From Bitterness to Forgiveness

I came across a story this week that somewhat… shook me to the core. To be honest, it left me thinking, “how could a person ever get to that place?” And then I began to realize… many people are living in that place today… that place is called… bitterness.

Pastor Gary Inrig tells the story...

It is a story of a man that was bitten by a rabid dog… in the days before the invention of vaccines. The dog bite and the infection that came with it gave him a condition that was incurable.

In time, the disease would attack his brain, and he would die a painful, crazed death. The doctor struggled with how he would break the news to the man ans he simply said, “Sir, I’m sorry; it is the worst possible outcome we could have imagined. Test results indicate that you have rabies. We will do all we can to make you comfortable. But I cannot give you false hope. There is nothing we can do to cure you. My best advice is that you put your affairs in order as soon as possible.”

The infected man was quite for a moment… then he asked for a pen and some paper. The doctor got him the supplies and the man went to work.

A few hours later, the doctor saw the man still working and was impressed that he was placing so much care into his last will and testament. But the man quickly corrected the doctor and said, “This isn’t my will, Doc. This is a list of all the people I need to bite before I die.”

Ouch. This man, while on his death bed, was listing out the names of people he wanted to… hurt.

We don’t know what the original offense was, but this guy was internally injured and he wanted to get some people back.

Who would think in such a way? Surely this is a rare thing, right?

Did you know, that if you look back at the past mass shootings that have taken place in America that all of them involve some level of bitterness? All of them involve harbored hurt that became the basis for the violent action they committed.

Now, I am not trying to suggest that bitterness will always lead to some form of violent action… but bitterness opens a door of negative influence in our lives… a door that the enemy will use for his advantage.

And maybe… if we’re honest… you have a list as well. Again, I’m not suggesting it is a list of people you want to hurt… but maybe it’s a list of people who have hurt you.

Not only is it a list of names, but an archive of memories as well. And each time you dig up those memories, those hurts come back alive causing you greater disdain and maybe even anger toward that person.

Hear me today… your hurts are real. Those emotional injuries are real. AND… the longer we choose to hold onto those hurts… the longer we allow for them to continue hurting us.

Bitterness, defined, is anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly; resentment:

This definition is interesting to me. Because it suggests that bitterness… the anger and disappointment… stems from UNFAIR TREATMENT.

Who is it that decides whether or not a person is being treated unfairly? Who is it that defines what treatment is fair or unfair?

My point is… sometimes people a truly treated in unfair ways. But other times, a person perceives what is happening to them is unfair because they are unwilling to be truthful regarding the issue at hand.

Maybe their bias is in the way, maybe their understanding is a bit skewed, maybe their actions required the response they received from the so-called offender, maybe they wanted to be hurt.

Sound crazy? Not so much… we are living in a culture today where everyone is… a victim. And honestly, our media and trends have encouraged this kind of behavior.

But here’s the deal… no matter how this bitterness came about… no matter if the treatment received was fair or unfair, unchecked bitterness will lead to inward destruction.

Let me rephrase that… UNFORGIVEN BITTERNESS will lead to inward destruction. And make no mistake about it, church, the enemy will use bitterness to bring you down. In fact, he will lure you into this trap in hopes to snare you in this trap for as long as he can.

So what can we do about these feeling?

One, we need to be honest about them… we need to acknowledge that they exist.

Two, we need to ask Jesus to forgive us of our unforgiveness

Three, we need to forgive the offense and stop being controlled by bitterness.

How many know tonight that God takes unforgiveness very seriously?

I want you to see some warnings in Scripture tonight then we are going to talk about the path from bitterness to forgiveness.

We must FORGIVE in order to be FORGIVEN.

Did you know… in order for us as believer to walk in the forgiveness of Jesus, we must, MUST, be willing to forgive others of their offenses?

That’s how seriously God takes this situation. God has extended to us His grace… and He instructs us to extend grace toward others. And perhaps the most well-known passage expressing this truth comes from Jesus’ example prayer in Matthew 6:12-15

Matthew 6:12–15 NIV

12 And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.’ 14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Jesus makes it VERY clear mow God views unforgiveness! And one of the reasons I love the Bible so much is… it shows the struggles that Jesus’ disciples even had with this concept.

A very chapters further shows us a moment when Peter is struggling with the concept of forgiveness… HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO FORGIVE SOMEONE WHO SINS AGAINST ME? HOW MANY TIMES!?! Up to 7 times?

Man… I hear the struggle! I hear the frustration! I hear the hurt and the pain coming out in this question… because behind this question are statements like:

You don’t know what this person did.

You don’t know what this person said.

You don’t know the hurt they caused.

You don’t know the pain they inflicted.

These statements are birthed from our justification of our bitterness. We tell ourselves that we have a RIGHT to be angry… we have a RIGHT to hold on to this hurt… we have a RIGHT to not forgive them. Then Jesus drops this bombshell…

Matthew 18:22 NIV

22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Jesus is basically saying you forgive them as many times as necessary.

I heard a recent sermon that said if you take Jesus’ words literally in the span of a day, we have 24 hours in each day. If we break that time up by the number of times we are to forgive a person, that means we have roughly 2 minutes to forgive and move on!

And why did was the math done on one day’s time? Look at Paul’s words in Ephesians 4:26-27

Ephesians 4:26–27 NIV

26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.

Paul says don’t sin in your anger… get it dealt with that day… AND DON’T GIVE THE DEVIL A FOOTHOLD! We’ll talk about that more in a moment...

Listen, we ALL enjoy walking in the forgiveness of the Lord! Aren’t you glad to be forgiven of ALL your sins, wrong doings, transgressions, rebellion, etc?

God has WIPED the slate clean! He doesn’t keep score, His love holds no records of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:5). In fact, if you have called on the name of Jesus for salvation… the only list your name will be found on is located in the Lamb’s Book of Life!

That is… so long as you have forgiven others of their offenses against you. And you might be thinking my words are too sharp and inaccurate… but those aren’t my words. Jesus Himself said, “If you do not forgive others their sins, Your Father will NOT forgive your sins.”

And… after Jesus gave Peter the 70 times 7 answer, He tells a parable of the unmerciful servant in Matthew 18.

One servant who owed his master ten thousand bags of gold asked his master to forgive his debt. It was a debt he could not pay, and the master graciously granted his request. Then, that same servant approached a man who owed him a hundred silver coins and demanded payment. He refused to forgive the debt.

When the master found this out, he had harsh word for the servant that he had cleared the debt

Matthew 18:32–34 NIV

32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

Now look at this final instruction from Jesus

Matthew 18:35 NIV

35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

Why is this such a big deal? Why would God care if we forgive those who hurt us?

One, Because God expects us to extend to others what He has GRACIOUSLY extended to us.

We do not deserve His forgiveness, but because He loves us, He made a way for our forgiveness.

Two, Because God understands that bitterness and unforgiveness opens the door for wickedness in our hearts.

It gives the devil a foothold in our lives. So we need to...

Avoid the Trap.

What is a trap? Hunters and farmers know what traps are… and they have to be used in certain ways for them to be effective.

A trap must be hidden...

Think about it, if a person or animal recognizes what is before them as a trap… they won’t fall for it. A trap has to be disguised… as something safe or escapable.

A trap also must be baited...

Something is used to lure the target into the trap. It has to be something the target wants or needs or desires. That bait works to overpower the better judgement of the target.

Now, here’s the deal when it comes to this trap… Offenses… are going to come. In fact, the are inevitable. In fact, Jesus said this would be the case.

Luke 17:1 NKJV

1 Then He said to the disciples, “It is impossible that no offenses should come, but woe to him through whom they do come!

Offenses are a part of life. At some point, someone will wrong you, someone will hurt you, someone will think negatively of you. Even Jesus Himself did not escape this reality.

The offense… is the bait. And someone might say, “Why would ANYONE want to take that bait?” But we do it all the time. In the face of the hurt, the pain, the anger, the shock, etc., we become… offended. In fact sometimes… we want to be offended… we want to be angry.

When we feel slighted, that offense reminds us how wrong that person is or was, and how right we are.

This has been a problem from the moment sin entered this world.

Cain was offended by his brother, Abel. Or at least he thought he was.

Abel had brought the Lord a first-fruits offering that pleased the Lord. Cain brought an offering from some of his increase. God looked with favor towards Abel’s offering, but not Cain’s. And God immediately picked up on Cain’s anger and responded.

Genesis 4:6–7 NIV

6 Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? 7 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”

And right there, God exposes the trap… sin was crouching at Cain’s door as it crouches at our doors as well in our anger. It desires to have you… but you must deny it access.

The moment we grab hold of offense and choose to not let go, we are walking in the enemy’s territory - we have fallen for the trap.

Cain moves on his anger and kills his brother… he made a list of people he wanted to bite… when really he should have been angry with himself.

Cain’s shortcoming is what caused the mess but he took up offense instead of repentance. Remember how bitterness results from “unfair” treatment?

This is a DEADLY trap… a trap that wants to bind you set by an enemy that wants to steal, kill and destroy you.

So how do we overcome the trap? How do we keep from becoming bitter? We must choose...

The Road to Forgiveness.

First off, you need to acknowledge how you feel. You need to admit you have been wronged or feel like you have been wronged.

It’s hard to get off the path of bitterness if you deny that you are on said path. If you try to bury it, deny it, overlook it, or mask it, that bitterness will continue to destroy you from the inside out.

Call it out… be real. This thing has been controlling you. And yes, you might have a million justifications for how you feel, but God has something better in store for you tonight.

Secondly, Assess your hurt from God’s perspective.

This one is HUGE. Take YOU out of the equation for a moment. Because remember, bitterness is often the result of feeling like you have been treated unfairly… but have you really?

Was Cain treated unfairly by God? No… He brought God the leftovers instead of his best. Yet he was bitter toward his brother.

Sometimes our perception is skewed. Maybe its skewed because of our agenda, our past, our worldview, our bias, or even what we interpret the Bible to say. How many know that if we are not careful, we can work to twist Scripture to fit our agenda? This is called eisegesis. Instead of pulling the true meaning from the Word, we inject our desired meaning into it.

The key is to step back, and view the situation as God would view it. THIS TAKES HONESTY AND HUMILITY.

Also in this step, begin to pray for the person you feel bitter toward.

Some of the best advice I ever received from a mentor when I was struggling with bitterness was… it is hard to be angry at someone you are genuinely praying for. He was right. Take this thing to God in prayer.

Thirdly, admit your failures and receive God’s forgiveness.

Ask God to forgive you of your unforgiveness and forgive those who have offended or hurt you.

And yes, you might find that you have to forgive them 70 times 7 times a day!!!

And in that forgiveness, you will find freedom from the tap the enemy had you caught in.

Church… offense desires to have you. Sin… desires to have you. There is nothing the enemy would like more than God’s people walking about offended, hurt, and harboring unforgiveness. Why? Because they are fooling themselves.

God will not forgive those… who will not forgive others. God’s love and grace are POWERFUL… but He will not extend to us, what we choose not to extend to others.

God, through Christ, has forgiven us of an impossible debt we could not have ever paid on our own. Jesus paid the price… He took on our sin debt, and nailed it to the cross.

So that negative word or that personal jab that someone said… needs to be forgiven by you. That person may not ask or even want your forgiveness… but in your heart, it MUST be there. Because it speaks of our understanding of what Jesus did for us.

So… will you lay it down tonight? Will you place on these altars whatever it is that you are holding within? God wants to set you free from the trap, but you have to be willing to let go.

Final prayer:

Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors, and lead us not into temptation… set us free from any offense, as we walk in Your forgiveness and grace.