01-75 Tales of a Dysfunctional Family--Part 3

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Genesis 27:30-46

In 1981, Dean Harvey Hicks was denied an $8500 charitable deduction that he sent to Universal Life Church (Modesto CA). The IRS determined that this was not a non-profit as they had a mail order “Ordaining pastors” business. The IRS fined him and required him to repay the back taxes on that portion. Over the years he would quibble with the IRS over smaller amounts as little as $50. This set Dean Harvey Hicks on a course that would land him a 20 year prison sentence. Beginning in 1986 he started to place pipe bombs around various IRS office locations. Because of his inexperience, many of those devices failed to explode. As his experience grew, so did his intent to cause significant damage to IRS buildings. In 1990 he loaded a 1/2 ton pickup with 2000 pounds of ammonium nitrate filling 5, 55-gallon drums and parked it next to a West Los Angeles IRS building. The truck was reported to be on fire and after firefighters began to put the fire out they saw the drums in the bed and evacuated 21 city blocks—about 20K people. FBI agents don’t know why the bombs didn’t explode but if they had there would have been a 75 foot crater—25 foot deep. He continued to plant additional bombs until his arrest in 1991.

Hicks carried a deep grudge for many years over the IRS—and over such paltry amounts. Though he stated his intent was never to harm anyone, he escalated his attacks on the IRS over those years. This is how bitterness grows—from a small desire to a bloated obsession.

Scripture admonishes the believer to put an end to bitterness b/c of what it can lead to.

Hebrews 12:14–15 NASB95

14 Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord. 15 See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled;

Ephesians 4:31–32 NASB95

31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

Bitterness is an intense anger and hostility and will often be accompanied by resentment and the desire to get even (whatever that means). It begins small and like a wind whips up a forest fire, bitterness if left unchecked can lead to wrath and will become very destructive—especially within families where people are together, in close proximity to each other all the time. Little annoyances can become a trigger that leads to overreaction and things are blown out of proportion. Confucius once said—don’t use a cannon to kill a mosquito—but that’s what can happen when we bear a grudge against one another and never overcome the bitterness with forgiveness. And there are some key characteristics of bitterness:

The Quick-Reference Guide to Biblical Counseling: Personal and Emotional Issues Key Characteristics of Bitterness

resentment

obsessive thoughts of revenge

sarcasm

critical or unkind comments

self-righteousness

conflicts with others

hostility

aggressiveness in relationships

controlling behavior

In Gen 27 we’ve been looking at the various individuals in what is a dysfunctional family. This is Isaac’s family (the son of Abraham—thru whom God would bring blessing to the every family on earth). All 4 members of his family, including himself are acting in ways that are beyond healthy familial relationships. We saw in Isaac the desire to act contrary to God’s revealed purposes. His wife, Rebekah planned a destructive scheme so that her favorite child (Jacob) would receive the blessing of his father instead of the oldest son (favoritism was rampant in this family). Jacob acted deceitfully, disguising himself and lying about his true identity so that his aging father, with poor eyesight would give him the blessing rather than his brother. All of these shenanigans didn’t have to be. For those who love the Lord and want to follow His will, we don’t have to rely on our finite understandings to bring us to this point. We don’t have to utilize unrighteous means to accomplish righteous ends.

Proverbs 3:5–6 NASB95

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.

Isaac’s family turned that on its head and leaned on each their own understanding. So we come to the last person in this home—and one our hearts might empathize with—Esau. But Esau also contributes to the dysfunction of this family in how he responds to what his brother and mother did to him.

IV. Esau’s Defeating Grudge

vv 30-46

There are 4 divisions of this portion of Gen 27 that show us the defeating grudge that Esau held in heart against his brother Jacob.

A. Isaac’s Discovery

vv 30-33

Isaac unknowingly blessed his younger son Jacob and thinks he is blessing Esau. So Jacob leaves—Moses is describing the near miss b/t the brothers (probably to Jacob’s advantage…the timing likely saved his life). Moments later, Esau came in (to Isaac’s tent) after he had been hunting. Esau is successful in his hunting trip. He has prepared a savory meal and said to his father—vs 31b.

Now, Isaac just heard the same words moments earlier (vs 19). Isaac was suspicious b/c the voice he heard earlier was the voice of Jacob but the flesh felt like Esau’s. Now, Esau gave the same invitation to eat the food he has prepared and the light bulb is going off in Isaac’s mind. vs 32.

Everything pointed at this being the real Esau—his voice, his smell…notice Isaac’s response in vs 33.

“trembled violently” our Engl translations do not really do justice to the lit Heb meaning here. It is 3 words in Heb that are lit “Isaac trembled with an exceedingly great trembling.” The word “tremble” means “to shake.” This is the word used of Mt Sinai when it began to shake as the Lord descended upon that mountain (Ex 19:18). When used of humans it often describes the great fear, terror that falls on people. Here is it describing Isaac’s agitation at learning he had been deceived into giving Jacob the blessing.

Isaac made the discovery and it brought him to the point physically shaking b/c of the significance of what has happened. Today, if someone were to steal something of that nature (perhaps an inheritance…something of great value—thru deception), there might be recourse for the offended party to go to court and find relief there. There was no court for this blessing. Isaac recognizes this for what he says at the end of vs 33 shows his utter submission to the purposes of God.

“Yes and he (Jacob) shall be blessed.” The blessing irrevocable. No one can take it back and re-bless the other son.

B. Esau’s Distress

34-40

vs 34—Esau breaks out into a loud groaning. Again, the Heb is describing just how intense this was for the oldest son. lit “Esau cried out an exceedingly great cry of bitterness.” This is the same word used just before the Exodus when the final plague struck the Egyptian homes, killing the 1st born in the homes where the blood was not applied to the door posts:

Exodus 12:30 NASB95

30 Pharaoh arose in the night, he and all his servants and all the Egyptians, and there was a great cry in Egypt, for there was no home where there was not someone dead.

Esau is in deep distress when he begs his father to give a blessing to him as well. Isaac acknowledges that he was duped, deceived in the matter (vs 35). This is where Esau’s bitterness begins to break forth.

vs 36. There is a tone of sarcasm as he interprets the name of Jacob as a “supplanter” or betrayer these 2 times. Of course he’s referring to the 1st time when Esau despised his birthright. That’s a little more harsh than the term Jacob deserves which lit “to grab the heel.” But we can understand Esau’s frame of mind—he is mourning the loss of the birthright and now the blessing as well.

Esau asks his father “have you reserved...” (vs 36c).

There are 2 brief passages in Hebrews that relate to this whole ordeal. They help us grasp the fullness of what is going on here and what Moses doesn’t include.

Hebrews 11:20 NASB95

20 By faith Isaac blessed Jacob and Esau, even regarding things to come.

Hebrews 12:15–17 NASB95

15 See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled; 16 that there be no immoral or godless person like Esau, who sold his own birthright for a single meal. 17 For you know that even afterwards, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no place for repentance, though he sought for it with tears.

There is another aspect to the irrevocability of the blessing. That is true. But Hebrews indicates that Esau was not full of repentance when he desired the blessing so he was rejected (not ultimately by Isaac) but by God. Esau was rejected by God b/c he was not repentant. Moses and Hebrews tells us that Esau wept bitterly but these were not tears of repentance but of sorrow for having lost something he wanted.

Back to Gen: vs 37-38 (Gives you an idea of what Isaac was intending to bless Esau with—contrary to God’s purpose).

Esau weeps again and asks “just one blessing.” What Isaac does give him is not what he was asking for:

vv 39-40 (more of a curse than a blessing, but not spoken as such)

Less agricultural success than his brother

Not live in peaceful harmony with neighbors—his living would be made by war and plunder

Not have dominion over his brother—in fact will become his servant

There will be a time when he becomes free from his brother’s slavery

C. Esau’s Disdain

vs 41

Esau is bearing a grudge against his brother. The word means “a deep-seated anger that results in violent retaliation.” That’s precisely Esau’s intent—after my father dies…I will kill.

This is the extremity of bitterness and bearing a grudge that would lead to the taking of life. This is why Cain killed his brother. This is what would become of Esau’s descendants—the Edomites.

We are told that this same grudge festered in the Edomites for generations after Esau. Amos describes the animosity toward Israel:

Amos 1:11 NASB95

11 Thus says the Lord, “For three transgressions of Edom and for four I will not revoke its punishment, Because he pursued his brother with the sword, While he stifled his compassion; His anger also tore continually, And he maintained his fury forever.

There was always a perpetually tearing anger that underlaid the relationship b/t these 2 brothers. It would motivate a continuous harassing and persecution—and for that they would encounter the judgment of God. God prophesied their destruction in Obadiah. When Jersualem was destroyed in AD 70 by Roman general/emperor Titus Vespasian he destroyed Edom and they have never been heard of since.

This is what a bitter grudge will lead to if you let it fester in your own soul. It must be overcome—it can be overcome Christ’s way…we’ll see it in just a moment.

D. Rebekah’s Deterrence

42-46

Rebekah’s hears about what her oldest son is planning to do to her favorite son—Jacob. So she orders Jacob to leave and go to her brother Laban (show her tenacity in the matter).

She sees 2 things about Esau that were troubling.

Fury (44)—lit “heat” can mean something physical like a fever but is often used to denote the intense, venomous anger a person might experience. The Psalmist has it right: Psalm 37:8 “8 Cease from anger and forsake wrath; Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing.”

Anger (45)—lit “nostrils” this is the picture of a person who is fully engulfed in the intense heat of anger and his nostril are flaring—he is fuming, he’s hot, he’s visibly showing the intensity of anger and like a volcano—just ready to erupt.

Rebekah noted these traits in Esau and her command to Jacob is stay until it subsides. And it would subside after 21 years. But what a hard life to live without your immediate family. It was one thing after another in this dysfunctional family—vs 46.

So much tension in this home—her daughters-in-law were contributing their own to this dysfunction and Rebekah says “I’m tired of living.” Its just exasperating.

Well, what do you do with bitterness? How can you over come that?

Romans 12:17–19 NASB95

17 Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. 19 Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.

Bitterness can only be conquered with forgiveness.

Ephesians 4:31–32 NASB95

Jesus gives the longest explanation of forgiveness in the Bible.

Matthew 18:21-35;

talent was the largest named quantity of money, worth about twenty years’ wages for the average day laborer. Thus, in Jesus’ parable of the unforgiving servant (Matt 18:24), the debtor owed the king several thousand years’ worth of labor.

Denarii A Roman silver coin, equivalent to a laborer’s daily wage. Also: Denarii; Pence 1 denarius = $8 USD

Let me give you 3 steps you can take when you become aware that you are holding a bitter grudge against another person:

1) Consider Your Own Sin

The problem with the unforgiving servant was that he was obsessed over the debt he was owed and not over the debt that he had been forgiven. This is usually the case in someone who is unwilling to forgive another—b/c they don’t think about the massive debt of sin they have been forgiven by God. Heath Lambert writes “The call to let go of bitterness and to forgive is the call to be humble and to reflect upon your own sin, understanding that you will never have to forgive someone more than you have been forgiven by God himself.”

2) Consider the Greatness of God’s Grace

Every sin that you have committed, even the ones over the past hour—are committed in the face of God and the LJC. God is right, just to be angry with us b/c of that sin (this is what amounts to wrath). But God’s anger is overcome with grace and mercy that is shown to us in JC. Meditating on the greatness of God’s grace will help you see how our sin taken away by the grace of our LJC.

3) Take Every Thought Captive

2 Corinthians 10:5 (NASB95)

we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ,

What that mean is the we can’t let wild, sinful thoughts roam thru our minds unchallenged. One way to conquer bitterness is to think more highly of the person we are embittered against. Rarely is that person only defined by the bad things they have done. Even now, if you have someone in your mind to whom you ought to show forgiveness, you’re thinking about them in terms of what bad they have done to you. Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ means to think of them (having considered your own sin and the grace of God toward you), seeing them from God’s perspective as one created in His image and they need the same grace of Jesus that you were in need of. Matthew 5:44 “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,”

Of course, you’ll never accomplish this in your own strength for we need Christ’s grace to live the Xn life.

Heath Lambert writes again “Know that ultimately, at the end of the day, Jesus Christ by his grace will conquer all of your bitterness one way or another.”

It is important to understand that forgiveness is not the same thing as forgetfulness. Rarely will anyone be able to go from bitterness to letting it go with a flip of a switch. Our minds, our makeup doesn’t work that way. Forgiveness is an act of the will—it is something that we must purpose to see to it and when you do, you’re on the way to the blessing of finding freedom from your bitterness, having overcome it with the beauty of forgiving those who sin against you.

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