Philemon: An Appeal For Reconciliation (part 1)

Review

Turn to Philemon.

Two weeks ago we began a series through the letter to Philemon. This letter is a study on restoring hurt relationships. Onesimus was a slave who ran away from Philemon, but in the process, he trusted Christ. Now Paul was writing to ask Philemon to welcome Onesimus back as a new brother in Christ. As Paul begins his letter, he exercised grace and tact and he expressed gratitude for Philemon and for his faith in Christ. Paul believed the best of his brother in Christ. He believed that these two Christians would be restored to fellowship with each other, but Philemon would have to make that choice to receive Onesimus back. Paul now makes that appeal.

Message

Read Philemon 8-12.

In verse eight, Paul begins to make his appeal to Philemon. Here, the preliminaries in the letter are over and the main subject begins. I don’t know, but perhaps this was the point where Paul had a bit of a knot in his stomach. This was the uncomfortable part. It was time to address the matter at hand. As we’re about to see, Paul exercises great care as he chooses his approach and his words.

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An appeal instead of a demand - Philemon 8-10.

There is a universal truth in life: how you do something is often just as important as what you do. For example:

If you’re having a fire in your house, how you fight that fire is just as important a decision as choosing to fight the fire in the first place - ask me how I know.

Here’s an example that you may experience soon:

If you wake up one morning and it’s snowing outside, how you drive your vehicle is just as important as whether you choose to drive at all.

One last example:

If you’re talking with someone, how you say something is just as important as what you say.

Paul puts that wisdom into practice beginning in verse eight. He cleverly reminds Philemon of his apostolic authority without actually telling him what to do.

“Wherefore, though I might be much bold in Christ to enjoin [to order, or to command] thee that which is convenient [appropriate, proper],yet for love’s sake I rather beseech thee...”

What Paul does here is brilliant! He is saying, “Philemon, Christ has given me the authority to command you to receive Onesimus, but instead, I lovingly make an appeal that you do the right thing.”

Paul reminds Philemon of his authority without actually using it. That shows wisdom, but much more, it teaches us this principle of reconciliation: an appeal is more persuasive than a demand.

Paul had two ways that he could talk to Philemon. He could demand that Philemon forgive Onesimus, or he could lovingly entreat him. Paul chose the latter.

Application: If you have a hurting relationship in your life - whether it’s a spouse, a family member, a friend, or someone in this church - the pathway to restoration begins with humble appeals, not accusations or demands.

Proverbs 15:1 KJV 1900

A soft answer turneth away wrath: But grievous words stir up anger.

Proverbs 25:15 KJV 1900

By long forbearing is a prince persuaded, And a soft tongue breaketh the bone.

Proverbs 13:10 KJV 1900

Only by pride cometh contention: But with the well advised is wisdom.

The pathway to reconciliation is humility such as Paul displays for us here. Reconciliation begins with laying aside your rights instead of demanding them.

“But Pastor Tim, they have treated me so unfairly!”

Yes, sinners will. Sadly, sometimes even Christians will act like sinners. Christians are called to be saints, but that doesn’t mean that Christians always live like it. When you have been treated unfairly, when your time, your talent, or your effort has been taken for granted, make a gentle appeal instead of a stern demand. Ask a thoughtful question instead of leveling a harsh accusation.

Questions stir the conscience but accusations harden the will. - Attributed to Lester Rolloff

Paul lays out the roadmap to reconciliation by making an appeal instead of a demand. Secondly, we see…

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An appeal that acknowledges the past - Philemon 11.

Read Philemon 10-11a.

It seems in verse eleven that Paul is being both serious and humorous at the same time. The humor is that Paul seems to do a play on words here. “Onesimus” means “profitable” or “useful.”

Paul is saying, “Philemon, you know that slave named, ‘Onesimus’, or, ‘profitable?’ I know, I’ve heard the story, he’s proven quite unprofitable for you.”

I can just imagine Philemon reading this letter for the first time and thinking to himself, “yep, that’s an understatement!”

In this way, Paul acknowledges the past and hits a touchy subject: the fact that Onesimus did Philemon wrong.

There’s no dodging reality in this letter. There’s no minimizing the hurt. There’s no sweeping it under the rug and acting like the offence never happened and here’s why: avoiding the past never resolves the problem.

Paul could have ignored the issue. He could have told Philemon just to forget everything, and just act like nothing had ever happened, but that would not have changed the reality that Onesimus and Philemon were estranged from each other. They were not reconciled. If Paul had ignored the issue, it would have always weighed on Onesimus and his conscience that he had wronged Philemon. And it would have always been a nagging temptation in Philemon’s mind to grow bitter at his former slave who never made things right. That’s what happens when we ignore the problem. We cannot truly be reconciled.

Instead of going that easy route, Paul takes the high road and acknowledges the past hurt. He attempted to see the situation from Philemon’s perspective and then biblically address it.

Colossians and Philemon—The Supremacy of Christ Paul’s Approach to Reconciliation: Strategy

fundamental to human reconciliation is taking the time to reflect on where people are: how they are feeling, how they perceive the problem, how they think we perceive them.

That’s what Paul did here. Instead of just standing up for Onesimus and taking his side, he placed himself in Philemon’s shoes.

Application: If you find yourself estranged from another individual, you cannot seek reconciliation for a hurt that you will not acknowledge. Why could Paul seek for reconciliation between Onesimus and Philemon? Because Paul was willing to admit how Onesimus had wronged Philemon. That is the point you must reach if you find yourself estranged from someone else. You must make a conscious effort to understand how they are feeling, how they are thinking, and how you may have wronged them.

Psalm 26:2 KJV 1900

Examine me, O Lord, and prove me; Try my reins and my heart.

If everyone makes that their practice, you’ll be amazed how quickly problems in marriages, problems in homes, and problems in the church will evaporate.

So far in this letter, Paul makes an appeal instead of a demand, an appeal that acknowledges the past, now thirdly…

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An appeal because of a change of mind - Philemon 11.

If we’re honest with ourselves, we’ve all had to change our minds about one thing or another. While we thought we were right in thinking a certain way, eventually, we are persuaded to think another way. I find that as I get older, I need to continually change my mind about things as I discover that I wasn’t always as right as I thought I was.

Several years ago, I found I needed to have a change of mind about a particular sport. You see, growing up, here in PA, I didn’t care all that much for soccer. But right around 2011, my opinion of soccer began to have a strange transformation. I began to have a change of mind and whereas I once thought that soccer was boring, dull, and easy to play, I suddenly discovered that the game was riveting, fun, and challenging. Why did I change my mind? Because I met a young lady from Brazil that loved soccer. That was all the reason I needed to have a change of mind about soccer.

One reason Paul was writing this letter of reconciliation was because Onesimus had had a change of mind. He had been transformed by the power of Jesus Christ.

The man who only knew slavery was now free from the bondage of sin.

The man who was dead in sins was now alive unto God through Christ.

The defiant slave was now a joyful servant.

The useless was now useful.

A change of mind had taken place. There was no reason for these two brothers in Christ to be estranged any longer. They were both part of the family of God! Why carry their differences into that happy union? Onesimus had experienced a change of mind. Now slave and master could be reconciled.

Application: For true reconciliation to take place, there must be a change of mind.

The offender must choose to admit his sin.

The offended must choose to offer forgiveness.

Imagine that Onesimus had never received Christ. Imagine that his life had never been transformed. What then would Paul have said? What would he have counseled Philemon to do? He wouldn’t have counseled Philemon to be reconciled - he couldn’t. Reconciliation requires at least two people - the offender and the offended. So Paul wouldn’t have counseled Philemon to be reconciled, but he would have counseled Philemon to forgive.

Christian, for the sake of our Lord, don’t you be the one who refuses to have a change of mind. Don’t be the one who refuses to obey Scripture and forgive. Don’t be the one who refuses to admit sin! Whether you have been offended, or whether you are the offender (and often, we are both!), you be the one who has a change of mind and determines to follow the Lord!

Paul makes his appeal because Onesimus had a change of mind. but now in verse twelve he brings it all together and plainly states his desire.

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An appeal to do right - Philemon 12.

Paul’s letter to Philemon has developed over the last several verses, but here he openly issues the call to action: “thou therefore receive him, that is, mine own bowels:”

“Philemon, receive Onesimus back as if you were receiving me.”

In the context of Roman culture, that was a big request. Much more than asking to spare Onesimus death by beheading, Paul goes a step beyond and asks Philemon to welcome Onesimus back as if it were Paul himself.

Philemon would have been happy to roll out the red carpet for Paul, his dear friend. But roll it out for Onesimus? Well, not so fast. Philemon would have to stop and think about that one, but that’s exactly what Paul was asking of Philemon.

The story of the prodigal son is a direct parallel to this.

Luke 15:20 KJV 1900

And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.

Application: Christian, if you have been offended by someone, don’t content yourself with the minimum. Don’t settle for just tolerating that person in your household. Don’t settle for just avoiding that person at church.

You cannot live the abundant Christian life while merely tolerating those around you. Christ offers the abundant life to those who follow Him without reservation. So go beyond! Go beyond what our culture says to do. Go beyond what your flesh and your feelings tell you to do. Forgive and be wholly reconciled to that other person for Christ’s sake and for His glory.

Conclusion

Philemon: an appeal for reconciliation.