary, does see a change in himself every time his will inclines to sin – he senses a lessening of grace.[18]
CONCLUSION
Chrysostom’s position is significant for modern readers as the popular doctrine of marriage for Western traditionalist Christians has often been touted as primarily, if not sometimes exclusively as a means for procreation. This narrative has often been adopted as or served the purpose of being used as an argument against the validity of homosexual marriages.[19]
In this early Patristic view, if the Church exists as a binary of itself and Christ, the Christian community is the essential Other and the foundation of this community begins with a harmonious household. If the household is broken, then the natural order of the Church as the body of God is ipso facto broken. For Church Fathers like St. Chrysostom, if a woman (or man) denies or abstains from her spouse (without his consent), she commits an act of violence against the body of God.
on of the heart with God and subverts the Body of Christ.
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So what happens when the sick person gets help or the thirsty person takes a drink?
Then they are the Adulter!
Here is what is amazing about the world:
If a man has an affair then the sex craved pig was not satisfied with his wife and wanted more.
However:
If a woman has an affair then i wonder what her husband did to drive her into the arms of another man.
Yet the acutal fcats say very different.
18 208 divorces in sa last year:
Reasons:
75% no desire.
Of that 75%, 60% could not take it and left.
