Laws Concerning Wives & Sons (pt 2): Deuteronomy 21:10-21

Text Read

Deuteronomy 21:10–21 (ESV)

“When you go out to war against your enemies, and the Lord your God gives them into your hand and you take them captive, and you see among the captives a beautiful woman, and you desire to take her to be your wife, and you bring her home to your house, she shall shave her head and pare her nails. And she shall take off the clothes in which she was captured and shall remain in your house and lament her father and her mother a full month. After that you may go in to her and be her husband, and she shall be your wife. But if you no longer delight in her, you shall let her go where she wants. But you shall not sell her for money, nor shall you treat her as a slave, since you have humiliated her.

“If a man has two wives, the one loved and the other unloved, and both the loved and the unloved have borne him children, and if the firstborn son belongs to the unloved, then on the day when he assigns his possessions as an inheritance to his sons, he may not treat the son of the loved as the firstborn in preference to the son of the unloved, who is the firstborn, but he shall acknowledge the firstborn, the son of the unloved, by giving him a double portion of all that he has, for he is the firstfruits of his strength. The right of the firstborn is his.

“If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and, though they discipline him, will not listen to them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gate of the place where he lives, and they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This our son is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.’ Then all the men of the city shall stone him to death with stones. So you shall purge the evil from your midst, and all Israel shall hear, and fear.

Background Question: Why Did God Allow Polygamy?

Before we begin to work through today’s text concerning a man who has a wife whom he loves and a different wife who he does not love, we need to ask and (Lord willing) answer the question, Why did God allow Polygamy in the OT? Side Note: We do not have time today to go through all the points of discussion on this topic. It is simply too big. However, today we will, Lord willing, begin to understand a bit of why God allowed Polygamy in the OT. We read in Genesis 2:24 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Did the Israelites know this passage? Absolutely. Moses is the author of the Pentateuch (the first five books of the OT Gen-Deut). That passage would have been known by them as God’s intention for marriage. 1 Man & 1 Woman for life. The interpretation of marriage as 1 man and 1 woman is reiterated in the NT by Jesus in Mark 10:2–9 “And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”” The Apostle Paul uses this same argument in Ephesians 5:31–32““Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” So if the Israelites had the clear command from Genesis 2, why did God permit polygamy? Our passage today contains a Law regarding a clearly polygamous relationship this means that God at least permitted polygamy. First, we need to remember that this culture is 3600 years in the past in a completely different part of the world. In their time and coming out of 400 years in Egypt, Polygamy was a normal part of the culture that was around them. In fact in some parts of the world, Polygamy is still a normal part of different cultures. For instance, “On April 14, 2022, Nashwa al-Deeb, a member of the Egyptian Council of Representatives, submitted a draft law that would impose a number of requirements on men who wish to marry second, third, and fourth wives. The draft law would require the husband to submit a request to a family court judge to notify his wife or wives of his desire to marry another woman. The law would also obligate the husband to inform the woman to be married that he already has one or more wives.” (Egypt: New Laws Regulating Marriage, Polygamy, and Divorce Proposed | Library of Congress (loc.gov)) Polygamy was a normal part of the culture they were leaving. That does not mean it was morally right for the Israelites to have multiple wives, but simply that it was a normal cultural practice. What were the Israelites to do with those who did so? If a man had a family, then the man takes a second wife, what was the law to do? Should they execute the man? If so, then both wives, the children, and the entire household would be left destitute, so that the second state would be worse than the first. BTW, dealing with polygamous relationships is actually a counseling situation for those Christians who minister in countries were Polygamy is legally acceptable. If a man has 3 wives and then he gets saved, what is he supposed to do? He is already the husband of multiple wives. Should he divorce 2 of them? that would also be sinful as well. What is that person to do?

In discussing OT Laws concerning Polygamy, we need to remember a few things (Not Exhaustive):

1) One Purpose of the Law is to minimize the damage of a sinful world. Just like divorce was never the intended ending of a marriage, remember Jesus’ said: “Because of your hardness of heart he/Moses wrote you this commandment.” (Mk 10:5) In the same way, polygamy never fit the definition of marriage. However, God through Moses, because of the hardness of the human heart wrote laws to minimize the damage of humanity’s sinfulness.

2) The Law is a Teacher: God works with people sanctifying us from where we are to where He wants us to be. If God had been Draconian in writing His Laws no one would have survived. People often think the Mosaic Law was super strict, and it was strict, but it could have been much stricter and still been Just. God in the time of Moses allowed the Israelites to make certain choices such as divorce & polygamy, but the Law of Moses put in guardrails that forced people to experience the consequences of their decisions. “We are free to make choices, but we are not free from the consequences of those choices.”

3) The Law is powerless to change the heart. No Law however perfect, can change the heart of an individual. Side Note: That is why we need Christ. Only He can change the heart. While the Law is powerless to change the heart, the Law reveals the evil intentions of the heart. Ill. If I hate someone, I can put on a fake smile etc and no one is the wiser. If I murder that person, I have revealed the hate that was already in my heart. As Jesus said in Matt 15:19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. When we do any of these things we demonstrate the sin that was already in our hearts.

4) While there is no explicit law condemning Polygamy, God commands His people to be wise. So let us quickly observe how God presents polygamy in Scripture. Lamech in Genesis 6 is the first mention of someone with multiple wives. He is also a man who is bragging to his wives that he had murdered someone. We can look at Abraham & Sara. Sara gave her handmade Hagar to Abraham and then turned around and hated Hagar. Jacob was tricked into marrying Leah & then ended up marrying Rachel. This caused heartache and competition between the sisters and their children. When we look at the examples of all those in scripture who walked down the path of Polygamy, whether those who had 2 wives or 300 wives, we see that it caused massive issues and trauma. Now God turned much of this around to be used for good, but a bad situation that God turns for good doesn’t change the fact that it was a bad situation. Proverbs 27:12 says The prudent/the one who applies wisdom sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it. Proverbs 1:7 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.” Remember we are commanded to be wise, and to ignore wisdom is to be a fool. When the Bible calls someone a fool, the bible is speaking to their morality. So while the OT Law does not expressly forbid Polygamy, those who had ears to hear and eyes to see learned the wisdom in following the original design of Marriage as 1 Man and 1 Woman for life.

5) There is more to this discussion.

Text Explained

“If a man has two wives, the one loved and the other unloved, and both the loved and the unloved have borne him children, and if the firstborn son belongs to the unloved, then on the day when he assigns his possessions as an inheritance to his sons, he may not treat the son of the loved as the firstborn in preference to the son of the unloved, who is the firstborn, but he shall acknowledge the firstborn, the son of the unloved, by giving him a double portion of all that he has, for he is the firstfruits of his strength. The right of the firstborn is his. What we have within this section is something that would easily occur. A man has two wives and the one he loves and the one he does not. How did he get a wife he did not love, we don’t know. Perhaps it was a situation like Jacob. Jacob was promised marriage to Rachel, but was tricked into marrying Leah. Rather than being content with Leah, the wife he had, Jacob pursued Rachel by working another seven years for his uncle Laban. He then married Rachel whom he loved and Leah whom he simply had to take. This caused all sorts of family conflict because both women went to extreme lengths in order to get Jacob to favor them. The law we read today would require Jacob to acknowledge Reuben as his firstborn with all the rights of inheritance despite the fact that Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah. You may says well yeah that’s simple. Ruben was the firstborn therefore he should get the inheritance of the firstborn. Why do we need a Law that specifically says you don’t get to play favorites? You are forgetting the inner sinful lawyer. You see, there are two Firstborns in this situation, the firstborn of Leah, which is Ruben, and the firstborn of Rachel, which is Joseph. This Law would have prevented Jacob from giving Joseph the firstborn inheritance, even though Joseph was the firstborn of Rachel. If a man has a wife he doesn’t care for and a wife he loved and wanted to please, without this law it would be easy for that man to say, Yes I will give a double portion to the Firstborn of the wife I love. In this way I am fulfilling the law of giving to the firstborn. This Law explicitly forces the birthright to go to the firstborn son regardless of the wife who bore him. You see, whether the spouse was loved or unloved didn’t matter. The husband was not allowed to play favorites with the children in regards to the inheritance. The firstborn was the firstborn regardless of whether he favored one wife over another. He was free to have the multiple wives, but he was not free to choose who would inherit despite his feelings.

Text Applied

So how in the world does this apply to us today?

1) The Lord is Just. A principle we find propping up this Law is the Justice of God. As I said, it would be easy for a man to show favor to the wife he loved by naming her firstborn as the firstborn. However, God steps in here and declares that the Firstborn is the firstborn regardless of which wife bore him. God did not allow the prejudices of the father to pervert truth and justice. The Lord is Just.

2) The Lord is merciful as He works with sinful people. We do not always make the right decisions. The Israelites would make bad decisions, they would enter into certain polygamous relationships that would unwise at best, yet God put laws into place in order to prevent some of the worst parts of our sinful tendencies to manifest. God allows us to make decisions knowing that we will not always choose the right. Yet He is merciful in how He deals with the fallout. That is because the Lord is merciful to us. Psalm 103:6–14 “The Lord works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed. He made known His ways to Moses, His acts to the people of Israel. The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will He keep His anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His steadfast love toward those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does He remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust.” Just as God worked with the Children of Israel, who were coming out of a messed up society, God works with you and I. God understands that we are dust and we will sin, yet He is gracious in dealing with our sin. The law we considered today was put into place to stop a man from committing further wrong. He had already done wrong by failing to love his wife, yet he would have done further wrong by stripping his firstborn of the inheritance. How many times has God stopped you and I from committing greater sin? Oh we have already begun down the path of sin, yet God in His mercy puts up a roadblock that stops us from going further. Other times God, in His mercy, will bring a sin pattern to light. Have you ever considered that? Remember one of the purposes of the Law was to clearly reveal sin. Sometimes we ignore sin in our lives b/c we have not had to face the consequences of it. So God, in His mercy, brings certain sins to public light so that we will have no choice but to deal with them. As God warned the Israelites in Numbers 32:23 “But if you will not do so, behold, you have sinned against the Lord, and be sure your sin will find you out.” The Lord is merciful as He works with sinful people. He often gives us time to repent on our own, but if we continue in our sin, He will bring it to light so that we will have no choice but to deal with it.

The Lord is Just

The Lord is Merciful as He works with Sinful people.