11_26_2023 - Ephesians 5:22-33 - Pass the Towel

(Opening Prayer)

(Sermon Introduction)

Today we continue our “Ephesians” series.

(AG Reminder)

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(Ephesians Context)

The books of Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, and Philemon are what we call the “Prison Epistles.”

Paul is writing Ephesians during his first imprisonment in Rome around 60 AD (recorded in Acts 28).

Like Colossians, this letter was carried to the province of Asia by Tychicus (Eph. 6:20-21).

This explains the similarity of doctrinal content, the same ideas being fresh in the apostle’s mind as he wrote these letters.

On Paul’s second missionary journey he planted the church of Ephesus (Acts 18:19).

On his third missionary journey Paul pastored the church of Ephesus for three years (Acts 20:31).

Paul finishes his third missionary journey and stops in Ephesus to say goodbye as he made his way to Jerusalem and ultimately to prison in Rome where he is writing this letter to them.

(Series Recap and Sermon Title)

Since July, we have been going through the Bible book of Ephesians.

In Ephesians 1 we focused on the calling of Paul and the nature of the gospel.

In Ephesians 2 we focused on the impact of God’s love, mercy, and grace upon us and the people around us and how being “in Christ” changes us.

In Ephesians 3 we focused on the mystery of Christ being played out in the Church.

In Ephesians 4 we spoke of unity, the equipping of the church, and the rejection of the old life for the new one.

In Ephesians 5:1-2 we talked at length about being like Jesus.

In Ephesians 5:3-20 we discussed the importance of living from the new life not the old life.

Last week in Ephesians 5:21 we discussed, the importance of humility and love for one another in connection with the Awe of Christ.

Today we are in Ephesians 5:22-33 and have entitled the message, “Pass the Towel.”

(Military Brat Upbringing)

As a “military brat” (child of a military parent) I grew up in a home that was built upon following all of the rules and getting stuff done.

To say that I became a good “rule-follower” would be an understatement!

I knew what happened to those who didn’t follow the rules, they were punished.

In a military home there are only five questions that must be answered:

Who is in charge?

Am I following orders?

Have I identified the enemy?

Have I neutralized the enemy?

Have I accomplished the task/mission that was given to me?

By the age of 10 I could tell you every rank in every branch of the United States military.

I knew who was in charge in our family too, whichever parent was standing in front of me giving me the “orders” at any given time.

My parents were constantly in a state of seizing control from one another.

This authoritarian way of life is contagious and appealing to those who are in power.

I saw my mom and dad wrestle for power over and over again until they divorced in 2008.

There was an unwritten understanding that power, authority, and hierarchy were the most important goals within marriage.

(Context of Ephesians 5:22-33)

Often this portion of Scripture is read and interpreted through the lens of power, authority, and hierarchy.

However, if we interpret the words of Paul this way we would have to totally reject the life, ministry, and words of Jesus as well as Ephesians 5:21 which is an imperative for each person to submit themselves to others.

Often in Pauline letters we see the main point of a passage being the idea that Paul refers back to throughout a passage.

Throughout Ephesians 5:22-33 Paul refers back to Christ as the model for how we submit to one another and more specifically how we submit in our marriages.

I want to begin by reading our Scripture from last week (Eph. 5:21) as it is the foundation for everything Paul is about to say followed by verses 22-33.

Ephesians 5:21–33 (NLT)

21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.

23 For a husband is the head (source) of his wife as Christ is the head (source) of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.

24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her

26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.

27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.

28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.

29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church.

30 And we are members of his body.

31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”

32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.

33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

1. Power Is Not the Goal, Humility Is the Goal.

(The Attitude of the Home)

Paul is not speaking of a ranking within the home but an attitude that must be present.

If there is anything that I have learned recently through trial and error and struggle is the importance of how we do things.

If we do the right thing the wrong way, it is wrong.

How we conduct ourselves within our homes does matter to our witness and to the unity of the house.

(The Attitude of Jesus)

Philippians 2:5–8 (NLT)

5 You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.

6 Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to.

7 Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form,

8 he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.

(Personal Submission vs. Forced Submission Part 1)

Throughout my life and especially as I spend time with couples I have been surprised to hear the husband say, “The Bible says that you must submit to me!”

Growing up in an authoritarian home that sounded an awful lot like, “I am your superior officer, follow my orders!”

The problem is, Scripture doesn’t back up the authoritarian model of leadership, whether in the home or within any other relationship.

Jesus speaks challenging words concerning this in Matthew 20:25-28.

(The Way of Jesus)

Matthew 20:25–28 (NLT)

25 But Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them.

26 But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant,

27 and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave.

28 For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

(Personal Submission vs. Forced Submission Part 2)

Scripture never asks us to control or manipulate our spouse into “submitting to us.”

True submission can only happen when we personally choose to do so.

No one can make us submit.

Submission is a state of the heart not an act of obedience.

You can do something out of obedience but not with a submitted heart.

A submitted heart obeys with delight, out of love for the Lord.

When I choose to submit I experience joy with my God as opposed to a feeling of simply following orders.

Couples who desire for the other to submit to them without choosing submission themselves will find an unfulfilled and frustrating state of relationship with one another.

(Kristi and I)

Kristi and I have been married 15 years and have learned a lot during that time.

During the first years of our marriage I found myself working through my understanding of how marriage was suppose to go.

(Remember the home that I grew up in.)

I remember feeling like I was suppose to be in charge.

My dad, although a strong authoritarian, was often forced by my mom into a manipulated role which was secondary to her.

I observed this for many years and realized that that was not good and I didn’t want that, so I was prepared to defend myself from Kristi and be ready for that.

I wasn’t going to be a pushover.

So I put my foot down…a lot!

To the dismay of my wife.

There was struggle during the first years of our marriage for me to understand that to be this way with my wife was to forsake the command to “love my wife.”

After that, as with most things I swung to the opposite side of the spectrum.

I allowed my wife to make decisions and I simply did what she asked of me.

That didn’t work either.

She found herself in a place where she felt alone and frustrated.

Over the last few years the Lord has been revealing to me that the way He has designed us to live together is “TOGETHER.”

One of the best ways to describe the Lord’s plan for us in our marriages is the word: “TEAMWORK.”

Marriage is about two becoming one.

(Frankenstein Illustration)

Marriages that focus on one person being “dominant” look an awful lot like Frankenstein.

When one leg is out of sync our witness is not one of beauty but one of horror.

The Biblical mandate to love and honor one another and prefer one another applies to marriage as well.

Whenever we love one another well the gospel is preached to a watching world.

(World Issue: Families)

There is an attack happening in our country upon the family unit.

Our country is trying to redefine what God has already defined.

As a previous youth pastor, I can’t tell you of all the destruction I have seen in the lives of young people because they don’t have a father in the home.

Healthy marriages that honor God and one another will create healthy families that honor God and love another.

2. Obedience Is Not the Point, Love Is the Point.

John 13:12–17 (NLT)

12 After [Jesus washed] their feet, he put on his robe again and sat down and asked, “Do you understand what I was doing?

13 You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and you are right, because that’s what I am.

14 And since I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet.

15 I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you.

16 I tell you the truth, slaves are not greater than their master. Nor is the messenger more important than the one who sends the message.

17 Now that you know these things, God will bless you for doing them.

What was it that prompted Jesus to submit Himself and serve His disciples?

His love for them.

John 13:1–5 (NLT)

1 Before the Passover celebration, Jesus knew that his hour had come to leave this world and return to his Father. He had loved his disciples during his ministry on earth, and now he loved them to the very end.

2 It was time for supper, and the devil had already prompted Judas, son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus.

3 Jesus knew that the Father had given him authority over everything and that he had come from God and would return to God.

4 So he got up from the table, took off his robe, wrapped a towel around his waist,

5 and poured water into a basin. Then he began to wash the disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel he had around him.

(Jesus Extends the Towel to Us)

In our marriages and relationships, Jesus desires for us to walk out humility and love.

He extends His towel to us to pick up and wash the feet of those around us, but we can’t do that if we are unwilling to wash the feet of those who are closest to us.

Paul tells us that Christ is our model, not our parents (no matter how well they may have modeled for us).

Ephesians 5:21–25(NLT)

21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 For wives... as to the Lord.

23 For a husband .... as Christ is the head (source) of the church.

24 As the church submits to Christ … wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

25 For husbands ... love your wives ... just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her

Ephesians 5:28-29 (NLT)

28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.

29 ... just as Christ cares for the church.

Ephesians 5:32 (NLT)

32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.

(Instrumental Music)

(Sermon Recap)

Pass the Towel

Power Is Not the Goal, Humility Is the Goal

Obedience Is Not the Point, Love Is the Point

(Response Card)

(Closing Tension)

(Closing Challenge)

(Response)

(Invite Prayer Team)

(Closing Blessing)

Numbers 6:24–26 (ESV)

24 The Lord bless you and keep you.

25 The Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you.

26 The Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.