Preparation before dating

Last week we covered the ‘Gift of singleness’, probably one of the most underrated relationship status’ of all.

We often associate being single as a negative thing, but in reality God uses us more than we realize in our single life.

In January 2020, season 24 of the bachelor began with Peter Weber as the bachelor to win over. The season began with 30 contestants all looking to woo Peter’s heart and receive a proposal from him, the ultimate prize. One contestant stood out among the rest, Madison Prewett, who identified as a born again christian. When she entered the contest, she stated her belief in Christ and that her christian values were important to her, including saving herself for marriage. To the disbelief of many, she made it into the finale of the season standing against only one other person, Hannah Sluss. However Peter, after revealing he had slept with the other woman of the show after knowing how important the matter had been to Madison, she left the show despite being the winner. This action then by default resulted in Peter proposing to Hannah Sluss. Madison would later recount the event as a ‘difficult’ decision but one she had to make based on her beliefs and values. Madison would later marry Grant Troutt, the son of billionaire Kenny Troutt. She would later say that her experience of being single prepared her for the relationship she would have with Grant and would go on to write several books. Hannah Sluss must have felt great knowing that she was not chosen but won by default. That relationship would also not last between Hannah and Peter.

We find ourselves in a similar situation here in the book of Esther.

Esther 2:12–18 KJV 1900

12 Now when every maid’s turn was come to go in to king Ahasuerus, after that she had been twelve months, according to the manner of the women, (for so were the days of their purifications accomplished, to wit, six months with oil of myrrh, and six months with sweet odours, and with other things for the purifying of the women;) 13 Then thus came every maiden unto the king; whatsoever she desired was given her to go with her out of the house of the women unto the king’s house. 14 In the evening she went, and on the morrow she returned into the second house of the women, to the custody of Shaashgaz, the king’s chamberlain, which kept the concubines: she came in unto the king no more, except the king delighted in her, and that she were called by name. 15 Now when the turn of Esther, the daughter of Abihail the uncle of Mordecai, who had taken her for his daughter, was come to go in unto the king, she required nothing but what Hegai the king’s chamberlain, the keeper of the women, appointed. And Esther obtained favour in the sight of all them that looked upon her. 16 So Esther was taken unto king Ahasuerus into his house royal in the tenth month, which is the month Tebeth, in the seventh year of his reign. 17 And the king loved Esther above all the women, and she obtained grace and favour in his sight more than all the virgins; so that he set the royal crown upon her head, and made her queen instead of Vashti. 18 Then the king made a great feast unto all his princes and his servants, even Esther’s feast; and he made a release to the provinces, and gave gifts, according to the state of the king.

What would happen to the woman who won this competition?

She would become queen of Persia.

Esther would become the queen of Persia and play an influential part to save and preserve the Jewish people during the exile.

Today we are going to discuss the process of preparing before dating.

Like everything in life, there is a preparation that must take place. Dating is no exception to this rule, but oftentimes we overlook it or even worse, neglect it.

Now I know what you are thinking, Eric, this passage is about woman trying to win the king over to become queen. I get it, but hear me out, there are some key things we can learn from this passage that we can apply to how we prepare for dating.

Time to Prepare

This may seem obvious, but we often want to jump right into a relationship.

Here Esther had 12 months to prepare, during this preparation there was a purification that was accomplished, obviously due to her health and such we know.

During this time they would use oil of myrrh which was considered to be bitter and consisted of scrubbing and exfoliating the skin making it smooth and soft. The sweet odours would then be applied to remove the ill smell from sweat or other bodily odours, all the processes would be completed through bathing and rubbing.

This would a rigorous process that took time and dedication, but it had a purpose, the purpose was to present themselves pure and pleasing to the king.

I wish we could consider this more, but we as christians ought to do the same! We should be prepared in such a way for the LORD and that we would be appealing to a potential candidate.

Type of Preparation

What are some ways you might prepare yourself before dating a person?

We often consider preparation for taking a test or competing in a sporting event. Equally we must prepare ourselves for the rigors of a relationship.

They prepared physically, though there is nothing wrong with that, there is also a mental preparation that they must undergo.

They have to prepare for the time they will meet the king and candidate for his approval.

Ask yourself these questions:

How will I respond if they upset me?

How will I respond to compliments?

How do I stand firm on my beliefs under pressure?

There are many questions you should ask yourself when preparing to go into a relationship, but these were just a few.

The pressure for these woman would have been extreme, for the woman who would not be chosen, they would not go home anymore but would live in the secondary quarters as concubines.

You may not be in such a circumstance, but the world today has it’s own set of challenges that we must overcome.

Is all preparation physical?

No, mental preparation is extremely important.

Probably the most important preparation is mental. We must be in a healthy mindset before we begin looking for love.

Being in an unhealthy mental state leaves us open for abuse or a number of other problems internally and externally.

They have to prepare for the time they will meet the king and candidate for his approval.

Wiersbe’s Expository Outlines on the Old Testament Chapters 1–4

Between chapters 1 and 2, at least four years pass, during which Xerxes went on his disastrous Greek campaign (481–479). He came home a bitter man, and it was only natural that he should seek some kind of comfort in his own home.

In 480 BC, Xerxes personally led the second Persian invasion of Greece with one of the largest ancient armies ever assembled. Modern scholars estimate that Xerxes crossed the Hellespont with approximately 360,000 soldiers and a navy of 700-800 chips. He defeated the Spartans at Thermopylae, conquered Attica, and sacked Athens and overrun most of Greece. However, while seeking to destroy the combined Greek fleet, the Persians suffered a severe defeat at the Battle of Salamis. The following year, the confederated Greeks went on the offensive, decisively defeating the Persian army at the Battle of Plataea, and ending the invasion of Greece by the Achaemenid Empire.

This defeat brought Xerxes back and as the time passes, Xerxes himself is also healing form personal failure, a failure that shouldered a lot of weight as his father had planned the conquest of Greece but died in 486 BC passing the responsibility onto Xerxes.

This is the state that we find Xerxes.

The point here is that we often have great triumphs and great failures, both exist in and out of relationships.

Ask yourself:

Will I be committed in a relationship despite failure?

Will I be committed in a relationship despite success?

Trust the Preparation

Have you ever heard the phrase:

Trust the process.

I remember when I was learning to code Python, I heard this phrase all the time. Such a true phrase because there is a lot to a process that sometimes we only learn or come to the realization of after we have come to a point of revelation or conclusion.

We don’t know exactly what all the woman took with them when meeting Xerxes, but they were given whatever they desired.

Some may have wanted to take an escort, perhaps a prince to escort them to the chambers, some might have desired to be arrayed in fine jewelry or other lavish things.

Esther, she spent the time preparing and only took what was advised for her to take. We don’t know what that would be, but we can deduce that it was not as lavish or as excessive as the other woman. We know this by the context in that the bible gives to us here.

Esther 2:15 KJV 1900

15 Now when the turn of Esther, the daughter of Abihail the uncle of Mordecai, who had taken her for his daughter, was come to go in unto the king, she required nothing but what Hegai the king’s chamberlain, the keeper of the women, appointed. And Esther obtained favour in the sight of all them that looked upon her.

What stands out is that she took only what Hegai advised, meaning the other woman did not take any counsel into consideration.

I like to think that Esther held her faith and values up even before the king not bowing to his every desire but being a woman of virtue and grace. The text implies that she won him over not simply on beauty alone but the content of her character as she obtained favor and grace in his sight. Her ability to use wisdom appears throughout the book demonstrating that there is more than her beauty.

What is important to you in a relationship?

What do you value in a person?

One thing that I find important here, which we will discuss more in detail later, is that Esther took counsel from someone that she both had respect and had earned the respect of Hegai.