Wives Submit

Scripture Reading: Psalm 100

Primary Sermon resources:

Cole, S. J. (2017). In Ephesians(Eph 5:1–2). Galaxie Software.

Merida, T. (2014) Exalting Jesus in Ephesians, Holman Reference.

POSB, Galatians – Colossians, Leadership Ministries Worldwide. (1996).

Wives Submit

Ephesians 5:22-24

I have been dreading this day, but it has finally arrived. I knew when we began this study in the book of Ephesians we would eventually get here, and at times I thought about skipping past these verses, but you know I can’t do that. We don’t shy away from any of scripture. So we are going to talk about submission today.

The very word submission causes us to recoil in horror. It makes our skin crawl because it flies in the face of everything we believe in as Americans. The very notion of submitting to authority runs contrary to the idea of freedom and liberty. It brings to our mind oppression and servitude, yet here it is in the bible.

Paul says, “wives are to submit to their husbands.” Even as I say that I can imagine the reaction from many of the women in the church. There thinking, How can you say that? Why would you even speak on this topic? Are you living in the dark ages before the feminine movement in America?

Well, I can promise you this, as I was preparing this message, I spent hours trying to understand it and how it applies to our marriages today. I tried as much as possible to separate myself from the ever-changing culture and get to the bottom of this.

And what I found is, this is straight forward. This means what it says. Just as the church is to be submitted to Christ, wives are to be submitted to their husbands in everything. (Read Eph. 5:22-24)

22 “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wife’s ought to be to their husbands in everything.” (Pray)

In our passage this morning we have come to a controversial subject. But I pray that you will except this text as the inspired Word of God.

Remember we are told in 2 Timothy 3:16 that all scripture is God breathed and profitable for us to learn from. But, because this is so contradictory to our culture, before we get into this, I want to offer you 5 thoughts I have about this.

1. This is a command from God and remember all of God’s commands are for our good. He is the one who originated marriage. He designed it. So, who is in a better position to tell us, the best way for a marriage to function.

God is not a cosmic male Chauvinist, who is punishing women by making them subordinate to men. But He is a loving God who always wants what is best for us.

2. Remember Husbands are not the ultimate authority. They must be submitted to Christ to fulfill their role. And any rebellion against authority, even from a husband, is to live in defiance of God.

3. Understand, we as a church are in no way degraded because we are surrendered to Christ. In fact, it is for the glory of the church we are surrendered to Christ. In the same way it is for the glory of a woman that she surrenders to her husband.

Just like the churches glory speaks of our perfection; that one day we will be presented to God without spot or wrinkle. The surrender of a woman to her husband speaks of her spiritual perfection.

4. Remember the context of this passage goes back to Vs. 18 and the joy of being filled with the Holy Spirit. So what Paul is saying is that when a wife submits to her husband it’s not supposed to be a burden, but it is the path to the joy of the Lord.

5. The Christian marriage is supposed to be a witness to the world. We live in a selfish world that should look at our marriages and see something different. They should see sacrifice and commitment.

They should see husbands who love their wives like Christ loves the church. They should see wives who respect their husbands and honor them with their behavior.

They should see Christian children obeying their parents and parents who are raising their children in the ways of the Lord.

Why? Because the bible uses marriage as an example of God’s relationship with His people. Paul says the Christian marriage is a picture of Christ and the church.

So, think about what that means. That means when a husband abuses his wife and treats her bad, he is a heretic, because he is saying to the world that Christ abuses the church, and treats the church bad.

When a husband is a dictator and rules over his wife, he is telling the world that Christ is a dictator who wants to rule over people. When a husband abandons his post as the leader of the family, he is saying to the world, Christ is not the Good Shepherd, and the church has been abandoned.

And when a woman is rebellious toward her husband, it just says to the world that the church is rebellious toward God, and all of those things are a lie.

What we learn from this passage is Just as the church is to be submitted to Christ, wives are to be submitted to their husbands in everything.

The first thing I want you to see in this passage is the manner of her submission, Vs. 22. “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”

For a wife to be biblically submitted to her husband she must first be submitted to the Lord, and because this is a command it is not open for question or argument.

If a wife is not living for God and trying to please Him first, her response to this will be to reject it. She is not going to want to hear it, because rebellion and pride are the core of who we are until we are surrendered to God.

It is important to understand that this phrase “as to the Lord.” Doesn’t mean that a woman must surrender to her husband in the exact way she surrenders to the Lord. Christ is perfect and there are no perfect husbands.

But what Paul is saying is that she is to submit to her husband as an act of obedience to the Lord. That phrase “as to the Lord,” means everything we do, is to be done to honor God.

So, when a woman submits to her husband, she is reflecting her submission to Christ. Let me put it like this, only as much as you are submitted to the imperfect man you are married to, are you submitting to the perfect man Jesus Christ.

So, if you are struggling today with the idea of submitting to your husband, you are really struggling with the idea of submitting to God. So, the manner of her submission begins with her relationship with the Lord.

But what does it mean to be submitted to Christ? Well, Christ is the head of the church. All things are under His feat. Everything we do here is to honor Him. He loves us He gave Himself for us to save us, and that’s always the first and foremost reason we obey Him. So we live in a way that is pleasing to God.

When a wife willingly gives herself to her husband’s authority it is a reflection of her relationship with Christ. She is doing it because she wants to live in a way that is pleasing to God.

Let me ask you this, is your husband’s headship questioned when someone comes into your home?

Do people jokingly say, “well I know who wears the pants in that family.” That would be like someone coming into the church and questioning the authority of Christ.

We strive as a church to sit at His feet, to conduct ourselves according to the standards of His Word. Well, in the same way a Godly woman will conduct herself according to the standards of her husband.

She will make sure she honors him in her behavior. She will not be looking to outclass him. She is not looking to show Him up or make a fool of him, but she is looking to honor him.

What this doesn’t mean is that a wife is any less valuable than her husband. She might be more intelligent than he is. She might be more successful than he is. Then her surrender just speaks to how much more gracious and Godlier she is.

Consider the time and effort we put into learning the will of God. We study the scripture, we pray, we go to small groups. We do it all so we can live for Him. Well in the same way a wife should learn what is pleasing to her husband, so she can live for him.

Think about how we are created to glorify God, and we gather and sing His praise. Well, a wife should be concerned about her husband’s reputation.

She should speak well of him, and sing his praises to others. That doesn’t mean she worships him, but it means she honors God by honoring him. To love Christ well is to love your husband well.

If you are married the measure of God’s grace in your life is on full display in the manner by which you treat your husband. If you are single, God’s grace is measured by the dignity you conduct yourself with as the bride of Christ, until God brings someone into your life who will love you like Jesus. That is the manner of her submission.

The next thing I want you to see in this passage is the reason for her submission, Vs. 23. “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.”

So, her motivation for submitting to her husband is that he is the head.

The word “head” in the Greek means ruler or authority. But understand that is an authority that is given to him by God. That authority came at the creation of the world in Genesis chapter two.

And don’t be confused by the phrase, “He himself being the Savior of the body.” That is a reference to Christ, not the husband. There is nothing in the bible that suggests a wife is saved by her husband. But this is a reference to Jesus as the Savior of the world, as our Redeemer.

What is important to understand is the nature of the husband’s headship, it comes from God. Now, that doesn’t determine how good or how bad his headship will be. But only that it is by God’s design that it would be his role in the family. Just as Christ is the head of the church, the husband is the head of the home.

Now culture may determine different roles for a man and a woman in the home. For example, in some cultures the woman does the heavy lifting. She goes to the well, early in the morning and carries the water home for her family. Meanwhile the husband may be out hunting for food.

And there are different roles for men and women in our culture. For example, a husband might help his wife doing chores around the house or a woman may work outside of the home. He might cook and she might the grass.

But there is nothing wrong with that. There are no parameters in the bible about the domestic roles of a man and a woman. What this is saying, is that a man’s authority in the home was given to him by God at creation.

So, Then a wife’s reason for submitting to her husband is because God has ordained it to be that way.

God’s intention for marriage is that the two become one flesh. So, they don’t act like a two headed monsters, each one trying to do their own thing and get their own way, but just like the church is under one head, the family is under one head, and it supposed to be the husband.

Just as the church is submitted to Christ and His leadership and that leads to God’s blessings in the church. So, also a wife’s submission to her husband leads to God’s blessings in the family.

When Paul says, “wives submit to your husbands.” It’s not supposed to be a bad thing. Only in our upside down, right is wrong and wrong is right culture do we take a beautiful idea like biblical submission and turn it into a bad thing.

Notice Paul doesn’t say, “husbands see to it that your wife submits.” This isn’t something being forced on the wife. Paul is saying willingly submit to your husband out of obedience to the Lord.

This is radical to us because Christianity is radical. Only in Christ do we value the person submitting. Only in Christ are the surrendered seen as powerful and influential.

I mean consider Jesus. He willingly came into the world and surrendered to the Father. He gave His life for your sin and mine. He bowed down in the Garden of Gethsemane and prayed, “Not my will but your will be done.”

He surrendered Himself to the cross for the forgiveness of our sins. That’s radical biblical submission, and that is the picture of marriage. All things are being brought together in Christ.

So, the reason for her submission is because she recognizes God’s design for her home, her family, and her marriage, and she wants to honor God.

The final thing I want to show you in this passage is the scope of her submission, Vs. 24. “But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wife’s ought to be to their husbands in everything.”

Notice that the wife is to submit to their husband. In the Greek this is describing a close, personal possession, That is based on an exclusive marriage relationship.

In other words, you’re not submitting to the will of someone else’s husband. Just because a man is the authority in his home don’t make him the authority in your home.

I bring this up because I have seen Pastor’s exercise authority over women in ways that are inappropriate. I have seen Pastor’s who will tell woman in their congregation to disobey their husbands.

For example, I have seen husbands who attend one church and their wives another. And a Pastor tell the woman to forget about him. You stay here. I know what’s best for you.

Listen, I think it is important that you submit to your Pastor. I recommend it. But not if your Pastor is telling you to disobey your husband or your parents.

Now, there may be times when you are in a difficult situation, and you need Godly advice to make some corrective actions in your relationship. But I believe that is only going to be in exceptional circumstances.

Very seldom will I need to be involved in your marriage. So, it is important for a woman to recognize the scope of submission.

But notice those two little words at the end of Vs. 24, “In everything.” Well, what does in everything mean? It means in everything.

In other words, Just as the church is to be in total submission to Christ there is no area of your life you are not to be submitted to your husband.

Now, someone might say, “you don’t know my husband.” My husband is an idiot. My husband spends all our money. He can’t be trusted. He makes bad decisions.

Look, I am not saying that a Godly woman cannot step in and appeal to her husband in a respectful way. Some men will appreciate that. But ultimately your trust is in the Lord and not in a man.

The command is to submit to your husband in everything. That means there are no secret areas of your life, nothing is hidden from him. There is no part of your life opposed to your husbands will.

But with that said, this does not mean you obey your husband if he is telling you to disobey God. We obviously obey God rather than man but we need to be careful how we approach this and make sure we don’t act out of pride.

But I think it is important to understand this doesn’t mean you drive your husband to the house of his mistress, so he can carry on an affair, that is absurd, A wife is not to submit to her husband’s sin.

But in the same way we recognize the authority of our government over us, she should recognize his authority over her.

For example, if the government commanded us to stop meeting as a church, we would ignore that command and obey God. But all of us have to admit the majority of time, we can obey our government. Well, Most of the time a woman can obey her husband.

The next thing people will say is, “Pastor are you telling me I should submit to my husband even though he is not saved?” And my answer is yes.

That is what Peter teaches us in 1 Peter 3:1-4, “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses. but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. “

Your husband will not be won to Christ by you beating him over the head with your bible or by throwing his sin in his face. But, by the powerful testimony of your life. A life that is lived well for Him of purity, dignity, and honor.

One thing I would like to add to this is, we as a church need to be considerate of a woman who is married to an unbeliever. Her submission to her husband comes first. And their may be times when she can’t be involved in some of the things we are doing because she is surrendered to the will of her husband. We need to support that.

We need to make sure we are not putting a greater burden on a woman who is trying to honor God by honoring her husband.

Now I understand that everything I have just said goes against the culture we live in. The culture values a strong woman who stands up for herself and fights for her rights. She’s not going to back down from anything or anyone. And no man is going to tell her what to do.

But the truth is it would be a lie to say that a woman who is submitted to her husband is a sign of weakness. On the contrary. It is a sign of a powerful woman who is living for God and doesn’t have anything to prove to the world.

What we learn from this passage is Just as the church is to be submitted to Christ, wives are to be submitted to their husbands in everything.