When Families Fight

INTRO

Have you ever had a strong disagreement with someone?

Have you ever had that big blow up that just left a lot of awkward tension?

Was it caused by the Bedlam Game played yesterday?

Did you have that moment on your way to church this morning? Just Kidding

Here’s the reality… people have disagreements all the time.

We all have times with those whom we are close to where we just can’t get on the same page.

There are times where there’s not a right or a wrong…or you’re both right…or you’re both wrong. It happens!

Having disagreements and not getting on the same page isn’t wrong. Our goal, regardless of circumstances, is to make sure that we reflect and represent Jesus well, even in disagreements.

Acts 15:30–41 ESV

30 So when they were sent off, they went down to Antioch, and having gathered the congregation together, they delivered the letter. 31 And when they had read it, they rejoiced because of its encouragement. 32 And Judas and Silas, who were themselves prophets, encouraged and strengthened the brothers with many words. 33 And after they had spent some time, they were sent off in peace by the brothers to those who had sent them. 35 But Paul and Barnabas remained in Antioch, teaching and preaching the word of the Lord, with many others also. 36 And after some days Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us return and visit the brothers in every city where we proclaimed the word of the Lord, and see how they are.” 37 Now Barnabas wanted to take with them John called Mark. 38 But Paul thought best not to take with them one who had withdrawn from them in Pamphylia and had not gone with them to the work. 39 And there arose a sharp disagreement, so that they separated from each other. Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus, 40 but Paul chose Silas and departed, having been commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord. 41 And he went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches.

1) Differences of Opinion Happen (v. 37-38)

From the Text...

Paul and Barnabas had been through a lot together.

Paul’s conversion in Damascus and acceptance by The Apostles in Jerusalem (Acts 9)

Barnabas sent by Jerusalem to Antioch at the report of a growing church and Barnabas retrieved Paul from Tarsus to join him in the work (Acts 11)

They were sent off by the Antioch Church to share the Gospel to the Gentiles (Acts 13)

Trials, Triumphs, and Tragedies of their Missionary Journey together (Acts 13-14)

The controversy that took them back to Jerusalem (Acts 15)

They were also coming off of an impassioned return from Jerusalem.

Message of Grace among the Gentiles

Cooperation between Antioch and Jerusalem (Paul, Barnabas, Judas Barsabbas, and Silas)

Things were going well until they weren’t.

With so much shared experiences and passion for the Gospel it seems strange for such a sharp disagreement to arise…but it did.

An irreconcilable difference emerged.

Team Barnabas

Let’s take John Mark with us and give him another chance. (Totally within Barnabas’ personality)

Team Paul

Let’s not take John Mark. We can’t trust him. He’s already abandoned us once. You know the trouble we experienced in these cities. He can’t hack it. He doesn’t need to be an anchor slowing us down. We don’t need to put ourselves into a situation to rely on someone who has proven themselves to not be trustworthy.

“Our judgement goes with Paul, but our hearts go with Barnabas.” Kent Hughes, Acts, The Church Afire (pg. 203)

…To My Context

Differences of Opinion Happen

No matter how much we experience together and are on the same page in many other areas, a time will come when we disagree.

You need to prepare now in your own heart and mind how you will handle disagreements as a part of the faith family.

2) Not Every Disagreement is Good v. Evil (v. 36)

From the Text...

Paul and Barnabas’ disagreement wasn’t a good v. evil matter.

Their disagreement was a matter of trust and logistics.

…To My Context

We live in a world where if you don’t agree with me then you must be against me.

We can disagree and still be family. We can disagree and still be about the Gospel.

Some issues are truth and doctrine matters where we cannot back down and have to defend the truth fiercely and fervently. Most other issues are not as severe even if we can’t agree.

3) How You Handle Disagreements Matters (v. 39-40)

From the Text...

Paul and Barnabas chose to stay on mission and purpose…just not together.

What Paul and Barnabas didn’t do says much about the nature of what drove their passionate disagreement.

They didn’t rally troops.

They didn’t cause a church split.

They didn’t tear down each other to the point trying to discredit their love for Jesus, for the Gospel, and for the mission of getting the Gospel to the lost.

They didn’t stay together in person, but they did stay together in their love for Jesus and the mission He called them to.

…To My Context

As a body of believers, when we disagree it’s not about who’s right and who’s wrong. What ultimately matters is Jesus, His Gospel, and His Purpose.

It’s okay to not get my way as long as The Way gets His Way.

4) God is Great Than Conflict (v. 39-40)

From the Text...

Barnabas took John Mark and went to Cyprus (part of the region on the first missionary trip)

Paul and Silas set off towards Syria and Cilicia (Derbe, Lystra, etc)

Though Paul and Barnabas were good together, God worked through their conflict and doubled His Gospel Purpose.

…To My Context

As long as we keep our eyes on Jesus, disagreements are not the end of the world…sometimes they are the beginning of a new opportunity.

Reflection & Response

WHEN A DISAGREEMENT ARISES, ARE YOU MORE CONCERNED WITH YOU BEING RIGHT OR SEEKING TO DO WHAT’S RIGHT?

WHAT DO YOU NEED TO DO WHILE THERE ISN’T CONFLICT TO HELP YOU KEEP YOUR EYES ON JESUS WHEN THERE IS CONFLICT?

WHEN IN THE MIDST OF A DISAGREEMENT, DO YOU CONSUME YOURSELF WITH IT OR DO YOU KEEP YOUR EYES ON JESUS AND TRUST HIS BIGGER PLAN DESPITE THE CONFLICT?

ULTIMATELY, JESUS AND HIS GOSPEL IS GREATER! WHAT DO YOU NEED TO DO TODAY TO HELP ELEVATE JESUS AND HIS GOSPEL IN YOUR LIFE?