A Man Who Has Friends Must Himself Be Friendly - Prov. 18:24

Intro:

Good morning.

We had a sermon recommendation recently on a good topic, and that is the topic of “Friendliness.”

That’s a good topic — In fact, it’s such a good topic, we’re going to make this sermon a two-parter!

You know, we think about society today, and people often these days are not as friendly as they were in times past.

And that’s a shame!

We have talked about this a few weeks ago, but we really are too rushed as a society now, and I think that’s a big part of it.

Face to face communication is a lost art, it seems — Looking at someone in the eye when you talk to him is a lost art — All of these things matter.

But also, I think another big part of it is that people are often just UNTAUGHT when it comes to friendliness and politeness, etc.

So this is a good thing for us to talk about this morning.

Luckily, the Bible actually has a lot to say about friendliness, and friendship in general, so let’s turn to our first verse.

Prov. 18:24a (NKJV)

Proverbs 18:24a NKJV

A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

This is the first point for a reason, and that is that friendliness by definition is something that occurs between TWO or more people.

Is that right?

Now, I realize that in any given number of people, you may have one friendly person, and the rest unfriendly ...

… But there are still two or more people involved.

I say that to say this — The verse says, “A man who has friends must himself be friendly.”

In other words, if you desire friends, the way you gain friends is by YOURSELF being friendly.

You know, this is a lesson particularly important for our young people:

How many times do we hear some young people say in regard to loneliness — “Mom, dad, I don’t have any friends” ?

Mom and Dad need to step in and say, “Well, Junior, are you going out and MAKING any friends?”

I heard a story this past week about a family that had a particularly shy child, and I want to share with you what the dad did — He used two dollar bills (Explain the story).

“A man who has friends must himself be friendly ...” — But let’s look at this verse a little differently in the ESV (Translating the Hebrew can be difficult at times, so there’s an alternative translation here).

Prov. 18:24a (ESV)

Proverbs 18:24a ESV

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

So this is a very different possible meaning here — again, sometimes that happens when translating ancient Hebrew.

And the meaning here would be that JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS doesn’t necessarily mean anything — You can still come to ruin!

Jesus says something in a similar vain when he says in Luke 6:26 - “WOE to you when all men speak well of you, for so did their fathers to the false prophets.”

In other words, just because a CROWD of friends agrees with you, doesn’t necessarily mean you are right!

In fact, that in all likelihood increases the chances of you being WRONG.

Faithful Christianity is NOT a popularity contest!

You WILL stand out!

You WILL be a “peculiar people!” (That means STRANGE, DIFFERENT — 1 Pet. 2:9)

You will abide by the principle of “evil companionship (friendships) corrupt good morals” (1 Cor. 15:33)!

And you will abide by the principle of “you shall not follow a crowd to do evil” (Exo. 23:2).

In other words, as it pertains to making friends, young people especially, DON’T CAVE IN TO PEER PRESSURE IN ORDER TO HAVE MORE FRIENDS!

“A man of many companions may come to ruin!”

Now let’s look at the second part of this verse, Prov. 18:24.

Prov. 18:24b

Proverbs 18:24b NKJV

A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

This second part of the verse evidently is more easily translated into English, and it means:

Sometimes there is a FRIEND who is even more loyal than physical kin!

I think of some verses that talk about a friend that is like your own soul (in other words, VERY CLOSE — We’re going to look at one of those verses in a minute).

And this is a quick point, but an important one — Young people (and the rest of us), if you have a truly GOOD friend, a LOYAL friend, a faithful CHRISTIAN friend, hang on to him!

Hang on to her!

That’s important!

I think it is often said that most people can count on ONE HAND, or maybe TWO, the number of TRUE friends that they have in their lifetime!

And most of those … come AFTER high school, believe it or not!

(And for US, hopefully most of those close friendships are in the church!)

Next verse … This is a good one!

Prov. 27:6

Proverbs 27:6 NKJV

Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.

This is such an important concept!

And that is that we should never automatically assume that because a friend has something negative to say to us, that that’s a bad thing!

A TRUE FRIEND is going to tell you the truth (in love) - Eph. 4:15 - but again, emphasis on the TRUTH!

Why?

Because the truth is indispensable!

A society apart from absolute truth (like we’re living in today) is a MESS!

“Everyone does what is right in his own eyes!” (Judges 21:25)

Now how does that apply to this verse in Proverbs, and a true friend?

When it comes to ACCOUNTABILITY — Are we holding each other accountable as Christians?

Are we there for each other? Do we know each other well enough to do what it says in James 5:16

James 5:16 NKJV

Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.

Is there trust? Is there confidentiality? Is there actual followup and prayer?

These are all crucial parts of the process of holding one another accountable as Christians!

So again - “Faithful are the wounds of a friend” — Sometimes a true friend will be involved in some “tough love,” and tell you the TRUTH!

When he does, he’s FAITHFUL — Listen to him!!

Don’t blow him off!

Don’t get mad at him!

Don’t “ghost” him, as the young people say (which means just stop responding to his calls/texts).

Because if he is willing to tell you the TRUTH, he’s a true friend, and he might just be your best friend in the world!

Paul was the Galatians friend, and he says as much when he wrote: “Have I therefore become your enemy because I tell you the truth?!” (No)

Next verse … This is an important one when it comes to friends’ INFLUENCE …

Deut. 13:6-8

Deuteronomy 13:6–8 NKJV

“If your brother, the son of your mother, your son or your daughter, the wife of your bosom, or your friend who is as your own soul, secretly entices you, saying, ‘Let us go and serve other gods,’ which you have not known, neither you nor your fathers, of the gods of the people which are all around you, near to you or far off from you, from one end of the earth to the other end of the earth, you shall not consent to him or listen to him, nor shall your eye pity him, nor shall you spare him or conceal him;

So we see that not only family members may sometimes try to entice us to forsake the Lord …

(And Jesus Himself said: “He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me” - Matt. 10:37).

But also, FRIENDS may sometimes try to entice us to forsake the Lord!

Again, we’ve already dealt with this a little bit — But PEER PRESSURE!

It is very real!

And it can influence you to do and say things that you normally would never even think of doing or saying!

Moses writes: “You shall NOT consent to him or listen to him, nor shall your eye pity him, nor shall you spare him or conceal him” (try to hide what he is doing).

It goes on to explain that going after other gods was a CAPITAL OFFENSE — so don’t offer him a cover-up!

You know, we often tell our young people, “Be extremely careful who you marry!”

And we should!

But how well are we at emphasizing, “Be extremely careful with the friends that you pick?!”

That’s almost as important as who you choose to marry!

The principle in 2 Cor. 6:14 - “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers” - applies to ALL aspects of life!

“For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?”

We’ve got to GUARD our friendships, and we’ve got to guard the friendships of our young people as well.

There can be a friend who is AS CLOSE AS YOUR OWN SOUL (think, a BEST FRIEND) who could still lead you down the wrong path!

Don’t let that happen!

(End part one of the sermon here - Give Invitation).

---- End of Part 1 -----

Good evening!

We’re continuing our two part sermon from this morning on “Friendliness.” (Recap the first 5 points).

Now, we’re going to look at 5 more scriptures that continue our thoughts on this subject.

(Most of these will be from Proverbs tonight, with the exception of the first one we are going to look at now).

This first one is a point from prophecy of Jesus, and a sad one …

Psa. 41:9

Psalm 41:9 NKJV

Even my own familiar friend in whom I trusted, Who ate my bread, Has lifted up his heel against me.

Of course, that is the prophecy of Judas Iscariot, and his betrayal of our Lord.

“Even His own familiar friend!”

You think about Judas Iscariot for a minute — Judas had witnessed a lot:

Jesus’ teachings,

His miracles,

His conflict with the Pharisees and the Sadducees,

The Lord’s Supper,

And he was there leading the way to the garden where he betrayed Jesus!

Jesus had told him, “What thou doest, do quickly,” and that he did!

But have you ever wondered, what if Judas had backed out of his evil scheme?

That he did not, though — He went through with it and betrayed our Lord.

And the point we make now is that sometimes friends betray each other.

We must be aware of that, and not “put too many eggs in the friendship basket,” to use the expression!

Jesus on the other hand — He is our Friend!

John 15:14 Jesus says, “You are my friends, if you do whatever I command you!”

The verse right before that, Jesus says - “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends!”

“There’s not a Friend like the lowly Jesus, no not one, no not one!”

“Even my own familiar friend in whom I trusted … has lifted up His heel against me?” — That happened to Jesus, but Jesus will never do that to us!

Jesus will not back stab, like friends sometimes do.

Next verse …

Prov. 17:17

Proverbs 17:17 NKJV

A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.

This is a quick one — But what kind of friend are we talking about here?

A TRUE friend! Again, people can PRETEND to be a friend to you … until the going gets tough, and then they’re gone!

There’s a good country song called “Find Out Who Your Friends Are.”

In that song, it describes a bunch of situations where someone may find himself in a bad ordeal:

“Run your car off the side of the road, get stuck in a ditch way out in the middle of nowhere.”

“Or get yourself in a bind, lose the shirt off your back, need a floor, need a couch, need a bus fare.”

“You find out who your friends are; somebody’s gonna drop everything, run out and crank up their car, hit the gas, get there fast, never stop to think ‘what’s in it for me?’ Or ‘It’s way too far.’ They just show on up with that big ole heart. You find out who your friends are!”

I love that song, and it’s super relatable.

But I’ve often wondered, “Am I that kind of friend?” The good kind that would be there for someone when they’re in a pinch? (We should all ask that).

The song goes on and says:

“Everybody wants to slap your back, wants to shake your hand when you’re up on top of that mountain.”

“But let one of those rocks get wet, and you slide back down. Look up and see who’s around then?!”

(In other words, people who win the lottery have LOTS of “friends.”)

People who lose everything they own — Not so much!

Find you the good CHRISTIAN friends who care about YOU — not your success, your money, your popularity, etc!

“A friend loves at ALL times, and a brother (spiritual?!) is BORN for adversity!”

Next verse …

Prov. 27:10

Proverbs 27:10 NKJV

Do not forsake your own friend or your father’s friend, Nor go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity; Better is a neighbor nearby than a brother far away.

Don’t you just love the Proverbs?!

This is an interesting one.

What I think it is saying is two things:

1) Be LOYAL to your friend (and your Father’s friend, also) — And I think there’s a major lesson there that is lost on much of society today — Loyalty so much so that, let’s say your father has gone on to his reward, but his best friend is still around, and you stick with HIM! And take care of him!) (I think also of the loyalty that Ruth had to her mother-in-law Naomi as a Biblical example of such loyalty!)

2) “Nor go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity; Better is a neighbor NEARBY than a brother far away” — In other words, as important as family is, sometimes there’s a neighbor — a friend — who can do more to help you than even a family member could do! (Practically speaking, but also I think there is a great spiritual truth, here).

The family of God is even more important than physical kinship family!

That’s why Paul can say in Romans 12:10 - Christians are to “be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another!”

Sometimes our earthly families will let us down, but the Lord’s church is still here for us!

It’s so important for the church to truly be the FAMILY that it is intended to be!

Side note from Matt. 18:15

Matthew 18:15 NKJV

“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.

How will church discipline ever work if we aren’t FIRST the FAMILY that God intends His people to be?!

Let’s look at two more verses and then we will conclude.

Prov. 19:6

Proverbs 19:6 NKJV

Many entreat the favor of the nobility, And every man is a friend to one who gives gifts.

We talked about this earlier when we said that the guy who just won the lottery has MANY FRIENDS — Right? He’s got friends “coming out of the woodwork,” as we say!

“Every man is a friend to one who gives gifts!”

Bribery — The Bible says a LOT about it, and it doesn’t paint it in a good light at all.

If you read the prophets in the O.T., they were constantly getting onto the rulers of Israel for taking bribes and perverting justice!

Exo. 23:8 says …

Exodus 23:8 NKJV

And you shall take no bribe, for a bribe blinds the discerning and perverts the words of the righteous.

Prov. 15:27 says “He who HATES a bribe shall live!”

Ecc. 7:7 says “a bribe debases the heart!”

Why does it say that?

Because if a person has to be BRIBED in order to do right, then he will develop a mindset of “What’s in it for me?” rather than an attitude of “I want to do right because it’s the right thing to do, and I have respect for God and want to honor Him” (or respect for parents and want to honor them)

“Many entreat the favor of the nobility (where the money and the power is), and every man is a friend to one who gives gifts!”

Don’t befriend people because there’s something to gain from it!

Befriend people out of a genuine desire to get to know people, care about people, love people, and hopefully seek and save the souls of people!

Anything less than that is disingenuous, leads people on, USES people, etc. and is NOT the definition of a good friend.

Finally, our last verse we will look at in this lesson …

Prov. 27:17

Proverbs 27:17 NKJV

As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.

This is probably one of the most famous verses on friendship, and it’s an important one.

This is saying that when you get two good friends together, you help each other grow.

You both INCREASE in godliness and virtue.

You can help each other increase in knowledge of God’s Word.

You can help each other get things done.

And you can help keep each other encouraged when life gets you down!

Solomon wrote in Ecc. 4:12

Ecclesiastes 4:12 NKJV

Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

There’s truly strength in numbers, especially when we are talking about the strength in numbers of CHRISTIANS working together for the Lord!

Conclusion:

Friendship!

And friendliness — Being a GOOD friend!

Not emphasized nearly enough these days — As are a lot of things that aren’t emphasized enough these days unfortunately!

But the Bible says a lot about it, and if we will just familiarize ourselves with it, then we will be in good shape when it comes to OUR friendships, and looking for NEW friendships as well!