Marriage Relationship

Ephesians 5:22–33 NKJV

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

In our last session we saw that we are to redeem the time by being filled with the Spirit. And one of the outcomes of being filled with the Spirit among others was that we submit to one another in the fear of the Lord.

Ephesians 5:19–21 NKJV

19 speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, 20 giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another in the fear of God.

So in the general sense we submit to one another however, that could lead to obvious issues if we all submit to each other in the same way. There are still different rolls in family and church life and there is a structure which God has ordained to maintain order and keep unity. So in the next few sections Paul give specific instructions on how we submit to each other within different relationships.

Marriage

Parent/child

Master/servants

Paul addresses the husband/wife relationship first as it is the most important human relationship.

It is the first human relationship that God established.

God created Adam And put him in the garden and brought every living thing to Adam so that he could name them. What became abundantly clear to Adam was that all the animals had a female counterpart and yet Adam had no one.

Genesis 2:21–24 NKJV

21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. 23 And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

And so the husband wife relationship was founded. It is the most important relationship because out of this relationship comes all others. Children come out of this relationship in fact they are the physical manifestation of two becoming one flesh. But as beautiful and wonderful as the mother/child relationship or the father/child relationship is it is secondary to the husband wife relationship. So many families struggle when they get this out of balance. Never put your relationship with your children before your relationship with your husband or wife. This is the primary family relationship and is should be prioritised and guarded and prayed for and fought for, because it is certainly under attack. Satan knows that this is the most important human relationship and he loves destroying marriages.

We are broken people who continually battle with the world the flesh and the devil. So marriages never fully function as God intended. Divorce and separation was never God’s intention and yet even among Christians these are prevalent. I’m not saying that there are never any circumstances where a married couple should separate. But what I am saying is that in a culture where marriage vows are taken so lightly as Christians we need to get back to the Word of God and understand how important this relationship is and we need to pray and fight for our marriages. We need to pray for one another and if God forbid after doing everything you can your marriage still fails then know that there is a greater relationship than marriage and that’s your relationship with God so draw near to Him.

Paul gives us the picture of how the marriage relationship should work when we live a Spirit filled life.

Wives, Submit to Your Own Husbands

Paul addresses the wives here. What are wives to do? Submit. We find this word “submit” once again. It means to obey.

Notice, he doesn’t say husband make sure your wives submit. This is not under force but a voluntary submission.

And this instruction follows on from the previous instruction to be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God in the name of Christ and submitting to one another in the fear of the Lord.

So this instruction to submit to your husbands is in the context of being filled with the Spirit. Which is to be filled with joy and love and singing and thanksgiving and all the fruit of the Spirit.

This is to be a a joyful loving God fearing and trusting voluntary obedience as to the Lord.

As unto the Lord implies for the Lord’s Jesus Christ sake because of His love for you and because of His sacrifice for you. So it’s not because your husband is so worthy of your obedience but because Christ is worthy. It’s not because you trust your husband but because you trust Christ. It’s not even out of your love for your husband but it is out of you love for Christ.

Notice it is your own husbands that you are to submit to. Not to all men. Paul is not saying that women should never be in authority over men rather he is addressing the relationship within the family.

Now Paul gives some supporting statements.

eph 5:23

Ephesians 5:23 NKJV

23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.

For the husband is the head of the wife. This argument is based on creation.

1 Corinthians 11:3–12 NKJV

3 But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. 4 Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonors his head. 5 But every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head, for that is one and the same as if her head were shaved. 6 For if a woman is not covered, let her also be shorn. But if it is shameful for a woman to be shorn or shaved, let her be covered. 7 For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but woman is the glory of man. 8 For man is not from woman, but woman from man. 9 Nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man. 10 For this reason the woman ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels. 11 Nevertheless, neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord. 12 For as woman came from man, even so man also comes through woman; but all things are from God.

As Christ is the head of the church

The example is that of Christ and the church and this is the picture throughout Paul’s instructions to both husbands and wives. This is the mystery which Paul reveals in vs 31-32 that the marriage relationship is and has always been a picture of Christ and the church. Even back in Gen 2 when it says that that the two shall be one flesh it was talking about Christ and the church which is what make the marriage relationship so sacred in the eyes of God.

So wives should submit in the same way that the church submits to Christ. Again, not by coercion or force but by voluntary self-sacrificing, love, with joy.

And husbands should be the head of the wife and family in the same way that Christ is the head of the church. Christ does not Lord over the church he never forces the church to obey and follow him. but as it says He is the Savior of the church, he offered himself a sacrifice for the church. He loves the church and ministers to the church, He washed their feet and serves and prays for the church.

Ephesians 5:24 NKJV

24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

What Paul describes here is how marriage should look not how it alway is. However, this is what we should strive for and press towards and by God’s grace and the power of the Holy Spirit in us we can continue to grow closer and closer to God’s intention for our marriages.