SEXUAL ADDICTIONS

Sexual Addictions

The blessing that Restoration Pointe provides is a safe place to deal with depression, guilt & shame, people pleasing, and Sexual Addictions issues.

The Problem

Our sexual addiction issue began as an overpowering desire for pleasurable relief. We were running from an inner pain, loneliness, emptiness, or insecurity that we could not cope with in any other way. At first, it did provide the relief we sought. For a time, lust, pornography, or sex with others dissolved the tension. It relieved the depression, resolved the conflict, and provided the means to deal with or escape from life’s seemingly unbearable situations. Eventually, our search for relief became an addiction, and the addiction took on a life of its own.

We gradually replaced pleasure and relief with tension, depression, rage, guilt, and even physical distress. To relieve this new pain, we resorted to more sex, pornography, and lust, losing more control in the process. We were driven to spend more time thinking about and carrying out our addiction. We lived in denial to avoid recognizing just how much our addiction controlled our life. Finally, we risked our relationships, jobs, ethics, and values, and even neglected our children.

All the while, we rationalized our sexual behaviors. We asked ourselves, “What will a little fantasy hurt?” or “What they don’t know, won’t hurt them.”

As we lived a double life, we became disconnected from reality making true intimacy with another impossible. We carried this behavior from relationship to relationship and even into our marriages. Why? We were running, running from love, running from pain — pain from shame, self-hate, and multiple forms of abuse.

We lacked self-worth, feared intimacy, and were spiritually bankrupt. A new loneliness overwhelmed us as we realized that because of our addiction, we had become increasingly separated from God and our loved ones.

We began to seek sobriety. As we stayed sexually sober for some time, we discovered that even though we may not be acting out our compulsion, our obsession was still with us.

Take a few minutes to complete the following questionnaire. It may reveal more about your sexual addiction issues than you realize, helping you find out if your sexual addiction is reaching a destructive level in your life.

Are You Sexually Addicted? (don’t answer these out loud)

1. Do you go from one relationship to another? 2. Do you feel the right relationship would fulfill all your needs? 3. Do you use sex as an escape? 4. Do you make excuses to leave your partner as soon as possible after the act? 5. After a sexual experience, do you feel guilty? 6. Has your pursuit of sex interfered with your relationship with your spouse? 7. Do you find you cannot resist a sexual overture? 8. Have you ever sought out help to change your sexual behavior or thinking? Have you ever wanted to? 9. Have you ever tried to limit or stop acting out, but have been unable to? 10. Do you put yourself, or others, in dangerous situations in pursuit of sex? 11. Have you found that you cannot resist sex or sexual images? 12. Do you have trouble concentrating or completing tasks at work, always thinking about sex? 13. Do you spend time on the Internet viewing pornographic websites? 14. Do you take time away from work to pursue sexual activities? 15. Do you feel you have lost control of your actions to fulfill the need for sex? 16. Were you ever arrested for a sexual offense?

If you answered YES to at least seven of these questions, you might consider exploring this area of recovery For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor.” (1Thessalonians 4:3-4)

The Solution: TAKE RESPONSIBILITY: Recognizing and accepting responsibility for toxic patterns of behavior is the first step toward true freedom from our addiction. Walking through the recovery process with Jesus Christ as our LORD & SAVIOR allows us to admit our powerlessness to control our addiction. He will help us overcome our destructive habits.

YIELD TO GOD As we start to gain a period of sobriety over our sexual addiction, we began to recognize the many disguises the enemy uses to trick us into lusting.

We learn not to rely on our failed and weakened selves, but rather, to turn to God’s pure love and absolute power. With an increased reliance on God, we work on our recovery with altered attitudes, a changed heart, and growing humility.

We gain a progressive victory over lust. As we yield to God, temptation begins to lose its control over us. When we admit we are powerless and give our lives and our will over to God, He works in us, and we begin enjoying a healthy new balance in our lives. Leaning on and learning from others in the program, we continue to walk in His strength, gaining true freedom from lust and sin through obedience to Christ our Lord.

WORK THE 12 STEPS AND CONNECT WITH OTHERS: We commit to working the 12 Steps, of Restoration Pointe, and attend regularly the meetings, and to get an Accountability Partner and Sponsor. We identify triggers and avoid people, places, and things that tempt our addiction. We accept God’s standards for sexual purity and allow God total access to our minds (thought life), and we change our belief system toward our sexuality. We choose to accept Jesus Christ ‌

BIBLICAL FIREPOWER WEAPONRY‌

Bible

Accountability partner/sponsor/mentor

Prayer time daily and consistently

This recovery/discipleship meeting weekly

Disengagement from things that squander our ability to live a regenerated lifestyle by God's word “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13) “So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.” (Galatians 5:16)

Find a Bible-teaching church, like 1st Free Will Baptist Church, and begin to establish relationships with healthy Christians who can help you find healing, freedom, and security through a relationship with Jesus.

Find a safe place that is Christ-centered, like Restoration Pointe, to address your struggle with people-pleasing and identify the underlying issues. (Galatians 6:2)‌

God loves you. If you haven’t experienced freedom in Christ, please visit rprecovery.org/the-gospel. Or talk to me afterwards.