1 Peter Bible Study #8 : Submitting For God's Glory and the Eternal Good of Your Spouse

Tonight as we continue working through 1 Peter, we wrap up our 3 week section on submission and we know that this idea isn’t exactly the most popular in our world. We’ve seen in the past 2 meetings how God’s Word calls on His people to submit to government leaders (13-17) and to employers/masters (18-25). The focus in view in each of these sections is that we follow the example of Jesus Christ who submitted to the Father’s plan - even when it was difficult and involved suffering. What makes submission so otherworldly for many in our fallen world?

We think that we know best and don’t need anyone else to help us out

Submission is something that people often view in a negative lens these days, even in the church. This is why we’ve taken the last 2 sessions slow to see why exactly Peter calls on Christians to submit in these contexts: Society and Work. Our world needs to see Christians as honoring God in these specific fields, not because its easy or necessarily natural, it’s not always! But because it brings Him glory and gives us an opportunity to look like Jesus and share His Gospel with others. Tonight we wrap up this theme in 1 Peter 3:1-7 by looking at everyone’s favorite topic in 2023, submission in the marriage. Arguably no teaching causes as much skepticism and concern as this specific subject. Again, much of this goes back to our misunderstanding and mistreatment of Biblical submission. Additionally, we live in a world that is broken by sin and we know that people break their promises and marriages have become battlegrounds where sin festers, abuse dominates headlines, and adultery shatters lives. What does our world need? What does our church need? What do each of us need? We need the Word of God to align our hearts and minds with God’s original design for relationships, including the marriage union. Tonight we’ll be looking at these first 7 verses in 1 Peter 3 and examine how submission in the marriage is for God’s glory and how God desires the eternal good of both spouses as they fulfill their God-given role in the marriage covenant. Let’s study this awesome text!

1 Peter 3:1–7 CSB

1 In the same way, wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, even if some disobey the word, they may be won over without a word by the way their wives live 2 when they observe your pure, reverent lives. 3 Don’t let your beauty consist of outward things like elaborate hairstyles and wearing gold jewelry or fine clothes, 4 but rather what is inside the heart—the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 5 For in the past, the holy women who put their hope in God also adorned themselves in this way, submitting to their own husbands, 6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. You have become her children when you do what is good and do not fear any intimidation. 7 Husbands, in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker partner, showing them honor as coheirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

Again, this is a countercultural text because it goes against what our world values and prioritizes on a regular basis. There are men who do not take their job of leading seriously, and there are women who fail to submit but instead attempt to lord over their husband. Adrian Rogers once preached this text and divided the passage into words for wives and words for husbands.

Adrian Rogers Sermon Archive Outline

I. A Word for Wives

A. She Is Not to Leave Her Husband

B. She Is Not to Lecture Her Husband

C. She Is Not to Lord It Over Her Husband

D. She Is to Love Her Husband to Jesus Christ

1. An Attitude of Submission

2. An Adornment of Serenity

3. An Activity of Service

II. Help for Husbands

A. Consideration

B. Courtesy

C. Communion

Tonight, we’re going to look at what submission does in the family - it changes everything and it glorifies Jesus as husbands and wives do their God-given roles.

Submission Has Eternal Ramifications (1-2)

From the get-go here we have to make an important observation that we also made during the previous 2 sections on submission - whenever a government official tells you that you can’t go to church or worship Jesus, what do you do? You worship Jesus because to obey that person is to sin against God. Whenever a boss tells you that you can’t worship Jesus or be a Christian and work for that company, what do you do? You worship Jesus and let the chips fall wherever they may because to obey the boss is to sin against Jesus. Now in the marriage union, if a wife is saved and her husband tells her to submit to him and to never go to church, read her Bible, pray, or worship God, what must she do? She is called to obey God. We have to ground this teaching in the broader context of the letter which tells us that our focus is to glorify Jesus and that these are ways that we can and do do this. Peter is not talking about submitting to abusive husbands where there is harm and fear. That is a situation where many women in our fallen world find themselves at due to sinful, broken, and selfish men and it’s sad and it’s wrong and those women need help. Peter’s instructions on submission are for those in marriages that are not marked by abuse - for those wives, Peter says to submit to your own husband even those who are not saved.

Now, this is interesting - isn’t it? Consider the context of this letter. A letter written to Christians scattered in Asia Minor, modern day Turkey, to both Jewish and Gentile backgrounds. There are some who are married to husbands that are not Christians. Rather than start an argument with them on a regular basis, Peter exhorts these women to submit to their husbands so that they might be won over based on how their wife lives a pure and reverent lifestyle. The literal word for reverent in verse 2 could be translated “with fear” - not fear of spouse but fear of the Lord. Whenever someone loves and fears the Lord, the approval or disapproval of others cannot control them. The point is this: whenever a wife comes to know Jesus as Lord and Savior and fears the Lord, her obligation is to act as a Christian around her husband.

The purpose of submission in the marriage is much like it was in chapter 2 as submission allows the light of Jesus to shine in a place where it might not shine otherwise. Can you think of an example of a wife being used to lead her husband to the Lord?

Augustine - church father - said this about his mother

1 & 2 Peter and Jude—Sharing Christ’s Sufferings Chapter 11: Internal Adornment (1 Peter 3:1–7)

She served her husband as her master, and did all she could to win him for You, speaking to him of You by her conduct, by which You made her beautiful.… Finally, when her husband was at the end of his earthly span, she gained him for You

Think about how damaging a reputation some Christians have for only being Christians at church. We’ve been tempted by this before and we’ve seen people live this way, haven’t we? They’ll go to church and sing and study the Word, and then they go home and they’re the exact same as they were beforehand. That’s not an option for a genuine follower of Jesus Christ! We’re called to let our light shine before others so that they would see our good works and give glory to our Father in heaven. This is to be the case in the marriage union. Peter is calling on saved women to let their light shine to their husbands in their marriage, how? By submitting to him. Does that seem a little odd to anyone? Think again of how this is grounded. Government leaders tell people what to do and people grumble and complain, but Christians are called to honor the government. What happens to Christians? They stand out. Employers aren’t always the nicest to their employees. Masters might be cruel to their slaves. The oppressed get frustrated and lash out, but Christians are called to obey their masters and bosses… they again stand out. In the ancient world, many women didn’t have much authority as they were often treated as inferior in every area compared to men. Some women in the Roman world could hold public and private offices and some were able to vote and hold property rights. What is Peter calling on these women in this region of the empire who had some influence compared to their counterparts in places like Israel? To submit because of the influence that can have on an unbelieving husband. To stand out from other families who argue, bicker, and fight regularly. To submit - not necessarily always to agree or present another view. But to submit. This is following Christ’s supreme example of submission - He is our model and He is the only One who can change the eternal status of one’s soul. As the wife submits and honors her husband and has a joy in Jesus and lives a life that glorifies Him, that can win over a husband.

Notice the text doesn’t say that it always does, but it gives us a principle to observe: Emulating Jesus can and does change others who are watching us. This is true in the public sphere and in the household. For those who are married to Christian husbands, the same statement is true: Submit to your own husband - not strictly because of who he is but because this is God’s design for the marriage.

What are some obstacles to submission in the 3 different spheres Peter has mentioned in 1 Peter 2:13-3:7?

Now, this doesn’t mean that you never say a word to your spouse about Jesus! That’s foolishness. Think of this balance beam, don’t make every conversation a Gospel conversation, but also don’t fail to ever have Gospel conversations at all. Some say that you can share the Gospel without using words. You can share the love of Jesus without using words, sure, but the Gospel is a message that must be communicated. Submission opens up a door to have purposeful Gospel conversations and as an unsaved husbands sees Jesus working in the life of his wife, that change can and will come up in conversation which allows the Gospel to be proclaimed!

Submission Starts With the Heart (3-6)

Peter transitions in verses 3-6 to bolster his argument about the need for submission and shows how submission is an attractive quality that is in short supply both back then and today as well. Where are we tempted to find our identity and attractiveness in external things. This is true for all of us with our possessions - we’re tempted to think that we’re safe and secure and popular and awesome because of the external things that we possess. Our house, car, boat, camper, and achievements. This is also true for us on an individual level as we’re tempted to think that we’re all that in a bag of potato chips because we look a certain way - but if you eat enough potato chips, you’ll start to look a different way! Traditionally, there has been a burden placed on women to focus on outward beauty as that is the thing that matters most of all. We see that in the Roman world and we see this in our world today that people try to be as beautiful as possible by conforming to some standard of beauty that is placed before them on social media. The trend of the day 2000 years ago was to braid the hair and put on gold jewelry and find clothes in order to fit this mold of beauty… But Peter shares that there is something that should be pursued first and foremost and it’s not something outside, but inside. He doesn’t say that those outside things are sinful, he just shares that what is inside, this imperishable quality, is worth far more in God’s sight!

Why are we tempted to focus more on the external than the internal as human beings?

We can see the outside

This is what our world does

Peter calls the imperishable qualify of a gentle and quiet spirit a great worth in God’s sight and to model themselves after “holy women” of old who placed their trust and hope in the Lord and who submitted to their respective husbands. The example that he uses is that of Sarah who submitted to Abraham (reference to Genesis 18:12) as she respected him even whenever he was not present. Some believe that this is calling on women to be weak pushovers - especially in a highly feminized era - but this couldn’t be further from the truth. Sarah got in Abraham’s face a time or two. The overarching point in the text is that regardless of the situation, Peter is telling Christians (husbands and wives in the last 2 chapters) that God will deliver His people and can be trusted. The wife who is submitting to her husband is honoring her God and doing what is good as 1 Peter 4:19 instructs us all to do.

The word gentle means humble and quiet means peaceful. How are these qualities honoring to God and helpful to one’s spouse?

We live in a world that loves to prove our rightness and humility prevents that from being prevalent! We also live in a world that loves to be at war with one another and peace is hard to find. In such a context, being marked by humility and peacefulness is not only a blessing but evidence of God’s presence as the Beatitudes speak of.

Now, you can’t have a peaceful spirit if you’re in open rebellion to God and His plan and order for the family. This is what Peter is outlining, this is one of the reasons why submission matters as it is how God ordained things in the Garden as men and women are equally made in His image and the man is given the charge to lead and the woman is given the command to help. There will be no peace in the marriage until both parties fulfill their obligations - Peter begins by giving instruction for the Christian wife to be humble and peaceful and to follow in the example of others who have done exactly this and to honor God in doing so.

Submission Honors God (7)

Women, we’re done on your part (mostly)!

Verse 7 tells us what the word to Christian husbands is as Peter calls on husbands to fulfill their responsibility in 4 aspects: Physically, Intellectually, Emotionally, and Spiritually.

Live with Your wives

Understanding

Give Honor

Pray

Husbands are called by God to give to their wife their very best. We wonder why our world is the way that it is in many respects and it is because men are not fulfilling their God-given mission in places like 1 Peter 3:7. Just as there are women who do not submit, there are men who focus solely on their needs and desires that they are not leading and truly becoming 1 as Ephesians 5:31

Ephesians 5:31 CSB

31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.

Just as there are women who do not submit to their own husbands, there are men who are domineering and that is a result of the curse, not creation.

Peter is not calling women weak, he is making the physical observation that women are weaker physically than men usually are. The reason that husbands show their wife honor is that they are coheirs with Christ. It’s not as though men are more saved than women due to Christ’s sacrificial work, we receive salvation equally as brothers and sisters in Christ. Juan Sanchez puts it like this, “Christian husbands are to lead their wives with an understanding that leads to sacrificial, servant love which allows our wives to flourish and grow as disciples of Jesus under our care. That’s what godly leadership does.”

This should be the picture of the Christian marriage. A wife who submits to her own husband in a way that glorifies Jesus. A husband who aims to make that submission a joy as he seeks to lead in a way that glorifies Jesus. Whenever there is one in this relationship who is not saved, the hope of submission and leading respectively, is that they would come to know Christ as Lord and Savior.

Submission is not outdated. The Bible is not outdated or in need of an update. This is important stuff as it stands out in a crazy world.

Wayne Grudem shared this on this text, “No Christian husband should presume to think that any spiritual good will be accomplished by his life without an effective ministry of prayer. And no husband may expect an effective prayer life unless he lives with his wife ‘in an understanding way, bestowing honour’ on her.”

FBC Salem family, let’s be a church that submits well as we seek to honor our Lord and point people to Jesus.

Questions to consider in Christian marriage:

Are we acting like partners or competitors?

Are we helping or hindering one another to look more and more to Jesus?

Are we sensitive to one another’s needs?

Are we seeing God answer our prayers or is there something in our marriage preventing that from happening?