Honoring Mom and Dad

If you have a Bible, go ahead and grab it and open up with me to Exodus 20:12. Even though we are looking at the fifth commandment tonight, we are technically on what is known as the second half or second tablet of the ten commandments. And what is interesting about the ten commandments is that the first four all point to our vertical relationship with God while the remaining six point to our horizontal relationship with our neighbor. If you were to summarize the entire law, it could actually be summarized relatively easily. That doesn’t mean doing it is easy but to summarize it, it is pretty simple. In fact, Jesus does exactly this in Matthew 22. A lawyer comes up to Jesus and asks Him, “what is the great commandment in the law?” In a sense, Jesus is being asked, “out of every law in the Old Testament, which one is the greatest? Which one is the most important?” And Jesus says in Matthew 22:37–39 “And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” You see what Jesus does there is He gives a summary of the entire Law of God. It is there where we see the fulfillment of the ten commandments. Love really does cover a multitude of sins. So, where do we start in this love for neighbor? What law does God bring front and center at the start of the second side of the ten commandments? One might think that when it comes to loving our neighbor, the great command that is the summary of the last six commandments, there would be a whole lot of places where one could start. But where does God start? Because remember, these commandments are not man’s commandments, they are God’s commandments. They are perfect as He is perfect. These are also not God’s suggestions or recommendations, these are His Laws and His commands. So, where does God start? He starts at the neighbor that you have the most immediate access to. He starts with the neighbor that is most needed in order for you to exist, he starts with the parents and he starts with the home. God starts there because I am willing to bet that if you aren’t able to show honor, love, and respect to those within your home, you are going to struggle to show it anywhere else. The fifth commandment says this in Exodus 20:12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” There is just so much in this command that I wish we could cover but we will look at this commandment in three ways: The Limitations of this commandment, the far reaches of this commandment, and the fulfillment of this commandment. Let’s open up in prayer and then we will dive in.

The Limitations of the Fifth Commandment

What does it mean to honor?

Before we start to talk about the limitations of the fifth commandment, we need to know what God means when He says that we are to honor our father and our mothers. What does God mean by honor? Well He means more than we are to just like our parents. It means more than we are to just smile at them and say yes sir and yes ma'am. The word honor in Hebrew implies a weightiness to the reverence and respect that we show to our parents. It means that we are to show our mothers and our fathers esteem and value, it means that we need to respect what they have to say, the wisdom that they possess, and we need to understand that they outrank us. You are not the egg that came before the chicken. You are a child of the parents that God has given to you and I understand that for some of you, you may hear me say that you need to love and respect your parents and you might naturally think, “If you only knew my parents. If you only knew the way my father talked to me, if you only knew the way my mother treated me, if you knew that, you would never command this of me.” And let me just say that, we will address that in due time. I know that there are people in this room who have absent mothers or absent fathers or both. I know there are people in this room who have neglectful, abusive, cruddy parents and I feel for you in that. Some of you have really bad moms or really bad dads. I’m fortunate that I have two incredible parents that I love very much. But let me say this, one of the worst mistakes that you can make in your spiritual life is looking at your Heavenly Father through the lens of your Earthly Father because it doesn’t matter how good or bad your earthly father is, He can’t compare to your Heavenly Father. It is your earthly father that must live to God’s standards and not the other way around. There is not a parent on this earth that is perfect but there isn’t a child on this earth that is perfect either. Your parents should be striving to look like your Heavenly Father in all they do; our Heavenly Father doesn’t strive to look like our earthly parents. So, when God says that we are to honor our parents, it means that we show them the proper respect and reverence that they are due. They brought you into this world, they gave you food and clothing, put a roof over your head, and while none of them have parented perfectly, they have been placed in the position that they are in by God Himself and because God has instituted that role of parents and children, we must respect our parents and as we do that, we honor the Lord. St. Augustine said, “It’s your parents you see when you first open your eyes, and it is their friendship that lays down the first strands of this life. If anyone fails to honor his parents, is there anyone he will spare?” Let’s turn now to the two limitations that I want to bring up from the fifth commandment.

The only commandment with a time limitation

The first limitation of the fifth commandment that you need to be aware of is that it is the only commandment that in a sense has a time limitation. This is the only commandment that you will one day not be able to uphold like you used to. There will be a day where your father, your mother, or both parents will no longer be with you, they’ll pass away. Maybe for some of you, this day has already come. So, let me just say with that in mind, honor them with the time you have. Love them with the time that you have with them. Let them know now that you care about them, let them know now that you love them because you are not guaranteed the opportunity to do that in the future. God has given each of us a set amount of time to make the most out of the time that He gives us with our parents. Learn from them. Learn from what they do well and learn from their mistakes. Talk to them while you still can. Reach out to them when you can. Let me just say speaking from the perspective of a father, there is nothing my heart loves more than hearing my son say that he loves me. Nothing on this earth is sweeter than hearing Benji laugh at something that I do and knowing that he wants to spend time with me. And as a flawed parent, I am working to be patient with him. I am working on slowing down to spend more time with him now because I know that I won’t always have these years. There’s going to be a time when he doesn’t want to play with me anymore so as a father, I need to make the most of my time with my son and my daughter. Guys, give the time of day to your parents. Don’t just push them to the side because you think they’re lame and old and get in the way. While they may not be perfect, they are your parents. They are your guardians. They are the parental figures that you have in this life and you don’t get any others. Honor and love your parents while you have the time to do so.

The spiritual limitations

The second limitation is that their is a spiritual limitation to this commandment. What this means is that we are to obey our parents as long as that obedience does not lead into sin or active disobedience to the Lord. Paul writes in Ephesians 6:1 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” Notice that important phrase smack in the middle, “In the Lord.” Paul’s point is that children are to obey their parents as is fitting to the Lord. This means that if your parents command you to sin, it is better for you to obey God and disobey your parents. Adrian Rogers gives a great example of what this means when he said: “Sometimes God has called a man to preach, and father and mother say no. He must preach anyway. Sometimes God calls someone to be a missionary; father and mother say, “I can’t bear to lose you.” He must leave anyway. Sometimes parents will teach children to steal: unthinkable is the thought; but it may be so. The child must say no. But everything else being equal, when the will of the parent and the will of God are not in conflict, the Bible teaches we’re to honor them by obeying them.” It was over 10 years ago when I first felt the call into ministry and I remember having to tell my dad that I wanted to change my major from a communications degree to go into ministry and I was a little worried because I knew I would basically have to tell him that the first year of college that he paid for, I somewhat wasted because I spent so much money on communication classes. I remember finally calling him and telling him that I was going into the ministry and he was totally fine with it. All he really said was, “Brady, if that is what God wants you to do, you need to do it.” People ask me sometimes, “Brady, what are you going to do if Benji gets called to be a pastor? What are you going to do if God calls Benji or Eden to the mission field?” What I say is, “I get out of the way. Because if God is calling them to something, who am I to get in the way of that?” Obey your parents but you must obey your Heavenly Father first. Something like this requires a lot of spiritual discernment. Hold your parents accountable to the Word of God and if they fall short, it is more honoring to let them know than to let them carry on in sin. Believe it or not, when God gives this commandment, it actually has a much broader reach than just to mom and dad. We see it expanded upon throughout Scripture and we will look at just a few of those examples.

The Far Reaches of the Fifth Commandment

There is a far reach with the fifth commandment. The fifth commandment serves as our reminder that we need to honor any person or figure that is over us. John Calvin put it like this, “The sum of it therefore will be that we should reverence them whom God has exalted to any authority over us, and should render them honor, obedience, and gratitude.” Why then does God only mention the family dynamic in the fifth commandment? Why doesn’t He just say, “Honor everyone that is over you”? Like I mentioned earlier, it comes down to immediacy. The first people that you come into contact with when you come into the world is your parents and if you are not willing to honor them, chances are you won’t be willing to honor anyone else. Peter tells us in 1 Peter 2:17 “Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.” The Greek word that Peter uses for honor is the same both times that it is used in that verse. One could argue that Peter is saying that we should show the same amount of honor and respect to the king as we would show to our neighbor. No matter where you go, there are people that are going to be over you in authority. There are your teachers and principals in school, professors in college, commanders in the military, bosses at work, pastors and church leaders that are over you, governmental authorities that are over you, you cannot escape authority. Even if you were to go “off the grid” and live on an island by yourself, you would not exist there void of authority. Why? Because you are still under God’s authority. The author of Hebrews writes in Hebrews 13:17 that those within the church need to: “Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.” As a pastor, it is my responsibility to shepherd those that God has given to me and while I may not be the one that saves you, I do see it as my responsibility to guide you and lead you in salvation. It’s not an easy task. Ask any pastor and any good one will tell you that it isn’t easy. They’ve actually done studies on the amount of effort that pastors put forth preaching on Sunday morning, the amount of stress that is on their body, and it has been found that preaching a 30 minute sermon puts out the same amount of exhaustion as working an 8 hour work day. Your pastors, your church leaders, they are working for you. They are pushing themselves to serve you and I’ll ask on behalf of your pastors, whoever they are, that you show them respect. God has placed your pastor in a position that is solely from God. We are not here by the will of man but by the will of God. I understand that honoring people in a fallen world can be hard. It can be hard to look at some of the decisions that those in authority make and to say things and live in a way that is honoring to them but the command to honor is not made void because those in authority live dishonorably. Douglas Bond said, “God’s commands still apply in a broken world of imperfect neighbors and dishonorable parents, they were gifted to us by our gracious Heavenly Father for just such a world.” As we strive to honor those that are over us, the remaining five commandments become easier because we are seeking to love and honor our neighbors. With the few minutes that we have left, let’s talk about the fulfillment of the fifth commandment.

The Fulfillment of the Fifth Commandment

When I say the fulfillment of the fifth commandment, I mean it in two ways. The first way is that this is the only commandment that is associated with a promise. This is something that Paul would note in Ephesians 6:2-3. The Lord says to the people of Israel, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” To dishonor one’s parents was punishable by death in the Old Testament. If we were to still live by this standard in the 21st century, I’m pretty sure the human race would have gone extinct. When God says that we are to honor our parents so that our days may be long, it is a reminder of eternal life. It is a reminder of our true home in heaven. It is a reminder of God’s gracious provision and His giving of rewards for our obedience. If we honor our earthly parents now, there is a reward for our obedience. If we honor our Heavenly Father now, think of how much greater the reward for our obedience will be. As we honor our Heavenly Father now, we can be reminded that our obedience will not go unnoticed and that one day, we will see the fulfillment of the reward for our obedience. The second way that the fifth commandment is fulfilled is through the perfect obedience of Jesus Christ to His earthly parents and to His Heavenly Father. Jesus Christ is the only person to have ever perfectly obeyed not just the fifth commandment but every commandment. In Luke 2:51, we see that Jesus, though fully God, submitted to Mary and Joseph. We see throughout His entire life, a perfect honoring of His parents. Even to the end of His life, He loved and honored His mother. We assume that by the time of Christ’s ministry and crucifixion that Joseph had already died and Jesus has taken it upon Himself as the firstborn to take care of His mother. To the very end of His life, He is doing it. In John 19:26–27 we read: “When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” Then he said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home.” To His dying breath, Christ was looking to love and honor His mother. As Jesus hangs on the cross, He looks to take care of His mother. Let me say this again to you, you better love your mother. You better love your father. A day is going to come when they won’t be here. Or maybe you won’t be here. With the time that God has given you, love your mother and your father. You need to care for them as they have cared for you. Finally, we see that Jesus not only perfectly honored His earthly father and mother, He perfectly honored and obeyed the will of His Heavenly Father. Jesus says in John 5:30 “I can do nothing on my own. As I hear, I judge, and my judgment is just, because I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me.” Then a few verses later in John 6:38 Christ says, “For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me.” In Luke 22:42 Jesus says, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.”” His entire life, Christ’s heart and eyes were set on the will of His Father. It was Christ’s desire to do the will of His Father and I pray that would be the same desire that we all have. May we all seek to do the will of our Heavenly Father first before we seek our own will. Paul says in Philippians 2:8–9 “And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name.” Christ was rewarded for His perfect obedience to the Father and we know that there is a reward for our obedience to our Heavenly Father. We don’t work for the reward but we work out of a desire to honor Him that has saved us. There will always be a greater honor that we can show and there will always be a greater praise that we can give to the Lord. Start now and as we conclude, I want to challenge you in three ways: The first is that you would tonight go home and honor your parents. When mom and dad pick you up tonight, tell them you love them. Tell them that you appreciate them for doing what they can for you. Let them know that you aren’t perfect and they aren’t perfect but you are going to do all that you can to honor them anyway. The second challenge is to let your teacher know tomorrow, let your boss at work know the next time you see them, let your pastor know on Sunday that you respect them. And if for some reason you don’t respect them, I call on you now to do all that you can to honor them. God has put you in a position to show what Christ-centered obedience looks like. Care for those in authority over you. And then finally, the third challenge I have for you is to submit to the will of your Heavenly Father. If God has called you to something, follow through on it. If God wants you to live in such a way, strive to live like that. God is the creator of all things and because of that, He has authority over all things. That includes you. Submit to your Heavenly Father and trust Him in His ways and if you have not submitted to the Lordship of Christ, I call on you to do so. Christ calls us to obedience so are you being obedient to Him? Have you come to the foot of the cross and asked God to take away your sin and to give you Christ’s sinlessness? If you want to live a life of Christ-honoring obedience that God requires, you need to have Christ at the center of your heart first. You can’t honor God if you reject the One that He has sent. Honor your Heavenly Father, honor your earthly parents, and honor those that are in authority over you. If you need help with how to put those things into action, come talk to me or a leader after the service. Let’s pray and then we will worship in closing.