Uncompromising Integrity

Objective

Every person can resolve relational conflict by discovering God's wisdom to help them live in integrity.

Key Verse

James 3:17 NIV

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.

We

Introduction to the series

Is there anyone in your life that drives you up the wall?

Don't look at them!

Just think about them, for a moment.

You know, that one person who really irritates you.

The one person you just don't know how to deal with.

This new series - Relationships Wise - is just for you.

It will help us all with relational health.

It will help all of us to find a bit more sanity in our difficult relationships.

The difference between wisdom and foolishness

Do you know what I've found over the years?

I can be a little foolish when it comes to my relationships.

I foolishly treat people in ways that are counter-productive.

Do you know what I mean?

I find myself provoking the behaviour from difficult people that I don't want.

Do you find that?

We find ourselves falling into the trap of deciding what we want from our relationships - fulfilment, intimacy, joy, satisfaction, security - and then we decide what we need to do to get those things.

The problem is what we do is almost always the wrong thing.

Wisdom on the other hand, has a different perspective.

It may not totally eliminate problems in our relationships, but it certainly reduces them.

Over the next few weeks, we are going to look at a classic passage on wisdom in relationships, found in James 3.

It tells us six things that wise people never do in their relationships.

It tells us that wise people are never bitter, never get angry, never get resentful, never get jealous, are never selfish, and are never ambitious in their relationships with others.

About the Letter of James

James grew up with Jesus.

As his brother, he would have played together with him, when they were children.

James probably knew Jesus as a living, breathing person, better than anyone else on earth.

He had seen Jesus live his life.

He'd seen him teach the crowds.

He understood the love that J lived out in his day-to-day interactions with people.

And so, throughout his letter, we hear echoes of J's example.

James must have recalled how J handled family and personal trials as he wrote to the Church.

How he had endured temptation.

How he'd been slow to anger.

How he'd cared for people, rich and poor alike.

He could remember how J had controlled his tongue.

How he was gentle and humble.

How he was patient and long suffering.

It is only fitting therefore, that James's letter is full of wisdom on these matters that make up daily life for us all.

And no more so than wisdom for our relationships.

God

James 3:13-18, p.1215

James 3:13–18 NIV

Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.

Integrity in relationships

You see, what I have found, and what James points out in this passage, is that when it comes to the people in our lives who drive us up the wall, half of the problem at least is me, not them!

It's how I respond to them.

When I respond incorrectly to a difficult person, it makes the problem worse!

So James says that godly wisdom in dealing with our relationships is first of all, pure.

What does he mean by the word, 'pure'?

He means clean, innocent, modest, perfect.

These days, we might use the word integrity.

Integrity means to be sincere in obeying God.

It means not having twisted motives in your desire for holiness.

It means being rid of mixed motives, focusing solely on God, concentrating on serving him in your relationships.

The idea of purity or integrity is found in the OT, usually in connection with the character of God.

So to have pure wisdom in our relationships - to have integrity - is to mirror God's character in the way we conduct them.

There is something significant, I think, in the fact that purity is listed first.

Some scholars believe it is the key to all the wise relationship qualities that follow.

Purity is the overarching attribute.

The authenticity and intensity of our purity determines how peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere we can be.

The reason purity or integrity is listed first is because relationships are based on trust.

And trust is based on truth.

If you do not have integrity in a relationship, then there is no relationship.

If I lie to Gail all the time, then we might have an arrangement, but we do not have a relationship.

We may even be committed to each other in marriage, but we don't have a relationship.

Relationships are built on truth.

Honesty is the bedrock of relationships.

I can think of people in my life that I am committed to in various ways, but with whom I do not have a true relationship, because I cannot trust them.

If you're lying to someone in your life, then you don't have a relationship.

Ephesians 4:25 NLT

So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body.

You

No integrity means tension

When I have fallen into this temptation, I have discovered all it does is bring a great tension to my relationships.

In his film, A Hologram for the King, Tom Hanks plays a middle-aged American businessman who is sent to Saudi Arabia, where the king is planning to build a new city in the middle of the desert. Hanks' character, Adam Clay, must persuade the Saudis to let the company he works for provide IT technology and support for this new city.

In an interview after the film debuted, Hanks told Terry Gross, host of NPR's "Fresh Air," that he felt particularly connected with his character's sense of self-doubt and dislocation. Hanks said, "No matter what we've done, there comes a point where you think, 'How did I get here? When are they going to discover that I am, in fact, a fraud and take everything away from me?'

Despite having won two Academy Awards and appearing in more than 70 films and TV shows, Hanks says he still finds himself doubting his own abilities. "It's a high-wire act that we all walk," he told Terry Gross,

There are days when I know that 3 o'clock tomorrow afternoon I am going to have to deliver some degree of emotional goods, and if I can't do it, that means I'm going to have to fake it. If I fake it, that means they might catch me at faking it, and if they catch me at faking it, well, then it's just doomsday.

That's what it's like when you lack integrity in your relationships.

You live in constant fear that you're going to be found out, and that will be it.

Integrity leads to God's protection

So if you want to be wise in your relationships, then the first lesson James teaches us is this: don't compromise your integrity.

Don't trample on your conscience.

Don't give up your convictions.

Don't lead a double life.

Don't lie to people.

Tell those you are in relationship with the truth.

Because trust is built on truth.

No truth, no trust.

And no trust, then no relationship.

You need protection in your life from the people who drive you up the wall.

You need to be shielded from those who try to mess up your life all the time:

Proverbs 2:7 NLT

He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest. He is a shield to those who walk with integrity.

God says, I will be your shield.

Walk with integrity, and I will protect you.

As you learn wisdom, discretion and understanding in your relationships, they will keep you on good and safe paths.

I will protect you from the lies others will say against you.

I will protect you from those who twist reality, who flip meanings to be the opposite of what they say.

My wisdom will shield you from those who are unrighteous, unjust and uncaring towards you.

Next Steps

Are you living integrity in your relationships?

So take a moment to think back over the last week.

Have you practiced integrity in your relationships?

Have you been tempted to stretch the truth with someone?

Have you taken advantage of a privilege or a responsibility?

Have you been tempted to break a commitment you made to someone?

Have you gossiped behind someone's back?

Will you promise to be trustworthy?

Would you commit this morning to spending the next week practising not exaggerating, or gossiping or rationalising your bad behaviour when you get it wrong?

God refuses to let lies and a lack of purity have the last word in our relationships.

He wants you and me to reclaim truth and restore integrity and purity in our relationships.

To become relationships wise.

Will you pray the commitment found in our final song this morning?

SASB 648 - I would be true, for there are those who trust me

I would be true, for there are those who trust me; I would be pure, for there are those who care; I would be strong, for there is much to suffer; I would be brave, for there is much to dare. Jesus will help me, he is my friend; He'll lead and I will follow till life's very end. 2 I would be friend of all - the foe, the friendless; I would be giving, and forget the gift; I would be humble, for I know my weakness; I would look up and laugh and love and lift. Howard Arnold Walter (1883-1918) (verses), Anon (chorus) Used By Permission. CCL Licence No. 232358 Copied from The Song Book of The Salvation Army Song Number 648