The Hope of Marriage
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When Theologians talk about God, one of the things we often talk about is called God’s Aseity.
Aseity refers to God’s self existence.
God is self existant, that is, God does not need anything to exist. He does not need light, gravity, company, NOTHING.
This is such a fascanating study because its so opposite to us.
We are anything but self existing.
We needed our Fathers Sperm and Our Mothers egg to fuse.
We need lots of things to survive.
We need Air, food, water, companionship… the list goes on and on.
These “needs” are not sinful deficiencies in us, they are how God created us.
Nor are they a consequence of sin.
We need food before sin.
We needed Water before sin.
And even before sin, when the world was still innocent God Himself said:
18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”
A PERFECT man still needs a woman and a PERFECT woman still needs a man.
Why? Because this is the purpose of God.
God chose to make us intrinsically valuable by making us in His image, but God also chose to make us finite and needy by making us out of the dust.
Implication:
Implication:
It is because we are so finite and have so many needs that in order for us to have even the slightest courage to face life we need HOPE.
HOPE is not optional.
It is an absolute necessity in order to not only face, but even to conceptualize the future.
Illustration:
What would you do if in a plane the pilot says 3 min of fuel?
Panic and Prey!
But at the same time 3 min without air and all of you are dead.
So why are you not afraid?
Hope.
You can cope right now because you have an expectant hope that you will always have air.
This is the power of Hope.
What is Hope?
The bible defines hope as the optimistic expectation of fulfillment.
THIS IS VITAL
Marriage was given to humanity by God as a powerful source of Hope.
In fact, the reason why anyone gets married is because of Hope.
You find yourself lonely and feeling neglected, so marrying the one you love gives you hope.
Hope that each day you will not be alone.
The hope that each day you will be loved and will loves another.
This makes marriage very very special.
What this means is that as a husband I am my wife’s Hope.
Kim, as my wife, is my Hope.
Let me explain:
Let me explain:
Kim is not God.
She is NOT self existent.
Kim has very very real, urgent and important needs and hopes and desires.
She, upon self examination, decided that she needs help in meeting her needs.
So she selected from all men, the man who she is trusting, that is HOPING IN, to meet all her needs.
As her husband, it is my DUTY to make sure that her needs are met.
That is, it is my job as Kim’s husband to fulfill the duties that satisfy my wives HOPES.
In the same way:
I am not God.
I have real, urgent and important needs, hopes and desires.
I also discovered these various needs and i also decided that marrying the woman I love would be the biblical prescribed way of gaining Hope.
Now my marriage is a source of HOPE.
Kim, as my wife, had a biblical duty to satisfy my needs and fulfill the hope i have in her.
So The Wife’s hope is in her husband and the husbands hope is in his wife.
REAL TALK
REAL TALK
Now i am going to show you something very important:
12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But desire fulfilled is a tree of life.
Deferred means delayed indefinitely.
To have Hope and for that Hope to be denied makes the heart sick.
The Hebrew word for sick is not the same as Illness, the Word is Weakness.
Its Halal in Hebrew and it means to wear down by rubbing.
It is the same Word that described the weakness that came over Sampson.
So what are the implications:
So what are the implications:
You hold your spouses Hope. Whether or not their Hope is fulfilled or crushed is in YOUR hands.
Now evil people use this to their advantage. In fact Narcissists are masters of making people hope in them so they can control.
But to a Godly person, this fact should make you stop and tremble.
Husbands:
Do you want a weak wife who hardly copes or do you want a strong wife who you can have confidence in?
Wives:
Do you want a weak husband who has no self control or a strong husband you can totally depend on?
The wonderful news here is that its up to you!
If you want a strong, trustworthy spouse, then never let their HOPE go unsatisfied.
Lets look at the rest of the verse:
12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But desire fulfilled is a tree of life.
Desire fulfilled results in what? Strength, shade, comfort, fruit.
Lets talk about Desire.
Lets talk about Desire.
Desire is a kind of Hope that refers to our cravings.
In the bible it is the word used to describe our normal sexual needs.
Paul, for example, told Timothy not to register young widows as widows as their desire will cause them to marry again soon.
11 But refuse to register younger widows, for when they feel physical desires alienating them from Christ, they want to get married,
Notice how simple:
The young widows will have a sexual hope, called desire, that needs to be satisfied, so they will want to get married.
Again: Marriage is how our Hopes are met.
So: Lets get very real:
What, according to the Bible should a WIFE hope for and be satisfied with From her HUSBAND?
A Leader.
3 But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.
A Godly wife has a Hope that her husband will:
Keep the Family Together.
Protect the family from all danger.
Provide for the family.
8 But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
To love her with a love that is powerful, present and sacrificial.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
What is a HUSBANDS hope in his WIFE?
Very Very simple.
We don't care how tall you are, how much money you make, Looks are not nearly as important as you ladies think.
Health is important to us, but only so long as you are healthy enough to raise children.
As far as our HOPE?
A man only hope that his wife will respect and honor him.
That is all.
Wives, subject yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
33 Nevertheless, as for you individually, each husband is to love his own wife the same as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.
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So far however all we have talked about is theory.
Lets get to a big practical problem facing many marriages.
How many of you have heard the expression “Some things never change”
Ok Lets us get very real about HOPE and marriage.
A Marriage that always seeks to satisfy HOPE is an Honorable Marriage.
A Marriage that will be blessed abundantly by God.
However if HOPES are shattered, God will judge that person.
4 Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers.
I want you to notice that IT IS NOT ME who is strearing the conversation to its sexual point - ITS GOD!!!!!!
Let me first remind you:
12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But desire fulfilled is a tree of life.
2 But because of sexual immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.
3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise the wife also to her husband.
4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise the husband also does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I.
9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Divorce is at the highest its ever been.
Why? If you look back at when this rise began, it began with a cultural shift regarding sex.
Sex went from its biblical roots of Recreation and sex became all about Procreation.
Sex between a husband and wife is NOT about procreation. To say that it is is to deny the legitimacy of every married couple who does not have children.
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We might think that the problem of husbands not having sex with their wives is new. A modern problem.
Maybe woman have gotten more frigged.
Or maybe men have gotten more sex crazy.
I'm afraid not.
In every century of church fathers who have written and commentated on this passage, ITS ALWAYS the same dynamic.
Husbands lack intimacy.
Allow me to quote a 1800 year old sermon from the church father St Chrysostem:
“Obedience to the husband for God’s sake, and particularly sexual obedience, is a means through which salvific harmony is achieved. Men are not obeyed because they are superior beings, nor are they obeyed for the sake of being males; they are obeyed as means of preventing fornication and lust from spreading and maintaining family harmony. The strength and resolve of a husband is tempered and build by his wife in bed.”
He went on and said:
“When husband and wife are at odds with each other, the household, along with the children, are at risk of crashing. As such, the wife’s fulfillment of her sexual duties towards her husband are not a matter of bestowing a favor upon him, but a matter of her duty towards God that is meant to safeguard her household, the future of her children (if she has any) and maintaining the integrity of the Church community by preventing sexual sins from spreading.”
On this issue Godly men have kept silent to long.
The double standard is ridiculous.
If a wife comes to me with a husband who constantly crushes her hopes and shows no love - You better believe that that poor husband is getting a rebuke that will require a shower.
But if a HUSBAND comes and says his wife is denying him and crushing his HOPES and shows him no respect.
Well then we say, have self control, you are not an animal. No one ever died from no sex. Its not even that important.
Even in the biblical commands we have hypocrisy:
husbands are commanded to love their wives. End of story.
Wives are commanded to respect their husband.
But its become all to popular to say, Ill respect my husband when he behaves worthy of my respect.
Ok, lets try that same logic on husbands:
Husbands, only love you wives when he behaves worthy of love.
Fair? Of course not!!!!
I love Kim first and foremost because she is my WIFE.
The Bible says “Husbands love your wives”. It does not say “Rudy love Kim”.
Likewise the bible says: “Wives, submit to your own husbands”.
It does not say Kim submit to Rudy.
Kim, because she is a sinner, is not always easy to love. But my WIFE is always deserving of my love.
Rudy, because i am a sinner, i am not always easy to submit to and honor.
But as a HUSBAND i am always deserving of submission.
Dont ever deprive your spouse of HOPE!
Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Let me show you why this is so wrong.
The bible commands your husband:
15 Drink water from your own cistern, And fresh water from your own well.
16 Should your springs overflow into the street, Streams of water in the public squares?
17 Let them be yours alone, And not for strangers with you.
18 Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19 Like a loving doe and a graceful mountain goat, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love.
Lets also remember God’s command:
9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Your husband married you. Do you know what that means?
It means that your husband lacks sexual self control.
But that is perfectly ok. Not many people are blessed with the gift of celibacy.
Your husbands lack of self control and his sexual burn and thirst have a solution, a medicine.
Marriage!
So your husband is commanded that if he gets thirsty, he must drink water from his own cistern.
That if he gets “love sick” which is a real biblical thing by the way:
5 “Refresh me with raisin cakes, Sustain me with apples, Because I am lovesick.
love sick is the hebrew equivalent to the Greek “Burn with passion”
When he gets lovesick , he must take his divinely provided medicine.
wives: YOU ARE THIS LIFE GIVING WATER TO YOUR HUSBAND YOU ARE THIS MEDICINE THAT CURES OUR CRAVING.
YOU ARE OUR HOPE!
Let me ask a honest question:
How long do you think a man will die of thirst before he finds water somewhere else?
How long will a man beg and humiliate himself for medicine before he decides to get treatment somewhere else?
Conclusion:
Conclusion:
Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers.